by Wood, Lauren
“Oh, well you’ll have to finish eating first,” I laughed, squeezing his sticky cheeks.
After breakfast, I helped the kids wash up and change into their bathing suits. They egged me on impatiently as I spent a few extra minutes doing my hair and makeup and adjusting my bikini top for the twentieth time. In my head, I knew nothing else could happen with Jason. But that did nothing for my urge to want to look my best in front of him.
I grabbed the big floppy hat I was obligated to wear out in the sun. My skin may have been fairly tan, but with my red hair and freckled skin, I was still not immune to getting a nasty sunburn. But rather than putting it on straight away, I held it tight in my hands. I couldn’t avoid it all day, but I at least wanted a short bit of looking like a care-free, sexy, beach babe before putting on my eighty-year-old woman’s hat in front of Jason.
My extra efforts seemed to pay off as we emerged from the big bedroom the kids and I shared. Jason was standing at the balcony, looking out over the ocean, but he became flustered the moment he turned around and saw me. I tried to ignore the way his eyes glinted up and down my body, drinking in the sight of so much bare skin.
“Ah yes, well…” he stammered and blushed. “I can see everyone is ready. Let’s go then.”
We all walked along the beach for a while, stopping every so often to collect seashells or build sandcastles. Jason excused himself to make a few calls and check in on Jesse and Eric. So, the kids and I decided to take advantage of the lavish swimming pool that spanned across several of the beachfront rentals, including ours. It was so close to the ocean that you felt like you were practically swimming in it, but without the danger of sharks or scraping your foot on sharp bits of coral.
While the kids competed over who could hold their breath underwater the longest and practiced their best cannonballs into the pool, I noticed another young woman lounging off to the side. She was glamorous with a big hat that was much more stylish than mine, big sunglasses, and painted red lips.
I asked if I could take the lounge chair next to hers and soon, we were talking up a storm. Her name was Margo and she was also a nanny from the city, here on vacation with the family she worked for. She pointed out the kids she looked after who were already playing with my little ones—a girl about the age of the twins, and a boy that looked a little older than Bailey.
“They’re hitting it off,” she noted. “We’ll have to set up a playdate back in the city some time. Hey, you want some?” She held up an icy cold margarita pitcher from the end table that sat between us.
“Yes, please!” I laughed with wide, eager eyes.
We had a few drinks while watching the kids and talked about life as a nanny. She had been doing this kind of thing since she was eighteen and seemed to know all the ins and outs.
“Wait, do you work for one of the Halstead brothers?” She asked suddenly as I described the house and family.
“Yeah…Jason Halstead. You know them?”
“Phew girl…all the rich families know each other, which means all the nannies know them and each other.” She took a long strip from her straw. “But I wouldn’t want to work for Jason.”
I was almost afraid to ask why but knew that I had to.
“The guy I work for is old and ugly,” she explained. “Jason and all of his brothers are hot. And waaaay wealthier than most of the families in our area. Gorgeous billionaires are hard to resist, especially when you live with them and see them every day. And every one of those guys has a secret fantasy about sleeping with the nanny, which the wives all know, and it drives them crazy. They’ll treat you like crap over it.”
I looked back to the kids and sipped my own drink, trying to keep my mouth shut. I knew all too well about the temptation she was talking about, but there was no wife around to sense it…which was maybe an even worse situation.
“Never fall for your boss,” Margo warned knowingly. “I’ve seen way too many girls get fired over that sort of thing. Not just fired, but blacklisted…never to find this kind of work around here again.”
“Oh, I would never do anything to jeopardize my relationship with the kids,” I insisted, ignoring my own tinge of doubt inside. “They need me…after everything they went through with losing their mom.”
She placed a hand on mine and peered at me over the top of her sunglasses. “Honey, it’s not just the boss you can’t fall for. It’s the kids too. You can’t get too close. It has to be a job and nothing more, or you’re going to end up breaking your heart and theirs.”
She tipped her head towards the twins who were chasing circles around the older kids. We reminded them for the hundredth time to stop running near the pool, and then I sat back into a sinking feeling of dread. Could I really spend every day for these kids and not get attached? For that matter, could Jason and I keep dancing around our attraction to each other without it leading to inevitable heartbreak for everyone involved?
The questions nagged at me for the rest of the day, right up until the kids were tucked away in bed and I, once again, found myself a little inebriated and alone with Jason.
13
Jason
Tara emerged from the kids’ bedroom, informing me they were all fast asleep. I could hear Christopher’s snoring as proof, just before she closed the door behind her.
“I’m going to step out on the balcony,” she announced awkwardly. “Take in some of the evening air.
I knew I should bolt from the room, avoiding another late-night episode of us being alone together. But I told myself I wasn’t tired and there was nothing else to do right now. I was absolutely not following her out onto the balcony because I was drawn to her like a moth to a flame.
She looked equal parts terrified and excited when I took the seat next to hers and turned to admire our view of the ocean at night. But my eyes kept cutting over to admire the view of her instead. Her sun-kissed face lit up in the moonlight, and something was different about her here. She was more relaxed and at peace. She was also a lot quieter, forgoing her usual tendency to start rambling on about anything and everything to fill the silence.
“Something on your mind?” she blushed with a smile as she caught me staring.
“No, no. Not at all,” I replied, forcing myself to look away. “It’s so peaceful out here. That’s all I was thinking about.”
“Mmmm, it really is. I don’t know about you, but for me it has been really therapeutic to come here.”
“I don’t know that I’ve let it be that way for me,” I confessed grimly, unable to stop the words from spilling out. “I told you about the beach house Anna and I used to have. I guess I thought by staying somewhere new, I wouldn’t be hit with so many memories. But…they keep slapping me in the face faster than I can bat them away.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t run from them,” she suggested sweetly. “Maybe you need to sit with those memories. Remember the good times and let yourself grieve. It’s part of the healing process.”
My eyes darkened. “It’s not the good times that keep coming back to me.”
“Oh, well…I’ve never been married, but I’m sure it’s full of ups and downs.”
“I’d rather not talk about it,” I muttered, thinking there was no way she could understand what had really happened.
She took my request to heart and was quick to light up with funny stories about the kids from earlier in the afternoon when I stepped away to check in on the business. Before long, the heavy thoughts that had been weighing me down vanished off into the darkness of the sky overlooking the ocean. The night felt light and airy, and we both smiled with ease.
Without me even realizing it happened, we both found ourselves standing side by side, leaning against the balcony railing. We were laughing so much and having such a good time, I didn’t notice until her elbow brushed against mine. I was left with the tough decision of moving away, or letting our skin remain touching. It was an impossible choice, and it felt like we were doomed either way.
The smile on her
face faded suddenly as she stared off into the distance. “So, have you thought about dating again? Now that it’s been a year.”
Her tone was cold and guarded, and it left me feeling confused. “Why do you ask?”
“Just curious,” she shrugged, almost seeming angry.
I let out a deep sigh, knowing it couldn’t be avoided any longer. “Look, Tara…about the other night…I…”
“That’s not what I was talking about!” she shrieked. “I was just…I don’t know. I know we had a moment of weakness and all, but obviously you can’t date me. And what happened between us was just because we were lonely, and I wondered…what you plan to do about that, I guess. Feeling lonely, I mean.”
“Well, what do you plan to do about feeling lonely?” I retorted.
Her eyes glinted in the moonlight as her face turned towards me, looking stern and afraid. The light framed the subtle pout of her bottom lip, begging me to take it into my mouth one more time.
“I know what I’m not going to do about it,” she said quietly, eyeing my lips with the same hunger she did her best to keep at bay.
“You’re not going to kiss me.” As I said it, my face drifted towards hers anyway, beyond my control.
She shook her head no, but her eyes fluttered shut. A heat formed between us and along with it came the irresistible yearning to move closer to one another, even though everything in my brain screamed out that we needed to be moving further apart.
While we tried to stay strong and cling to the few remaining inches between us, her eyes opened and revealed a haunting pain I hadn’t fully noticed before now. But as I stared straight into it, I realized it was always there. There were troubling things buried deep inside of her, and I wondered if she could see the hint of something similar in my eyes.
“A beautiful woman like you should never be lonely,” I rasped deeply. “And the guy that left you this way is the scum of the earth.” My hand raised and brushed a strand of hair from her face and my palm lingered too long against her cheek.
The corners of her lips curled, and I could tell something was on the tip of her tongue. But before she could speak, we both surrendered and crashed. As if we were picking up where our last kiss left off, we collided with passionate deep breaths that escaped between our mouths.
Tara let out a gentle but aching whimper that shot straight to my core. I moved both hands to her face and tilted her head back, begging her to open her mouth wider. As the kiss deepened, her hips settled against the rapidly growing strain against my shorts.
The safest thing to do was accept that we obviously could not keep our lips to ourselves when left alone, but that didn’t mean we had to go crashing over the ledge entirely. We could just stay like this until our lips were chapped. But her hand boldly teased its way up my leg. By the time she brushed against my growing need, I was out of control.
I pulled back, gasping for air as I looked down to her traveling hand. “You’re going to get us both into big trouble if you keep doing that.”
Her daring eyes burned into me as a coy smile crept across her lips. “I think we’re both already in big trouble.”
She tightened her hand around me, making more precise stroking motions that drew a pained and lustful hiss from my teeth. It was all over now. I clutched my fingers into the back of her hair and yanked her lips back to mine with a furious passion. As my tongue rolled across hers, I rounded my hands over her ass and lifted her off the ground. Her smooth legs wrapped around my waist just before I lowered her down to the balcony lounge chair.
I stopped one more time, trying to grasp onto any firm footing of sound decision making I might have left. But as I looked down at her, waiting impatiently for me to keep going, all I could do was slide my hand under the straps of her top to release everything that waited underneath.
14
Tara
Jason seemed to be questioning me with his eyes, silently asking if he should keep going. We both knew the answer was—no. No, we should have never kissed. No, we should not be doing even more than that now. Margo’s words haunted me all the while as I wondered if I was the right person to be doing this kind of job.
I didn’t know if I was the kind of person who could keep from getting attached. What I did know is that having sex with Jason would only make matters worse. But as he stared down at me, another thing became clear. Despite our best attempts, we hadn’t been able to control ourselves this far. I certainly didn’t have it in me to tell him to stop.
His piercing eyes and delicious lips were too much for me to resist. Throw in the muscular body and how expertly he moved over me, and I was putty in his hands. It didn’t matter what my brain knew was for the best. Any ounce of self-control I had left in me vanished the moment his hand began sliding down in between my legs.
He pushed the fabric strip of my bikini bottom to the side and teased around my sensitive folds. His fingers slid inside at the same time his mouth returned to mine. The sensation of warmth in both places at once made me dizzy.
For as flustered as Jason seemed at times, he knew what he was doing. He teased me in all the perfect ways, taking his time to push his fingers all the way inside…working his way around the places he could tell I needed him to touch the most. Then, all at once, he stopped dancing around things. His tongue filled my mouth just as he pushed deep inside, pressing his thumb over my clit, causing me to groan out into his mouth.
Just as he had nearly pushed me to the edge, his lips left mine and began kissing their way down my body. He licked and nipped across every inch of my skin until I felt his disheveled hair brushing against my inner thigh. His fingers were still working to bring me to the brink, and I was shaking when his hot tongue pushed against me.
My head was swimming with the intensity of it. I wrapped my fingers into his hair and pulled tight in desperation. I didn’t want it to be over so soon, but he was too good. My orgasm caught me by surprise and hit me like a tidal wave.
He lifted his head while I stared at him in shock. No one had ever made me cum so fast or so hard. I couldn’t even find the words to explain it, nor did I want to. I cupped his face in my hands and pulled him back towards me.
“I want you inside of me now,” I quietly begged against his lips.
I pulled at his shirt, amazed that he hadn’t taken it off by now, but we were in the throes of an intense sex daze—the kind where time has no meaning and your body is pulsing with so many different sensations and urges that it’s almost too much. That’s why neither of us had bothered pointing out that we were right out in the middle of the balcony where people down on the beach or in the neighboring houses might be able to see us.
“Oh wait,” I remembered suddenly. “Do you have a condom? I’m on the pill, but…”
His head hung low, giving me the answer. “Sorry,” he said softly, brushing his lips against mine. “It's been a really long time since…and I was, you know, married…I haven’t had any condoms in…”
“Of course, don’t worry about it,” I cut him off, feeling stupid for not assuming all of that on my own. “I still want you if…”
“You sure?”
“I trust you,” I nodded. They were scary words to say, but as they left my lips I knew they were true.
Once again, his tongue filled my mouth at the same time he settled his hips between my legs and thrust forward, filling me before he was even all the way in. My wetness stretched around him, and his size worried me for a moment. But he ran his hands along my hips, adjusting them slightly, and lowered his mouth to run circles around my nipple with his tongue. It was enough to nearly make me cum again, and definitely enough to make me open wider. He thrust forward again, entering me completely.
Our eyes met as he moved over me, and his thumb pressed into my parted bottom lip. It was urgent and tender all at once, but the depth to his stare made me lose myself completely. We had spent most of our short time knowing each other just trying to avoid this very thing—so much so that we hadn’t
really been able to get to know each other. But the sparks between our eyes and the synched movements of our bodies made it seem like we were already somehow deeply connected.
His hot, quick breaths filled my mouth and went down my neck as he moaned out against my skin. As he picked up the pace, I couldn’t help but claw into his back, feeling so close to having another orgasm. I didn’t notice how loud I was being until he slowed down, gently hissing in my ear for me to be quiet as he ran his fingers along my lips again.
With another thrust forward, I knew he was just as close. No matter how hard he tried to go slow for the sake of noise, he couldn’t resist picking up speed to push us both over the edge. The sweet grunts that escaped his lips turned me on even more, until finally he slowed to deep, slow, powerful thrusts that slammed into me over and over again, matching the timing of the waves crashing in the distance. We both got louder until our cries broke off into whimpers and heavy breaths, our fingers tangling together as the pleasure erupted over us.
“I hope the neighbors didn’t hear,” I sighed with a laugh as we stayed frozen for a moment with him still inside of me.
I was relieved to see him smile while he caught his breath. At least he wasn’t immediately regretting this enough for it to put him in a sour mood. His eyes met mine again, and I tried to say all the things I needed to. But the feelings felt too abstract to articulate. The only words I could make out in my mind as I stared into him were, “Please don’t hurt me. I don’t want anyone to get hurt.” But I knew it was an impossible request to make, so I kept them to myself.
Once we put our clothes back on, there was an awkward moment when I think we both realized we didn’t really know what happened next.
Jason furrowed his brow as he buttoned his shirt. “Did you want to come into my room?”
My heart thumped hard in my chest. I did want to come into his room more than anything, but I knew it wasn’t a good idea. It was just a reminder for why this should have never happened in the first place.