Remember My Name

by Laurencia Hoffman

  But Cal did have a point. Would sleeping together now cheapen what this was and whatever it might be? For Shane’s sake, they were ignoring everything that had gone wrong last time. In fact, they were pretending as if there hadn’t been a last time. It was easier that way, at least for now. The way he saw it, they could move forward without addressing what had held them back in the past.

  Was it the right way to go about this? No. But it was his way.

  “I haven’t seen you touch your phone all day.”

  “Hmm?” Pulled from his thoughts, Shane looked away from the fountain in front of them. “I’m not terribly attached to the thing.”

  “Really?” Peter raised his brow. “There’s no one you want to communicate with while you’re away?”

  “No. It’s a weekend.” He shrugged. “We’re all adults, we all have lives.”

  “Hmm.” The older man eyed him suspiciously. “Okay.”

  “You have something to say about that?”

  “You still talk to your parents, right?”

  “One of them. I have a brother too.” He paused and pursed his lips. “Where are you going with this?”

  “If my kid – adult or not – was gone for a weekend and I didn’t hear from him, I would worry.” Peter’s gaze fell and his voice softened. “But that’s probably just because I know how fragile life can be.”

  “So do I.”

  “Don’t let me guilt you into keeping in touch with your family.” He offered a small smile. “Just think about it.”

  Shane used to have an abundance of empathy for people. It had been some time since he’d tried, but seeing the effect this had on Peter, he couldn’t help but reconsider his high walls. Maybe he could lower them, just a little, and be vulnerable for the sake of another person. “I talk to them several times a week. I didn’t think a weekend was a big deal, but I’ll take that into consideration.”

  He nodded slowly. “You said you only talk to one of your parents.”

  “Yeah. I haven’t spoken to my dad in years.” He clicked his tongue. “I imagine you have something to say about that too.”

  “Well, of course I do. I assume there’s a reason for the strain in your relationship, but I can relate to that situation.”

  So that was the reason for this conversation. He was projecting. That was fine, Shane couldn’t fault him for that because he had no idea what it was like to lose a child. However, the situation with his father couldn’t be compared to Peter’s relationship with his son. At least, he hoped not. “Listen, I don’t know why your son was mad at you. But I can assure you that there are very good reasons for the strain in the relationship between my father and me.”

  “Okay, I won’t push.” He raised his hands defensively. “It’s just a very sad thing when families become distant. Life happens, tragedy happens, and it doesn’t wait for us to get our shit together.”

  Shane swallowed the lump in his throat. He was going to have nightmares for sure. The older man needn’t tell him about life and tragedy; he knew that fact quite well from his own experiences. “Pete, I’m really sorry about you and your son. But I’m asking you never to speak about my father again.”

  Peter was silent. His gaze wandered over the shorter brunette, sizing him up before nodding. “Heard loud and clear.”

  Now the silence was mutual. All of his physical and emotional energy had been sucked dry. It had been quite some time since he’d spent a day, or a weekend, with someone – relative, friend, or otherwise.

  “Want to try my idea of fun?” came Peter’s voice.

  He raised an eyebrow. “Is that your way of saying you’ve been bored all day?”

  “On the contrary, I’ve had a wonderful time and don’t want it to end, which is why I’m trying to extend it.”

  “Oh.” He’d never heard that before. It was nice to hear that someone enjoyed his company. “Well, I’d like to. Is there any chance we could make it an early night though? I might have plans later.”

  “I see, hot shot.” Peter nudged him. “Don’t worry, you can leave any time your heart desires. We’ll call you a cab.”

  “Or I can walk.” He shrugged. “I don’t mind.”

  “Whatever you want to do. Come on, I know a place.”

  “I’m not surprised.”

  Following Peter to their next destination, Shane’s mind wandered to his family. His boss had given him a lot to think about and it made him question why he was tagging along. Maybe he was just trying to be polite. What he really wanted to do was call his mother.

  He was pulled from his thoughts when they entered a strip club. It wasn’t a place he’d ever thought he would be with his boss, but this wasn’t something he was going to complain about.

  “It’s really high-end,” Peter assured him as they walked over to a group of men.

  “I’ll take your word for it.”

  Now was he really regretting his decision. This wasn’t something he was comfortable with, being in a situation with a bunch of people that Peter knew, and he did not.

  “Who’s this?” one of them asked. “Your new boy toy?”

  “He’s not my type,” Peter said with a chuckle.

  Shane scrunched his nose. “Yeah, I’m too short.”

  “I like you already.” The man laughed before introducing himself as well as the rest of the group. “Name’s Jamie. This is Trent, Alvin, and Corey.” They looked harmless enough, though that didn’t mean much in today’s world. “Can we get you something to drink?”

  He shook his head. “No, thanks.”

  Alvin jerked his thumb in Peter’s direction. “How can you handle this guy when you’re sober?”

  “Who said I was sober?” His answer brought laughter from all but Peter.

  “Touché!” Corey said with a nod. “Well, not to worry, you’re in good company.”

  “That’s...questionable.”

  “Wow.” Trent looked between him and Peter. “If I didn’t know any better, Pete, I’d say he was a chip off the ol’ block!”

  “Yeah.” Peter clapped Shane on the back. “He reminds me of a younger, though not as good-looking, me.”

  “Jeez,” Alvin mumbled, “Take it easy on him.”

  “Are you kidding me? He gives just as good as he gets.” Peter turned to Shane, raising his brow. “Sometimes better.”

  Shane clicked his tongue. “Gosh, Pete, coming from you, that means absolutely nothing.”

  “Okay, this is freaking me out.” Trent raised his hands. “Are you sure you two aren’t related?”

  “I’m pretty sure.” Peter winked at Shane. “The kid can thank his lucky stars for that.”

  “My unlucky stars, more like,” Shane spoke softly, barely audible over the noise of the club. “I could do worse.”

  It was a statement that seemed to shocked everyone, none of them able to muster a response. Before the silence lingered for an unbearably awkward amount of time, Shane cast his gaze elsewhere, pretending to be interested in the women dancing on various poles.

  What caught his eye was not a woman at all, but a tall, devastatingly handsome blond man.

  Callan.

  For a moment, he thought he might be able to sneak out of the club unnoticed, and then good ol’ Cal locked eyes with him, and it was all over.

  Shane smiled and waved before leaving the group of men to be with the one he favored above all others.

  “Shane!” Callan was beaming. “Fancy meeting you here.”

  “I should have text you.” He slid his hands into his pockets to hide his fidgeting. “Sorry about that, I’ve had a busy day.”

  Callan looked toward the group of men that Shane had come from, nodding slowly. “So I see.”

  “It’s not like that.”

  “It wouldn’t be my business if it was, right?”

  “Right.” Shane pursed his lips, wanting so badly to tell him what it was. He wasn’t sure it mattered. “So, what brings you here? The food?”

  “Yes, actually.
” He laughed and they walked over to a tank that was placed near the entrance. “My friends have other plans, but I’m here for the best lobster in town.”

  “Are you?” His gaze wandered over the tank. The poor lobster were squished, too crowded in the tank. He wondered if they had room to breathe, room to feel, room to wonder what was going to happen to them. “I could never eat them. It’s alive and then you decide you want to eat it. Then it gets tortured for you to have your meal.”

  Cal raised his brow. “Are you a vegetarian?”

  “I want to be.” Shane swallowed hard. “I can’t handle cruelty.”

  “So why aren’t you?”

  He paused. “It’s better for my health if I’m not. High doses of iron are good for me.”

  Callan tilted his head. “Are you okay, Shane?”

  Blinking rapidly as if it would make his worries disappear, he nodded. “Yeah, why do you ask?”

  “You don’t seem okay,” he spoke softly. “Do you want some company tonight?”

  With the memories swirling around his mind, that probably wasn’t a good idea. If there was one thing he hated, it was being vulnerable. He might slip up and say something he hadn’t intended to, all because he was feeling sensitive.

  As much as he wanted to feel the warmth and comfort of Callan’s arms around him, he couldn’t justify it.

  “I think I’d prefer the lobster.”

  That was mean. It had been unnecessary and the complete opposite of what he really meant. Shane just couldn’t help himself. That was no way to recover from that except to apologize, though apologizing also expressed vulnerability, the very thing he was trying so desperately to avoid.

  “See you around,” he mumbled.

  Needing a moment of peace and quiet, Shane walked past Peter and his merry band of men and went into the bathroom. He could still hear the thumping of the music on the other side of the door, but at least no one was going to bother him in there.

  Moving his bag from his shoulder to his hand, Shane dug inside for a bottle, long overdue for his medication. As repulsive as it was to take it there, he couldn’t help his natural impulse to be secretive. He didn’t want Callan or Peter to know about his condition, refusing to appear weak in front of anyone. After plopping the pills into his mouth, he scooped the less-than-desirable sink water into his hand and swallowed them.

  When he turned around, Peter was staring at him, brow raised. “I assume there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for this too.”

  Shane ran his tongue over his front teeth. “There is.”

  “Out with it.”

  He scoffed. “I’m not obligated to tell you.”

  “Come on, kid. First the nosebleed, now this. I think I’m owed an explanation.”

  His nostrils flared and jaw clenched. “I don’t owe you a fucking thing.”

  “You’re right. Keep your secrets.” He raised his hands defensively before turning around, heading for the door. “Let me know if we’re still traveling together tomorrow.”

  For the sake of their growing personal relationship, Shane wanted to be honest. He was going to swallow his pride and share something he would rather not because, contrary to popular belief, he gave a shit. “Can we not have this conversation here? I don’t want you to cut your night short but-”

  “Don’t worry about my nights, I have plenty of them.” Peter opened the door and gestured for Shane to walk through it. “If you want to talk, let’s talk.”

  He tried to look for Callan on his way out, but he was nowhere to be found, so Shane had no choice but to leave without saying goodbye.

  Having to be vulnerable made him nervous and his palms were clammy. He rehearsed what he was going to say in his mind, not speaking a word until they were in Peter’s room. It was much cleaner than his.

  Clearing his throat, Shane tossed his bag to the older man, who caught it with both hands. “I was diagnosed with hypertrophic cardiomyopathy at sixteen, which eventually led to heart failure and a heart attack at twenty. I’m lucky if I live to see thirty.”

  Peter opened the bag to check the medication. “You were twenty? Jesus Christ, kid.”

  “Yeah. Life’s a bitch and then you die.” He shrugged. “There are medications, surgeries, transplants – all that fun shit and still, patients like me only live ten years on average. No matter what, I’m on medication for life and looking at multiple transplants to live a quote-unquote normal life.”

  He was silent for what seemed like an eternity. Then he heaved a sigh and handed Shane the bag. “Why didn’t you just tell me?”

  “Because I don’t like people knowing that I’m weak.” It was an admission he hadn’t been prepared to make. Admitting weakness was a sign of weakness; that was what he’d been taught.

  Peter’s gaze wandered over him, head shaking slowly. “You’re anything but weak. In fact, I think you’re too strong. But I understand what you mean because I’ve become the same way. We hide our pain so that we can deny just how deeply it hurts.”

  Shane made his way to the door. “I don’t want anyone to think I’m using my condition as an excuse to be a dick.”

  “I don’t think that. And I’m certainly not using the death of my child as an excuse for my behavior. It’s just easier to be angry, isn’t it?”

  Finally, someone understood. He nodded. “I’m pretty tired, so I’m going to call it a night.”

  “Get some rest. We can go back to being assholes in the morning.”

  Shane laughed before opening the adjoining door to enter his room. But as soon as he closed it, he heard a knock on the other door. When he looked through the peephole, he was surprised to see Callan standing there. Though, as he opened the door, he tried not to seem shocked at all. The taller man was standing with a small tank in his hands and a very live lobster inside it.

  “What is this?” he asked with a furrowed brow.

  “My lobster.” Callan held out the tank to him.

  “Um...what?”

  He moved aside so that Cal could come in. The tank was set on the table and Shane closed the door.

  “I ordered a lobster to go,” Cal said as he stepped away from the tank. “Uncooked. I saved its life for you.”

  Shane’s jaw dropped, his gaze moving from the lobster in the tank to the unbelievably beautiful man in front of him. “That’s...wow.” Tears came to his eyes, but since he hadn’t turned on the light, Cal wouldn’t be able to see. Still, his voice broke when he said, “Thank you, Cal.”

  “I’m taking him to professionals tomorrow. Hopefully, he’ll be released. Or live a long life in an aquarium. Either way, he’ll live.”

  He swallowed hard, afraid that he already knew the answer, but wanting to ask anyway. “Do you want to stay?”

  Callan shook his head with a chuckle. “If I had known that was all it would take, I would have rescued a lobster years ago!”

  Throwing his arms around the much taller man, Shane pulled him closer, pressing their bodies together. “Just hold me. I need you.”

  “Okay, Shane,” he spoke quietly, enveloping Shane in his arms. Cal’s chin rested on the top of his head. “All this because I saved a lobster? You’re so sweet. You know that?”

  “No. I have a reputation for being prickly. Like a cactus.”

  “My own little cactus.” He grinned, pulling away to look at Shane’s face. “That is adorable.”

  Shane paused, looking right back into Callan’s eyes. “You know how a cactus gets those little flowers sometimes?”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  “Mine will bloom only for you.”

  He closed his eyes, shaking his head. “You can’t say things like that to me.”

  Shane furrowed his brow. “Why not?”

  “Because I...” Dipping his chin, his gaze faltered. “I want you. So very much.”

  “Hmm.” Shane’s hands slipped underneath Cal’s shirt, slowly sliding up his back. “We’ll have to do something about that, won’t we?”

&nb
sp; In what seemed like seconds, they had done away with their clothing, and were thrashing around on the bed. They succumbed to sleep when the sun began to shine through the window.

  5

  It was hours later that Shane woke. Callan was absent from the bed and he could hear the shower running. He stretched and got to his feet, hoping to join his lover in the shower. Alas, just as he was heading in, Callan walked out.

  “You couldn’t wait for me to join you?”

  “You’ve never let me see you shirtless, Shane. I didn’t think today would be any different.” Cal smiled and kissed him gently. “And I didn’t want to wake you. I assumed you would want to sleep in.”

  He raised his brow. “You weren’t going to leave without saying goodbye, were you?”

  “Come on. After last night, do you really think I’d do that?”

  He shrugged and mumbled, “You’ve left me before.”

  “That’s never going to happen again.” Cal’s lips pressed to Shane’s, hands roaming his body before one gave his ass a squeeze. “But I do need to head home. Maybe you can meet me there...or better yet, come with me?”

  “I came with you this morning, didn’t I?” He smirked when seeing the blush on Cal’s cheeks. “I should head back with Peter. Who is my boss, by the way.”

  “You don’t owe me an explanation.” He paused, tilting his head. “Can I ask you a question?”

  “You just did,” he responded with a chuckle.

  “Why won’t you let me see you without a shirt?”

  Shane moved out of his arms and toward the sink. He squeezed minty paste onto his toothbrush and brushed his teeth, Cal eyeing him all the while. “I just don’t like being that exposed. I’ve always been that way, nothing’s changed.”

  “Yes, it has.” He wrapped his arms around the smaller man, placing a kiss on the back of his head. “Or are we still not discussing that?”

  “Nope.” Shane was quick to slip away, turning on the shower.

  “Will you tell me when you’re ready?”

  “Nope.” Pursing his lips, he turned back to Callan. He realized that he was being cold, and if he wasn’t careful, he would push Cal away. Although that would have been best for both of them, Shane couldn’t help being a little selfish. “I’ll call you when we land. I want to make plans for next weekend.”