We spent the afternoon outside, playing ball, swimming, and just hanging out. It felt good to just spend time with my son and not worry about anything else. My stomach alerted me that it was dinnertime, so I heated up one of the casseroles from the freezer while giving Calum a bath. I really should be bathing with him, but I couldn’t be bothered.
While getting him ready for bed, I heard a knock at the door, followed by a few more, and a phone call. I ignored it still not prepared to see anyone. Maybe tomorrow. For now, it was just me and my boy.
Once he was in bed, I grabbed a new bottle of wine and a glass and started what seemed to be my new nightly routine. I was still in the same clothes and Mama’s robe. I hadn’t brushed my teeth or hair and hadn’t showered. But Calum didn’t care, and no one else really mattered.
I drowned my sorrows in the bottle while crying to my mama, hoping she could hear me. I didn’t think it would be this hard. I mean, I lived thousands of miles away, and we didn’t speak daily. I had only seen her once in the past eight years. Why was this so hard?
I fell asleep to thoughts of mama once again with tears streaming down my cheeks.
27
Jules
Five in the morning was not when I wanted to wake. I tried my damnedest to get back to sleep, but it was just not happening. Seeing as the house could use a good cleaning, I hopped out of bed and got to work. Calum wouldn’t be up for a few more hours, so why not?
I started by creeping into Calum’s room to grab his laundry basket and closed his door quietly before picking up all the other laundry lying around the house.
Downstairs, I opened all the windows to let in the fresh air; at this hour, the temperature was perfect, and the breeze moved the smell of the Scentsy plugin around the whole house.
Before I knew it, the house was spotless, and Calum was waking up. I popped in some Eggos again, but this time, I had some fruit and yogurt for him, not that he’d complain about the waffles.
When he was done eating, I tidied up and decided we should do some crayon rubbings out back. He loved treasure hunts and coloring, so why not both?
We set out on a treasure hunt for the biggest leaf. He was so excited, picking up every one he could find.
“Where the hell have you been?”
I jumped at the sound of Taylor’s voice. I turned around to find her standing in the doorway with her hand on her hip, tapping her foot. She looked pissed.
“What do you mean? I’ve been here.” I knew exactly what she was talking about but whatever.
“You know just what I mean. You haven’t answered your phone or your door. Hunter and Margaret have both been trying as well. We’re all worried sick.”
“I’m sorry. Calum and I have been spending time together, I haven’t had my phone on me. I heard the door last night when Calum was in the bath, but I couldn’t leave him alone in there, now could I?” It was partially true.
She eyed me, knowing very well that I was full of shit. “You didn’t think it was important to at least check your phone since Monday?” She was blowing this way out of proportion; I needed time.
“Listen, I said I’m sorry. What more do you want from me? I’m going through a lot right now and need some time with my little man. Is that so hard to understand?”
Taylor visibly winced; I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings. “It’s not at all. We all appreciate that you need space, but we’re worried. A simple text and we wouldn’t be so anxious, and you don’t have to go through this alone. We’re here for you.” She came over and stood near me but quickly stepped back. “Have you even showered? I know Calum won’t tell you, but you stink.”
I gripped my chest in mock horror. “I’m offended. I do not stink.” I lifted up my tank and took a whiff. Damn, I reeked, bad.
Taylor leaned over and picked up Calum. “I’m taking this cutie over to Margaret’s.”
I opened my mouth to interrupt, but she put her hand up to stop me.
“Margaret misses him. I’m dropping him off, and then I’m coming back over to make sure you shower and change your clothes.”
She didn’t wait for a response. She just turned and walked into the house with Calum. Fuck, there goes my little bubble.
Five minutes later, Taylor was back and forcing me into the shower. The water felt amazing on my skin. I scrubbed myself a little longer than usual since I had a lot of stank to wash off. By the time I got out, I felt a bit better than when I went in.
Taylor had some clothes laid out on the bed for me. I rolled my eyes, secretly cursing and loving my best friend at the same time. At least it was yoga pants and a tank top.
Walking downstairs, I heard her tell whoever she was on the phone with that she had to go.
“There she is, my best friend smelling much better than she did before. I have your phone on the charger. Please call, or at least text, Hunter. He’s going out of his mind. He’s stopped by a few times in the last forty-eight hours. Put him out of his misery.”
I nodded but didn’t respond.
“And listen, I know you need your space, and I’m cool with that, but at least fucking shower and check in with us. That’s all I ask. I love you, and I just need to know you’re all right.” She sounded upset, and it made me feel even worse.
“I’m just trying to deal. The funeral made it all real, you know? I’m just having a hard time. I promise I’ll touch base with Hunter, and I’ll have some tea with Margaret.” A thought hit me. “How about we have dinner tomorrow night? There is so much food here, and it’s all so great. I could make some bread and salad to go with one of the dishes.” I smiled at my best friend, hoping this would help ease her mood.
“Sounds great. How’s six? And make sure you invite Hunter and Margaret yourself.” She still sounded a little pissy with me, but she would get over it.
“Yes, ma’am.” I saluted her and stuck out my tongue.
“Come here. I need a hug, I’ve been worried. You know I climbed through the window today?” She grabbed me and pulled me in.
My shoulders shook with laughter. I couldn’t breathe, envisioning her climbing through the window in her stuffy work clothes. “You did not?” I pulled away and looked at her questioningly.
“How the fuck else was I supposed to get in? The door was locked, and you hadn’t been answering your calls or the door, so I let myself in. I can’t believe I didn’t split my pants and flash the neighborhood.” We both laughed, and it felt good. “Just don’t do that again, please. I need to know you’re okay, even though I know you aren’t. A quick text is all I need.”
I nodded, and she hugged me again.
“Okay, I need to get back to work. Please put Hunter out of his misery. Then make some cookies or something for Margaret, and go see her.” She smiled and blew me a kiss.
I grabbed my phone and plopped down on the couch, debating on whether I should call or text him. I thought texting was a safe bet. I powered on my phone that must have died sometime yesterday. Ignoring a million messages, I opened my conversation with Hunter and ignored all the missed texts.
Me: Hey, sorry I’ve been MIA. I just needed some time.
His response came through before I could even set down my phone.
Hunter: Holy fuck, you scared the shit out of me. Do you know how many times I’ve been by your house? I was feeling very stalkerish. Are you okay?
Me: I will be. Just figuring shit out.
Hunter: I get it. Please make sure to check in, though. Do you need anything?
Me: I’m okay, but thanks for offering. Hey, I need to make some cookies for Margaret to apologize. Are you able to come for dinner tomorrow around 6?
Hunter: I want apology cookies. If I come to dinner, do I get some, too?
Me: I’ll try to save you some. :)
Hunter: I’ll be there.
Me: See you then.
I saw his text bubbles pop up and disappear over and over, indicating he wanted to say something, but eventually, he must have decided not to
as nothing came through.
I headed to the kitchen to make some lemon shortbread. They were so delicious; they should do the trick.
An hour or so later, I was standing on Margaret’s porch, hoping she wasn’t as mad as the others. She answered the door with a huge smile and invited me in.
“I come bearing apology cookies.” I smiled shyly, hoping she’d forgive me.
“Oh honey, you don’t need to apologize. I know you’re hurting and trying to hold yourself together. Just make sure that you come up for air every once in a while. And if you don’t feel like getting out of bed, text me, and I’ll gladly entertain that cutie for you. And before you say anything, yes, this old bird can text.”
I laughed at her; she never ceased to amaze me. “Thank you. I will probably take you up on that. Let’s have some cookies and tea.” I walked into the kitchen and set the cookies on the counter. “Is Calum napping?”
“He is. He just went down about ten minutes ago.” She smiled.
“Oh, before I forget, are you around for dinner at my place tomorrow at six?”
“I’d love to. Any excuse to spend time with you guys.”
We spent the next couple of hours drinking tea and eating cookies while talking about everything and nothing. Calum and I headed home to eat dinner and snuggle before bedtime.
I decided to forgo the wine and crying myself to sleep; instead I opted for ice cream, Netflix, and passing out on the sofa.
28
Jules
Thursday passed in a blur. Calum and I spent the day at the park and then McDonald’s for lunch. Don’t judge me; I love it.
We still had so much food that was brought over, so I decided on the lasagna from Mrs. Grenka. We headed to the grocery store to grab some bread and salad to accompany the entree.
All three of them showed up on time. I greeted them each with a hug, and we made our way out back to the patio table for dinner.
“Can I help with anything?” Hunter asked when I headed back inside.
“Sure, thanks. I could use a hand carrying things out.”
He followed me inside. We brought it all in one trip. Sitting down, Margaret said grace before we dug in. I couldn’t believe how amazing the food was.
“This is the best lasagna ever. I need to get the recipe from Mrs. Grenka. That woman can cook.” Everyone agreed with moans and nods of approval.
The conversation was really quiet throughout the entire meal. Either it was the food or that no one wanted to be the reason I cracked. I wasn’t sure which.
Calum started to get a little fussy in his high chair, so I wiped him down and picked him up. “I’m going to give him a quick bath and put him to bed. I’ll be right back down. Do y’all mind?”
“Of course not. We’ll be here when you’re done.” Margaret got up and kissed Calum on the forehead. “Goodnight, little prince,” she whispered.
Hunter and Taylor said goodnight as well.
Half an hour later, I came back down to find they’d cleaned up and a glass of wine was waiting for me by the outdoor sofa.
“Thanks for the cookies.” Hunter was smiling, with about ten cookies on a plate.
“Haha. You’re welcome.”
“Thanks for cleaning up. You didn’t have to do that.” I smiled and decided to stand for this. “Listen, I need to talk with y’all about something.” I took a deep breath, looked down at my hands that I was wringing in my lap and let the words out in a rush. “I know it hasn’t been very long, but I’ve really been struggling in this house. Every time I turn around, something reminds me of Mama. I grew up here, every single thing has her stamp on it. Since she’s passed, it’s a constant reminder of what I’ve lost and what I’ll never get back.” I paused to take a sip of my wine. “I can barely get out of bed in the morning. It’s not healthy for me, and it’s certainly not good for Calum.”
I looked up, making eye contact with each of them, landing on Margaret as the safest bet.
“This is one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made, and I hope y’all understand why I think it’s best that we move back to California.”
Taylor jumped out of her seat. “You can’t be serious? I just got you back.” She turned to look at Hunter and then back at me with pleading eyes. “I know you’re going through a lot right now, but being here with us is what’s important. If you need to come stay with me, you can. I would be more than happy to have you guys.”
“I appreciate that; I truly do, but I need to do what’s best for the two of us.” I caught a glimpse of Hunter out of the corner of my eye as he got up and walked over to the pool but didn’t say a word.
Taylor stepped up to me and whispered, “Do you have any idea what this will do to him?”
I stepped back, my legs hitting the chair, causing me to fall back into it. I didn’t bother getting up. She was angry and upset. Before I could respond, she huffed and stormed off toward Hunter.
Margaret cleared her throat, and I looked up as she wiped a tear from her cheek. “Everything will be all right.” She looked over at Hunter. “He just needs a minute.”
I followed her gaze to where Taylor was flailing her arms, visibly upset. Hunter was watching me with a blank expression. He shook his head, turned back to Taylor, and started speaking.
Margaret rested her hand on my shoulder. “I’m very sorry to see you go. Are you sure you can’t stay? I’ll miss you and Calum terribly.”
“I hate that I’m doing this to all the people I care about, but I can’t keep living this way. I need the memories and constant reminders to stop.” A tear slipped out before I could catch it.
“Oh my God. I get it now.” Taylor’s voice startled me; I didn’t realize she’d come back over.
I looked up at my best friend wondering what the hell she was talking about.
“That’s why you stayed away so long. It’s easier to be away from everyone. All the constants disappear. That’s how you were able to stay away from Hunter for all these years.” She crouched down in front of me and took my hands in hers. “Fuck. Jules.” Her voice was low. “I love you with all my heart, and I’ll always be there for you, but this is selfish on so many levels.”
I cocked my brow, questioning her.
“You want to leave the memories behind to make it easier on you? What about us? We’re left here with the constant reminders of you. And you’re going to leave Hunter again? Again! This will destroy him.” She stood and continued. “As I said, I love you, but this is completely fucked up. You need to think long and hard about what you’re leaving behind.” She looked over at Hunter and back to me. “Because I don’t think you quite understand.” Her tone was unyielding; she was extremely hurt.
I looked down and started to cry. She was right, this was the easy way out, but this was also for my son. I was miserable here, and being back in California would be the answer. Away from everyone when I went to school was torture, but I got over it and moved on as best I could without them. I was able to block it all out and not think about them when I had few reminders from home.
Margaret leaned down, wrapping her arms around me. “I’m going to head home. We can talk tomorrow. I’ll come by for tea in the morning, okay?”
I nodded in her shoulder.
She pulled back. “Night, everyone.”
Taylor came to sit beside me. “I’m sorry. I just want what’s best for you, and I truly believe that going back to Cali isn’t the answer.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Sorry, California,” she said, knowing I hated when she called it that.
Sighing, I tried one more time to help her understand. “Listen, I’ve thought about it a lot over the last few days. I’m dying inside. Every time I turn around, she’s there. I’ve never felt this level of sadness, and it’s killing me.”
Taylor hugged me close. “I know you’ll make the best decision in the end; I just hope it’s not too late.” She looked back at Hunter again. “I can’t imagine where his mind is right now.”
I leaned my head back. “You’re right. I know he’s hurting.”
She smiled. “You want me to stick around?”
“No, we need to talk.”
“Make sure you call me tomorrow or later if you need.” She got up.
I stood too and hugged her close again.
“Love you, bitch.” She blew me a kiss before walking toward the door.
“Love you, whore,” I shouted before she went inside.
“Hunter, come walk me out please?”
He nodded before jogging over to her, not even glancing my way.
29
Hunter
Walking Taylor to the door was the last thing I wanted to do. I wanted to scream and shake Jules.
“What the fuck? She can’t be serious, can she?” I spoke the words before the front door was even closed.
Taylor stopped the moment we reached her car and turned to look up at me with sad eyes.
“I don’t want your fucking pity. Don’t look at me like that.” My words came out harsher than I would usually speak to her, but I was beyond irritated.
“Hunter, you need to calm the fuck down. Going back in and blowing up is not going to help the situation, is it?”
I gripped the back of my neck and let out a loud breath. “I know, but I’m pissed and upset. I’m hanging on by a thread. With the way I’m feeling, I’m debating on whether leaving would be a better idea.”
“Don’t even think about walking away. That’s the worst thing you could do. She’s a single mom. If you walk away, she will be gone so fast your head will spin. She needs to see you’re all in and not going anywhere. Give her a reason to stay.” She was pleading with me; I was forgetting that this was her best friend she stood to lose as well
Wrecked by Her (Like a Hurricane Duet Book 1) Page 16