Cullen

by Anna Joung

  I’m acting like a horny teenager, what’s going on? What’s so different about her compared to every other woman I’ve been in contact with? I swore I’d stay away from love. I swore it.

  I made myself some coffee before walking out the back door to admire the woodland. Birds tweeted happily from the trees as I sipped the hot liquid and I sat down on the log bench I had built. I enjoyed sitting out in nature, even more so when I was away from my house. My mind wandered back to Riley, her glossy black hair tumbling over her shoulders, her warm smile that could light up a room, the way she looked at me that sent my heart racing. I was completely distracted when she appeared beside me, clearing her throat.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” she laughed, “You looked so entranced I was debating just leaving you to your thoughts but I thought I’d take you up on that offer of a walk. My sister offered to pick me up but I informed her how gracious you were.”

  “I’m just doing what anyone would do,” I said as I stood up.

  Our eyes locked for a moment. “Not just anyone,” she said.

  My heart thudded against my chest and my throat tightened. Without saying a word, I nodded at her before heading back into the cabin. I put my cup in dishwasher before grabbing my boots and sitting on the couch to tie them. I noticed she had changed into a white shirt and a different pair of jeans. I was happy to note she was remaining in her sneakers, knowing that we would be hiking around some difficult terrain.

  “You ready?” I asked.

  She smiled her confirmation as I grabbed my backpack from the side. I tucked two water bottles inside and we headed out. I locked up behind us. We took the road up higher, going the opposite way from the town. We made small talk for a little while, discussing the weather and the location before we fell into a comfortable silence. As the road wound further up, it got thinner. We made a turn on a dirt track that led through the thick of the woods. Towering trees surrounded us, increasingly blocking out the light as we wandered through. I would point out various birds I identified as we continued our walk. As the trees started to thin out once more, I heard her intake of breath as she stared at the scene before her.

  We had entered the nigh valley which lay between the two main parallel rows of mountains. Here there were a few trees but mainly grassy plains, abundant with wildlife. A rocky path led the way down and she followed me. All the while I could see her staring at the gigantic peaks above us.

  “The Iron Peaks,” I explained, “They’re not the most known mountains but they’re our mountains. Most of Chester townsfolk have family which goes back generations from these mountains. Some were hunters like my family, others were farmers, but mainly Chester was a mining town just under a century ago. The mines have been moved elsewhere and now we’re just the sleepy town of Chester. A go-through location, looked on by The Iron Peaks.”

  She listened silently, her mouth slightly open. Once again, her eyes skimmed the outline of the mountains and I could tell she was absorbing their beauty.

  “It’s magnificent,” she murmured. “This truly is a magical place.”

  My pulse began to quicken as I watched her. It was the same look I had seen many years before, a look I had fallen in love with, but on another face. Now I knew why I had grown so attached of this woman I had only met the day before.

  “It was my wife’s favorite place.”

  Riley’s eyes snapped onto me, her eyebrow raised in question. I knew she was too polite to ask anything but I felt compelled to let her know my story.

  It’s time to share the burden.

  “Come, there’s a nice patch over there where we can rest. I have some water in my bag.”

  I led her to a clean square of grass where we settled down. I stretched my legs out whilst she preferred to tuck hers neatly underneath her. I admired the shape of her toned calves, hugged tightly by her jeans. Pulling the bottles out the bag, I offered her one before taking a sip of my own. We both looked at the mountains but I knew her mind was running rampant with questions. The unspoken story needed a voice.

  “I was very lucky, I met the love of my life when I was in high school. Everyone always said it wouldn’t work out, that we would drift apart but I knew what I had, and I wasn’t planning to let go. She had the same idea and soon after we graduated, I was down on one knee with a ring I could barely afford. It wasn’t much but she loved it all the same. My parents were still in Chester and, at that point, I enrolled as a probationary firefighter. I’d always been a protective person and I didn’t want to feel helpless if someone was in need in Chester.

  “As I worked my way up the ranks, my fiancé stuck by my side. She was wonderful. Her parents weren’t all too approving of our relationship, after all, our family were the ex-hunters living up in the mountains. My mom had tried to convince my dad to move closer into the town but my father could never sell off the family home. I’m glad he didn’t.

  “I was 26 when I got married and had my whole life ahead of me. It was a small and simple wedding but it was absolutely perfect for me and Norah. I still remember her wedding dress, picked up from a thrift store and my mom helped cinch it in for her. I borrowed one of my dad’s suits and we had the ceremony at the church, the reception at our cabin, with only family and a few select friends.

  “Only a few weeks after the wedding, we found out Norah was pregnant. We were both over the moon and couldn’t wait to be parents. My own parents decided to give up the cabin for us, despite the protest from Norah’s folks. After they retired out of state, we settled in and I made up the nursery. We didn’t want to know the gender of the baby, so everything was yellow. She had just moved into her second trimester when we lost the baby. Something about abnormal chromosomes. In all honesty, we both blanked out after the doctor gave the diagnosis.

  “For a few months, Norah wouldn’t leave the house, she stayed inside and cried. I didn’t know how to help her, I just gave her what she needed and made sure I wrapped her up tight in my arms whenever I was around. She was a strong woman though, so strong. Eventually, she was back up and functioning as best as she could. I was so proud of her. We both couldn’t bear to look at the nursery so it was kept locked.

  “Just before I turned 28, Norah fell pregnant again. It felt like a miracle. We were both terrified for the first three months but as she grew larger, our fears fell away. We were so excited that we were going to make our own family. She was 31 weeks along when the pain started happening. At first, she said it felt like cramping and then it got worse. Initially our doctor said not to worry but when we saw blood I drove her straight to the hospital. They told us it was going to be a preterm birth, and everything was fine. Until it wasn’t.”

  I paused for a moment, staring at the mountains, I could feel my vision start to blur so I took some deep breaths to steady myself. Despite living with the story, I had never told mine and Norah’s story in full. Something about it was tearing at me but I knew I had to let it out. Seeing my struggle, Riley reached across and gripped my hand in hers. It was the look in her eyes that steered my determination.

  “Norah complained of more cramping and then, within the space of five minutes, chaos broke loose. Machinery starting bleeping and there were red lights flashing. Nurses and doctors swarmed into the room and before I could ask any questions, Norah was wheeled away. The last thing I remember was her grasping my hand as she was wheeled from the room. I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye. When the doctors came back they told me she was dead, along with my second baby. Her parents blamed me at the funeral before they moved out of town, they said they couldn’t bear to look at my face any longer.

  “I kept to my cabin in the mountains, I redecorated everything to remove any trace of her. The nursery is the guestroom you’re staying in now. I never have guests but I couldn’t stand to see the happy yellow walls waiting to greet the child that would never come. I worked hard, got my promotion to fire chief. I thought if I kept myself away from everyone then I would be safe from the p
ain. Safe from causing anyone else pain.

  “Safe to be alone forever.”

  ***

  Riley

  Tears stung my eyes as I listened to him tell his story. I felt my heart break a million times over as he recounted his tragic past. It took all my effort to wait for him to finish before I leaned over and wrapped him in a hug. I could feel him tenses against me before he relaxed, allowing himself to let go of everything that had been holding him back for so long.

  “I can’t believe you had to go through that,” I pulled back. “I’m so sorry.”

  “It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders after telling you that. I’ve never told anyone that story before. Thank you.”

  “Why are you thanking me?” I asked. “I should be thanking you for telling me that. It’s crazy that you’ve carried that with you all this time. I think it’s time you stop being alone.”

  He looked out across the range, “I don’t think I have any choice. I’ve pushed everyone away from me.”

  “Not everyone,” I placed a hand on his chest and he looked across at me.

  Without speaking, he leaned across, grasping my chin in his hand, tilting my face upwards. Our lips brushed together at first before pressing in deeply, our mouths meshing together. I could feel the pain in his kiss, the need for love. My arms crept around his neck as he pushed himself on top of me; I was now lying flat in the grass. Our kiss deepened and I could feel his erection push up against my inner thigh. I wanted nothing more than to have him right there but I knew it was wrong. He had just told me his entire life story, making himself vulnerable in the process, and it almost felt like I was taking advantage of him. Carefully, I pushed him back and he climbed off of me. We both sat upright, our breathing heavy.

  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have…” he began.

  “It’s fine,” I interrupted, “I wanted that but I just don’t think it’s a good time.”

  My mind flashed to Isabella waiting at home for me. The guilt began to gnaw at me.

  Here I am with this amazing guy, making out in these beautiful mountains and I have a six-year-old daughter waiting at home for me. Do I tell Cullen? But he’s just poured his heart out over losing not one but two babies. How would he feel knowing I conceived mine accidentally and had her at the age of 17? Wouldn’t that be like rubbing it in his face? Would he take it the wrong way?

  Cullen snapped me out of my deep thoughts as he cleared his throat. Once again, I was staring into those mysterious dark eyes of his and I felt the tension between us. I had to grit my teeth to stop me jumping on him there and then. I knew he felt it too as he shifted his legs, uncomfortable of the hard growth between them.

  “We should head back; the day is getting on and I still haven’t fed you. You must be starving!”

  I laughed, “Food is the last thing on my mind right now but it’s a good idea. I’ll follow you.”

  Although he continued to tell me about the various birds and trees surrounding us on the trip back to the house, my mind was still racked with guilt. By the time we got to the cabin I was ready to confess everything and lay it out for him. As he turned the key in the lock, I was about to speak when his phone trilled from within his pocket. I walked a bit further away so I could give him privacy. After a minute, he was by my side, concern etched on his face.

  “There’s a fire at the Dorset’s bungalow. I need to go now.”

  I grabbed onto his arm, “Take me with you. I’m a nurse, I can help.”

  He thought about it for a second before nodding and unlocking the Jeep. We jumped in, slamming the doors behind us before hurtling down the road, back into the town. Within a few minutes, we were outside the station and we clambered out. Cullen rushed in to get ready whilst I milled about, watching as all the other firefighters gear up. Liam noticed me and came running over.

  “What are you doing here?” he asked.

  “My car is still in the garage and Cullen is letting me stay another day. He told me about the fire and I’ve asked if I can come along; I’m a trained nurse and can offer my assistance.”

  “The boss has had you at his house for two nights running? Lucky guy,” he smirked.

  I was about to say something when Cullen shouted at Liam, “What are you doing? Get in the engine! Nurse Green with me.”

  We both ran over, Liam jumping into the engine before Cullen helped me up. We both took seats next to each other as the driver pulled out of the station, sirens blasting. I had never been inside an engine before and I took a while to examine the inside. Meanwhile, one of the firefighters was giving the briefing of the call and what to expect. It didn’t sound like much but when we jumped out the engine, I was shocked.

  The bungalow looked flawless from the front but at the back you could see huge flames leaping from the roof. Smoke curled thick gray tendrils into the air, like a killer octopus. Orange, yellow, and red fire licked at the building causing unknown damage. I was relieved to see the family sitting on the other side of the road, blankets wrapped around them.

  Cullen put a hand on my shoulder. “You go check on them. I’ve got to see if anyone is left inside.”

  When I turned to stop him, he was gone, already sprinting towards the inferno. Panic gnawed at my insides as I followed instructions and jogged over to the family. I had taken the first aid kit from the engine and was examining them when the ambulance pulled up. I gave over my findings to the crew but everything looked okay. The crew confirmed what I noted and now we all waited for the firefighters to finish their job. The fire was leaping higher despite the jet of water spraying down on it. Cullen had been inside for just over five minutes and I felt completely lost.

  It was then the roof collapsed.

  The sound was deafening as the bricks gave way and the tiles crashed inwards. My scream filled the air as I went sprinting from the house. From the side of the engine, Liam came running and grabbed hold of my waist, keeping me from getting any closer to the wreckage. Tears streamed down my face as I wailed, clawing at Liam’s hands to let me go.

  Let me get to him. Let me get to Cullen.

  Everyone was silent as they watched on. I felt my heart beating loudly in my ears as my body finally went limp, resigned to what cards fate had dealt me. Liam held me as I collapsed onto the grass, the heat from the fire clawing at my face. As soon as I felt I could take no pain there was crunching at the front of the house. Firefighters sprinted forward, Liam releasing me to assist. They pulled back some fallen timber and there, pushing through the smoke, was Cullen. A cheer went up from the crowd as his colleagues patted him on the back. Even through the mask I could see his eyes remained on me. He whipped it off, handing the mask and the corresponding oxygen tank to the nearest fireman as he strode towards me. I pushed myself up from the grass and ran straight into his arms. He wrapped them around me and I felt my tears sodden his uniform. We both stood like that for what felt like an eternity. I didn’t want to let him go. It wasn’t until one of the paramedics tapped me on the arm that we released one another.

  “Sorry ma’am but we have to check on your husband,” she said.

  We both smiled at each other before I corrected her, “He’s not my husband. But please allow me to assist.”

  All three of us went to the ambulance where Cullen stripped down until his chest was bare. I examined him visually whilst the paramedic took his vitals. He had a few minor cuts across his body and some blossoming bruises from where the rubble had hit him but otherwise the paramedic said he was fine. After he had put his shirt back on, he stood up and wrapped me in his arms once more. I stared into his eyes and I could feel the connection pulling me closer. Our mouths met and I melted into him, the elation at his safety taking over. From the crowd, I could hear a few of the firefighter’s wolf whistle at the sight which only brought a smile to my face. After we pulled away, he shouted at the others to ensure the fire was out and asked Liam to take over operations. Despite wanting to stay on scene, he knew that after suffering any
injury he was meant to go home. It looked like Liam tried to say something about the fire chief because I could see anger flare in Cullen’s eyes before he grunted something at him and turned away. A car was arranged to take us back to the station along with a few of the other guys. The ride back was silent and we were all relieved to leave the bungalow.

  Cullen hurried into the station to get changed whilst I lingered by his Jeep. I caught a few looks from the firefighters, the questions poignant in their eyes as they wondered how such a solitary and rough man such as Cullen had been softened by me overnight. I had started to wonder the same thing myself.

  I’ve never felt so attached to someone before. Even more so in this amount of time. Am I crazy? Or am I in…

  “Hey, Riley,” Cullen called over to me, “The car is open, hop in.”

  I jumped in the passenger seat and waited for him. He grinned at me as he got behind the wheel. I leaned over and gave him a peck on the cheek before he started the engine and we headed back towards the cabin. All the while I felt my stomach doing somersaults, my hand clutching his thigh as we headed into the mountains.

  I want him.

  Chapter 4

  Cullen

  The shower flowed over me, washing the thick scent of smoke from my body. I could see the bruises spreading like purple flowers across my torso, along with a new range of cuts and battle scars to boast about. The whole event had frightened me but it had put everything into perspective.

  It had made me realize just how much I feel for Riley.

  Jumping out the shower, I toweled myself off and changed into clean clothes. I ran my hand over the stubble alighting my jawline before heading out to find the woman that had changed everything. I was surprised to see she had changed into a flowy summer dress. It was white with blue flowers patterning it, short enough for it to draw my eye to her thighs. I could feel my groin stir so I quickly looked away, clearing my throat to signal my entry.

  “Want something to drink?” I tried my best to sound casual.