by Wood, Lauren
“I can’t believe you didn’t invite me to your picnic!” he teased as he spread out on the blanket with us, even though he was already suited up in a tie and jacket.
The kids shared some of their food with him and jumped around playfully as he ate. I thought he would have been too good for mac and cheese with hotdogs, but he didn’t even flinch. I also thought he would have needed to rush off to the office before long, but we stayed out in the yard for hours—leisurely laying in the sun, watching the kids run around.
Every few minutes we’d sneak a starry-eyed look at each other, unable to stop smiling. The longer it went on, I realized we weren’t acting like a nanny and boss at all. Not even close. We were acting like a family.
I broke away from his gaze to watch the kids as they splashed around in one of the nearby fountains, desperately clinging to all of the very serious reminders that had weighed on me earlier—all the reasons why I shouldn’t have been letting my heart and my mind go there. But I couldn’t keep a grip on any of it.
Whether I liked it or not, I was hit with the painful realization that whatever this was—I wanted it. If there was any shred of possibility that we could actually have a future as a family together, I was gripping on to that harder than all of the reasons why it could and should never happen.
To solidify the longing in my heart, making things even worse, Jason just had to reach for my hand in that moment. He flashed a devastatingly handsome smile and squeezed my fingers in his, as if he was reassuring me of something, but what? Was he silently promising that he was a good guy that would never hurt me?
Or was I just falling for the same tricks all over again like I had with Clinton? Before I could get too wrapped up in the fantasy of what could come out of all of this, I needed to get some answers from someone I could trust.
23
Jason
I walked into the office the next morning with a strange feeling. My heart was light, and the sun was shining outside. It felt like a new day. It was the first breath of fresh air I had really been able to take in since I lost Anna, but really even before that. There was the dark day when I learned what she had been doing behind my back, and it was like the wind was knocked out of me then and hadn’t come back until now.
Once my secretary had filled me in on my appointments for the day and I had caught up on emails, I stared out the giant windows behind my desk that overlooked the city. I wanted to think this feeling came from being back in the routine of going to work and from seeing the kids more at peace and happier than they had been the past year. But then Tara’s face flashed through my mind, and I had to accept that this could all be because of her.
“Nice day out!” Jesse beamed as he strolled in, looking particularly cheerful.
“You’re in a good mood,” I smirked. “I take it your date went well?”
“Oh, I am. Because I have discovered the secret to dating. Doctors.” He pressed his hands together and leaned forward as if he was imparting some kind of deep wisdom upon me. “Doctors, Jason. Or lawyers…really any woman in a successful, high-pressure career. It’s like they’re so busy and stressed from work…you get them in between the sheets and it’s like…dynamite!”
“And here I thought you were going to tell me you were falling in love and she could be the one,” I shook my head as I took a seat across from him.
I couldn’t even bring myself to give him too hard of a time. That’s how good I felt, which was saying something because I never missed a chance to lecture Jesse. Someone needed to, to whip him into shape.
“I’ve never been as much of a romantic as you.”
A big smile spread across my face, holding back the words I really wanted to say. He wouldn’t have been saying that a few months ago when he was convinced Vanna was the love of his life and if it weren’t for Dominic, they’d be living happily ever after together.
“Whatever takes your mind off of everything that just happened, because frankly…we’re all sick of hearing about it.”
“Thanks for covering for me the other night. I really needed that. I owe you one. How about tonight? I can go to your place and keep Tara and the kids company. You could try out that new dating app we might buy…set something up for dinner.”
“It’s eleven in the morning,” I huffed. “I doubt I could get on there and have something set up by dinner time tonight.”
“Please. You’re good looking, rich, and powerful. It’s easy as hell.”
I shook my head and looked out the window. Whatever happened with Tara, at the moment I had to admit to myself that I was taken.
“I see that look in your eye, Jason,” he taunted, leaning back in his chair. “Things going well with the nanny?”
I grumbled and ran my hands over my face, still unable to contain my smile. I felt like an idiot, but Jesse had figured me out once. No use in trying to hide it again.
“There have been some developments there, yeah,” I confessed as my cheeks grew red.
“Congratulations! Good developments, I take it. Judging by the huge ass smile on your face.”
“It’s not like anything can really come of it, but…I don’t know. There’s a feeling I can’t shake it all. I guess it’s just the universe throwing me a bone after everything that happened. Something fun and casual to take my mind off things.” I shifted in my seat, knowing “light and casual” weren’t exactly good descriptors for what was going on in my head.
“Why can’t anything come out of it?” he furrowed his brows, looking perplexed.
“Oh, come on. You can’t be serious,” I scoffed. “She’s our nanny! It’s a horrible idea to think of it as anything more than just…someone to blow off steam with. Mostly I’m just worried because the kids love her, and when this blows up in our faces, they’ll be devastated.”
“What makes you so sure it’s going to turn sour?”
“I…I don’t…I don’t know. I just...” I felt myself getting flustered as I stammered through the words. “Let’s not talk about this. Did you follow up on that client from the other week?”
“Don’t try and change the subject,” he said sternly, sounding more adult to me than usual. I wasn’t used to Jesse turning the tables on me this way. Maybe he was finally growing up a little.
“Seriously, Jason. Dominic found the love of his life with a random caterer. I don’t think her being your nanny makes any difference. Besides, I may still be hurt over everything with Vanna, but she’s an amazing woman. I know Tara has to be too, or else they wouldn’t be best friends.”
This could not be happening. I did not need my immature little brother encouraging one of the worst ideas ever.
“This isn’t how things work,” I insisted, realizing with every word I spoke I was just grasping for straws. “You meet, you date. You don’t move in together right off the bat, especially when one of you has kids. You have time to figure things out about each other…so you can make plans and talk about the important things.”
“You mean…you take it slow to learn if you could live together under the same roof and that she’d love your kids like they were her own? Aren’t you two already doing all of that?”
I whipped my chair back around to face the window. This was destroying my good mood. I had only just accepted that I couldn’t keep my hands-off Tara regardless of what was the smart thing to do. I wasn’t ready to admit to anything more than that.
“Hey, I’m going to get real with you for a minute,” Jesse stood and circled around my desk, planting himself in my line of sight. “You were with Anna all those years and it seemed like the picture-perfect life. I thought you two had the perfect marriage.”
“Me too,” I sneered.
“You did everything right…and she still managed to keep so much from you. You still got hurt and everything went to shit. How you and Tara came together may not seem like the way you think things should go, but…if it makes you happy, and she’s a good person, and you trust her…I don’t see what the problem is. E
ven if she is your nanny.”
He was right, even if I’d never say it out loud. I didn’t like this new older, wiser version of my baby brother that seemed to appear overnight. Since when was he the one giving me love advice?
For the first time, I began to consider the possibilities. This whole time I had been so paranoid about everything that could go wrong, as if it were inevitable and the only possible outcome. But there was a scarier chance to consider. What if nothing went wrong? What if Tara and I could actually be happy together?
24
Tara
I cut off the butler when the bell rang to greet Margo at the door. He scoffed at me with the same appalled look he and Kelsey loved shooting my way.
“I’ve got it!” I sang out as I breezed past him.
He huffed off, leaving me to open the door to Margo’s bright, smiling face. She looked every bit as glamorous as she had poolside when we met on vacation with her perfectly tousled ponytail, smart blouse, jeans, and flats.
“You’re here!” I shrieked excitedly. “Please, come in.” I waved them through the door and pointed out the way upstairs for the kids. “The twins and Bailey are in the playroom waiting for you.”
As they ran off, we shot each other a knowing grin. Playdates were more about the caregivers having a chance to indulge in grown-up conversation while the little ones kept each other entertained. With Vanna gone and our contact limited to expensive international calls around the time difference, I was desperate for the girl talk. And even more so desperate to get some answers about Jason Halstead.
“Wow, nice place,” she marveled as I showed her into the sitting room.
“Would you like something to drink? Some wine, maybe?”
“Now we’re talking!” she beamed, plopping down on the couch and kicking off her shoes.
I returned with two glasses of chardonnay, wondering how I’d contain myself enough not to just blurt out—Do you know anything about Jason Halstead possibly being a murderer!?
Instead, we settled into talking about our lives outside of nannying, though I carefully avoided anything that would hint at what was going on between me and Jason. I knew one word of it to Margo and every nanny within ten to fifteen miles would know about it within days. And anyway, I already knew how she felt about that kind of thing. I didn’t need to be reminded how reckless I was being. Finally, our small talk died down. The room grew silent, and I saw my opportunity.
“I was hoping to ask you something,” I said slowly as I returned with a refill of our glasses. “I know you’re tapped into the gossip about all the families around here. And…well…what do you know about the Halsteads? Jason, specifically.”
“They’re a bit shady,” she admitted immediately. “What have you heard?”
I shrugged and looked away, not willing to let what Vanna had told me slip out right off the bat.
“It’s a juicy story, that’s for sure,” she leaned closer with a twinkle in her eye. This was all just like a soap opera to her. “Anna and Jason were like the dream couple. Young, rich, gorgeous…and they seemed ridiculously happy together. Not in the way other couples like them are. They seemed…genuinely happy. Like, you could tell he really loved her.”
I took a big gulp from my glass, ignoring the tinge of jealousy that creeped up inside. It was ridiculous to be jealous of a dead woman anyway. But part of me wanted to know what that looked like. Maybe because I wondered if Jason could ever feel that way about me.
“What about her?” I asked. “Did she really love him?”
“Everyone knew she was cheating on him,” she explained grimly, trailing a finger around the brim of her cup. “She was from big, old money. Their wealth went back across more generations than the Halsteads’ did. For a lot of women like that, it’s just kind of assumed that you’ll have affairs. They get pressured into being with the guy that makes the most sense, you know? Whoever has the most money and power that will advance your family’s position. They put on a happy face and do what they’re supposed to…and have their fun on the side.”
“That’s terrible. Poor Jason.” I stared blankly ahead, unsure if I should say the thing I wanted to the most. “Did he know she was cheating on him?”
“Hard to say. But since everyone else knew she was and they knew how much Jason obviously loved her…when she came up murdered, of course everyone thought he did it.”
“What about the cops? There was an investigation, right?”
“Of course, they dismissed him as a suspect,” she said flippantly, almost unconvinced.
“But you think he did it?” I perked up with my heart on edge. Whatever Margo said next could make or break absolutely everything about my feelings for Jason and the life I was living.
She grew very serious with an intent look. “I think…if he did it, he’d never get prosecuted. Men like the Halsteads have more money than God and all the power that goes along with it. They already have a reputation for playing dirty. They’re shady, like I said. It doesn’t really matter what they do…They’ll never go down for it. Not even for murder. One call to that family lawyer of theirs and it’s like it never happened.”
I swallowed hard, thinking back on how they got Vanna and me out of jail. I had often considered how things would have gone if they hadn’t come to rescue us. The only reason why anyone listened to us or even considered pardoning the potential charges was because of their influence. Without them, we’d probably still be rotting away in jail, even after they realized Clinton wasn’t really dead. The justice system didn’t listen to women like us.
Once I was certain Margo had divulged everything she could, I tried to go back to talking about normal things. But my stomach twisted and turned with doubts. I’d think of Jason’s smiling face and feel convinced he would never harm someone he loved, no matter what they had done to him. And yet I also had to admit that I hadn’t been the best judge of character in that regard in the past.
I wished more than anything Margo could have told me she knew he didn’t do it, or that I had heard all of this straight from Jason so I could try to decide for myself. But instead all I had was Dominic’s confidence that his brother was innocent, paired with Margo’s eerie reminder that if he did do it—he’d have no trouble getting away with it.
25
Jason
Tara was curled up in the bed with all three kids laying on top of her as she read them a fairytale. Her eyes cut over to me as I appeared at the door, but she pretended not to notice. If the kids saw me, their peaceful story time would be over, and it’d take a half hour to get them settled down again. So, I crept back behind the door and listened quietly to the words she read.
The knight in shining armour saving the princess and the happily ever after. I gave up on those ideas a long time ago. There was no room for cheating wives, blackmail, and murder scandals in fairytales. My brothers and I had the big castles and lucrative careers that would afford any woman the lifestyle of a princess, but I was convinced I would never find a fairytale ending. It was enough to make me want to storm in there and demand she read the kids a more realistic story.
But as I peeked in on them again, noting how peaceful and innocent my sweet children looked resting in her arms, I wondered if we could make our own kind of story. She didn’t have a squeaky clean past either. Was there any hope for us to be each other’s redemption? A second chance at love and a happy life?
I clutched the bouquet of roses in my hands in equal parts dread and hope as she came around the corner, gently closing the door behind her.
“Did you want to say goodnight?” she asked, pretending not to notice the flowers.
“I’ll let them drift off a little more and then go tuck them in.”
“Okay,” she nodded.
An awkward silence fell between us. I had a million things to say but didn’t know where to start. But something was off about her. She seemed distant and suddenly reserved.
“Everything okay?”
“Huh?�
� her eyes grew wide. “Of course! Yes. I’m fine.”
“Well, these are for you,” I held out the bouquet, cringing at the heavy silence that fell between us once again.
“You shouldn’t have,” she smiled lightly, but in a way that seemed sad. It’s as if she was honestly telling me I shouldn’t have.
She pressed her nose down to them and took in a deep breath of their scent. She looked like a dream with the way her hair fell down around her face and her eyes closed slowly, relishing in the sweet floral smell. But she perked up suddenly, like she was waking up from something.
“It’s been a long day. I should get to bed.”
Before I could wrap my head around what was happening, she was marching off down the hall, leaving me baffled. What could have happened? The last time I saw her we were having the perfect day—a picnic in the sunshine while the kids ran around playing. She and I were making eyes at each other the whole time, bursting with all of these new feelings for each other.
I took off after her, arriving at her bedroom door just as she closed it. She obviously didn’t want to talk to me for whatever reason, but I couldn’t just let this go…whatever was making her act so put off by me all of a sudden. I pushed the door open anyway and barged in.
“What’s going on?” I demanded.
“I’m just tired,” she sighed, tossing the flowers onto her dresser.
She kept her back turned toward me, but I approached her anyway, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her back up to my chest.
“You can talk to me, Tara,” I offered gently in between soft kisses down her neck. “What’s wrong?”
Her head leaned back in surrender, but I knew on the inside she was still fighting me as hard as she could. I moved my hands up and down her body as she melted further into me. The tension between us crackled until I couldn’t take it anymore. I spun her around as our mouths crashed together in a passionate kiss. I pressed into her as hard as I could, hoping the wall she put up would crumble.