the Trouble with Hate is...

by Elizabeth Stevens

  “Never happening again?” she asked, just as slowly.

  I nodded. “She told me so in no uncertain terms.”

  “And, she’s okay?”

  I rolled my eyes. “I was a perfect gentleman.”

  “A reckless perfect gentleman,” she said sarcastically.

  “Nevertheless, she enjoyed my company and wanted it as much as me.”

  Emma grimaced. “So didn’t need that much information. But, okay. No broken hearts, no crushed souls, no bruised egos, no regrets,” she said and I nodded. “Okay, I’m not going to condone it – and you’re not entirely out of the clear mister – but I won’t say anything to Angel.” She held her hands up and stepped back.

  “Thank you,” I said, begrudgingly, giving her a sarcastic bow.

  “You mind you don’t fuck up again, Casper Drake,” she said as she walked away, pointing at me.

  I knew she was pissed at me because I’d never heard her say ‘fuck’ once in all the times I’d disappointed her. We were incredibly close; there for each other, the two of us against the world no matter how ridiculously small the slight. But, we weren’t really friends. We didn’t hang out together and didn’t even have mutual friends except for the Grangers. And, to be honest in many ways, Emma really was more a sister to Lani than she was to me.

  “I won’t fuck up again, Emma,” I said and she gave me a disbelieving look. “Not…when it comes to her.”

  Her face softened and I knew she believed that, at least. She gave me a single nod before she disappeared into her room like some weird messenger guy in one of those movies who disappears into the shadows after he gives you some important clue.

  I shook my head at her dramatics and pulled my bag into my room, throwing it into the corner where it hit some still packed boxes. I flopped down on my bed, not bothering to take my jacket off even if it was kind of hot inside with it on. I really should have though; all it did was remind me of Lani’s warmth the night before, a stark contrast to the frigid water I’d inadvertently toppled us into.

  But, I hadn’t wanted her to fall, especially after the weirdness with her on my lap.

  I’d felt something ripple between us then. But, I wouldn’t have pushed it. For fuck’s sake, I was drunk; I probably would have forgotten all about it had nothing else happened. I hadn’t meant anything by helping her out of her hoodie… Not that I was going to complain about where that led.

  “Oh, stop going over it, Drake,” I muttered throwing my arm over my eyes. “You’ve just gone and made yourself hard and solved absolutely nothing.”

  When my phone went off, I wasn’t going to check it. But, after a while, my mind trailed off to Lani again and I grudgingly pulled my phone out of my pocket. I needed a distraction. Anything to take my mind off her.

  But, when I read the message from Phoebe asking me if I had plans that evening, I couldn’t bring myself to reply to her. Instead, I sent the same message – minus the winking emoji – to Emma.

  “You are such a lazy shit,” she yelled from her room.

  “Question still stands!” I yelled back.

  “Depends what you had in mind.”

  “Pizza and a movie maybe?”

  I waited to see what she would say. Our parents had gone away with John and Georgie for the weekend and weren’t due back ‘til the next night, so we had no obligations to have our usual Sunday night family dinner with the Grangers (we had dinner with each other more often than once a week most weeks, but Sunday was standing). Although, knowing Emma, she was still going to make me go, despite the great cock-up of the previous night.

  “Yeah, all right. Let me just finish this homework and I’ll meet you downstairs,” she finally called, surprising me, and I sent a silent thank you to her. “You’re welcome!” she answered and it was one of those moments when I was certain she was psychic.

  “You text Brett–” I started.

  “You can do it,” she interrupted. “Then unpack some damn boxes if you won’t study!”

  I grumbled but started writing a message to Brett, telling him we wouldn’t be at dinner. Usually we did one week our house, one week theirs, so next week would probably be their place anyway. We’d have to see what the parents decided; it was much of a muchness to us.

  Halfway through the message, though, I stopped. Something about Brett that day had made me wary, even though Lani had eased some of my fears and I knew she’d take care of him. Plus, I was probably being overly paranoid what with recent events, my emotions in a bit of a turmoil after what had happened between Lani and me. Still, I switched my message to Lani.

  Me: We’ll hang at home tonight. See you tomorrow.

  I dropped my phone onto my stomach and lay there for I don’t know how long – wondering if I really needed to unpack boxes just yet – before it vibrated again. I picked it up almost instantly. But, it wasn’t a reply from Lani.

  Phoebe: Not sure if u got my msg. Let me know if u want to hang out ;)

  Ugh. I dropped my phone again – a little too violently – and it bounced onto the floor just as it went off again. I dived off the bed spectacularly awkwardly, with a massive thud, and snatched it up.

  “You right?” Emma called and I heard the amusement in her voice.

  “Fine. Shut up!” I yelled back as I opened my messages.

  Lani: No worries. We’ll miss seeing you guys. See you tomorrow. He’ll be fine, Cas, don’t stress xoxo

  I sighed. How the hell did she know me so well? I felt an uncomfortable sensation in my chest at the thought, but thrust it away, focussing on replying. But, she’d sent another message before I had a chance.

  Lani: You know I’ll let you know if he’s not. Seriously, I feel you stressing, stop it! xoxo

  I smiled as I typed my response.

  Me: Okay, okay. Sorry, my bad. Engaging the not stressing now.

  I shrugged off my jacket, feeling better than I had all day. Whatever was bugging me out, there was seriously no point in fussing about it. I wasn’t the kind of guy to worry about a girl, and I had someone I trusted implicitly to worry about my best mate when I wasn’t around. So, really life should be peachy.

  So…then, why didn’t it feel so peachy?

  Chapter Twelve

  Lani

  I pulled my locker open after the usual fight with the bloody lock and took my books out of my bag, trying to remember what day it was and what lesson I had after lunch without my brain wandering back to Saturday night again.

  “I don’t know, babe,” Bec was saying as she leant against the locker next to mine and noisily chewed gum. “What do you think?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t want to be the bad guy, but he sounds like he was a twat.”

  Bec sighed and popped a bubble. “Yeah, I thought so, too.”

  “I just don’t think any amount of romanticising that shit is going to make him any better, babe,” I said, shoving my bag in my locker and slamming it shut.

  “Shame, though. He wasn’t terrible in the sack,” Bec sighed again and shook her hair.

  I snickered as I closed my padlock. “Not terrible is certainly a rave review.”

  Bec slapped my arm playfully. “He’s a teenage boy, not some alpha male in a trashy romance novel. You know what I mean? Besides, it’s not much different than you describe Coop.”

  I gave her a wry smile. “Yeah, well maybe Coop and I need to rethink our arrangement.”

  Bec looked at me incredulously. “Please don’t tell me you’re going to date him. Please tell me you’ve found someone better.”

  I’m not sure what she saw on my face; I thought I’d done a great job at not reacting. But, apparently not because her mouth dropped open far enough for me to see her chewing gum and she hit me repeatedly until she found her voice.

  “Who! I demand you tell me so I can live vicariously through you!” she said, still hitting me, her blue eyes boring into mine.

  “Morning, Lei,” the very ha
ndsome who said, touching my arm in no unusual way as he passed. But, if it wasn’t unusual, why did it feel different? “Bec,” he said seductively as he nodded to her and Ash nudged him idiotically.

  “Ladies.” Ash tried his hand at suaveness and failed only as spectacularly adorably as Ash could.

  “Drake. Ashford,” I replied, hoping I hadn’t gone quite as red as I felt I had.

  The boys turned so they were facing us as they walked away. Bec gave them the finger and Ash cackled like an idiot while Casper just gave her his panty-melting smile. Casper gave me a parting wink before they turned away and I actually put the back of my hand to my cheek before I could stop myself.

  “Ew. Not Ash? Please say it’s not Ash,” Bec groaned. “I know I missed the party babes, but I would have thought you could avoid some mistakes without me!”

  I watched the boys walk away and thought about that particularly disturbing scenario while I replied, “Ew. Gross, no!”

  Although Ash was attractive in his own right – tall, blonde, big brown eyes – he was the school idiot. Or, rather, he acted like the school idiot. I happened to know he wasn’t quite as stupid as he made out to be. But, he seemed to like his role as the slightly slow jock and didn’t appear in any hurry to do anything about it.

  I realised Bec hadn’t spoken so I dragged my thoughts off what Ash might be like in bed and looked at her. I could always tell when she was truly surprised because it was the only time she was truly speechless. Like she was now.

  She seemed to gain use of her body before use of her voice, proceeding to shake her head and mouth ‘no’ over and over. Finally, one of them reached hearing levels.

  “No…” she breathed.

  “Right. Speech is back. What’s this big revelation you think you’ve had?” I asked, hoping that if I pretended there was nothing for her to know, then she’d leave off the inevitable path her brain was hesitantly meandering down.

  Bec looked the way the boys went, then back at me, then back and forth comically until I grabbed her head and made her look at me.

  “What?” I asked her.

  “Casper fucking Drake?” she said so quietly it was hard to call it speech.

  I pulled away from her, acting as nonchalant but equally as believably grossed out as possible. “Casper? No. You know how I feel about Casper.” I made a gagging face and started walking away from her.

  “Not no. Yes. You fucked Casper fucking Drake!” she hissed and I looked around, panicked, hoping no one heard her.

  “I did not!”

  “Like hell you didn’t! How was it?”

  “We are not having a conversation about something that didn’t happen, Bec!” I said, heading outside and heading for our usual lunch spot.

  But, she knew me too well and only laughed. “So, it was good then?” And I heard the innuendo in her voice. Although, is it really innuendo when she just came out and said it?

  “Shut up, Bec,” I said. So much for no one finding out.

  “That good?” she asked, sounding the most impressed I’d ever heard her.

  I sighed as I dropped onto the grass under our tree and was incredibly grateful it hadn’t rained that day. I knew she wasn’t going to give it up, so I gave up trying to dissuade her.

  “Oh, my God. That good?” she asked, dropping beside me.

  I gave her a wry smile and looked at her from the corner of my eye. “Yeah, all right, it was good.”

  “But, I mean, how good? Was he generous?” she asked with a wink.

  I looked away from her and watched students hanging around, seemingly aimlessly. “Is seven times generous?”

  “Shut up!” she yelled, shoving me. “How many times did you fuck him?”

  “Bec! Come on, babe, language!”

  “Fuck that. Seven times? From how many?”

  “Four. All right? Five from four times.”

  “The other two?”

  “He knows how to use his fingers and tongue, that’s all I’ll say.” I held up my hands and bowed my head.

  “I’ve never heard anyone mention his tongue…” she said slowly as I heard Brett yell out.

  I looked over and saw the boys kicking the soccer ball around. They were all annoyingly good-looking boys; there was no denying it. Shame they were all such arrogant arsehats ninety-nine point nine-nine per cent of the time.

  “When are you seeing him next?” she asked, sounding more excited than was strictly necessary.

  “What?” I replied, not looking at her and watching my brother and his friends.

  “Well, if it was that good? I mean, I assume it was good. Or, do you – you know – consider seven out of four poor performance?” she asked, nonchalantly.

  “It’s not happening again. Once was it.”

  “Well, four times… My God, he must have the stamina of a horse!”

  “He had one night, Bec. That’s all,” I said in no uncertain terms.

  “So, what, you’re going to go back to Coop, who could give you maybe one then a terrible fuck? Shit, tell me he was hung at least. Tell me he looks as good under those pants as I’ve always imagined.”

  “Jesus, you foul-mouthed bitch,” I laughed and pushed her.

  “I says it like I thinks it.”

  I laughed again. “Yeah, I know! And I have to hear it!”

  “Was he though?” she asked, leaning towards me.

  “God. Yes, all right? Yes, he is!”

  She settled back like the cat that ate all the cream. “I knew it.”

  “The whole school knows it. Girls talk about it all the time.”

  She chuckled. “Yeah, but those girls are going to say anything positive about him just because they think they’re special that he picked them.” Her tone told me just what she thought about that. And, I couldn’t disagree with her… Except, wasn’t I one of those girls now? Bec obviously saw my expression change. “Oh, Lani, babe. You’re not like them. I mean, you had him for a whole night but you’re going to stick to your morals and walk away.” She paused and looked at me suspiciously. “How the hell did you even end up in bed with him?”

  “He found me smoking one of Coop’s joints, then pushed me in the pool,” I mumbled.

  “I’m sorry. What?” she said in her ‘I’m going to murder someone’ voice.

  “Well, he didn’t push me in the pool, per se…” I ran her through a short version of the night and I could see she was picturing it in the least creepy way possible. Or maybe kinda creepily…

  “I’m sorry,” she iterated when I was done, “you fell asleep on the rug in front of the fire?”

  “Yeah, laugh it up,” I responded dryly.

  “No, I’m actually kind of jealous. Do you think he’ll sleep with me?” she mused, looking over to them.

  Naturally, Casper was running backwards and looking stupidly sexy as he laughed at something and ran his hand through his hair.

  “Yes,” I replied and she snapped her head back to look at me as though she was seriously considering it. Well, as far as I was concerned – if she wanted him – she could have him. “But, do you really want him?”

  “Do I really want seven orgasms in one night?” she scoffed. “No, why the hell would any girl want that? Because all guys are that thoughtful.”

  “Well, you can have him–”

  “Incoming, Lei!” I heard Brett yell and the ball whizzed between our heads.

  I looked back over to them and saw Casper was jogging over.

  “Sorry, girls,” he said as he got closer, his face a perfect picture of apology.

  I could see Bec was looking at him in a totally new light and I had to bite my lip to stop myself laughing.

  “Hey, Casper,” she said, openly perving on him and I snorted.

  Casper dropped to a crouch between us with a cheeky grin on his face. “Hello, Rebecca,” he answered, matching her flirtatious tone. I bit my lip again, but a small snort escaped.

&
nbsp; He looked at me before I had a chance to let my lip go and I saw a return of that fire in those gorgeous green eyes. I shifted so I could close my legs against the ache he made me feel. His eyebrow rose and I saw him shake his head slightly before he looked back to Bec.

  “How was your weekend? Missed you at the gathering,” he said to her.

  She smiled widely at him and I wondered exactly how much of her flirting was real, how much she hoped it would lead to something, how much she was playing him, and how much was just Bec being herself.

  “Yeah, sucked I couldn’t make it. Did you have a good night?”

  “Found myself drunk and naked in the pool house. So, can’t complain.”

  “Classy as always, Casper. I like it,” she said, her eyelids lowering.

  Casper threw me a look as though wondering if it was okay to flirt with her. At least, that’s how it felt. But, I could never be sure with Casper in public as he had a mask that would make the Phantom jealous. Times like these, I could only guess what he was thinking.

  “Casper!” a girl called and I shared an eye roll with Bec as the girl came practically skipping over with the ball in her hands.

  “Hey, Autumn,” Casper said, standing up and running his hand through his hair in that way he did when he wanted you to think he was drool-worthily sexy. Which, of course he was, if you imagined him with any sense of moral direction.

  “Oh, for God’s sake,” I couldn’t stop myself muttering.

  “Ugh, what’s your problem, Leilani?” Autumn asked, popping her hip and flicking her bottle-blonde hair.

  “Oh, nothing, Autumn. Just admiring the mating ritual of the urban teenager,” I answered and Bec sniggered.

  Casper touched his hand to the back of my head in a calming gesture. More often than not, I’d take it as him being patronising, but this time I took it as him being on my side. Still, he didn’t really act like it.

  “What Lani means to say is she was thinking of something stupid that happened on the weekend,” he said charmingly enough to make me want to gag.

  “Does she though?” Bec asked and I shared a smile with her.

  Casper’s hand tightened in my hair and I had a vivid memory from Saturday night. “Yes, she does.”