by Wood, Lauren
But I never thought I’d be searching for one alone, or at all really. It may have been selfish or sexist for me to assume, but the dynamic between Anna and I pointed to her being the one to search for a nanny when the time came. But maybe it was that line of thinking that lead to the series of events that put us here in the first place.
I shook my head, thinking about this Tara girl and the whole mess with her boyfriend that almost landed her in prison. Anna was probably rolling over in her grave that I was even talking to this woman. I certainly couldn’t hire her.
Finally, a banged-up old Toyota came squealing down the drive. Once parked, no one emerged for a long time. She probably didn’t realize I’d be watching from inside the front entryway. Maybe she would change her mind and save me the awkwardness of explaining I only did this to appease Dominic, and I could never actually leave my kids alone with her.
To my dismay, the door opened. I hadn’t remembered much about what Tara looked like. A petite but curvy woman with red hair glowing in the sunlight stepped out of the rusty little car, stopping to adjust her skirt and take a deep breath. She seemed scattered and nervous, but the moment she braced herself to approach the front door, she took on an entirely different persona.
She suddenly became perfectly poised and confident, strolling right up to the front door. Her pencil skirt and button up blouse hugged her body in a way that was hard not to stare at. Before I knew it, she was lifting her fist to knock, and I was still gawking out the window like an idiot.
I jumped to and retreated around the corner so it wouldn’t be so obvious I had been watching the whole time. Once she knocked, I stood back and watched the butler answer the door and lead her in.
“Welcome, Tara. Mr. Halstead is just…Ah! I see he is right here!”
I was prepared to waltz right up and re-introduce myself, acting like a proper employer who was professional and composed, but the moment she turned her face towards me, I was taken back again.
She had tan yet freckled skin and brown eyes that cut straight through me. Her plump pink lips curved up into a smile that nearly knocked me off my feet. I felt guilty for the part of me that was suddenly glad Anna wasn’t here to see the potential new nanny, but I quickly shook that away and reminded myself I could not, under any circumstance, let myself hire her.
“Good morning,” she stepped forward with her hand stretched out for mine.
Her dainty fingers wrapped around mine, pressing her warm palm against my hand with a wave of tingling nerves. I cleared my throat and tried to regain myself once more.
“Tara. Hello,” I nodded. “I’ve…uh…heard a lot about you.”
She shifted on her heels and looked away bashfully, her lips pursed. We both knew what I had heard wasn’t a shining moment for her.
“Let’s get to it, shall we? Right this way.” I motioned towards my study, letting her lead the way. Getting stuck behind her striding along on those stilettos that lead up to such a perfect round ass was not helping matters anyway. I tried to ignore my butler’s accusing and amused smile and get into interview mode, or rather—interrogation mode.
“Thank you for agreeing to meet with me,” she smiled, taking the seat across from my desk. “I’m sure Dominic and Vanna warned you…my experience with children isn’t too extensive. But I’ve had a ton of different kinds of jobs, and I’ve always been a prized employee anywhere I go.”
“Ah. If you were so prized…might I ask why you have had a ton of jobs?”
“Uh,” she laughed under her breath. “I guess…I guess I just haven’t found the right fit yet. Kind of like my history with men, ha ha.”
“Excuse me?”
Her face grew stern. “Listen, Jason. Can I call you Jason?”
I nodded, but the way she spoke made it seem like she was going to do it whether I agreed or not.
“I’m aware of what you’ve probably heard about me. The whole thing with Clinton. Let’s not let it be an elephant in the room, okay? I’m happy to answer any questions you may have…no matter how embarrassing or painful it may be. Let me have it.”
I coughed, unsure of where to go from there. I wasn’t expecting her to be so brazen, but then again, I guess I should have. She almost murdered her boyfriend, after all. I guess she was not the kind of girl you wanted to mess with.
“Thank you for being so…candid, Tara. But…well…”
“I’m sure you’re only doing this as a favor,” she interjected. “Honestly, that’s kind of why I’m here too. So Vanna won’t be mad. If you want to just chat for a bit and send me on my way, that’s fine. But truthfully, after everything I just went through…I’m not sure what I want to do next in life. And…having something like this to help me get back on my feet…it really would mean the world to me. And I promise I would work my ass off for you.”
I chuckled to myself and studied the list of questions I had scribbled down. CPR, knowledge about proper nutrition, ideas for educational activities, steady routines, multi-tasking…all the things that you’d expect in a good nanny.
“Did I say too much?” she shifted in her chair. “I’m sorry. I talk a lot when I get nervous. Like I said, ask me anything you want.”
“First…yes, it would be easier for me to ask questions if you’d be quiet for a minute. Second…I’m not really sure where to go after you’ve said ‘ass’…in a childcare interview.”
She laughed very briefly before composing herself and apologizing profusely. “I promise I turn G-rated the second I’m around kids. Really, I do. You won’t be coming home to your kids dropping ‘f’ bombs. At least, not because of me.”
I caught myself laughing again. I didn’t know what I was expecting—someone beaten down and defeated? Shy and maybe even a little depressed? Troubled, dangerous, uneasy…any of the things that had gone through my mind about this girl couldn’t be further from the truth. She seemed determined to land this gig one way or the other, and whether she meant to or not, she was making me laugh out loud for the first time since…well, since before Anna died.
She continued nervously rambling on while I weighed the options. I’d already done a thorough background check—the kind only my people could do, which may not have been entirely legal. But I couldn’t take any chances with my kids’ safety and well-being. Before this incident with Clinton, she had never been in trouble before. And aside from a terrible credit score, she seemed to have a fairly average life, even if she was a bit of a mess.
Rather than toiling on with questions she could probably lie her way through, or disappoint Dominic and the entire company, dragging the nanny search out by not even giving her a fair chance, I decided there was only way to really determine if this could work.
“Tara?” I interrupted her, practically making her jump as she prattled on about babysitting as a teen. “Would you like to meet the kids?”
A big smile stretched across her face as one of her red curls fell into her eyes. She brushed it away and squirmed excitedly in her seat. I don’t think I had seen anything so beautiful in just as long as I had been without real laughter.
“Yes, absolutely.”
I led her to the playroom to introduce her, explaining the whole way that this didn’t mean I had made my decision. I simply wanted to see how she interacted with them before I considered her for the job.
Without missing a beat, Tara waltzed right in, kicked off her heels and kneeled down to the floor to join in on playing with their dollhouse. The twins, Caitlyn and Christopher, warmed up to her in a split second. They shoved dolls into her hands and asked her name.
Seamlessly, she carried on playtime with them while noticing Bailey sulking on the bed. Although Bailey was only eight, she had the attitude and sass of a teenager. She had the hardest time out of everyone after Anna died. They were very close.
But Tara ignored Bailey’s pout and lured her into talking about the book she was reading. As kids do when they meet new people, they each seemed to show off their worst qualities, almo
st as if it was on purpose to embarrass me.
Christopher blew spit bubbles while his sister laughed so hard, she knocked over a tower of blocks. And Bailey did her best to be rude enough to scare her away. But Tara didn’t miss a beat. She sang and danced around the room between the three of them effortlessly, in a way that even I couldn’t do.
I started the day thinking she was the worst possible option for the job. But as I stood there and watched her, I started to think maybe she was exactly what we needed.
4
Tara
I returned to Jason Halstead’s manor for the second time for my first day on the job. I dressed in comfortable but conservative clothes, ate a big breakfast, and was walking up to the door by eight AM sharp as requested with several suitcases in hand. I rang the bell with a big smile, feeling completely ready to do an amazing job as a nanny even if I didn’t really know what I was doing.
The butler showed me in and directed me to Jason’s study. I caught him on the tail end of a phone call and couldn’t help but admire how good looking he was with his brow furrowed over his laptop where he furiously typed in notes. He gave me a brief nod hello before turning to the butler to snap and mouth some sort of instructions.
As he made some request from his staff, handled the call, typed away with one hand and rolled around in his chair to rifle through his desk drawers for something, I felt turned on no matter how hard I tried not to. He was the kind of guy who could juggle a lot of things at once and really take command of any situation. I could tell that from our interview alone, even if he did seem a little put off by me.
His muscular arms and chest bulged out in his expensive dark blue suit that complimented his eyes, which looked tired but determined. He began losing his patience with the person on the phone, only making my desire worse. I wondered if he’d be just as bossy in the bedroom.
“Tara?” his voice broke my trance all of a sudden. I hadn’t even noticed he had ended his call and was staring right at me. I had been too busy watching his lips move and fantasizing about them doing other things.
“Oh…yes! Good morning,” I smiled sweetly, wanting to appear innocent. If he only knew what had just been on my mind…it was far from innocent.
“I’m afraid I have to rush off to the office, so I can’t stick around to get you acclimated.” He shot up from his desk and began gathering his things as he talked. “But the rest of the house staff can help you with anything you need or answer any questions. Kelsey will show you to your room as soon as I leave,” he nodded toward a young, sweet-looking maid. “You can go ahead and wake the kids up and get them ready for the day. We have a full-time maid, the butler, and one or two of my assistants may pop in and out throughout the day, but meal prep is up to you.”
He talked so fast as he moved through the halls of the manor, leaving me struggling to keep up with him both physically and mentally.
“Once the kids are up, dressed, and groomed, you can make them breakfast. Then Bailey’s tutor will be by. Make sure you keep the twins preoccupied so they don’t disturb her studies. They have gymnastics at eleven. I’ll text you the address. Then lunch, naps for the twins, and reading time for Bailey. All three children have piano lessons at three…”
He continued prattling off a ridiculous amount of directions so fast that my head was spinning by the time the butler was opening the front door for him.
“Got it?”
I bit my lip. “Uh, yeah…sure. I think so.” His eyes darkened with concern. “Yes! Absolutely, Jason,” I corrected myself, trying to sound more confident this time. “You don’t have to worry about a thing. I got it.”
He whizzed out the door to his car waiting out front. I lingered there for a moment, watching it drive off as I swallowed a hard lump down my throat. Things suddenly felt very real in a way they hadn’t before. I was stuck with these kids and this ridiculously huge house for the foreseeable future, at least until Dominic and Vanna returned from Paris. An uncertainty crept over me, but I quickly shook it off and turned to find Kelsey waiting on me.
She showed me to my room—a luxurious bedroom down the hall from where the children stayed. It was modern, decorated in white and a calming sage green, but with antique furniture and plush carpets that were so white I was afraid to walk on them. I caught a brief glimpse of the bathroom with a tub that was bigger than any I’d ever seen in person. Kelsey was waiting impatiently to show me in to wake up the kids, but with just a quick brush of my fingers across the sheets, I could tell they had a higher thread count than I had thought possible.
At least no matter how the day went, I’d have that beautiful private sanctuary to return to that evening. It filled me with a new sense of determination to make the best of things. I made my way to the kids’ bedroom—an enormous shared room with three beds and two separate connecting bathrooms. Jason had told me they moved into the shared room after their mom passed away. They took comfort in being so close to one another at night.
But any sense of confidence I had faded by the end of breakfast. It took a half hour to get the kids out of bed. They seemed to have forgotten who I was already, and weren’t pleased that some strange woman was shaking them awake. Bailey glared at me with a terrible scowl and the twins rolled under their sheets, moaning and whining that they didn’t want to get up. If I couldn’t get them out of bed, I didn’t know how I’d get them dressed and fed without throwing off the whole day’s schedule.
“If everyone cooperates and gets ready to follow me to the kitchen now, I’ll…I’ll make…pancakes for breakfast!”
The twins’ eyes lit up and soon they were racing over to snatch their clothes from my arms. But Bailey was unimpressed. She slumped over in bed, listlessly propping her cheek against her hand.
“What’s wrong?” I frowned. “You don’t like pancakes?”
“I’m not hungry,” she grumbled.
“Well, then…how about some freshly squeezed juice?”
“Whatever,” she huffed, but finally slid out from the sheets and stormed off to the bathroom, slamming the door shut.
I had to enlist Kelsey’s help for breakfast as I realized there was no fruit for juice or syrup for pancakes. Apparently, I was going to have to squeeze a grocery store run into the day’s already busy schedule. The kids began screaming and pitching huge fits when they realized I couldn’t deliver on my bribe to get them out of bed. As I wrecked the kitchen trying my best to whip something together for them while they ran around in chaos, much to Kelsey’s dismay, I had my first moment of regret. What had I gotten myself into?
“Tara?” Bailey’s voice startled me. I was sitting on the couch and had started dozing off accidentally.
“Oh! Hey, Bailey. What are you doing here?”
“Our piano lesson is over,” she replied, sounding sweeter than she had all day. Maybe playing some music was calming for her. I could only hope it had the same effect on Christopher and Caitlyn, because they had all been little terrors that day.
“Ah-ha. Okay, well then let’s get going,” my tired voice strained as I peeled my equally exhausted body up from the couch. “We’ll have to go to the grocery store so I can start making dinner.”
“Will we be going to the market on fifth street?”
“Um, I don’t know. Hadn’t thought about it. Whatever is closest, I guess.”
I was moving on to collect the twins and almost didn’t notice the way Bailey’s face melted. “Why do you ask?” I spun around with a sigh, wishing just one thing could be simple and easy with these kids.
“My mom used to take us there,” she mumbled, staring at the floor. “They have rows of bins of fruits and vegetables. It’s so colorful. She would take us through real slow and stop to let us smell everything.”
For the first time, I saw her smile. But it quickly faded off into darkness with a look I didn’t think kids her age should have. That kind of deep sadness and hurt shouldn’t come until adulthood.
I walked over and leaned down to mee
t her eye to eye, putting my hand on her shoulder. “You miss her, don’t you?”
Her lip trembled and she nodded yes, but her sorrow quickly turned to something else. She looked so angry all of a sudden. “She’s not coming back, is she? That’s why you’re here? Because she’s not coming back.”
My heart sank. I didn’t know the first thing about how kids understood death or dealt with it, but what the hell had Jason told them that would leave Bailey to still have it in her head that her mom might be coming back? No wonder they had given me such a hard time. To them, me being here meant their mother was gone for good.
I made up my mind to talk to Jason about how things had been explained to them. If I was going to be their nanny and help them through their grief, I had a right to know.
The kids were asleep by the time Jason returned home. I was waiting for him in the kitchen where I heard Kelsey murmur something about how long his hours would be now that he was back at work. Poor kids, I thought. They already lost their mom, and it seemed they didn’t have their dad either if he would be leaving before they woke up and not getting home until they were back asleep.
I swallowed another hard lump, realizing that this job put me in the position of being all they had in the world on a daily basis. I didn’t know if I could handle that kind of pressure.
5
Jason
I returned home from a stressful day of work to find Tara sprawled out across the kitchen bar stools with a glass of wine in her hand. Food and dishes were strewn around everywhere while Kelsey scrubbed some sort of dried goop off the countertops, flashing bitter looks to both of us.
“Rough day?”
I expected her to jump up, feeling embarrassed that I caught her laying around drinking wine. But she merely toasted her glass to me in the air.
“You could say that.”