by Wood, Lauren
“The kids,” I reminded him. “It’d be confusing for them if they woke up and saw their nanny sleeping in their dad’s room.”
“Oh, of course,” he replied. “Good thinking.”
I was ready to slip off into their room without anything else between us, but before I could make it through the door, I felt his arm slide across my waist. He whirled me around, crashing me into his chest with one final long, slow, deep kiss.
15
Jason
I sat in my home office alone, relieved to be away from everyone for a little bit. We spent the rest of the weekend enjoying walks on the beach and long swims in the pool. It was good to get away and have quality time with the kids, but Tara hung over the whole thing like a big gust of wind that felt threatening.
Outside of our private moments together, I did my best to pretend she was nothing more than our nanny. But watching her with the kids melted my heart in a way I never saw coming. Throw in the memories of our night on the balcony, and I was destroyed.
I ran my hands through my hair, feeling exhausted, which was the opposite of how I wanted to feel after the trip. I thought the whole thing would be a release. Even sleeping with Tara—I thought if we just got it out of the way maybe everything I felt for her would disappear. If it was nothing more than loneliness and physical attraction, maybe that’d quench my thirst. But it only made things worse.
Now she consumed my thoughts more than ever. Every time I turned my head, I swore her sweet fragrance was lingering in the air all around me. I could taste her on my tongue and feel her against my hands. I hadn’t quenched anything. I wanted her more than ever.
A knock at my door snapped me out of another fantasy about her. I looked up to find her standing there, clutching her hands behind her back.
“Hey,” she nodded. “Can I talk to you for a moment?”
“Sure,” I grimaced, while inside I was screaming out “No!”.
I was convinced she wanted to talk about what was going on between us or maybe even try to quit. I couldn’t blame her. This was obviously a disaster in the making, but I wasn’t ready yet. It didn’t matter how bad all of this was, I couldn’t let her go yet. The kids needed her. Did I need her too?
She seemed nervous as she sat down and I braced myself for the worst, rapidly trying to pull together any excuse I could to convince her to stay, or to buy myself more time before we talked about all of this.
“I hate to spring this on you right as we’re getting back, but I need to make a request,” she explained timidly. “I need to be off tomorrow afternoon.”
My brain froze—partly because it’s not what I expected her to say, but also because there was no way I could give her the afternoon off.
“May I ask why?”
“No, you may not,” she said bluntly.
I studied her face, but she showed no signs of giving up any more information. One glaring thought stood out among the storm in my brain—She obviously was going to look for another job or do any number of other things that would get her out of this house and away from me. She was running away and didn’t even have the guts to just admit it.
“Well, I’m sorry Tara, but I can’t give you tomorrow afternoon off. I don’t have anyone as backup to watch the kids, and I’ll be swamped with work after we were gone all weekend.”
“I’m sure if you can’t get away from work for a few hours, Kelsey could look after them,” she defended coldly. “She has helped with them before in a pinch.”
My lips tightened as I tried to think of a rebuttal. There was nothing to argue with there, but I couldn’t let her run off and start getting things in order to leave.
“Why don’t you just tell me what this is really about?”
“Look, things may be weird between us, but at the end of the day—you’re still my boss and this is my job. And I have a right to personal time.” She crossed her arms defiantly, ready to buck up to any way I challenged her.
“Exactly, and for your job…you can’t just request an afternoon off at the last minute.”
“I can and I am,” she persisted. “Why don’t you just admit you have no real reason to keep me from having the time off?”
Our eyes lit up in anger, just as they had the first time she confronted me about the kids. Not only did she drive me mad by being so insanely attractive, but in a split second, she could turn that over into rage. I had never met anyone who could make me so angry so fast.
“Just tell me…does it have anything to do with us?”
“Don’t flatter yourself,” she answered coyly. “I’m sure you’d love to think you’re just so irresistible that I’m all torn up inside and have to run away from it. But this has nothing to do with you.”
She bit her bottom lip, turning me on in the midst of my anger. The effect this woman had on me was going to drive me insane.
“Then what is it?”
“I have a doctor’s appointment,” she stated plainly.
After staring her down a few moments more, I knew she was telling the truth, which meant I had made a complete ass of myself.
“I’m sorry,” I sighed. “Is everything okay?”
“It’s a…therapy appointment.” Her cheeks turned bright red.
“Oh, I see.” I swallowed hard, worrying that it was me and this whole situation that was driving her to need therapy, but maybe that was just me being egotistical again.
“Everything that happened with my ex…it’s fine, really,” she continued. “But what happened to me was traumatic, and I do have to see someone every once in a while, to help me sort through it.”
I could tell talking about it made her extremely uncomfortable. I didn’t know if I should respond as her boss or as the man who was just inside of her the night before last. I didn’t even know which route I was taking as I stood and walked over to place a hand on her knee, leaning against the edge of my desk.
“I understand, Tara. I really do.”
She looked to my hand and then up to my eyes. If she wasn’t so strong and stubborn, I had a feeling she would have been tearing up right about then.
“Sometimes it feels like no one in the world could understand,” she confessed. “Everyone just thinks I snapped on my boyfriend for no reason…tried to kill him. And he came back for revenge.”
“But that’s not what happened, is it?”
She shook her head no, still fighting back tears. Finally, she told me the whole story. She explained that Clinton was an asshole. Towards the end, he became violent. One night he was trying to force himself on her and she snapped. She slammed a pistol to his head and thought it was all over. Not knowing what else to do, she turned to Vanna for help. The two ended up in jail, but when the police arrived on the scene, Clinton’s body was mysteriously missing, because he wasn’t dead at all. That’s when he came back and attacked Vanna, but luckily Dominic was there to save the day.
I had heard bits and pieces of the story from my brothers, but Dominic had been tight-lipped about the whole ordeal when I first confronted him about using the family lawyer to bail them out. I was only worried about the company getting dragged down in the mess. I had made enough personal sacrifices to prevent that from happening, and couldn’t let these two women, who were strangers then, to make it all for nothing.
“I know…it’s a lot,” she said with a deep breath. “I guess you probably regret hiring me now…or everything that came after.”
Without thinking or letting her say another word, I leaped towards her, pressing my lips to hers. There were a million things I wanted to say. I needed to explain just how complicated my past had been, and that I was the last person on earth who would ever judge her for her own past. But my fears kept the words from coming out. All I could do was try and use my body to show her how I felt.
16
Tara
I didn’t really need another kiss with Jason to throw on the mountain of memories that I couldn’t get off my brain. But I did my best to push it all down
as I drove off to my therapy appointment.
Once I told him the real reason for my request, he was happy to give me the time off. He told me he went to therapy after Anna passed away, which made me feel a little better about opening up to him so much.
As I drove into the city, my phone began vibrating in the passenger seat. My heart leaped into my throat when I saw the international number flash across the screen.
“Vanna!?”
“Tara! I’m so glad you picked up! I’ve been dying to talk to you!”
Something sounded different about her voice. Between the two of us, Vanna was always the worrier. More than that, she was the practical one, always urging me to keep my feet on the ground and head out of the clouds.
But now there was a breeziness to her voice I had never heard before. I wondered if I sounded different too, after weeks of adjusting to my new life with three kids…and a scandalous affair with my boss, which sounded a lot more like the kind of trouble the old Tara would get herself into. But I was determined not to bring that up to Vanna, or in therapy.
“So, tell me all about it! How is Paris? Is it everything you ever dreamed it would be?”
“All that and more,” she gushed. “The food here is…ugh, I’m speechless. I can’t even begin to describe it. But I am so excited to cook for you when I come home. I have so many new ideas for the catering business too.”
“I’m so happy to hear that. And…Dominic? Does he leave you just as speechless as the food?”
I heard a whiff of giddy laughter on the line. “You have no idea. I don’t know how I’m going to adjust back to normal life when we come home. Right now, it’s all gourmet food and shopping and museums…and well, lots of time…in the hotel.”
“Uh-huh,” I laughed. “Just napping though, I’m sure. Right?”
“Shut up,” she giggled. “There will be plenty of time for me to divulge all the juicy details when I come home and we’re not on a long-distance call.”
“I can’t think of a better use for a long-distance call than regaling me with the tales of your Parisian sexcapades!”
“Nice try. But really…I want to hear how you’re doing. And also, being the planner that I am, I was wondering if you were coming back to work with me when I return? I’ll have to train you in all the new techniques I’ve learned…and teach you the recipes. But Tara, I really think what I’ve learned here will take the catering business to a whole new level. Dominic is even interested in investing and has talked about maybe one day opening a restaurant! Can you believe it!?”
My chest was bursting with excitement for her. Not only had she found the man of her dreams, but he was turning out to be the path to all of her other dreams as well. But how I fit into all of that…that part made me uneasy.
“Oh, um…to be honest, I’m not sure, Vanna,” I replied hesitantly. “I do love working with you, and I can’t wait to hear all about your big plans for the business, but…”
“You’re still doing the nannying gig for Jason, right?”
“Yeah, it’s going all right,” I answered, trying to sound normal.
“Wow, so do you think you’ll want to do it for a while?”
I thought about the kids and how much I had grown to love them, but then I also thought about Margo’s warning and everything with Jason. Truthfully, I did want to keep my job for a while. But how sustainable could that really be if Jason and I couldn’t keep our hands off each other?
“I don’t know yet. I guess I still need some time to figure it out.”
“Well, tell me everything! Are you liking it? It’s so hard to picture you being content caring for three kids all day, every day.”
“Gee, thanks,” I huffed jokingly. “You’re the one who insisted I take the gig. But…you know, it’s not as bad as I thought. At first, it was just something to keep me busy and keep my mind off things. But I really like the kids. It’s kind of nice having such a steady routine day to day…and being responsible for something bigger than myself.”
“And what’s it like to work for Jason? Dominic says he can be kind of uptight and demanding.”
My mind immediately flashed to the way he commanded my body to move in all the perfect ways to bring us both the most pleasure, and I suddenly felt flush. Were those subtle signs of him being a control freak? Maybe, but I wasn’t complaining.
“No, he’s…he’s…great,” I stammered. “To work for. And he tries really hard…you know, between work and being a dad.”
A dreadful silence fell over the line, and I knew I had messed up. I tried to play it cool, but Vanna knew me too well. She could hear the secrecy dripping from my voice.
“Why do you sound like that, Tara?”
“Like what?”
“You know what. Why do you have that tone you get when you’re trying to sleep with someone, but you don’t want to admit it because you know I’ll lecture you?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I insisted as confidently as I could. Really, she was wrong. I wasn’t trying to sleep with anyone. I already had.
The line was silent again, and it was driving me mad. I knew I was about to be interrogated and Vanna had a special knack for always making me fold.
“Tara, I’m only going to ask you this once, and I expect you to tell me the truth,” she spoke with the sternness of an overprotective mother. “Are you having sex with Jason Halstead?”
I couldn’t bring myself to reply one way or the other, which told her everything she needed to know.
“I can’t believe this,” she raved. “I send you off to be someone’s nanny, and you turn it into some harlequin romance. Only you could pull that off in such a short amount of time, Tara.”
“It’s really not what you think.”
“Wait, Tara…are you saying you have…feelings for him?”
“No, I am definitely not saying that!” I shot back. “And stop saying my name so much. You’re making me nervous.”
“Tara…shit. Sorry. Listen, I have to go soon. But you’re not off the hook, missy! I expect to hear all about this the next chance I get to call,” she warned. “For now, I don’t know exactly what’s happening between you two, but there’s something I think you should know.”
“Okay,” I braced myself for whatever bomb she was about to drop.
“Spending time with Dominic, I’ve learned more about the Halsteads. And, well…I think you should know that…Anna was murdered.”
“What? As in Jason’s wife, Anna?”
“It gets worse. Much worse. There was a rumor…I don’t know how to say this, and I would have never encouraged you to get that job if I knew this before, but…some people thought Jason was the one who did it. I mean, Dominic swears there’s absolutely no way that’s true…”
“But?”
“There’s no but. I just thought you should know. I really do have to go for now though. We’ll talk more later, okay? I miss you!”
Before I knew it, she had hung up and I was left with a huge crack in the earth. It became very clear I wouldn’t be able to avoid the topic of Jason in my therapy session after all, no matter how badly I didn’t want to discuss it.
It never occurred to me that Anna had been murdered, much less that Jason could be a suspect. Given my own past, I didn’t want to jump to any conclusions, but…was I making the same mistakes all over again? Had I fallen for another dangerous man?
17
Jason
My head was aching, and I wasn’t sure if it was from the smoke of my cigar or the incessant memories flashing through my brain. Normally I was able to keep them at bay, but this afternoon they were too persistent.
I remember sifting through a ridiculously high stack of papers for a business deal we were closing on. Millions of dollars were at stake, so it was imperative that I read each detail carefully. I almost didn’t check my phone when the notification for a text from an unknown number popped up, but something in my gut made me look.
What was actua
lly in the message was all a blur to me now. I remember seeing Anna. I remember seeing Anna’s blood, followed by the words: Come to the beach house now if you ever want to see your wife again.
But even though I dropped everything and got there as fast as I could, I would never see her alive again. I shouldn’t have gone at all, but I had no way of knowing that then. I did what anyone in my position would have done, but it wasn’t enough.
I shook my head and tried to refocus on my work, but I felt hazy and irritable. Kelsey was running a vacuum in the hall and the noise was enough to send me over the edge.
“Could you please do that somewhere else!?” I yelled out into the hall.
She huffed off, leaving me in silence to drown in my thoughts some more. I knew why it was all coming back to me so strongly. When Tara told me about how her ex treated her, I found myself asking why women fell for men like that. I would never hurt a woman in my life, but twice now I had fallen for someone who had a tendency to get wrapped up with dangerous men.
When I started learning about all the secrets Anna kept from me, I felt like I didn’t know her at all. How could she get wrapped up in the things she did when she had me, the kids, and our big, beautiful home? Sure, she was swindled and charmed into a lie, but she had to have a stirring of discontentment inside to even be vulnerable to such a thing in the first place.
I had been living with those questions for a year, but now a much scarier question was lurking around in my head. If I gave in to these feelings I had for Tara, would she make the same mistakes as Anna? She had done it once before she met me. Would she do it again?
The phone rang, making me jump in my seat. I hoped it was a work call to help get my head back in the game, but I heard Tara’s voice on the line…the last thing I needed to hear in that moment, but strangely the only thing I wanted to hear at the same time.