the Trouble with Hate is...

by Elizabeth Stevens

  “Well, isn’t this cosy,” I said as I waggled my eyebrows at her.

  Lani tried to frown, but the corners of her lips rose as if they had a mind of their own.

  So, we clashed more often than not. So, she was overly judgmental of my chosen lifestyle and despised me pretty much all the time these days. But, we had more history of getting along in the lifetime our families had lived in each other’s pockets. Which, I think, is why our mums saw something more in our future. I’d overheard them drunkenly declaring that our recent feuding was due to an unsatisfied sexual tension.

  Needless to say, I’d almost pissed myself laughing at the idea, but kept it to myself.

  Sure, Lani was hot, I could totally understand why guys wanted to fuck her – not that they were getting the chance! But, I personally didn’t. I mean, I was an eighteen-year-old guy, of course I admired her body and she turned me on sometimes, but I never had to have her. Anyone would do to satisfy me.

  “Oi, Mister Pensive, let’s go,” Lani shoved me and I realised we’d arrived.

  I shook my head and climbed out, unthinkingly holding my hand out to help her out while I looked around. Undoubtedly, as unthinkingly, she accepted the hand as she clambered out before they dropped comfortably apart. I offered my hand to Bec, who took it with a little more cognitive function as she grinned at me. I could have sworn she passed a look between Lani’s retreating back and me, but she just skipped after her friend.

  “Lani’s got the number?” John asked, like he did every time he dropped us at a party.

  “Yeah, thanks, Dad,” Brett replied with a curt nod.

  “They’ll be here by two if they haven’t heard.”

  “Sweet, thanks.”

  “Yeah, thanks John,” I called before Brett shut the door and John pulled away with a short toot of the horn.

  The party was already full of energy. The bass pounded through the walls and washed over the lawn. My lips spread into a wide smile; there was just something so infectious about a thumping bass line.

  Brett clapped my shoulder. We shared that infectious smile and made our way inside, saying hi to people as we passed. Trent was nowhere to be seen, but that wasn’t really surprising. If we didn’t see him by the time we’d left, it would hardly be the first time we’d not seen him at one of his own parties.

  We weaved through the swaying bodies, mine picking up the rhythm as we went. We picked up some beers, threw back a few shots, and made a few rounds. The pleasantly familiar buzz of alcohol was running through my body by the time we found Lani and Bec again. Brett made a beeline for Bec and I made my slow way over to Lani.

  Our hands bridged the gap between us and she pulled me closer with a smile.

  “Good night?” she asked over the thump of the music.

  I nodded. “Yeah, not bad, you?”

  She shrugged and danced with me as Timbaland’s ‘The Way I Are’ started. With a smile, I spun her with the hand I was holding and pulled her against me. Our hands stayed clasped, fingers laced over her stomach, as our hips moved together. Lani’s free hand reached up around my neck as she leant into me and I placed mine on her hip.

  “Phoebe not here yet?” she asked ruefully and I knew she could feel the growing bulge in my pants as well as I could.

  I chuckled. “I haven’t seen her tonight, but she’s hardly my only girl.”

  I felt her laugh. “God, you’re gross.”

  “If you’re so disgusted, I can easily fill my time with one of them?”

  “What, you don’t like dancing with me?” she asked as though she were insulted.

  Of course I liked dancing with her. We almost always danced together; class, parties, just for fun, not to mention when I had to make her smile, you name it. Dance at school was the only time I regretted we weren’t in the same year – it would have been so much more fun with her.

  But, I scoffed, “What’s to like?”

  “Rude.”

  But, Lani didn’t pull away. I smiled, never failing to be amused by our dynamic.

  My hands were on her waist, her top riding up so I was touching bare skin. My nose nestled in her neck and I made comments now and then – sometimes clean, most of the time not so much – to feel her laugh against me. My skin prickled every time she did. She spun in my arms, still moving her hips against me and I saw her eyes were alight with humour.

  But, I’d let myself get way too worked up, so I leant down to her ear.

  “Need a drink?”

  I felt her nod, took her hand, and used my extra height to help her get safely through the throng of bodies to the drinks’ table. I let go of her hand, opened a couple of beers and grabbed one of those gross jelly shot things I knew she found amusing.

  “Hey!” I heard her say and turned to see her talking to Trent.

  “Wanna dance, baby?” he asked her, throwing an acknowledging nod at me, which I returned as I took a drink.

  “Sure,” she replied and let him lead her back through the crowd. “Don’t bother keeping that cold for me,” she called back with a wink.

  “Sweet, two beers for me.” I gave her my best smile, putting the shot down. There was only so far Lani was willing to go at a house party, so I knew she didn’t need watching over every second.

  “I’ll join you?” Megan said, sidling up next to me.

  She was new that term, the year below Lani and Bec, and I hadn’t really had a chance to talk to her. I looked her up and down and decided why the hell not? I hadn’t explicitly told Phoebe I’d wait for her; I never did. If she’d inferred it, then that was her bad. I passed one beer to Megan and leant against the wall.

  “How you doing?” I asked.

  She smiled coyly. “Fine. You dance with all your sisters like that?” she replied, her head indicating towards Lani.

  I almost choked on my beer, but the exact cause eluded me. “You know she’s not actually my sister, right? I mean…not even by marriage?”

  Megan held the beer bottle in her mouth a little longer than was strictly necessary and I knew she saw the smirk play at mine as I envisioned it was something else between those gorgeous lips.

  “But, I mean, she may as well be right? You guys don’t…?”

  “Ew,” I grimaced, which made her laugh for some reason. “No, we don’t.”

  Megan nodded. “I thought so. All the girls say she’s more a sister to you than Emma.”

  “Is that a fact?” I asked, interested by that piece of information.

  I’d never stopped to consider what the rest of the school thought about Lani and me. It made sense to me now that girls didn’t seem to view her as competition like they did each other; despite our flirtatious teasing, no one could actually see the two of us together, ever. I wondered how far I could push that idea. I felt a definitive sense of anticipation swell in me and it wasn’t just because of the girl standing in front of me.

  Plans were taking hold. Plans that would probably annoy Lani to no end, but wasn’t that half the fun?

  Megan was nodding. “Everyone knows she’s closer to Emma even than you are.”

  I nodded as well. “Yeah, well that’s definitely true. I guess both of that’s true…” I mused, wondering if that made me a bad twin.

  Megan was giving me that look that girls did and I realised I was giving her my patented smile; the one reserved for only one purpose. I widened said smile, drained my beer and took a step towards her. She licked her lips almost nervously and I knew this one would be fun.

  It took minutes for me to get her into a bathroom and prop her onto the counter. The problem with being so tall is that girls often needed a little height boost. But, those could be found almost anywhere; sometimes it just required getting a little crafty.

  Megan threaded her fingers through my hair and I slid mine up her top. I felt her muscles under my hands twitch satisfactorily as I moved my lips to her neck. Her hands were at my belt buckle and she had me exposed quicker
than I would have expected. I pulled away from her long enough to grin at her and she took the opportunity to slide off the counter. I was going to ask what she was doing, but she was kneeling in front of me and had me in her mouth before I had a chance. And, I certainly wasn’t going to fucking pass that up.

  e

  I’d lost track of my drinks and the time over the course of the night. Phoebe had found me, but studiously ignored the fact I’d been seen with Megan mere moments before that. I guess I really was just that fucking lucky; the girls didn’t make a fuss as long as I was with them.

  During a bit of a lull, I wandered out the back and found Lani and Bec hanging out with Bec’s latest crush, Marc, and his mate, Coop. Marc had his arm around Bec and his nose in her hair. While, Coop stood nice and close to Lani.

  As I walked over, skirting around some debris with a slightly drunken twirl to keep my balance, I saw Lani take a drag of a cigarette. When Coop tried to take it from her, she giggled and pulled it out of his reach. I wondered what was so special about that smoke that she wouldn’t share it. I mean, I’d sort of known she smoked sometimes, but I didn’t realise it might have been more of a thing. And, with Marc and Coop, it was quite possibly not just tobacco.

  “You know she doesn’t share!” Bec laughed as Coop grinned like the easy-going stoner he was.

  “Oh, she’ll share with her oldest friend,” I said, putting an arm around Lani and snagging the cigarette from her fingers before she could protest.

  I took a drag, giving Lani a large smile as I supressed the splutter my lungs wanted to make. She only laughed and shook her head, holding her hand out for me to give it back. I took one more drag – not pot, just FYI – and passed it back to her.

  “You’re lucky Brett would miss you if I killed you,” she said before taking a drag of her own.

  Bec was looking at me like she expected me to grow horns or something.

  “How did you do that?” she asked, completely awestruck.

  “First rule, Becca, never give away trade secrets,” I said with a wink and she laughed.

  “You looking for Brett?” Lani asked.

  I shook my head and looked back towards the house. “Nah, he’s holed up with some girl somewhere.”

  Lani’s nose wrinkled adorably. “Ew. Not an image I needed. Okay. And, how many girls have you been holed up with so far?”

  “Three?” I guessed.

  Lani chuckled and offered me the cigarette. I didn’t usually smoke – in fact, I rarely did – but I took it anyway, finding the look of shock it gave Bec too amusing to let pass. Even Coop, who never seemed to care about anything, had a slightly harder look in his eyes at the exchange. And, so sue me, I lived to create trouble, especially when it would screw with Lani.

  “Three maybe.” I felt her shake her head.

  “You can make it four maybe?” I suggested, bumping my hip into hers.

  She pushed me away with a laugh. “Not happening.”

  I grinned at her then saw Phoebe waving to me from the deck.

  “Never mind, number two is beckoning for round three maybe.” I gave Lani’s arse a quick pat and ducked away before she could retaliate with her fist.

  Before I could make it to Phoebe, I saw Brett bound down the stairs. He was smiling, until he looked behind me and I saw his face fall. I turned and wondered what he was looking at; Lani was still smoking while she laughed with Coop, and I saw nothing chaste in the way Bec was kissing Marc. In fact, as I watched, Marc pushed her up against a tree and she put her leg around his waist.

  I guess that could have been it?

  Lani smoking with Coop would surely just have made him angry?

  I looked back to Brett and saw his face shut down entirely. My heart skipped a few beats. I hadn’t seen that expression in almost a year. I told myself not to stress; it was probably nothing. Brett got a little moody when he drank sometimes. Didn’t we all? Still, better to be safe…

  “Lani!” I yelled, not taking my eyes off Brett just in case.

  She was by my side in seconds and I wondered if she’d seen him before I’d called her. Her phone was in her hand, cigarette burning forgotten between her fingers. She spared me a very obviously absent-minded touch to the arm as she passed me and pulled Brett inside. I followed after them, forgetting all about Phoebe as she gaped at me incredulously.

  I caught up with them halfway through the dancing bodies. Lani was pushing against Brett, forcing him to the front of the house, but he wasn’t paying her any attention and she wasn’t making a lot of progress.

  “Yeah, hi, this is Lani. We’re good for pick up now if that’s okay?” she said into her phone, sounding tense.

  She saw me and indicated I take over getting Brett out of the house. When I nodded, she sagged, relief washing over her face as she fixed our ride home. Finally, with a hell of a lot more bulk that she’d ever have, I had Brett out the front door and Lani was off the phone.

  “They’ll be like ten minutes. It’s the usual car. Keep him here, I need to make sure her lift’s good,” she said to me, her hand on my bicep.

  “No worries,” I answered and she started to walk off, her mind clearly distracted. “Lei!” I called, needing to make sure she was okay, but she waved a hand and disappeared back inside.

  Figuring she could look after herself – she always had – I turned back to Brett, who seemed to be in a bit of a fugue state.

  “Come on man, not again,” I muttered, shaking him.

  He blinked slowly and looked at me drunkenly, a grin spreading in slow motion across his face. “What?”

  “Dude, you right?” I asked him, trying to sound as least caring as possible.

  He laughed and looked around. “Yeah, sure. Where’s Lani? We going?” He slurred his words expertly and I knew he was going to be feeling it tomorrow, even with the amount we could down these days. If we had frats, he’d put any one of those dudes to shame.

  I looked into his eyes and searched for any sign he was unravelling. But, there was nothing. He just looked like drunk Brett. Maybe that’s all it had been? My pounding heart just needed convincing.

  “What, man? You wanna smooch?” he teased, pursing his lips and leaning towards me.

  I pushed him away and laughed. It felt like my heart was surging back to life. Everything was fine; just too much booze.

  “Not again, mate. Once was enough.”

  “Ah, you loved the feeling of my lips on yours!” he cackled.

  “Ew, I don’t need to see that again, thank you!” Lani said, grimacing as she walked back towards us, pulling her coat on. “My brothers macking? Gross. You two were not meant to be!”

  Brett laughed and put his arm around her, swaying a little. “You just wish it was you. But, you’re not for him, Angel,” he slurred, pulling out her family nickname. “You get better than the likes of that dickwad.” His serious speech finished on a laugh as though he couldn’t keep a straight face.

  “Oi! You watch who you’re calling dickwad, jerkoff!” I called, grabbing him off Lani and jostling him.

  By the time the car had pulled up and got us back to the Grangers’, my heart beat at a normal pace and I chocked it all up to Brett drinking too much and having a possibly-passing out moment. It was stupid to think he’d get that caught up on Bec anyway. Sure, he wanted to fuck her, but he wasn’t into her.

  “You staying, or you can go back with the car?” Lani asked me, something in her face looked tense as she watched Brett start to wobble up the stairs.

  “Uh, no, I’ll stay,” I answered. I wasn’t worried about Brett anymore, but I was starting to worry about her.

  Lani sent the car back to get Bec home safe, then helped me get Brett up to his room before she disappeared again. I got Brett more comfortable and in bed, watching him for a few moments to make sure he was actually asleep and unlikely to barf like a freshman.

  Satisfied I wasn’t going to have to shower an unconscious Brett
– wouldn’t be the first time – I headed for Lani’s room. The house was dark, the others fast asleep, but I knew the way well.

  I couldn’t see a light on under Lani’s door, so I pushed it open gently in case she was already asleep. But, predictably, she wasn’t. I saw her on her balcony, staring up at the sky, a puff of smoke curling from her fingers. I stepped into the room and gave the balcony door a small knock before stepping out to join her.

  She jumped a little as she whirled around. Seeing it was me, she relaxed.

  “Mum and Dad still don’t know, huh?” I asked playfully.

  She gave me a small smile. “What’s up?”

  “Just wanted to check you were okay,” I said.

  She looked back up and I followed her gaze.

  The balcony was nice; not huge, but not small either. It ran the width of the one that opened to my room, a wall about hip high separating the two. The roofs were clear and blinds could pull down and keep the weather out, turning either each balcony or the whole thing into one of those conservatory-type rooms. Lani had one of those round day bed things and a couple of tables out there – I’d picked a hanging sunlounge and I was quite looking forward to getting a girl in it.

  “Yeah, fine,” she finally replied, dragging my mind away from that particular fantasy.

  I looked back to her and found her looking at me. I searched her face. She was doing a good job of being stony-faced, but I’d always – almost – been able to see through her.

  “Liar.”

  She broke into a grin that didn’t reach her eyes and took another drag on the cigarette before holding it to me with a quizzical lift of her eyebrow. I was going to shake my head, but I figured agreeing might make her feel more like talking to me.

  I took it and held it up as evidence for my next question. “So, tell me about his whole not sharing thing Bec was talking about?”

  Lani smiled and sat on the edge of the lounge. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Drake.”

  I spluttered a smoky laugh and passed the smoke back to her. “Yeah, ‘course not.”