“Why aren’t I enough, though?” I felt defeated before we’d even spoken.
“Don’t you dare think that way. You’re more than worth it, and she knows it. She’s just trying to take the easy way out. Don’t let her.” She hugged me tightly before giving me a stern look. “Get back there and tell her how you feel.”
With a heavy sigh, I headed back to Jules, dreading how this conversation would turn out. Approaching the back door, I hesitated. I could walk away now and try to move on without her in my life. The thought of living without her nearly brought me to my knees. I needed to convince her to stay.
Looking out the window, I saw she was sitting on the steps, her knees were bouncing nervously as she wrung her hands in her lap. Same old Jules.
Taking a deep breath, I tried to brace myself to face her. The door felt like it weighed a ton as I pushed it open. She snapped her head up and seemed to sag in relief.
“I thought maybe you decided not to come back.”
Taking a seat beside her, I sighed. “I’m not going to lie, I thought about leaving.” A twinge of guilt hit me, but I wanted to be truthful.
“Listen, I’m sorry, I know this can’t be easy—”
I cut her off right there. She told me everything I needed to know, so now it was my turn.
“You had your chance; it’s my turn.” My tone was laced with a little more fire than I wanted, and it got her attention as her eyes went wide.
My legs bounced restlessly. I needed to move, so I jumped up and started to pace. “I don’t even know where to start, Jules.” I stopped pacing and turned to her.
Fuck, she was beautiful. Her nose was scrunched up as she waited for me to continue.
“This is your life, and I get that you have a son to worry about. But I can’t let you leave without really thinking this through. Why would you want to leave here? Yes, you’re reminded of your mom at every turn, but this is all fresh. One day, it won’t be so hard, and reminders will make you smile. Even if they make you cry, you’ll think of the good times instead of remembering your loss.”
She opened her mouth to interrupt me, but I continued before she could.
“If you leave, you’re leaving behind the only people who knew your mama and miss her too. I feel her loss too, Jules. After you left, we got really close. We talked all the time, and we met up every Wednesday. We missed you and felt closer to you when we were together. So, although she wasn’t my mom, I miss her a shitload. You need us, and we need you.”
Wanting her to see it in my eyes, I crouched in front of her and took her hands in mine. I could see she was torn. I wanted desperately to blurt out, I love you. It was on the tip of my tongue, but I wasn’t going to have her stay out of guilt. I wanted her to stay for the right reasons. She knew I loved her.
“You need to give yourself time to grieve; it’s not an overnight process. There are phases. Some will be good, and some will be really bad, but we will all be here to help you through it.” Dipping my head, I caught my bearings. I was on the verge of breaking down, and I wanted to get through this before I did.
“When you left, you took the easy way out. You ducked out without even saying goodbye. Shit, you took away my chance at goodbye.”
She winced, and I hated bringing it up, but I wanted her to see. After a minute, I looked up and saw the tears streaming down her face. I broke, and my tears fell, too. She reached up and wiped them away, letting her hand linger on my cheek. I took hold of her hand and smiled sadly at her.
“I know why you did it, and I know why you’re doing it now, but running away is not the answer. You need to face this head-on and let us help you. You can’t take off and think the grief won’t follow you; it will.”
A sob escaped her throat. She looked down, and she dropped her hands to wring them in her lap.
“Look at me, Jules.”
Shaking her head, she continued looking down. I reached for her chin, but she turned her head and stood before I could.
“I’m sorry, I really am, but I’ve made up my mind. I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I’ve weighed my options, and I’m doing this for Calum.”
“Bullshit.” I jumped up.
“It’s not. You’re not a father. You don’t understand. I need to put him first.”
I didn’t know why, but her words hit me right in the gut. My tears continued down my cheeks, and I knew this was a losing battle. She was using her son as the excuse when it was about her running, nothing else.
“You know what? I’m not a parent, but Calum’s too young to see this. He has people around him who love and care about him. That’s what’s important. I don’t need to be a father to understand that.”
She stopped in her tracks to glare at me. “Don’t you dare tell me what’s important for my son. I make the decisions for him, and this is what I’m doing, for him. You have no right to tell me what to do.”
“You’re right. I don’t have any right at all. You’ve made it clear all these years that I mean nothing to you, and you’re doing it all over again. I’m sorry to see you go, but I can see you’ve made up your mind. Good luck in California. I’ll miss you, and I wish you the best.”
For my own sanity, I turned and walked away. There was no point in wasting my breath anymore. I loved this girl fiercely, but I’d lost her, again.
This time it was for good.
Playlist
http://bit.ly/HurricanePlaylist
Acknowledgments
As this is my first book, I’m sure you can imagine the help I received throughout every step. The number of people who took time out of their day for me was overwhelming.
I wish I could thank each and every one of you, but that would be a list as long as the book.
So, to everyone who helped me along the way, I will forever be grateful that you were a part of this process. I couldn’t have done it without you.
I would like to thank two very special women that without them I literally would not have hit publish.
Jessi Gibson is the most amazing author coach, and I couldn’t be prouder to call her my friend. She took me on in early 2018 and didn’t let me quit, although I desperately wanted to. She goes above and beyond for her clients, and although sometimes I wanted to tell her to piss off, she wouldn’t have listened. I love you girl. Thank you <3
And last but not least, Stephie Walls, I can’t even find the words to say how much you mean to me. You’ve gone above and beyond, not only did you edit and format for me, but you helped with every single little thing I asked. You never cease to amaze me, and you never complain even when I ask dumb ass shit. HAHA You are my bestie, and I couldn’t imagine my life without you in it. #thickandthin
About the Author
I'm a feisty redheaded Canadian/American who fell in love with romance novels when my friend Phil bought me a Kindle that hasn't left my side since.
My favorite books to read are anything taboo and super sick and twisted. I'm not sure I will ever write anything dark, but I would love to give it a shot one day.
I live in South Florida with my high school sweetheart and three kids.
I grew up in Burlington, ON, Canada but made the move to South Florida in 2013 and definitely don't miss the snow.
I'm not sure where this writing journey will take me but either way, I know it will be a fun new adventure, and I'm super excited about it.
Wrecked by Her (Like a Hurricane Duet Book 1) Page 17