by Nora Blake
“I understand that, but you know me, I like to stay as far away from drama as I can. It’s why I stay to myself mostly. I have a small circle of friends for a reason. I’m not really sure how to explain my uneasiness about this, but I can’t deny it’s there.” My lips parted a little to say more, but I knew how my words could spill out if I kept talking. I closed my mouth.
His eyebrows drew together. “What is really going through that head of yours? What you just said … You were going to say more, weren’t you? Or at least thinking of more to say.”
I figured he’d call me out like that. I looked at his plate and mine. “Our food is going to get cold if we don’t eat, Aaron.”
“They make things called microwaves.”
My muffled laugh and eye roll made his lips curl upward. “Maybe there are things I just really don’t want to say right now.”
His narrowed eyes called my bluff. “Sarah, you have never had a time speaking your mind.”
I shook my head and pointed at him. “That is not completely true, and you know it. There are times when I don’t say what I’m thinking. Also, I have matured with age. I have a better filter now. Well, mostly.”
His eyebrows drew together again. If he kept making that face, he’d have permanent forehead wrinkles by the end of this dinner. “I don’t want you to have a filter with me.”
“We don’t always get what we want.” Those words I could taste. They were bittersweet. I wanted to stay with Aaron and never move. I wanted to confess my feelings back then and us live happily ever after, but what I said was true. Sometimes what we want just isn’t meant to be.
He pressed his back against the seat and folded his arms. His eyes picking me apart like he did a car engine. “Are you angry with me?”
“Why didn’t you invite me to your wedding? Why didn’t you tell me you were going to be a dad the first time you found out Melany was pregnant? We had a pact. Plans for our lives. You abandoned me!” I was a bit shocked that those words left my mouth. I was trying to think before I spoke, and that time I didn’t. I didn’t know if I wanted to cry or just run out of there so I didn’t have to hear his response.
His lips parted a moment and he leaned forward, resting his arms on the table. He wet his lips before speaking low. “Sarah, I regret so many fucking things in my life, and I can assure you that is at the top of my list. If I was completely honest, I avoided telling you because—”
He stopped. Why did he stop?
“Because …” I said, inviting him to say more.
He closed his eyes and exhaled softly. He opened his eyes and looked at me. “You stopped talking to me too, you know?”
“You stopped talking first. You drifted first. I thought maybe—”
He scoffed, cutting me off. “No, you got all weird when I told you I had a girlfriend and you drifted. I tried to talk to you, and with every call or text you slowly started avoiding me. If anyone ‘drifted’ it was you, Sarah. Not me.”
I looked out the window at the passing cars. I counted six of them before I looked at him again. “I don’t think we can put the blame on just one person. We both drifted.”
His mouth was straight and he nodded. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I just hope we can move past all of that and just move forward.”
I blinked back tears and looked at my folded hands in my lap.
“I don’t want to make you cry.” His voice was soft.
I shrugged and wiped at a stray tear. I looked around the restaurant and noticed a few people staring at us. I sighed and looked at Aaron, meeting his eyes.
“Are we okay? You’re not going to ghost me, are you?” There was legit fear in his eyes.
“No, Aaron, I don’t think I could survive losing you a second time.” My lips parted into a gentle smile.
His shoulders and jaw relaxed. “Oh, thank God. Let’s just stop talking about all of mistakes and move on. I want to just move forward and forget only the bad things in the past. Can we do that?”
I nodded. Moving forward was a great idea. I just hoped I could let all my regrets, anger, and worries about what moving forward meant for us go.
CHAPTER FIVE
Aaron
I looked toward the gravel driveway when I heard a car coming. I took off my gloves and wiped the sweat from my forehead as I watched Sarah’s black Chevy Cruze head this way. I wasn’t sure she’d show after last night. She left the restaurant in a hurry after dinner, and as badly as I wanted to message her, I didn’t. Things started off so good, and then it went to shit. We made small talk the rest of the night, but when it was time for her to leave, she was short with me and left so fast. I was scared to say anything for fear I’d push her away completely if I didn’t give her space to process everything that transpired during our dinner. This was all weird for her. I get it, though. I didn’t know how I’d react if she was in the middle of a divorce either with kids involved. Also, her worries weren’t wrong. I tried to downplay it, but Melany was more than curious about who I spent my time with. It wasn’t that she was still holding on to me and wishing things could be worked out, she was just a controlling bitch.
I grabbed my tools and tossed them in the back of my truck before walking over to her car and opening her door.
“Hey.”
She got out and adjusted her grey Beatles t-shirt and tugged on her shorts. I smiled inside. They weren’t going to go any farther, as short as they were.
“Hey,” she said quietly.
“How’s your day been?”
“Fine. Yours?” A faint smile appeared as we started walking toward my bosses house.
“Busy, but good. So, you going to tell me what’s bothering you about me? You left so fast after dinner.”
Her tight-lipped smile told me she was holding back words.
“You can be so damn frustrating sometimes, you know that?”
“It comes natural.” She sort of smiled, but it was between a frown and something else I couldn’t figure out. I knew I didn’t like it, though. It felt forced and unsure.
I motioned my head toward Mr. Jenks’ house. “Come on.”
She followed beside me and, when we made it to the house, I knocked on the door. She smiled brightly when Mr. Andy Jenks answered the door.
“Hello,” Mr. Andy said with a warm smile as he looked at Sarah and then at me. “Who is this pretty lady?”
Before I could answer, Sarah did.
She held her hand out to him. “I’m Sarah Stone, a local photographer. I was coming to ask permission to use some of your corn fields and the barn for an engagement shoot in three weeks. I’d like to come right before the sun sets, if that’s okay?”
I nodded at him when he looked at me again and gave him a go-ahead-smile.
Mr. Andy nodded at her. “I don’t see why not. I’d let you meet my wife, Jackie, but she left to go to the store. She’s the boss around here, but Aaron is her baby so if a friend of his needs a favor, I know she won’t mind.”
She laughed and tucked her hair behind her ears. “That’s okay. I really appreciate you letting me use your farm. It’s so beautiful out here!”
He puffed his chest out proudly. “Lots of hard work to keep it that way.”
She smiled brightly, and I swear I stopped breathing a moment. The way the sun casted a golden hue on her lit her up like she was an angel. And that smile? Damn.
“I can tell! I hear you have two really good guys working for you.” She winked at me, and my heart sped up.
“Yeah, Aaron and his goofy brother do an all right job.” His eyes crinkled at the corners, and his wrinkles were more defined with his bright smile and infections laughter.
I put my arm around Sarah’s shoulders and looked down at her. “What he means to say is that I’m awesome and Nick sucks.”
“Or is it the other way around?” Mr. Jenks teased, making Sarah and me laugh. “Sarah, it was so nice meeting you, and you’re welcome to my farm anytime you need it. No need to tell me
when you’re coming, just use it as you need to.”
“Oh, wow. Really? Thanks, Mr. Jenks, that’d be great!”
“Not a problem, my dear. I should head back inside and get my honey-dos completed before Mrs. Jenks gets back from town. You know what they say about a happy wife …” He looked at me. “You’re gonna have to stop bringing all of these pretty ladies around here and just pick one already.” He shut the door while laughing so hard his shoulders shook.
Sarah raised a brow at me, wiggling until my arm was off her shoulder.
“He’s joking. Now, Nick? Nick likes to show off his tractor skills.”
She did that weird maybe-laugh again. “I should head home.” She turned and started walking, her full ass catching my attention for a moment. I shook my head and got my head out of the gutter and on what was important.
I caught up with her and grabbed her arm gently to stop her from getting in her car. “Okay, tell me what’s going on. I don’t like this. We’re finally talking again, and you’re already pushing me away.”
“What are you talking about? I’m leaving. I need to head home. It’s my night to cook dinner.”
“You’re avoiding me. Did I do something wrong?”
She shook her head. “No, you didn’t.”
“Then what’s going on? You’re avoiding looking at me.”
She stopped staring past me and looked up at me. “I’m being an idiot. That’s what. But if you remember anything about the way my brain works, then you remember it’s a really messed up place.”
“Do you want to tell me what you are being an idiot about?”
She chewed on the inside of her cheek and shook her head. “Not really.”
“Sarah, come on. It’s me. I’m still the same Aaron Brown from all those years ago. Just better looking.”
She smiled at that.
“Just talk to me,” I pleaded.
“I just don’t want drama. That’s all.”
“Wait, so we’re still on this? I thought we worked this part out last night. And Melany knows I was best friends with you in high school. I talked about you all the time. She moved to Monmouth shortly after you left.”
Sarah groaned. “Yeah … I remember. She was part of the reason phone calls from you stopped.”
“Hey, now. That’s not fair. I tried, and then you started dating someone and got involved with friends and life. Just like me. Didn’t we already discuss this last night? I thought we weren’t pointing fingers anymore.”
She smiled sheepishly. “You’re right. See? Being stupid. I really want to be friends again, Aaron. I really want to pick up right where we left off, but—”
“But nothing. We pick up where we left off.”
She nodded and looked into the distance, toward the field full of cows. The sun was barely peeking above the horizon now, reminding me of how we used to spend almost every sunset together. Sarah always said sunsets were the time you reflected on your day, so we would do just that. We’d talk about our day, and anything negative we vowed was gone and weren’t allowed to think about it anymore after the sun went down completely. But all the positive stuff, we kept that tucked away forever.
“What was positive about your day?”
She jumped a little, as if I was pulling her from a trance. The corners of her mouth twitched. “Seeing you.”
“And negative?”
“Me overthinking shit.”
I cupped her shoulder. “When the sun dips below the horizon, you remember what to do with that negative shit?”
She nodded. “Your turn.” I loved how all of her features relaxed.
“Positive, seeing you in those cut-off shorts. Have you always had that nice of an ass?”
She shoved my shoulder and burst into laughter. “Aaron!”
I chuckled. “Seriously, though. Damn. And, negative … The feeling I got when you wouldn’t make eye contact with me when you got here. Didn’t like that one bit.”
She surprised me by wrapping her arms around me. Her head resting against my chest, and I wrapped my arms around her. I kissed the top of her head.
“I missed you so much, Aaron,” she said quietly against my shirt.
I wanted to point out the fact that I was filthy and smelled, but if she cared, she wouldn’t be this close to me right now. Besides, I wasn’t saying a damn thing that would ruin this moment. Holding her, having her back in my life, was the best feeling in the entire world.
She moved just enough to look up at me. “I can’t believe you were checking out my ass. Invasion of friend zone.” There was a sparkle in her eyes that told me she liked it.
I laughed as we moved out of the hug. “You know me, Mr. Honesty.”
She cocked a brow at me as she opened her car door.
“Would it make you feel better if I walk to my truck real slow so you can check mine out too? Making it even?”
She shook her head as she threw her head back laughing. I missed that laugh so much.
“Don’t make this weird,” she said as she got into her car. She looked up at me and there was that sparkle again telling me I should probably keep it weird.
I rested my arm on the top of the door. “What do you mean?”
“You just admitted you were checking out my ass!”
“You’re all grown up now, Dirt Queen. I didn’t expect my best friend to get so hot.”
She narrowed her eyes at me. “Aaron.”
“Fine,” I sighed. “I’ll try not to think about how much I like you in those cut-off shorts.”
She gasped and kicked some gravel at my boots but held an amused smile on her face. “Aaron!”
I laughed. “What?”
She rolled her eyes and put on her seatbelt. “Thank you for helping me get this place for the shoot. I appreciate it.”
“No biggy.”
“Message me later?”
She didn’t know how happy it made me that she wanted me to contact her. “I will. You better head home before your dad comes after me when he doesn’t have any food to eat.”
She laughed and cranked her car. She looked up at me with the brightest smile. “Talk to you later.”
I returned the smile, shut her door, and waved as she drove off. I felt satisfied. We made progress tonight. She asked me to contact her, not for space. She now knew I found her attractive, and I didn’t know what she’d do with that information or what I was really supposed to do now. She didn’t hate it, even though she tried to pretend it was weird. I could tell she liked it. I’ve flirted with plenty of girls to know when they try to play dumb.
She liked it.
I felt like a giddy teen again and had hoped her liking it meant what I thought it meant.
CHAPTER SIX
Sarah
“Kait, I’m being an idiot. Tell me I’m being an idiot.”
“First, tell me why you’re being an idiot.” Kait sat at my vanity and was braiding her long brown hair all to one side.
I sat on my bed with my laptop, attempting to work on more photos. I closed the laptop. “I’m waiting on him to message me. My stomach is in knots, and I feel like I’m gonna puke in a good way. Isn’t that stupid?”
Kait knew all about my secret love affair with Aaron. She had been my best friend for years, and when me and my parents moved back, she came along. She was still in college and living in apartments with roommates near here. She was super smart and getting her pharmaceutical license, while I was still living with my parents without a damn clue of what I wanted to do with my life.
“Ah, the famous Aaron Brown.” She laughed and looked at me through the mirror. “You’re being an idiot, Sarah. You’re a freakin’ adult. Tell him the truth and then fuck his brains out.”
My mouth gaped open, and I threw a pillow at her. “Kait!”
She laughed with her mouth closed and shrugged. “You know you wanna.”
I tilted my head to the side and nodded. She wasn’t wrong in the slightest. “How the hell do I tell him his s
mile kills me in the best way every time?” I touched my stomach. “That the butterflies are ridiculous? There’s an entire colony of them little shits living there.” I sighed hopelessly. “That the connection we had … how I felt all those years ago, is still there? I can’t, Kait. I finally have him back in my life. The last thing I need to do is make him run. I just need to figure out how not to be weird around him.”
“He told you you were hot and had a nice ass. Did he not?”
“So? He’s a big goof. He likes to joke around.”
“Do me a favor then.”
I adjusted my glasses. “What?”
“Don’t toss the idea of you two never being more than friends. Just go with the flow. You need to learn to just live in the moment.”
I fell back onto my bed dramatically. “Ugh. I know how to do that for the most part. I just overthink things when it comes to him.”
“Then stop. Be friends with the guy. If it turns into more, then bonus.” She finished off her braid by putting a small rubber band around the end.
I checked my phone again and looked at her when she turned on the stool to face me. “I’m supposed to be an adult. Why the heck do I feel like I’m a teen again?”
“Let’s see … You live with your parents, you have a crush, you—”
“Shut up. Never mind.” I laughed and rolled my eyes.
“You’re gonna screw up and push away someone who means a lot to you. I don’t care how many years it’s been, there’s still something there, friends or more, and you don’t need to risk screwing that up.”
“Okay, so tell me this. If we do end up more than friends, how the hell is that supposed to work? He just got out of a marriage. He has kids. He told me he took his ring off three weeks ago, but they’ve been separated for a year. He must’ve been hanging on to it if he only took his ring off recently. I don’t want to be his rebound.”
“Don’t judge him so harshly until you get to know more of where he’s coming from. And stop going there. Just focus on being friends and let what happens, happen.”