“You know, let's not kid ourselves here,” he said abruptly. “This isn't going to work.”
Callan's mouth fell open as he tried not to look as defeated as he felt. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No, this just isn't going to work for me.” Shane got up from the booth, leaving a tip for the waitress on the table, and offering a small smile. “Sorry for wasting your time.”
Cal was more concerned about the void in his life than he was about his wasted time. Ever since his departure, something had been missing. He’d thought that, in time, his love for Shane would fade, but it never had. And his fear of being happy in the past had now ruined any hope for their future.
January 2010
“What are we?”
The laughter of Jake’s friends filled his ears. They were playing football and Shane was being a killjoy on the bench. Poor Jake probably felt obligated to sit with him.
“I don’t know,” he mumbled.
Rubbing his face with his hands, Jake let out an exasperated sigh. “I could have anyone, Shane. I could be dating someone who isn’t ashamed to be seen with me.”
“It’s not that.” He hated that look of annoyance on the other boy’s face. For a fourteen-year-old, he had shown Shane a lot of patience. And just like everyone else, he was getting fed up. Could Shane blame him though? “Look, you don’t understand, my family is-”
“Would you stop using your family as a crutch? They can’t be that bad.”
Why wouldn’t anyone take him at his word? Why did people keep insisting that he was exaggerating? Why did they demand to know the specifics of his situation to decide whether or not he was telling the truth? Maybe he was expecting too much. He belonged in a cave somewhere, that way he wouldn’t have to explain anything to anyone, he wouldn’t be bothered, and they wouldn’t get annoyed with him.
Gritting his teeth, he stood from the bench and lowered his voice. “I’m trying to protect you.”
Jake threw his hands in the air. “From what?”
“I can’t tell you!” A few of Jake’s friends looked in their direction. His cheeks flushed red from embarrassment. “I really like you, Jake. It’s just...” No. It was too much for Jake to handle. He was living it and didn’t know how he kept going day to day. How could he put that on another person?
“We’re the same age, Shane. Stop acting like I’m not old enough to understand whatever you’re hiding from me. I don’t want to keep playing these games with you.” Shane opened his mouth to speak but Jake raised his hand to silence him before walking away. “Figure out what you want and then come find me.”
With a groan, he tilted his head, cracking his neck. He couldn’t help fidgeting. Hopefully, this would cheer him up, because he’d been in a bad mood for years and Callan was making it worse. Though, if he was being honest with himself, he had to admit that being away from Cal was contributing to said bad mood.
He just couldn’t let the man walk back into his life, not now that his view of love and life were so different. Less hopeful. Much, much less. A lot had changed in the years since Cal had been away, and not for the better.
A smile was instantly brought to his face when he heard a knock on the door, and a family of four arrived that consisted of his brother, sister-in-law, and niece and nephew.
“Uncle Shane!” the boy yelled as he ran toward him.
Shane knelt on the floor and opened his arms. “Harper and Hayden!” The children wrapped their small limbs around him. “Oh, you guys give the best hugs.”
“Better than daddy?” Harper asked.
“Definitely better than daddy,” he said with a chuckle.
“Excuse me, I think I’m a fabulous hugger,” his brother spoke confidently.
Shane got to his feet before giving his brother a hug. “Good to see you, Ethan.” When he let go, he smiled politely at his sister-in-law. “Hey, Nora.”
“Hi, Shane,” she said with a nod.
He closed the door behind them and ushered everyone into his humble apartment. “I’m so happy you guys are here.”
Ethan ruffled Shane’s hair. “They were thrilled when we told them that we were moving closer to you and mom. It’s for purely selfish reasons, of course. Nora was transferred to this department, and then that bar just happened to be for sale in town. And here we are!”
His older brother had always worked in bars or restaurants, taking every position to learn the ins and outs of the business. Having a place of his own had always been a dream of his, and Shane was glad that it just happened to be so close.
“What a stroke of luck, huh?” He ruffled Ethan’s hair in return.
“Now you don’t have to be by yourself anymore!” Harper exclaimed.
“That’s right!” He laughed awkwardly and scratched his ear. “I’m free to babysit any time.”
“Are you sure?” Nora asked. “We don’t want you to put yourself under any unnecessary stress.”
“These guys don’t cause stress, they relieve it.” The expression on her face showed hesitance in believing his answer. He couldn’t blame her because they hadn’t spent much time together in-person. They had never liked each other, but he adored the kids. “I don’t know about anyone else, but I’m starving.”
Ethan raised his brow, looking toward the kitchen. “Did you make dinner?”
“No, but I ordered it.” He rubbed his hands together, grinning at his niece and nephew. “Same difference, right?”
While the twins helped themselves to the TV, Nora inched toward the door. “Well, I’m going to leave you to it. I’ll see you guys at home.”
“See you later, mom!”
Harper and Hayden waved to their mother as she exited the apartment and then went back to the distraction of technology.
Grabbing a few paper plates, Shane kept his voice low. “Nora doesn’t like me, huh?”
“You don’t like her either,” Ethan mumbled.
He shrugged. “Sure I do.”
“Well, you don’t show it.”
Shane set the paper plates on his round dining table. “I’m like that with everyone.”
“That bothers her, you know.” He paused. “The way you talk to people.”
“And how would she know how I talk to people?”
“She sees your social media. She hears you over the phone sometimes.” Ethan’s mouth fell open momentarily while trying to come up with more examples. “And I, you know, sometimes tell her about our conversations.”
Shane chuckled and shook his head. This wasn’t news; everyone walked on eggshells around him. In his opinion, that was there problem, not his. “I don’t care what she thinks of me, just like I’m sure she doesn’t care what I think of her.”
“Shouldn’t you care? She’s my wife, the mother of your niece and nephew.”
He furrowed his brow. “Of course I care. But I’m not going to change. She wouldn’t and neither would you.”
Ethan gave him a stern look. “We don’t have anything that we need to change.”
He raised his hands defensively. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t know I was dealing with models of perfection.”
“You know what I mean, Shane.” He rolled his eyes. “You’re difficult to deal with sometimes. You’re even doing it right now. Shane the Pain.”
There was a knock on the door, this time signaling the arrival of food, so he grabbed his wallet from the counter. “Okay, I’ll try to remember to sugarcoat my personality around you.”
“Yeah, an attitude adjustment would do you good.”
February 1st 2010
“Sweetie, the phone’s for you.” Shane walked over to his mother and took the phone from her hand. There was concern in her gaze which meant that something had happened, something that she thought would upset him. Had they found Teddy? Had his father made good on his threat?
Chewing his bottom lip nervously, he pressed the phone to his ear. “H-hello?”
“Shane, this is very important, I need you to listen to me.”
To his surprise, it was Jake’s mother. She sounded frantic.
“Of course, Missus Talbot. What is it?”
“When was the last time you saw Jake?”
“I...well, I haven’t seen him since last week.” He paused, dreading to ask, but knowing he had to. “Is everything okay, Missus Talbot?”
“No,” she answered breathlessly. “He didn’t come home last night. If you see him or hear anything, will you call me? I know how close you two are. It isn’t like him to leave without telling you, or us, or anyone...you know that, don’t you?”
He swallowed hard, tears welling up in his eyes. “Yes, Missus Talbot. He’s a happy kid. He wouldn’t just leave without a word.”
The poor woman choked back a sob. “Thank you. I guess I just needed to hear that. The police think he’s a runaway, so they’re not really looking for him...”
“I’ll help you look for him. My mom will bring me over.”
“Thanks, kiddo. That means a lot to me.”
When she hung up, he handed the phone back to his mother. “I can ask Ethan to drive me if you don’t want to,” he said quietly.
“Don’t be silly, honey.” She pulled him into a tight embrace. “Your friend is missing. Of course I’m going with you.”
His friend. Jake’s family knew about him, but Shane couldn’t return the favor. In fact, if he told his mother what Jake meant to him, she would not only refuse to go looking for him, but she would forbid Shane from trying to do so as well. All he could do was pray to God – the same God his mother said would condemn him – that Jake would be found safe.
It was a slow day at the shop. Most of the time, Shane was there to open and close. He practically ran the place. Even though his boss had made it clear that he didn’t need the money from the shop, Shane certainly did, and he was the only employee other than Peter.
He didn’t mind because he enjoyed it there; it was peaceful and stress-free – just what the doctor ordered, literally.
He had permission to close up early if no one had come in for a solid two hours. It was around that time. Refreshing social media to pass the last few minutes, he heard the bell on the door signaling that someone had come in. Normally, he would have been a little annoyed – disappointed that he couldn’t go home early. But the person perusing the shop took his breath away, as the man had done on many occasions before.
Shane’s gaze followed Callan moving from shelf to shelf, obviously pretending that he had no idea it was Shane behind the counter. When their gazes met, he cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Anything I can help you find, sir?”
“Well, that depends.” He smiled awkwardly as he approached the counter. “Are you in the business of forgiveness?”
“No,” he said without hesitation. When he gave it more thought, he knew that wasn’t true. Being a shit was a knee-jerk reaction, but that automatic response didn’t always speak to what he truly wanted. “I could be...persuaded. Maybe.”
A look of relief washed over Cal’s face and he nodded. “Do you, um, have a favorite stone?” He gestured around the shop.
Casually pushing his phone to the side, Shane’s gaze wandered over the many shelves, as if he needed to give that some thought, but he didn’t. He’d spent enough time there to know what crystals he preferred. It wasn’t difficult to find something beautiful about each stone; they were all different and had unique qualities. Just like people. He’d never seen a rock that he thought was ugly. In fact, he adopted those for himself when no one else wanted them.
“Amethyst is really popular. So is Rose Quartz. People think they’ll help in the love department. Personally, I prefer Emerald. My absolute favorite is Septarian.” He gestured for Cal to follow him to another shelf where there sat a large Septarian egg. “How could I not love something that looks like it was forged by a dragon?”
God, this man smelled good. He stepped away to give Cal a better look at the stones, but, really, it was because he needed the space. He’d never struggled to maintain a professional manner before and he wasn’t about to break that streak now. “It all depends on what you’re looking for, honestly. Each crystal has a different purpose.”
Cal smiled, his gaze moving back and forth between Shane and the stones. “So, if Rose Quartz and Amethyst don’t help in the love department, what does?”
He opened his mouth and closed it again, knowing what his boss would want him to say, but he just couldn’t help himself. “I’m supposed to sell you whatever I can in whatever way I can. If you think a stone will help you find love, I’m supposed to fluff you up with a bunch of bullshit. Thing is, I’m allergic to bullshit.” It was a really good thing that there were no cameras there and that they weren’t being recorded, otherwise he could be fired not only for swearing, but for what he was about to say. “If people’s love lives are so bad that they’re looking to a rock for help, they’re probably a lost cause.”
Callan laughed. “Don’t look to rocks for help with your love life. Got it.”
Shane shrugged, walking back toward the counter. “Stones are great for soothing things, attracting things, keeping things away, but they can’t help you find love or keep it. They don’t have that kind of power, only people do. Collecting rocks for that purpose is a convenient way for people to relinquish responsibility in the matter. It makes them feel better to believe that it’s not their fault at all and chalk it up to bad luck. Not that I’m an expert on life. Or love.”
He looked him over and shrugged. “You look pretty well-adjusted to me.”
“Depends on who you ask. I’m an acquired taste, not for everyone. But with me, what you see is what you get. I don’t hide who I am, what I think, what I feel. So at least everyone knows what they’re getting into with me.”
Silence lingered as they shared a long gaze. Shane had always been mesmerized by his blue eyes and had too much pride to look away because, to him, that would be like admitting defeat.
“Why did you come here?” Shane asked softly.
“Whatever I did to upset you the last time we met, I want to make it up to you.”
Had he been too harsh? Had he been unfair? Maybe he hadn’t given the man a fair chance. Despite everything that had happened between them, Shane missed Callan terribly. Was it normal to ache for someone who had broken your heart?
The ball was in his court. Cal had made that perfectly clear.
“The park. Near the trails. Tomorrow.”
Something about those blue eyes rendered him incapable of speaking complete sentences. Callan didn’t seem to mind as he smirked triumphantly, nodded, and then left the shop.
3
He couldn’t say that his personal life had never affected his work before, but since the return of Cal, he found himself daydreaming a lot more.
The shop was slow today so the slight romantic in him had plenty of time to think about their future.
Peter came out of the back room with a glass in hand. Shane could only assume what was inside it. His boss had never been unprofessional, and he owned the place, so Shane wasn’t going to protest.
He tried to look busy going through invoices and intakes, but Peter’s gaze was glued to him. It was unnerving and he couldn’t help but inquire.
“What?”
“Got any plans this weekend?”
“No.”
“You do now.”
He grimaced as though the thought was painful. “What?”
“I’m going to New York and you’re tagging along.”
“Aww, are you scared to go alone?” Shane couldn’t help but smirk.
“You look like you haven’t had fun in years.” Peter gestured toward him with the drink in his hand. “Trust me, I’m doing you a favor.”
This was unusual. They never spent time together outside of work. He had nothing against the older man, in fact, he liked him more than most people, but their relationship had never been anything but professional. What had changed? “And what have I done to deserve such generosity?”
>
“I work you to the bone.” He walked up to the counter and emptied the contents of the glass into his mouth. “Consider it a bonus.”
Shane wiggled his lips back and forth. Something was off here; he just couldn’t place it. “Who’s going to watch the store?”
“I’ll close it for the weekend.” Peter smirked. “Don’t worry, I can afford it.”
That had never been his worry. When it came to vibes, Shane had learned to trust his. If he’d ever thought that Pete was a bad guy in any way, he wouldn’t be working for him. But something about this seemed strange. Had he found out about Shane’s heart? If so, that was a serious invasion of privacy. “What is this about?”
“Jesus, relax, will you? I just want a weekend away. And, to be honest, I don’t have anyone else to go with.”
While he could certainly believe that, he also believed that there was more to the story. “You don’t have any...friends? Or a girlfriend?”
“Me, friends?” He laughed and shook his head. “You know so little about me, kid.”
Shane’s tongue ran along his front teeth. He had to admit that he’d always been curious about his boss, and now it seemed that his boss was curious about him. “I insist on paying for my portion of the trip.”
“I invited you, I intend to pay.”
He shook his head. “I want to pay my own way.”
“Suit yourself.”
Swallowing hard, he folded his arms to hide how uncomfortable he was by the idea, even though he’d just agreed to it. He didn’t know Peter well enough to trust him. But there were certain things he was willing to take a chance on. “Okay, old man. I’ll go. Only because there are some restaurants I’m dying to try.”
“There will be no dying of any kind.” He set his glass down on the counter. “I’m sure your parents would kill me.”
He licked his lips. “Only one.”
“You’re in charge of the restaurants.” Peter walked past the counter and continued to the back room. “I’ll be in charge of attractions.”
Remember My Name Page 3