When a Man Falls in Love (The Depression Series Book 1)

by Amelia Lee

  Iris really finished off her work ten minutes later. She came out with a lethargic face. She smiled when she saw me from the distance.

  "How was your day? You look awful," I said, smiling at her.

  She let out a long breath, "Well, as usual." Apparently, we were equally sluggish that day. I turned on my car which I parked in the front yard and rushed home. On the way home Iris was not talking too much. She tends to be more silent. Her eyes kept looking to the hectic streets through the glass window of the car.

  I glanced at her and asked her, "Is everything okay?"

  She looked at me and replied, "Of course. I'm just a little bit tired, I think I would be sick,"

  "Do you mind if we stop by the pharmacy for a moment?"

  "No, not necessary. If we go to the pharmacy we will stuck in jammed streets even more." We got to the house twenty-five minutes later. Her words became reality, the streets getting more stuck and jammed in the evening.

  I got home and saw Rose sitting on the living room playing with our neighbor's daughter who was only two years older than her. They often play together. It seems that James had gone home, I did not see him. Rose came up to me and hugged me. I held her forehead, "Your fever have gone down,"

  She smiled at me, "Of course, grandpa taking care of me. He cooked for me and it tasted very good,"

  I smiled, "Really?" She nodded.

  Evening

  It was a common for me to see Iris seems gloomy. First, when her father did not approve of our relationship, she seemed very upset with her father. Second, when she was diagnosed with uterus cancer, the day before the surgery she looked very upset and did not talk much. Third, when she was diagnosed she could never have a child, she cried and broke out the glass until injured her own face. Fourth was today, after I drove her home from work.

  Time showed five past ten when she climbed into our bed. She turned to sleep, but I knew she did not really sleep. I stroked her arm with my finger.

  "Are you awake?" She muttered.

  "Not yet, I can not sleep,"

  She turned her body to face me. "Why? Do you have any problem?"

  "I just can not sleep, for some reason, lately I find it difficult to sleep even though I wanted to, but my brain does not seem to allow it,"

  "What are you thinking about?" she asked.

  "It's not something important,"

  She paused before speaking again and looked into my eyes, "Is this about my father?"

  I was speechless. I'd like to admit it but it was difficult to do so. She mumbled back, "What did he said to you?"

  "Just like the previous time. It’s okay anyway, I know his feeling, he was retired now and after all he is my father now." I asked again before she answered my words and turned to asked her, "How about you? I saw you seemed glum today. Do not say that you are okay Iris, you can not lie to me,"

  She sighed, "It's about my job. I have to deal with people from different regions and backgrounds as well as their complaints that vary each day. Sometimes I made myself dizzy,"

  I smiled, "That's what psychiatrists do and that’s the reason why they are there. They are there to help people solving psychological problems, which regular medical doctor may not be able to do,"

  I hugged her and comforted her, "All will be fine. Trust me."

  Two days later

  It was Wednesday and we took time to visit one of the restaurants that sell a wide variety of Italian dishes. I had promised to invite Iris go here. Rose was not with us, she stayed in the house, along with James and her friends, our neighbors, as usual.

  We went in and immediately served with Italian-style music and decor that reminds us to our vacation to Italia. The atmosphere was cozy, with no disturbing smoke, because this was air-conditioned room so for visitors who want to smoke can do so on the top floor, which was open.

  "Do you want to order something?" she asked.

  "I want a glass of wine and fetuccini."

  The food that we ordered arrived fifteen minutes later. It was pretty crowded in here so we had to wait a little bit longer. Iris began to speak to me after drinking her wine, "You know, today I met with one of my patients that aged sixty-one years,"

  I smiled at her, "Looks like he could be your father's friend,"

  "Yes, I think they will make a good friendship," she said as she cut the steak in front of her.

  "Is there a problem with that?"

  She said as a little whisper. She told me even though I know she should not speak about her patients’ to others. It has already become psychiatrists’ covenant and oath. However, even though she told me the most horrible or disgusting problem, no matter how many, I also will not tell anyone. After all, I was not going to tell my friends, they are all librarian and did not seem like gossiping the others. And I was good keeping problems and secrets. Especially own secrets, my own dreams-that nightmares.

  Iris told me that she found patients who had actually despaired of his life. He came for the first time on Tuesday, at nine-thirty, and was her first patient. He was William Cohen, sixty-one years. He told Iris that he has a problem with his past events that he can not forget until now. Iris told me that William was not talk to much, and the consultation time to devote all his issues with the psychiatrist, he only used it for ten minutes. Ten minutes. He claimed he only wanted to be given sleeping pills enough so that he was able to sleep at night.

  "I do not understand what kind of events that have not been able to forget until now," said Iris.

  "Should not he been to ask for your help to solve them?"

  "Yes, but he did not. He only asked for the highest dose of sleeping pills and anti-depressant pills. I felt sorry for him,"

  "Did he came alone? Or was there someone with him?"

  "I have no idea. I do not know, I just saw him disappear behind the door with a wobbly step."

  Evening

  It was nearly two o'clock when I awoke from my sleep. My white shirt wet. I looked out the window across from our bed, and saw the wind blew the branches of trees whose leaves fall. It was raining outside. Iris already slept under her blanket.

  I decided to go to the bathroom. I saw my face’s reflection in the mirror, not much has changed on my face for the past seven years. I just find little wrinkles begun to decorate my forehead and the corner of my eyes. I paused for five minutes. I woke up after having a nightmare. Sometimes the dream was so beautiful, just so too good to be true enough to make me not want to wake up and want to stay in it, leaving reality. But more often I have nightmares, I was capable to felt the terror and the pain, even when I was awake.

  I was not a religious man. I did not even remember what I believe or what was my faith before. Iris and her family was a fairly religious. They practicing Catholic and almost every Sunday we went to church. She confessed to me that she used diligently confess her sin to the priest, but began to decrease until finally only twice a year or even once a year since the age of sixteen.

  I once read a book about controversial debate whether God exist or not. I consider this book a fool, because I believe God exists. But I read it anyway. It said that if I pray or ask for God's help before I fall asleep at night, then I would avoid the nightmare. I tried it for a week and did not produce results. It seems my sin was already too much that even God did not listen to my prayers. I guess, maybe.

  I turned my back after feeling someone was watching me from behind. I can feel its breath, as if it was standing not far behind. I thought this might be Iris or Rose, she was always afraid of thunder. However rain had falling this evening swiftly, not adorned with any thunder.

  I turned my back and looked back. And I did not find anyone. Maybe I was just hallucinating. I decided to go back to sleep and climbed into bed.

  Stephanie

  December 11, 2004

  I watched my reflection in the mirror in my new bathroom with a blank mind. It was already a few days after my parents divorced and I moved into my new home with my mother. Honestly I did not li
ke the reality that I only have her as my parents, but I can not see her hurt. I wonder who should I blame, either my mom or my father. But I think it was both of them mistake. They are old enough and should have understood what is permissible and what is not. Life is a choice. And they have chosen this.

  I sat on the bed and reached for my cell phone. Time showed at five-twenty. I was alone in house that was not too big. Sometimes I just went down to the downstairs watching a freaky show on television but decided to go to my bedroom finally. I sent Sebastian short messages, asking him to visit my house or to meet somewhere. And he agreed to the first choice.

  I sat cross-legged in the middle of my bed. I closed my ears with my hands. I heard it again, that voices again. They kept bugging me, haunts me almost every time. I can feel it screaming right next to me. They scream, cry, laugh, saying rude words. I might be hallucinating. Or maybe not. I cried and decided to get out of my bedroom and grabbed my cell phone. I decided to wait and sit outside my house like a madman. I really need to visit a psychiatrist. There was something wrong in me. And I have to admit it to someone.

  A young man aged about two decades saw me and looked at me. I know I was really looks messed up. He smiled at me and came over. He asked me, "Hey are you okay?"

  I smiled at him, "Yes, of course."

  "Is your house locked?" he asked.

  "No,"

  He paused and heard sound of the television turned on. Its voice was so loud that you could hear it up to the outdoors. I accidentally set the volume loud, so I can forget the voices and forget the silence that filled my head.

  "Is there anyone in your house?" he asked.

  "No."

  He smiled and felt awkward to me. He began to speak again, "I’m sorry for my curiosity. I’m Frederick, our home is only five numbers away I think? I saw you moved here yesterday." I smiled at him, "I'm Stephanie. I was waiting for someone. He will come soon,"

  "I saw you're sitting when I walked. I wanted to go to the pharmacy,"

  "Are you sick?"

  "No, not me but my aunt,"

  "I wish her getting well soon,"

  "Thank you. And, um, I have to go now. Farewell, Stephanie." I smiled at him. He walked away from me.

  Sebastian came twenty minutes later. He smiled at me even though it must be many questions came to his mind. I was still sitting in front of my own home while occasionally playing with my cell phone. He brought me fruits which he put in a brown paper bag. I said to him, "I don’t like pineapples,"

  "It's for your mother." I smiled and frowned. He continued his words, "And grapes for you, too."

  Time showed at six-thirty in the afternoon. My mother has not returned home. "She has not come back?" asked Sebastian while sitting right beside me.

  "I do not know, maybe there is work that she must finish. She was not always home on time,"

  "Do you like your new house?"

  "Honestly, I really more like this one compared to my old house,"

  "Is it true? Why?"

  "Yes. My old house was like a ghost house," I said, smiling. We sat in the living room while watching movie although I was not really pay attention to the movie. Sebastian took my left hand and watched. The wound scar was still visible there, have not disappeared completely. He looked at it for a while before I grabbed my hand again. "Does it still hurt?" he asked.

  "No." I continued my words, "Do not see it, I do not like it when you see my hand like that." I was embarrassed when he looked at it. I did not even like to see it.

  He holds my chin with his finger and turned my face to his. My face was directly in front of him now. I can feel his breath. He was beautiful. More beautiful than stars that adorn the night sky. "Why do not you allow me to see it, hm? Are you ashamed, Stephanie? Why are you being so shy?" He leaned closer to me and spoke in my ear. He whispered to me, “You do not need to be shy, you're always perfect in my eyes. You even often naked in front of me and you were not ashamed of showing me your beautiful body."

  I felt something like an electric shock through me when he said that. I kept him away from me and smiled. This time I really felt embarrassed because of him. I feel the heat in my cheeks would have flushed now. "Stop teasing me," I said.

  He just smiled and said "I love you Stephanie,"

  "I love you, too. Do not ever leave me,"

  He frowned, "When I've ever leave you?" I just smiled at him. He carried me and brought me to my room. He laid me on my bed. He opened his blue shirt and started kissing me. He kissed my lips and sucked it, hugged me tightly as if I was a gas that soon will evaporate. He kissed my neck and the occasionally sucked it. I squeezed his hair and sighed in his tight hug. I said his name over and over again like a hungry slut for sexual desire.

  He started unbuttoning my shirt off one by one. I stopped his action when he was trying to unbutton my jeans, "Stop."

  He looked at my face and get rid of some strands of hair that covered my face. He spoke, very slowly, "Why?"

  I said nervously. I wanted to say it but I was embarrassed. I was afraid but I have to do this. "I'm afraid of getting pregnant." I never had sex with him before without any safety. I love him and I giving all that was in me, including my own body. He smiled at me and started buttoning my shirt again, which he had opened.

  "Are you mad at me?" I asked.

  "No. Not at all, I know what every woman worries,"

  I smiled, "My parents are divorced and I got my hand like this now which caused by my own stupidity and that was enough to embarrass myself and decrease my willingness to come to school. I do not want to embarrass myself anymore with pregnant at the age of seventeen."

  He propped himself on the edge of the bed and told me to lean over his broad chest. We were silent for a moment. He stroked my hair, I can feel his beating heart beating a little faster. He kissed the top of my head. "Many things have happened."

  "Yes, and I do not know why," I said. Time showed at seven-ten in the evening when I heard the door open. "My mom's home." I get up from my bed and clean up my clothes and hair. Sebastian picked up his clothes that lying on the floor and put them on again. My mother saw me down from my room along with Sebastian who followed me from behind. It looks like she thought we just after doing it. I asked my mother to broke the awkwardness, "You come home late."

  "There is an important meeting with someone."

  We just stared at each other's faces. The atmosphere became awkward. My mother asked, "Did you bought this fruits?"

  "No, Sebastian had bought,"

  "Oh, thank you," she said, biting an apple. My mother walked to her room and disappeared behind the door a few moments later. I let out a long sigh, "Maybe she just very tired."

  "Or maybe she thought we just had sex?" He pointed to my neck that adorned with blue spots, hickeys, here and there. I tied my hair without realizing that I still have this blue signs from yesterday, which was still there and never left my neck. Sebastian grinned on me.

  "You caused it," I said.

  Evening

  The night was adorned with heavy rain. I laid myself down on the bed while hiding under a thick white blanket. I thought about what had happened. My mind could not stop thinking about how good it was, how he kissed me, opened my shirt, sucked me, laid me on my bed and caused me to mention his name many times. Maybe I should have done that. Or maybe not. I still have many tasks, finished my school which just one year left and face a lot of tests. I did not know what would happen if I must finished my school with enlarged abdomen.

  I heard a knock at my bedroom. My mom came in and sat beside my bed, "Are you awake?" I nodded.

  She looked at my face and smiled then paused. The sound of rain and the water that falls on the roof tiles met my room. If she was not there for me, I would have been asleep. “Is there any thing you want to talk?" I asked.

  She smiled at me, "Did you guys do that?"

  I gasped, shocked. "No, I did not allow him,"

  She again smiled at me, showing wrinkles on
her face. She whispered to me, I almost did not hear her voice, "Do not ever get pregnant out of wedlock Stephanie. You're too young to have children,"

  "And you are not too old to be a grandmother." She smiled at me and kissed me on the forehead, "Good night."

  Emmerich

  July 8, 2014

  If I did not have to work today, I would fall asleep. I was very sleepy. My eyes felt heavy, like if I had not slept for days. I only sleep four hours a day. There was something that happened last night and startled me. Things that was only haunts me in my dreams, now can be possessing me and bugging me to the real world. Either way what was reality and what was imaginary, I could not tell the difference anymore.

  The night before

  Time showed at nine almost ten o'clock at night when I was brushing my teeth and getting ready to sleep right away, when I heard a noise from outside the room. I approached the origin of the voice, that was apparently coming from Rose’s room. She fell down the stairs and broke a glass of milk. The floor became sticky with milk aroma spread throughout the room. Iris scold her, Rose had to do it twice. She always ran in the house, like the house was spacious as green lawn. And this time she was lucky, it just make her forehead a tiny bloody and not broke her leg or arm.

  I buried my eyes and tried to enter my realm. I was really tired. And with that little incident earlier make my bedtime cut for several minutes. It was raining outside. Not as swift as yesterday, this time just spatter.

  I awoke from my sleep when I heard the sound of the alarm on the desk beside me rung. I looked at the clock. It shown five past three. Who puts up the alarm so early? I should wake up about an hour more. I felt the left side of my right, empty. Iris was already awake. Not usually she woke up so early. I walked out of the room with eyes that were still tired and slightly messy hair. I felt like a mess though I did not see my reflection through the mirror. I drank a glass of water that was located at the dinner table. It felt so lonely and silent once even though the whole house was awake, but I did not heard even the slightest sound.