Truth About Men & Dogs

by Andrea Simonne

  I was stunned into silence. Doug either had bigger balls than I’d ever given him credit for, or he was a bigger idiot than I imagined.

  “I won’t ask you for anything ever again—I promise!”

  “I can’t do it. You need to get back here right now or find somebody else.”

  “Come on, Philip. Please. Even for a few days.”

  “Just tell your mom you’ll help her after this project is finished. It shouldn’t take that long.”

  “But she doesn’t want to wait.” There was some kind of background noise. “Hang on, she wants to talk to you.”

  Great. The dragon lady herself—my dad’s sister. It figured every connection to his family was a pain in the ass.

  “Philip?” Aunt Linda barked at me. “Are you too good for us now? Is that it?”

  “No, I—”

  “Because that’s what it sounds like. Have you forgotten your family? Have you forgotten who helped you in a time of crisis?”

  My aunt once helped us many years ago, and she’s never let us forget it either. Over the years, I’ve paid off all her debts, including her mortgage, and saw to it she had a new car regularly, yet it was never enough. “Of course, I haven’t forgotten.”

  “Doug needs to stay here and be a responsible son.”

  “And I have a business to run with responsibilities of my own, so I’m sure you—”

  “Don’t interrupt me,” she snapped. “I’m not finished. With my health the way it is, I can’t manage this big house. He’s going to stay and help me, and you’re going to help him. That’s all there is to it.”

  “That’s not poss—”

  “Stop being so damn selfish!” Her voice took on a disgusted tone. “You always were a selfish boy, and now it’s no surprise you’re a selfish man.”

  I clenched my jaw to stop from saying something I’d regret, knowing I was better than that.

  “My poor Doug never had the same opportunities you had, and we both know it. But you don’t think about anyone but yourself.”

  Ironically, the main difference between Doug and me was that he was raised by her—which, I had to admit, couldn’t have been easy. She kept him on a short leash with all her imaginary ailments, demanding endless attention. I sighed, feeling a modicum of guilt that, despite everything that happened, I still had a better childhood.

  “All right, fine. I’ll cover for him one more day.”

  “Four days,” she countered.

  “No. And if you push me, it’ll be zero again.”

  “Three days is the least you could do. You’re acting just like that damn father of yours. What kind of man doesn’t want to help his own family? Blood is thicker than water.”

  The muscle in my jaw clenched at the way I was being emotionally manipulated, though I couldn’t deny it was working. “Two days and that’s it. I have an important meeting on Wednesday.”

  “Done. See? Was that so difficult?”

  I shook my head in disbelief.

  “Thank you!” Doug exclaimed when he got back on the line. “I really appreciate it! I’m sure I can find somebody else to fill in if I have to stay longer.”

  “Sure, whatever.” I was annoyed, but maybe the two days would give me a chance to see what else I could do to help improve his business.

  “And about the, um, movie thing tomorrow tonight.” Doug lowered his voice, speaking barely above a whisper. “Do you think you could fill in for me there too?”

  I went still with amazement. “Wait a minute, did you just ask me to take Claire to the movies instead of you?”

  “I had an idea,” he said, still speaking low. I heard a door close behind him, and I suspected he’d locked himself in the bathroom. “Maybe you could take her out and then talk about me. What do you think?”

  “Talk about you how?”

  “Like build me up, you know? Tell her what a great guy I am. That I’m a real catch.” He gave a dry chuckle.

  I gripped my phone tighter. “That’s a terrible idea. First, I doubt Claire will even go to the movies with me. And second, she dislikes me, so I’m the last person you want speaking out on your behalf.”

  “But you’re important, Philip.” His voice turned emphatic. “You’re successful. Even if she doesn’t like you, that’s going to count for something.”

  How the hell was I getting roped into all this? “Look, Doug, when it comes to women, you need to step up and make the effort. Claire will never respect you otherwise.”

  “But that’s why I need your help. If you tell her what a great guy I am, then it’ll be easier when I see her next time.” Doug went into his sad-sack routine, and I could almost see his hangdog face. “I know most women don’t think much of me, but I’m a decent person worthy of respect. I get so nervous around her though. I’m worried she thinks I’m a dope.”

  “You have to show her what you’re made of. I can’t do that for you.”

  “How will I ever get her to fall in love with me though? I need help convincing her to give me a real chance.”

  “So you’re really in love with this woman?”

  “I am,” he said eagerly. “She’s the one for me. I just know it!”

  I tried to imagine what my cousin’s life must be like. Between his domineering mother and his low self-esteem, I was sure he seldom got laid. Then I flashed back to that pitiful display when he begged Claire to go out with him.

  “All right.” I sighed. “What exactly do you want me to say?”

  “You better be nice to her,” my sister told me the next day after I explained how I was taking Claire to the movies that night as a favor for Doug. “She’s not like those vapid women you’re used to dating.”

  “I don’t date vapid women.”

  She gave me a look.

  Okay, so I sort of dated vapid women. Beautiful but vapid. Admittedly even I’d grown tired of not being able to have a conversation with them. “I’ll have you know I’m currently seeing someone, and she’s very interesting.”

  “What does she do?”

  “She’s a designer.”

  “What does she design? And please don’t say purses.”

  I shrugged, feeling slightly uncomfortable. “What’s wrong with purses?”

  “Nothing, but everybody knows ‘purse designer’ isn’t a real thing. I mean, have you ever seen an actual purse she’s designed?”

  I didn’t reply. To be honest, this wasn’t the first woman I’d dated who claimed to be a purse designer with nothing to show for it.

  “How long have you been seeing her?” the pest wanted to know.

  “I don’t know. About a month.”

  “Have you ever taken her to a movie?”

  “No.”

  My phone buzzed, and I checked my messages. It was Gavin reminding me about the meeting on Wednesday with Atlas, a commercial real estate group. He wanted to know if I’d looked over their portfolio.

  Me: Not yet.

  I let him know I was flying to Seattle tonight but had to be back here again on Monday. After my phone conversation with Doug yesterday, I’d checked and discovered Truth Harbor had a small airfield, so I decided to make a short trip to the city this weekend. I figured I could grab my laptop and a few other things.

  “Have you and this ‘purse designer’ ever had a meal with each other in a regular restaurant?” my sister asked. “Gone to see a football game? Done anything normal together whatsoever?”

  “Not really.” I glanced up at her. “Why are you asking all these questions?”

  “Because I know you’re not in an actual relationship. What’s her name? When’s the last time you even spoke to this woman?”

  I smiled at my sister. “Yesterday.” I’d called Madison yesterday to see when she was available. “I’m seeing her next weekend, and her name is Madison.”

  “So what’s her favorite color?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Favorite movie?”

  I shrugged.

  “Doe
s she have any hobbies? What’s her favorite vegetable?”

  “Favorite vegetable?” I laughed. “Who cares?”

  “For your information, that’s exactly the kind of thing people in relationships know about each other.”

  I rolled my eyes.

  “What’s her best friend’s first name?”

  “Look, what does it matter if I know any of that stuff? We have a good time together. That’s what matters.”

  The pest shook her head. “You’ve been dating this woman for a month and you don’t even know her best friend’s first name? It’s just as I thought. Another one of your shallow relationships. You’re still being a dog. It’s nothing more than sex, is it?”

  I chuckled. “Even if it is, I’m not discussing that with you.”

  The phone in my hand buzzed again.

  Gavin: WTF? You’re flying back out there on Monday?

  Me: Long story.

  Gavin: Let me guess. It involves your hapless cousin. Did the dragon lady get to you?

  I snorted. Gavin and I had been best friends since middle school, so he knew all about my family’s sordid history.

  “Who are you texting with?” my sister wanted to know, moving closer.

  “Nobody, just Gavin.”

  “Oh, really?” Her voice changed slightly. “Tell him I said hi.”

  Me: The pest says Hi.

  Gavin: Tell Eliza I said Hi too.

  “What did he say?” She tried to peer over my shoulder.

  “Nothing.” I glanced at her. “He just said ‘Hi’ back.”

  She smiled, but I didn’t like it. Every once in a while, I got the sense the two of them might be attracted to each other. I hoped that wasn’t the case. In fact, it better not be the case. Gavin was my best friend, and I’d trust him with my life, but that didn’t mean I wanted him going after my little sister.

  By the time I arrived at Claire’s gingerbread house, it was early evening. The house looked the same as the past couple of days—brown cookie dough siding with white frosting trim. Just like a fairy tale. A naughty fairy tale, I thought, remembering her bed that looked straight out of a seraglio.

  I’d called earlier and left Claire a message about the movie but hadn’t heard anything back. Unfortunately, that meant my only choice was to show up and hope for the best, because as far she knew, her date with Doug was still on.

  The turquoise Kia with her business name on it was sitting in the driveway. The woods around her house smelled green and earthy.

  I knocked on her front door and waited.

  Nothing happened, so I knocked again.

  I glanced back at her car in the driveway.

  Was I being stood up? I paused to consider it. It had been years since I’d been stood up. Single, straight, and rich. Most women saw dating me as their chance to finally conquer Mount Everest.

  Just as I got my phone out to try and call her again, I heard voices behind me. Turning, I saw Claire and her sister walking down the driveway.

  Like the other day, it was difficult to believe the two of them were related. Claire’s sister was tall and very slender. She was attractive, but I didn’t find her nearly as appealing as Claire, who had curves in all the right places and a feisty temper to match.

  But then I caught myself. I was here for Doug, to try and help him win this woman’s heart. I wasn’t supposed to be admiring her body or fantasizing about having explosive sex in that naughty bed of hers.

  As usual, Claire didn’t look pleased to see me. “What are you doing here?”

  I chuckled. “Do you ever check your messages?”

  “Of course I do.” She seemed indignant. “I’ve been working all day.”

  Daphne smiled and said hello in her soft-spoken voice. “Where’s Doug?” she asked. “I was hoping to talk to him. Is everything okay with his mom?”

  “She’s fine.” The dragon lady would outlive us all. “He’s tied up in Seattle though.” I explained how Doug was helping his mom fix up her house to sell.

  Daphne’s eyes lit up. “He is? I could probably help. Maybe I should call him.”

  Claire opened her mouth. “Wait, so Doug and I aren’t going to the movies tonight?” She wore jeans and a short-sleeved T-shirt that showed a nice bit of smooth cleavage. Instead of the usual severe style, her hair was soft and curly, flowing down around her shoulders. Her lips were a glossy pink.

  “That’s why I’m here.” I’d already decided how to spin this whole thing. “Doug asked me to come by and tell you how sorry he was that he can’t make it tonight.”

  I watched her closely, trying to see if she was disappointed. Was Claire romantically interested in my cousin? If so, it would make my job a lot easier.

  “Anyway, what do you think of going to the movies with me instead?” I asked.

  Her eyes widened. “With you?”

  I shrugged. It was a delicate balancing act to appear indifferent and interested at the same time. Luckily, I’d had plenty of practice. Wooing touchy engineers at promising start-ups required a similar skill set.

  “Why not?” I licked my bottom lip and sweetened the pot. “I’d like the chance to apologize to you for my recent… behavior.” I gave her my most humble expression.

  There was a pause, and I could see I’d surprised her.

  “You should go to the movies,” Daphne told Claire. “There’s no reason to stay home when you’re dressed and ready. I’m going back to the house to see if I can get Doug on the phone.”

  She turned and headed up the driveway, leaving Claire and me alone.

  “So what do you say?” I asked, still trying to appear humble. “Will you let me make it up to you?”

  Her eyes were large and brown with flecks of gold that I remembered from the first time we met. Those flecks sparked now. “Does this mean you’re admitting you took my phone?”

  “I’m not admitting anything. Come to the movies with me though and all will be revealed.”

  She glanced over at her house. “I don’t know.”

  “We can see whatever movie you like. I’ll even spring for the tickets and popcorn.”

  She sighed with reluctance before turning back to me. “I guess, but just the movie. Nothing else.”

  I chuckled to myself. I couldn’t remember the last time I had to talk a woman into going out with me. It was oddly refreshing. “Don’t worry, I’ve chartered a flight back to Seattle later tonight.”

  Her brows rose. “You’re leaving?”

  “Just for a day. I’ll be back on Monday to fill in for Doug again.”

  She nodded. “How long is that going to go on?”

  “Only a couple more days.”

  On the drive to the movie theater, I did my best to put in a good word for my cousin. I told her how he was a nice guy and that she should give him a chance. “He gets kind of nervous around you, but don’t hold that against him. I think it’s because he likes you so much.”

  “I’m sure he is a nice guy, but I don’t date.” She was sitting with her head against the seat, eyes on the road. “You should tell Doug to quit asking me out. It won’t get him anywhere.”

  I looked over to her as I drove. “You don’t date ever?”

  “No.”

  “Is there a reason for that?”

  “None that I want to talk about. It’s a long story and not one I want to share.”

  “I understand, but maybe it’s time to change all that. Doug might be the new story in your life.”

  The theater was a multiplex, and judging by the poster, the movie she wanted to see was some kind of overwrought chick flick drama.

  I groaned inwardly. Two hours long, though I was sure it would feel like ten by the time it was done.

  Claire smiled. “You’re the one who wanted to go to the movies.”

  “I’m not complaining.”

  “Your face is complaining for you.”

  “I happen to love deeply introspective movies about relationships told from the female point o
f view.”

  She snorted with laughter, and it turned out she had a dimple in her left cheek I’d never noticed.

  I made a production of patting my jeans pockets. “Let me just make sure I have enough Kleenex for all the crying I’ll be doing.”

  She laughed some more. “I take it you’d rather see something else?”

  “And miss this tearjerker all the critics are in love with? Hell, no. I’d never forgive myself.”

  “Okay, but just so you know what you’re getting into—” She paused for dramatic effect. “—there are no aliens or spaceships in this movie.”

  “I understand. As long as there are a few battle scenes with an explosion or two, I’m good.”

  She gave me a look. “Seriously, I should force you to watch this with me as punishment for stealing my phone.”

  I sighed. “That would be cruel and unusual, but if you’re that coldhearted, I have no choice.”

  She considered me. The dimple appeared again while those brown eyes were calculating. Between her soft curls and soft curves, everything about her was turning me on. She even smelled good. Something feminine with a hint of spice.

  “All right,” she said. “We can watch a different movie, but I’m still choosing.”

  “I understand. I’m at your mercy.”

  Being it was Saturday, there were several films showing. In the end she chose a romantic comedy which, while not the epic sci-fi battle I’d hoped for, was better than that painful drama, so I didn’t complain.

  By the time we got our popcorn, candy, and soft drinks, the previews were already starting. The movie turned out to be surprisingly funny and had us both cracking up. Perfect first date movie. It had been years since I’d taken a date to the movies, and I realized it was because none of them would have wanted to go. The women I dated normally wanted to be seen at all the hot spots in town.

  Claire wasn’t like that, and obviously this wasn’t an actual date, but I couldn’t deny I was having a great time. We kept the tub of popcorn between us, and she kept moving it onto her lap.

  “Damn, woman, you’re a popcorn thief.”

  “I am not.”

  Our hands were bumping into each other in the bucket—not that I minded. “Is there any of that Kit Kat left?”