The School for Talking Pets

by Kelli Anne Hawkins

  Lord Roderick glanced at Rusty, annoyed at this unexpected delay to the secret-telling. He noticed the boy’s smile and spun around, but by then it was too late.

  Rusty dropped flat onto the wharf as Bongo swooped the aircraft down, and one of its big rubber wheels smacked his Lordship right in the forehead. She lifted the nose of the ultralight and turned it around, heading back to the beach. Her hissing laugh could be clearly heard over the hum of the ultralight’s propeller and the growl of the cruiser’s engines.

  ‘See!’ she called over her shoulder. ‘Lizards can fly, Rusty!’

  Rusty smiled, his cheek hard against the warm timber of the wharf, then jumped to his feet and punched the sky. Bongo had done it! But he knew it was too early to celebrate just yet — not while the others were still back in the Golden Hall with Lady Roderick and the guards.

  In front of him, Lord Roderick lay on his stomach. Rusty could see that the Lord still breathed by the slight movement of his body. He watched Bongo fly low over the beach in the ultralight, then peered out to sea. Something was out there, dark against the blue-grey water. It looked like another boat. He swallowed the fear that rose in his throat.

  Surely the Rodericks hadn’t brought more backup?

  CHAPTER 56

  BONGO’S SECRET

  Rusty put the boat out of his mind and ran back down the wharf.

  How would Bongo land the ultralight? And where?

  Rusty needn’t have worried. The lizard confidently taxied the aircraft along the gravel road near the beach as if she’d landed it a thousand times before. He arrived at the ultralight just as Bongo shut down the propellers.

  ‘Bongo! You saved us!’ Rusty grinned at the reptile as she sat in the driver’s seat, pressing buttons. ‘You’re a natural up there.’

  She opened her mouth and her blue tongue flickered out in a lizardy smile. ‘I know! I love to fly, Rusty.’

  He hadn’t seen Bongo this happy since a day the previous summer after a sudden shower of rain, when hundreds of snails had come out and Rusty had let her lick them up one by one until she was fat-stomached and drowsy.

  ‘You aren’t mad?’

  ‘Mad? No. Why would I be mad?’

  ‘Because I’m female,’ she said. ‘And I can talk.’

  ‘I’m surprised, that’s all. Why didn’t you tell me?’

  ‘Well, I couldn’t talk until a couple of days after we arrived here,’ she reminded him with a wry smile. ‘And by then, you’d thought of me as a male for so long, I didn’t know how to tell you that I was female.’

  ‘Is that why you didn’t talk sooner?’ Rusty suddenly realised.

  ‘Yes. I’m sorry. It seems silly now.’

  ‘Don’t be sorry. You saved us, Bongo. Now we need to go back up to the school and help the others.’

  As Rusty went to lift her from the driver’s seat, she peered over his shoulder. ‘Rusty! Look out!’ Bongo yelled.

  Rusty spun around.

  Lord Roderick loomed behind him. Without thinking, Rusty drew back an arm, ready to protect Bongo — by force if necessary. Lord Roderick lurched at Rusty then faltered, staggering drunkenly to one side. Rusty dodged him easily, then studied the swaying man’s face. Lord Roderick had a large egg-shaped bump on his forehead. His face was white and covered with perspiration, and his eyes strayed almost as wonkily as Jade’s. Despite this, the man waved his arms in a manner meant to threaten.

  ‘The lizard talks after all,’ Lord Roderick slurred. ‘Rosemary won’t like that. No, no, no. She won’t like that at all.’

  Rusty grabbed Lord Roderick’s arms and lowered him to the ground. The man slumped forwards, moaning.

  ‘Rosemary doesn’t like lizards, you know,’ he whispered to Rusty.

  ‘Well, we don’t like her very much either,’ Bongo responded from behind him in a slightly offended tone.

  Rusty knew people were often scared of Bongo, though she wouldn’t hurt a fly. Well, technically that was untrue. Bongo would definitely hurt a fly, given the chance — they were one of her favourite foods, after all.

  The man moaned again.

  ‘I think he’ll be alright, Bongo,’ Rusty said, hoping it was true. Lord Roderick might be evil, but Rusty didn’t want him dead.

  Rusty moved his Lordship onto his back, putting Nan’s scarf under his head as a somewhat-flimsy pillow, then looked back to sea. The other boat; it looked like . . . yes, the other boat was arriving. Rusty picked up Bongo and hunkered down behind the ultralight’s wheel to watch.

  ‘Oh no, Bongo, who’s coming now?’ Rusty muttered.

  CHAPTER 57

  A SURPRISE ARRIVAL

  The boat had seen better days. Paint peeled from the timber and rust marked it in patches. It had a big deck with a small cabin perched on top, and Rusty could see nets and winches and crates crowded on board and several crewmen rushing around. Seagulls followed in its wake.

  ‘Who is it?’ asked Bongo.

  Rusty didn’t reply. He stared instead at a hunched figure at the front of the boat. It was a man. A man with a hand raised to shield against the sun. A man who peered back at him in a familiar way and huddled against the cold because he’d given his trusty Driza-Bone to his only son.

  Was it?

  No, it couldn’t be.

  Could it?

  ‘Dad!’ Rusty whispered, then raised his voice to a yell. ‘DAD!’

  In response, the man waved.

  It was.

  Rusty stood up and raced back down to the wharf as the fishing boat neared. A wiry fisherman threw a rope over a post and pulled the boat alongside the wharf as they reached it. Rusty’s father smiled at him from the bow.

  ‘Dad!’ Rusty called again, totally bewildered as to why his father was on a fishing boat, here at the island.

  ‘I found you, Rusty.’ Mr Mulligan’s voice was hoarse. He climbed over the boat’s edge and jumped, somewhat gingerly, onto the timber of the wharf, then stood up, almost stumbling. ‘Got to find my land legs again, I think,’ he said, holding out his arms.

  Mr Mulligan had a scruffy beard and smelled strongly of fish. Rusty hugged him anyway, long and hard. Eventually they pulled apart and looked at one another.

  ‘What are you doing here, Dad? And why are you on a fishing boat?’

  ‘You are going to think I’ve lost my marbles, I’m afraid, son,’ Mr Mulligan said, shaking his head with a small smile. ‘After leaving you at the airport, I went off to night shift. I was standing there, in the dead of night, just myself and a few rats for company, when I had the strangest feeling. “Bill,” I said to myself, “there is something going on with Rusty. He’s going to be in trouble, I can just smell it.”’ He rubbed his face. ‘And it wasn’t just the rats I smelled, Rusty. So I used a bit of old-fashioned detective work to find out where this island might be. Made some calls and whatnot. I called in a few favours. There are a couple of people who owe me one for saving their lives in the line of duty.’ He looked self-conscious. ‘So anyway, I uncovered a few facts, then hopped on a plane. I met up with Captain Johann here’ — Rusty’s father gestured towards the fisherman — ‘and he was kind enough to let me tag along and search for you. For some reason, he was convinced this island was the Queen’s corgi farm, but, well, the main thing is, I found you.’ He drew his brows together. ‘And it seems I was wrong. You are looking perfectly well, my boy.’

  ‘No. Actually, Dad, you were right! Well, not at first. At first everything was perfectly fine. Wonderful, actually. But then the intruders came, and these horrible rich people threatened to kill the pigs, and one of them hates lizards and . . . Well, today’s been terrible, Dad. Lucky Bongo was here to save me.’

  Mr Mulligan raised his eyebrows. ‘Bongo saved you?’

  ‘Yes. It’s a long story.’ Rusty smiled. ‘I’ll fill you in shortly. But first, say hi to her. She talks now.’

  ‘Hello, Mr Mulligan,’ said Bongo, somewhat shyly.

  ‘Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle,’ said
Mr Mulligan.

  Rusty wanted to savour the moment, but he knew there was no time.

  ‘The others are still in danger, Dad. We have to save them.’ Before he could say more, he heard a sound. It was a ringing phone, and it was in Lord Roderick’s pocket. He glanced at his father and Bongo. ‘I have an idea.’ Rusty pulled the phone out and, sure enough, the screen read Lady Rosemary Renata ‘Ruthless’ Roderick. Bongo nodded, and Rusty cleared his throat and touched the screen.

  ‘Lady Roderick,’ he began, trying to be as scary as possible. One time in Gundarra South Public School, Matt and Jacob had written ‘cats are the worst’ on the whiteboard, and Miss Chester’s voice had gone down two octaves instead of her usual upwards screech — and they’d been in so much trouble then. Now Rusty spoke using a deeper voice than his teacher’s had been. ‘I have your husband. If you want to see him again, you must immediately free everyone in the talking-pet school.’

  From the other end of the phone, he heard laughter that made his blood freeze. ‘You have Neil, you say? Well, good luck to you. I don’t give a fig about my husband. Certainly not enough to give up the talking-pet school. I will have the school, child, and it will make me powerful beyond my wildest dreams. Goodbye.’

  The line went dead. Rusty looked over to where the stretched-out figure of Lord Roderick lay on the beach, almost feeling sorry for the man.

  ‘Come on,’ he said to his father and Bongo. ‘We have to save the others before it’s too late.’

  CHAPTER 58

  ANOTHER LIZARD BECOMES A HERO

  Lady Roderick put the phone back into the hidden pocket of her sleek black coat. ‘Remain calm, everybody,’ Lady Roderick announced to the hall. ‘Nothing bad will happen to you. I promise.’ But her shifty eyes gave her away.

  Foolish boy, she thought to herself. Foolish husband.

  She felt a flash of regret at Neil’s capture, but then immediately banished it. If her husband couldn’t subdue a boy and a lizard, what use was he? Lady Roderick glanced from Kyle to Wilhelmina. She’d sensed something was up with her agents as soon as she walked into the hall. The stench of betrayal was all over them.

  ‘Guards,’ she ordered. ‘Tie these two up.’ She gestured at Kyle and Wilhelmina, then eyed BJ. ‘And that one, for good measure.’ The guards leaped into action and had tied up the three of them in moments, dragging them all to the centre of the stage.

  ‘I don’t like this bony lady,’ muttered a feisty black cat in the third row to a sleek-looking Siamese sitting beside it.

  Lady Roderick eyed the talking pets, trying not to show her uneasiness. She wasn’t used to having humans answer her back, let alone animals. She had just decided that perhaps she should tie up all the animals and children in the hall, when she felt something touch her left arm. It was on her. It had claws. She peered down.

  There was nothing there. But then she felt it claw a little further up her arm. Something was definitely on her. Lady Roderick shook her arm frantically, but the invisible creature gripped harder, still moving. It was almost to her shoulder now. ‘Get it off!’ Lady Roderick screeched.

  The guards stared uselessly, slack-jawed and no doubt unable to see her invisible attacker. What in the name of the pile of hundred-pound notes she kept at home to roll around in was ON HER?

  Suddenly, a bright pink chameleon with crazy eyes appeared, its head level with hers. ‘Hello,’ the lizard said.

  Lady Roderick almost fainted with shock. ‘Get it off me!’ she said again, though her voice was squeakier than she would have liked.

  ‘I am Jade. If you want me to get off you, lady, have your guards throw down their weapons and untie my friends. Now!’ Jade disappeared, then reappeared, yellow this time. ‘If you don’t, I’ll never leave you alone. I’ll follow you home. You won’t always see me, but I’ll be there. I’ll appear when you are sleeping, or eating a meal, or driving in your fancy car. Wherever you are, I’ll be there.’

  Before Lady Roderick could form any words, Jade turned her head towards the big man her guards had tied up. ‘I’m sorry, BJ,’ the lizard said. ‘I know you didn’t want me to talk, but I love talking so much. I would love to talk to you.’

  BJ shook his head, apparently almost as stunned as Lady Roderick herself, then smiled broadly at the chameleon. ‘I am so sorry, Jade. I was wrong. I would love to talk to you too.’

  Jade turned back, swaying eerily, her bulbous eyes rolling and darting erratically. It was too much for Lady Roderick. ‘Do it, guards! Drop your guns. NOW!’

  CHAPTER 59

  THE SECRET

  Rusty, Bongo and Mr Mulligan burst into the Golden Hall just as Kyle and Wilhelmina finished tying up Lady Roderick and her guards.

  Lady Roderick was muttering and pale. She sat on the stage, her hands tied behind her back.

  ‘Rusty? Are you and Bongo alright?’ Miss Einstein asked, a particularly shaken-looking Nader Heydar close by her side.

  Rusty nodded, quickly filling everyone in as to how Bongo came to be talking and flying Marguerite and rescuing him. Lots of ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ punctuated his story, then it was his turn to listen as Miss Einstein told how Jade climbed onto the lizard-phobic Lady Roderick. BJ looked particularly proud of his talking lizard and seemed to have totally forgotten how he hadn’t wanted her to speak.

  ‘I had no doubt you weren’t really going to tell Lord Roderick the secret, Rusty,’ BJ said, Jade on his arm. ‘I knew you had a plan.’

  Rusty remained quiet. He didn’t want to admit that he’d actually had no plan.

  ‘Yes, and I was sure you wouldn’t betray my trust,’ said Miss Einstein, laughing, though her eyes slid away from his as she spoke.

  ‘Yes, yes, me too,’ the children and animals chimed in, also a little sheepishly.

  They all fell silent.

  ‘So, Miss Einstein, does that mean you can tell us the secret?’ Shelby asked.

  The headmistress smiled. ‘Yes, of course. I’ll tell you now.’

  ‘Wait!’ called Kyle. ‘What about Lady Roderick? She’ll hear it too!’

  Lady Roderick was sweating and stared off into the distance, muttering to herself, still overcome by her ordeal. She appeared to have no interest in the secret any longer.

  ‘Oh, she can hear it too,’ Miss Einstein said with a breezy wave of her hand. ‘Everyone will know soon enough.’

  The group quietened.

  ‘Here we go,’ murmured Maximilian.

  Miss Einstein paused, watching the children for a long moment. ‘There is no secret.’

  They frowned at one another. Miss Einstein spread her hands wide, smiling.

  ‘But . . . there must be.’ Shelby frowned and added, ‘Why has no-one taught animals to talk before?’

  ‘Simple,’ Miss Einstein said. ‘They haven’t tried. All I do is use my teaching experience and combine it with the best educational principles from around the world.’ She shrugged at the simplicity of it. ‘I believe in them. I listen to them.’ She ticked the points off on her fingers. ‘I lead by example. I make learning interesting. I give them time and freedom to learn at their own pace. That’s it.’

  The children looked to one another, unbelieving.

  ‘It’s true,’ said Nader Heydar, who had regained some of his usual haughtiness and smiled a smug little smile. ‘That’s all there is to it.’

  EPILOGUE

  SIX MONTHS LATER

  ‘3y times 2x equals?’

  Rusty sat in his usual spot in Miss Chester’s classroom: halfway back and to one side. He put his hand up immediately and Miss Chester nodded at him.

  ‘6xy,’ he answered confidently.

  ‘Well done, Rusty,’ said Miss Chester. ‘Now, here’s one for you, Bongo. 5xy minus 4xy?’

  Bongo sat on the table in front of Rusty, a pencil and open notepad before her. She answered without hesitation, ‘Equals xy, Miss Chester.’

  ‘Very good, Bongo,’ said Miss Chester.

  ‘Yes, well done, Bongo,’ said
Princess.

  ‘Clever lizard,’ added Bubbles.

  ‘Great work!’ Professor Fluffypants concluded.

  The three handsome cats were sitting on stools beside Miss Chester. They came to school with her every day now, much to her delight. All three had proven to be quick learners and were helpful teacher’s aides. Bubbles in particular enjoyed school and could be found in the library at lunchtime reading novels. Harry Potter was his favourite. Strangely, Rusty didn’t find Miss Chester’s voice so annoying anymore. Maybe it was him. Or maybe Miss Chester was happier with her cats nearby. Plus, she was dating the newsman, Mr Dennis, now.

  She always smelled of mints.

  After all the drama on the island, the children and their pets had returned to their homes as planned. But not before witnessing an exhilarated Nan and a reluctant Vin easily beat the island goats to the rocks at the base of the school in Marguerite.

  Bongo had cheered loudest of all.

  And then, in even more good news, Miss Einstein had decided that she loved Rusty’s suggestion to combine pet and human schools so much that she had set up Gundarra South Public School as a trial one. It had been three months now and, so far, things had been going famously.

  Rusty turned around and smiled at Charlotte, who sat behind him. Her Labrador, Bear, listened intently to Miss Chester from beside her. Charlotte had been correct — Bear did talk a great deal about food — but he also had a passion for history. His current interest was the Napoleonic Wars. Algebra wasn’t his strong point, but he tried. Charlotte grinned back at Rusty and gave him a thumbs-up. Her hand was in a cast, the thumb sticking out, so it was hard to tell if it was a true thumbs-up or just a general wave. Rusty liked to think it was the first one.