by Skye Horn
“Caden, will you get Haven and have her meet us in the dungeons?” Thea said, knowing her guard would be even more upset if she didn’t get invited to the interrogation.
He nodded his head and the three of them headed for the castle. Thea didn’t know what she expected to hear from Kieran, but the closer they got the faster her heart beat. When she and Adrian went separate ways from Caden, Thea found herself trying not to hyperventilate. Seeing Kieran the first time had been hard enough, but seeing him again was going to be worse. She’d had too much time to prepare herself for the monster he’d become. All she wanted was to turn around and run, but still her feet carried her forward.
When they reached the staircase that would lead to the dungeons, she placed her hand on the railing and stopped walking. What would she say to him now? Her other hand found her stomach, wondering when she would begin to notice the physical changes in her body. The emotional ones were evident, now that she knew what was happening, but physically, only her unstable magic could be considered a sign.
“Are you sure you’re ready to see him? You’ve hardly slept and—”
“And we are losing time by waiting,” she said quietly. Adrian winced at the sharpness in her tone, but there was nothing she could do to soften it. She was on high alert, ready to feel her heart break all over again. The man she’d loved was just beyond a few doors, locked in a cell. The father of her child was gone, and left behind was a soulless being who served only himself and his Goddess. She needed to remember that.
“Let’s go.” She couldn’t hesitate anymore. Her feet pressed forward, her breathing quickening with every step until they reached a set of doors with two guards posted outside. She stopped as the guards discussed protocol and then were bought off by Adrian. Thea made a note to pay him back for all the money he was spending to sneak her around.
“Come on,” he said, grabbing a candlestick from one of the guards and leading her through the doors by the arm. Thea let herself slide into the warmth of his touch, focusing on that instead of what would come. She didn’t know if she could handle this alone, and prayed that Haven would arrive soon, but it was comforting that Adrian was there too. It made things a little easier.
“I told you she’d want to see me,” came a voice from the dark cells beyond them. Thea’s feet faltered before Adrian helped her forward, watching her with a nervous gaze. Kieran’s tone sounded amused, only adding to her nerves as they turned a corner to face a small cell at the end of the corridor. Thea’s heart may as well have stopped.
He sat with his back to them, wings folded tightly against himself. Rats scurried on the ground around him, shying away from the light of the candle in Adrian’s hand. Kieran did not turn, and Thea fought the urge to break him out of the cell as guilt shook her to the core. He was here because of her. He was soulless because of her. Ethel was dead because of her. She fought the rage that bubbled beneath her skin.
“I don’t want to see you,” Thea said, keeping her voice as level as possible, but the anger slipped between the cracks and Kieran glanced over his shoulder at her, green eyes flickering against the candlelight.
Thea flinched.
How could someone look so normal and be so completely wrong, she wondered, but did not voice her agony.
“Then why are you here?” Kieran asked, sounding curious as he turned. He remained seated on the grime-covered floor of the cell, wings dragging along the stone. However, Thea didn’t miss the grimace of pain as he moved, even if he tried not to show it. Her eyes immediately searched his side, but if he’d been bandaged, it was hidden beneath his tunic.
“Because we have questions that need answers.” Thea kept her voice steady, but by the look on his face she wasn’t succeeding at hiding what she felt toward him.
“I’m fine after you stabbed me. Thanks for asking,” Kieran said with an infuriating smirk.
“I can change that,” Adrian growled, but Thea placed a hand on his arm to settle his temper. They’d get nowhere if they were both angry.
“I’m here to talk, Kieran. War is on the horizon, and I’m trying to find a way to stop it. Can’t you understand that?” Thea took a step toward the cell, unafraid with Adrian behind her, and watched as Kieran glimpsed the sword at her hip.
“You act as if you no longer care, yet you carry my gift.” He nodded his head toward the sword. She felt her temper rising at the way he avoided her questions but took a deep inhale to calm herself down.
“I never claimed I didn’t care, but you’re not the man who gave me this sword. You’re only the monster she turned him into.” Thea pulled her cloak into place, covering her weapons as she reached the bars.
“Monster? I’m here to protect our child. Is that what a monster would do?” he asked, leaning forward. She tried not to react to his words, but whatever he saw on her face was enough confirmation. Instead, she took a different approach.
“Ethel is dead because of you.”
“Actually, she’s dead because of you.” Kieran laughed and settled back into a comfortable position, as if what he’d said was the most amusing thing in the world. Thea refused to react to the comment, masking her face from emotion even as the words stung her heart.
“I was not the one who struck her down as if she were nothing. Tell me, do you remember your last words to her?”
Kieran’s smile disappeared into a hard line, but Thea continued. “Or do you remember the way she’d beg for your attention when you were home? Like a little sister who wanted you to love her? Do you remember the worry on her face when we left for Ivandor? Or the way she forgave you even after you left us all?”
“Enough,” Kieran growled, face darkening. “I’ve left that life behind me.”
“Then why are you trembling?” Thea asked, noticing the shake of his hands as they rested against his left hip. There was something familiar about his movement.
After replaying the action in her head, Thea realized she’d seen him do it on the cliffs as well. She eyed his pocket, trying to see what it was he kept reaching for, but there was no way of telling without getting closer to him. “How do you do it, Kieran? How do you pretend you don’t care that your sister is dead?”
“She was nothing more than an orphan my aunt took in. How do you pretend you don’t care about your sister? She is actually your blood, after all.”
Thea ignored his jab. Whatever guilt she felt over Amara was not to be a part of this conversation. “What’s in your pocket, Kieran?”
“Nothing.” Kieran’s immediate answer made Thea even more sure that he was hiding something.
“Adrian, open the cell,” Thea said, never letting her eyes leave Kieran’s left pocket. Although there weren’t many places he could stash whatever he was hiding, she didn’t want to take the risk of it disappearing. There was something important in his pocket, and Thea was determined to find out what it was.
“Absolutely not,” Adrian said. Thea could guess the expression on his face without even looking at him.
“You owe me,” Thea said, knowing it was a low blow, but not caring. Kieran looked between them, eyes widening like those of a deer caught in headlights.
What are you so afraid of me finding, Thea wondered, biting her lip.
“Please don’t ask me to do this…” Adrian said, but he’d come to stand beside her and Thea knew she’d won. It was wrong of her to use his guilt to get what she wanted, but she didn’t care at this point.
She didn’t reply, but her lips pressed into a straight line as she waited expectantly.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this for you,” Adrian growled, moving to unlock the cell. “In and out, okay?”
Thea nodded. She didn’t want to be in the cell any longer than she had to be. She walked toward Kieran, who visibly shrank away, and held out her hand as if he were a child discovered doing something wrong.
“Give it to me,” she said, voice finally steady. It was difficult being this close to him, but she focused on the need for answer
s rather than the pain of proximity.
“I can’t,” he said, sounding pained. His eyes flashed to the door where Adrian stood with his sword now drawn, waiting.
“Why not?” Thea asked, eyeing his pocket again. “What is it?”
“It helps me,” Kieran said vaguely. Thea wanted to groan, but instead, she knelt in front of him, searching his gaze for answers.
She found only a wounded animal staring back at her. He’d been full of himself minutes earlier, but now he looked terrified.
“It has something to do with Ethel,” Thea said, and he visibly winced, telling her she was right. “Every time I say her name you reach for your pocket. So hand it over, or I’ll take it from you.”
At this, Kieran stiffened, going from scared to angry in a matter of seconds. He lurched toward Thea before she could react, wrapping his hands around Thea’s neck. She fought the urge to jerk away, but Adrian shot forward to stop him.
“No!” Thea told Adrian, even as Kieran’s fingers tightened around her throat. Adrian paused, hand on his sword, inches away from slicing Kieran’s attacking hands off. “Don’t touch him.”
“Thea—”
“You want to kill me, Kieran? Fine. Kill me. Snuff the air out of me right now and let our child die too.” Thea knew she was taking a risk, but she trusted that Adrian wouldn’t let her die, never letting her eyes leave Kieran’s. She fought for a breath as she spoke, eyes watering at the lack of oxygen.
“Thea, please,” Adrian said, but she shook her head against Kieran’s grip.
“Kill me and end this for us all, Kieran!” she growled, reaching up to grip his wrists. She felt the warmth of his skin, the pulse of his racing heart, and tears began to fall down her cheeks not from lack of air but from the pain she’d fought so hard against.
Kieran’s face was a mask of rage and fear. His eyes danced with that fury as the nails of his fingertips dug into Thea’s skin. She felt the warm trickle of blood along her neck, but never looked away from him.
“Do it… at least… then… I’ll…” Her vision blurred just as Kieran released her neck and she fell back into Adrian’s arms gasping for air.
“What the hell is happening here?” Footsteps echoed through the corridor as Haven ran to Thea’s side. “Adrian, what are you—”
“It’s okay…” Thea gasped, looking at Haven with pleading eyes to understand as Caden approached. “I’m okay.”
Thea rubbed at her neck as Adrian held her up. Haven and Caden looked inside the cell, where Thea saw that Kieran had slinked back against the wall with his head in his hands.
“I came here to protect our child,” he said, shaking his head furiously. “I swear to you all!”
“But you’re still under her control, Kieran, and I would guess it has something to do with whatever you’re hiding from me.” Thea’s voice was softer now. Her lungs ached and her head throbbed, but she’d seen what she needed to see. Despite Ainé’s orders to kill Thea, which she knew Kieran had been given, he’d refused the order. Even if he didn’t care about her life, he cared about their child’s, and that was the only hope she had for this to ever work.
When he looked up, he had tears in his eyes. “I never meant to hurt Ethel.”
“I know.” Thea’s voice cracked and she knelt on the ground in front of him. Everyone but Adrian stepped away. “And I know you don’t care about me anymore.”
Kieran didn’t respond at first, but as Thea lowered her eyes, he said, “It’s not that I don’t remember caring.”
She didn’t know how to react to that. She wanted to tell him that it wasn’t his fault Ethel had died, but he would believe that as much as she believed it wasn’t her own. If this was the only part of his soul she could get back, she would take it. Maybe being away from Ainé would allow him to think freely again. Or maybe he had only been suppressing the pain, hiding from it as much as Thea had. Either way, a switch had been flicked and she saw his grief now.
While part of her wished his feelings for her would return too, she knew they would not. Whatever Ainé had done to him had altered him completely, and Thea had no idea how to pull him back from that.
“Tell me what she’s planning, Kieran,” Thea spoke quietly to only him. “Tell me so I can protect our daughter.”
“A girl?” he asked, eyes widening. “How do you know?”
“It’s just a feeling,” Thea whispered, tears in her eyes. She didn’t know how much longer she could stand being around him. Seeing the same eyes that had once looked at her full of love and admiration now staring at her as if she were a stranger was torturous. Her chest felt tight as she fought the tears that threatened to fall.
“She’s planning—” Kieran started to say but then curled in on himself. “I can’t—I can’t disobey her.”
“Kieran, just look at me,” Thea said, again hoping to get through to him, but his eyes didn’t return to hers. Instead, he reached into his pocket and shoved a small vial of yellow liquid into her hand, before curling in on himself.
“What is it?” she asked, turning the bottle over in her hand.
“Moonflower nectar,” Kieran mumbled into his arms as he lowered his head. “It… it takes away the pain.”
Thea wished he would look at her again, but there was no use. Whatever this liquid did, Thea could see how difficult it was for Kieran to give it up. She slipped it into her pocket, scared he’d try to take it back.
“Thank you, Kieran,” Thea whispered, reaching out, but a hand on her shoulder stopped her from touching him.
“We will come back,” Haven said quietly at her ear. Thea wasn’t sure when she’d come into the cell. “And we will keep coming back until we find the answers we need…”
“But he’ll never love me again,” Thea said before she could stop herself. “He’s truly gone.”
Haven lifted her to her feet, walking her away from Adrian and Caden as she said, “Never give up hope, Thea.”
Thea couldn’t tell Haven that she already had. She couldn’t say out loud that she’d looked into Kieran’s eyes and known that he would never love her the same way again.
A ghost.
That was what Adrian had called Kieran, and it was absolutely true. The Kieran she’d loved, who would have done anything to stand by her side, was gone. Holding out hope that he might come back would only crush her soul more completely than it already had.
“I just want to sleep,” she whispered instead of trying to sort through the hopeless thoughts within her mind. Her heart and soul were in ruins, but she needed to survive this fight for her baby. She needed to be stronger than she felt.
“I’ll take you back to your room.” Haven rubbed her back, leading her out of the dungeons.
Thea did not look to see if Adrian or Caden would follow. She hoped they would continue to research a weapon to stop the Goddess, or that they would return to Sorlas, who Thea sensed was lonelier than she was.
By the time Thea’s head hit her pillow, she drifted off into a thankfully dreamless sleep, letting the exhaustion of her emotions wash over her as Haven kept watch.
Chapter 21
In the weeks that followed, Thea visited Kieran often, but never alone. Caden had explained to Thea that moonflower nectar was a drug of sort that made the mind more prone to influence. The Fae usually used it to help their elderly who suffered from cognitive impairments, but the way which Ainé had Kieran using it was unheard of. There was no way to tell how his body would react without it, but deductive reasoning said that everything he’d been suppressing would likely begin to flood back. Thea had nightmares of the way Kieran’s face had looked when he relinquished the nectar. He’d been like a drug addict throwing out his stash.
It also didn’t help that every time Thea visited Kieran his face appeared to have thinned out, hollowing at the cheeks and leaving him looking more like a skeleton than a soldier. However, no matter how often Thea brought him food, he hardly touched it. She knew he was punishing himself, finally feeli
ng everything he’d suppressed within, but watching him wither away was too much for her already fragile state.
It also didn’t help that their research had been fruitless. They’d pored through books upon books within Sorlas’ caves, finding that it was the only place they could speak freely away from the Goddess’ prying eye. However, they never went more than two at a time, so as not to draw attention to themselves.
Today, Thea and Caden had sat with Sorlas, whom Adrian had presumably told not to eat the guests, studying the history of magical runes used by gifted Fae. Thea knew that runes like these had protected Gimmerwich for decades and were what was keeping Kieran from using magic in his cell, but she wondered if stronger runes that might hurt the Goddesses even existed. So far, they’d had no luck finding anything close to that type of rune, though. There were runes to enhance weapons, but that wouldn’t guarantee them anything in an attack against Ainé.
“It’s hopeless,” Thea groaned, throwing another book into the read pile. Sorlas let out a snort of disapproval, swishing her tail toward Thea’s extended legs. “I know, I know. I can practically hear him telling me to stop being so dramatic.”
Thea eyed the dragon playfully, knowing on some level she represented what Adrian would think.
“Sounds like you two have been spending a lot of time together,” Caden said, wiggling his eyebrows at Thea. She wished she could throw the book at him instead.
“Knock it off.” She laughed, but as of lately, most her laughs felt half-hearted.
“You’re going to live life without actually living if you don’t lighten up, cousin.”
“There is too much at stake for me to lighten up,” Thea responded, gathering her legs up underneath her and leaning back against Sorlas’ giant tail. The dragon gave a snort, but only curled in closer to Thea, encasing her in what one might call a cuddle.
“It amazes me that she’s like that with you. If I tried to touch her she’d probably toss me out of the cave with that tail.”
As if in agreement, Sorlas flicked her tail toward him. Caden scooted away, glaring, but Thea saw the amusement in his eyes. She didn’t know why Sorlas liked her, but she found comfort in the dragon’s touch. Perhaps she sensed the loss of Thea’s own familiar, but whatever it was, Thea was thankful for it. Some of the only times she found peace were with the dragon nearby. Otherwise, she found herself thinking too much about her empty ache.