The School for Talking Pets

by Kelli Anne Hawkins

  ‘Sorry,’ said Reginald, and Rusty noted his two long front teeth. ‘But some of the books are very tasty.’

  ‘No matter,’ Miss Einstein called to him. ‘It’s your kindness we are celebrating today, Reg, not your hankering for paperbacks.’

  Lavender continued. ‘Could everyone please give Reginald a round of applause?’

  The animals whooped. Reginald hopped down the stairs. Other animals called out, ‘Awesome work, Reginald!’ and similar words of encouragement. After a minute or so, Lavender motioned for quiet. ‘Now, I’ll hand over to Miss Einstein.’

  Miss Einstein walked over to the microphone and the room fell into complete and utter silence. Her joggers squeaked on the gold-painted floor.

  Rusty found himself holding his breath. Something touched his arm. Akira. She wrapped her warm hand around his own. He turned to her and she smiled at him, wide-eyed.

  ‘OK, pets and teachers — and children — it is time for my announcement.’ Miss Einstein smiled. ‘I am so excited to be able to share this news with you all. It is made even more special because we have our competition winners here this week.’ She gestured to the children and their pets, then turned her gaze back to the room. ‘I have, just this morning, signed a lease on a large vacant property in upstate New York.’ She looked around at the animals and clasped her hands together in excitement. ‘That’s right, everybody, we are opening a second talking-pet school.’

  The animals burst into loud cheers and chatter. Some stood up. Rusty heard the cow bellowing from the back. The dog beside Akira howled his appreciation.

  Miss Einstein let them show their excitement for a full minute. Finally, the noise died down. ‘So, what will this mean for you? Well, not much, on a day-to-day basis. Most of you will continue your studies as usual.’

  ‘You aren’t leaving us, are you, Miss Einstein?’ called out Gretel, and several other animals echoed her.

  ‘Don’t go, Miss.’

  ‘Please stay.’

  ‘Now, now. Don’t fret, everybody. I will head to America from time to time, but I’ve chosen someone else to act as headmaster of the new school.’ She paused. ‘That someone is . . .’ Miss Einstein pronounced in a theatrical voice. ‘Nader Heydar!’

  The pets cheered. Nader sat motionless. There was just the hint of a smile on his squished-in face.

  ‘The new school will be known as Mr Nader Heydar’s School for Talking Pets.’

  CHAPTER 34

  STUCK IN THE MUD

  There was much chatter about Mr Nader Heydar’s School for Talking Pets for the rest of the day. The animals were thrilled for Miss Einstein and excited other pets would learn to talk. The children, too, could speak of nothing else, discussing the new school after assembly, at lunchtime, all through the afternoon, at dinner, after dinner and all evening until they collapsed into their comfortable beds in the Pink House that night.

  Rusty was as excited as the rest of them, but he couldn’t prevent a tiny niggle of worry from creeping into his head. It whispered, ‘Your lizard might never speak, you know that, don’t you?’ Still, he tried to be positive, reciting a page from Bongo’s new textbook, Reading: If Humans Can Do It, Anyone Can, to him before bedtime and waking up ready to help his reptilian best friend as well as he could.

  However, Rusty’s positive mood was soon tested. He and Akira had hardly sat down in the classroom for their second lesson with Mr Moretti when Sora said his third word.

  ‘Nice day, isn’t it?’ the teacher had asked.

  ‘Wonderful,’ the bird chirped in reply.

  Rusty had assumed the question was rhetorical.

  So, Sora was now speaking in not one but two languages.

  Rusty congratulated the little bird, of course, but as he did he glanced over at Bongo. His lizard stared out the window, beady eyes fixed on the whitecaps dancing on the green-grey ocean. He appeared completely disinterested in the lesson. So later, when Rusty passed Bismarck on the way to lunch and heard the dog say a new word — ‘Yum!’ — as he lifted his nose and detected the scent of pizza, the last iota of Rusty’s positivity was finally extinguished.

  He couldn’t face the cheerful dining hall. Instead he took a ham and cheese sandwich for himself and a bunch of grapes for Bongo, then ventured outside onto the lawn.

  Clouds had crept across the sky and a cool breeze blew in from the ocean. Rusty shivered as the sun disappeared, wishing he had his Driza-Bone with him. He set Bongo on his shoulder and walked quickly, trying to warm up. It would do him good to get out of the school, he told himself. He needed time to think.

  Rusty fed grapes to Bongo and ate his sandwich as he strode down the hill towards the Pink House. He clambered over the picket fence marking the edge of the lawn, taking care not to jolt Bongo from his shoulder, and continued across the first paddock, stepping over cow pats and dodging sheep poo as he went.

  Perhaps he needed to do more to encourage his lizard. What, he didn’t know. Praise? Scolding? Rewards?

  Miss Einstein had told him Bongo would talk when he was ready. But what if his placid lizard was happy not talking? What if he was never ready?

  Rusty was deep in thought as he climbed over another fence, this one made of stacked, flat grey stones. He landed on the ground with a squelch and almost slipped over in surprise.

  Mud?

  He looked up. Half the paddock where he stood was completely and utterly muddy. This must be the east paddock, Rusty realised. The one BJ was muddying for the pigs.

  And yes, there was BJ. He stood barely a stone’s throw away, his back to Rusty, with a large garden hose in one hand. Water sprayed from the hose across a currently dry section of the paddock. BJ was shirtless, and Rusty could make out more details of the octopus tentacles winding their way down his spine and across his back. He had to admit, now he could see it properly, the intricate tattoo was very beautiful. But it still scared him. As BJ raised his arm, his bicep flexed and Rusty’s eyes were drawn, almost against his will, to the lizard caught in the grip of the octopus.

  He swallowed nervously and whispered to Bongo, ‘Don’t worry, I won’t let him hurt you, Bongo. Let’s get out of here.’

  Rusty tried to free his muddy jogger from the sticky black goop, but it was like there was some sort of glue in the stuff. He heaved with all his might, and his shoe finally came free with a loud sucking noise that Rusty was sure could have been heard right back at the school.

  He froze as BJ slowly turned around. The man’s piercing blue eyes took in Rusty, standing on one leg in the mud, and then flickered to Bongo. Rusty gathered his lizard up from his shoulder and cradled him protectively to his chest.

  BJ started walking towards them, aiming the hose off to one side to keep the water away. He reached the muddy ground and kept coming, the mud apparently no impediment. When Rusty looked down he saw the man wore gumboots.

  Rusty had no choice but to stand his ground. Mud had gripped him by the ankle.

  BJ halted a few metres away. He turned the nozzle of the hose to stop the water, then threw it aside.

  Without the hose, there was total silence.

  ‘Who’s your little reptilian friend, boy?’

  CHAPTER 35

  AN INVISIBLE LIZARD

  BJ spoke in a deliberate, thoughtful way. Quietly. Not what Rusty had expected at all. His voice was pleasantly low and he had an accent Rusty couldn’t place.

  The big man took another step closer. Rusty swallowed. He stood no taller than BJ’s waist. Rusty couldn’t bring himself to look the man directly in the eye. Instead he stared straight ahead, but that was no good either; he peered right at BJ’s flat stomach muscles. His eyes followed the octopus tattoo up and across BJ’s chest and neck, right up to where the animal’s oval-shaped head was etched on the man’s cheek.

  The octopus stared right back at him.

  BJ too. Both of them watched Rusty; one ink-black eye, two bright blue ones.

  Without saying anything further, BJ reached up to his
shoulder and appeared to grab something. Rusty couldn’t see what.

  ‘This is Jade,’ BJ said, pride in his voice. He extended his hand out, palm up. Rusty frowned at him. There was nothing there.

  BJ noted Rusty’s confusion, then looked down at his palm. He smiled fondly at his own hand and shook his head. ‘Jade . . .’ he said, as if admonishing someone. ‘Come on. Show yourself.’

  Rusty was mesmerised by BJ’s smile. He no longer appeared scary but looked . . . kind. BJ’s teeth were very straight and white, and his smile was wide. Rusty’s shoulders sagged with relief. He smiled in return, removing his hand from where it covered Bongo so his pet could look around.

  BJ peered down at his hand again. ‘She’s a bit shy with strangers.’

  Rusty’s gaze dropped to BJ’s outstretched palm. He started. Standing there, head tilted quizzically to one side, was a small, bright green lizard. She looked just like the lizard tattooed on BJ’s body.

  ‘But . . . where . . . ? What . . . ?’ Rusty stammered.

  ‘This is Jade,’ BJ said again, pleased at Rusty’s reaction. ‘She’s a chameleon.’

  ‘A chameleon,’ breathed Rusty, staring at the delicate lizard.

  He’d heard of them, but never seen one in real life.

  Jade was tiny, less than half the size of Bongo. They might have both been reptiles, but there weren’t many other similarities. Bongo was thick-bodied with a stumpy tail. He lay with his stomach on Rusty’s hand and forearm, his tiny feet and toes resting flat. He looked like a fat snake with short legs.

  Jade, in comparison, appeared fragile. Her bendy, skinny legs ended in feet with long, grippy toes pointing in opposite directions. Jade’s back curved into a high arch like she was trying to gather herself into a ball. A pointed crest on her head continued down her spine in tiny jagged spikes to the tip of her long tail. The toes of her front two feet wrapped around BJ’s finger.

  The chameleon swayed rhythmically from side to side in a strange kind of hypnotic dance. Her eyes stuck out like two small marbles on either side of her head. They darted and swivelled this way and that with short, quick movements. What was really odd, Rusty realised, was that each eye swivelled separately from the other, so while one might be casting glances to Rusty and then Bongo, the other took in BJ and the rest of the paddock. It was disconcerting.

  But really, really cool.

  Suddenly, Jade disappeared.

  Bongo hissed his displeasure. Rusty looked at BJ. The man shook his head again, still smiling. ‘Sorry,’ he said apologetically. ‘She’s shy, but also a bit of a show-off. She likes to do that to new people to freak them out. Just keep watching.’

  He lifted his palm closer to his face and spoke to the empty air. ‘Jade, change to green or pink or something, OK? Show the nice boy and his lizard where you are.’

  For a few seconds, nothing happened, but then Jade materialised on BJ’s palm. She wasn’t green this time. She was bright orange.

  Bongo’s toes pressed down on Rusty’s arm in a blue-tongued lizard’s version of confusion.

  ‘How . . . ?’ Rusty asked, still staring.

  ‘Chameleons change colour,’ BJ said. ‘When you couldn’t see her, it was because she made her skin the same colour as my skin. Amazing, isn’t she?’

  As he spoke, Jade turned a pink as bright as the Pink House.

  ‘Wow,’ Rusty managed to say.

  BJ stroked her back gently with a massive finger. ‘It’s something special, isn’t it? Most chameleons can change colour, but I don’t think any do it better than my Jade. Contrary to popular opinion, they don’t do it for camouflage. Not normally. They do it in anger, or to attract a mate, or, in Jade’s case, just to show off.’

  ‘She’s beautiful,’ Rusty said quietly.

  ‘Yes. She is, isn’t she? I’m Bartholomew Jones, by the way. My friends call me BJ.’ He looked at Bongo. ‘What sort of lizard is that?’

  Rusty immediately felt very rude. ‘Oh, I’m sorry. This is Bongo. He’s a blue-tongued lizard from Australia. I’m Rusty Mulligan. My friends — well, my friend, Charlotte — calls me Rusty.’

  ‘Nice to meet you, Rusty. Should we let these two get to know each other properly?’

  Rusty nodded, and BJ set Jade down on the nearby fence. Rusty put Bongo about an arm’s length from the chameleon.

  His lizard stared at Jade, his blue tongue flicking in and out. Jade immediately turned the exact same blue as Bongo’s tongue. Bongo made a hissing sound, but it wasn’t his usual angry hiss. His lizard sounded impressed.

  Jade changed to a fluorescent yellow.

  ‘She shows off a lot,’ BJ admitted, shaking his head.

  ‘Um, BJ, why does your tattoo show an octopus strangling Jade?’ Rusty found the courage to ask.

  BJ’s eyes widened in surprise. ‘Strangling? Oh no, Rusty. The octopus is hugging Jade, not harming her.’

  ‘Why an octopus?’

  ‘I just like them,’ BJ said with a shrug. Rusty supposed that was as good a reason as any.

  BJ contemplated Rusty, who still stood on one leg in the gloopy black mud. ‘Let’s get you out of there.’ The big man stepped forwards, put his hands under Rusty’s armpits and gently lifted him, moving him from side to side until, somehow, Rusty’s foot came free of the sucking mud. BJ carried him over to the dry part of the paddock and set him down.

  ‘Thanks, BJ. Lucky you were here, or I might have been stuck there forever.’

  ‘Nah, boy, you’d have pulled free in no time, trust me. You tend to underestimate yourself, don’t you?’

  Rusty reddened but didn’t answer. He glanced back at the lizards. Bongo watched as Jade changed colour from moment to moment like a living rainbow.

  ‘Bongo isn’t interested in talking, BJ. I’m worried he’ll be a failure in school, like I am.’ The words were out of his mouth before he had a chance to think about them.

  BJ remained silent.

  ‘Miss Einstein said Bongo will speak when he’s ready, but I’m not so sure,’ Rusty continued, his voice cracking.

  BJ still didn’t speak. Rusty dropped his gaze.

  ‘Why do you want Bongo to talk so badly, Rusty?’ the big man finally asked.

  Rusty looked up. ‘I want to know what he thinks. He’s my best friend.’

  ‘You can’t be his friend without knowing what he thinks? You believe that unless someone talks to you they can’t be your friend?’

  ‘Well, no, I suppose not. But it would be good to know what he’s thinking.’

  ‘Don’t you know what he’s thinking, most of the time?’

  ‘No,’ Rusty answered honestly. ‘Most of the time I don’t have a clue what he’s thinking. Do you know what Jade is thinking?’

  BJ hesitated. A thought popped into Rusty’s head in a rush of wonderful hope. ‘Can she speak?’

  If Jade could talk, maybe she could help Bongo! Rusty fixed his gaze on the little lizard. Jade’s left eye darted from BJ to Rusty; her right flickered between Bongo and the Pink House, then swivelled around in a big circle, before resting on Rusty as if she wanted to tell him something.

  Rusty held his breath. He turned to BJ and was shocked to see a scowl on the man’s face. The sky seemed to darken and Rusty shivered in a sudden gust of wind.

  ‘No. I don’t want Jade to learn how to talk. It’s not right. I forbid her to learn.’

  CHAPTER 36

  A CHAMELEON ON THE FENCE

  ‘You forbid her?’

  Rusty was shocked. And then his heart sank. Jade wouldn’t be able to help Bongo. His shoulders sagged and a small sigh escaped him.

  The big man’s expression softened. ‘Well, I don’t forbid her. Not exactly. I just believe that animals should stay as they were when they were born. They don’t need to learn to speak. It’s not natural.’

  ‘But why? What if Jade wants to talk?’

  ‘I believe that if Jade had wanted to talk by now, she would have done so.’

  ‘Why do you live here
then? What does Miss Einstein think?’

  ‘Ah, Alice.’ BJ was the first person Rusty had met who called Miss Einstein by her first name. ‘She’s not too happy about it. We argue sometimes.’ He shrugged. This was obviously a sore point between them. ‘She wants Jade to come to the school, but I say no.’

  The man and boy studied the reptiles. Jade and Bongo had begun to circle one another in a slow-motion kind of way. Rusty hadn’t seen Bongo so interested in anyone or anything before. Ever.

  ‘She likes him,’ BJ added, smiling again. ‘It is nice for Jade to meet another reptile.’

  Rusty nodded. Bongo didn’t know any other lizards either. ‘Where are you from?’ Rusty asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

  ‘I was born in Madagascar. I came to this island with Alice many years ago. She is my family. You could say she rescued me, like her pets, in a way.’ BJ smiled, but Rusty could see sadness in his eyes.

  ‘What do you do here?’

  ‘I help Alice with whatever she needs,’ he said, brightening. ‘My love is art. The animal-hedges, they are my work. These tattoos, I drew them and had them inked onto my skin.’

  ‘You are certainly very talented, BJ,’ Rusty said, and he meant it. ‘How long have you had Jade for?’

  ‘Jade is only one year old. Alice bought her for me as a birthday gift. She’s a very rare chameleon and she is from Madagascar too. Furcifer belalandaensis. One of the rarest animals in the world. I very much doubt she will ever meet another of her own kind. Jade and Alice are my family now.’

  BJ was silent for a long moment. Rusty understood. Family was important. Rusty still missed his mother every day. He even missed his dad. They didn’t always agree, but Mr Mulligan was still Rusty’s father. Perhaps Miss Einstein would allow Rusty to call his dad later, if he asked nicely.