The Wanderer; or, Female Difficulties (Volume 5 of 5)

by Fanny Burney

  CHAPTER LXXX

  The first months after the departure of Gabriella, were passed, Julietnarrated, quietly, though far from gaily, in complete retirement. Tolighten, through her cares and services, the terrible change ofcondition experienced by her benefactress, the Marchioness, and by herguardian, the Bishop, was her unremitting, and not successlessendeavour: but even this sad tranquillity was soon broken in upon, by anaccidental interview with a returned emigrant, who brought news of thedangerous state of health into which the young son of Gabriella hadfallen. Too well knowing that this cherished little creature was thesole consolation and support of its exiled mother, the Marchionessearnestly desired that her daughter should possess again her earlycompanion; who best could aid to nurse the child; or, should its illnessprove fatal, to render its loss supportable. It was, therefore, settled,that, guarded and accompanied by a faithful ancient servant, upon whoseprudence and attachment the Marchioness had the firmest reliance, Julietshould follow her friend: and the benevolent Bishop promised to jointhem both, as soon as his affairs would permit him to make the voyage.

  To obtain a passport being then impossible, Ambroise, this worthydomestic, was employed to discover means for secretly crossing thechannel: and, as adroit as he was trusty, he found out a pilot, who,though ostensibly but a fisherman, was a noted smuggler; and who passedfrequently to the opposite shore; now with goods, now with letters, nowwith passengers. By this man the Marchioness wrote to prepare Gabriellafor the reception of her friend, who was to join her at Brighthelmstone;whither, in her last letter, written, as Juliet now knew, in the anguishof discovering symptoms of danger in the illness of her darling boy,Gabriella had mentioned her intended excursion for sea-bathing. Thediligent Ambroise soon obtained information that the pilot was preparingto sail with a select party. The Marchioness would rather have postponedthe voyage, till an answer could have been received from her daughter;yet this was not an opportunity to be neglected.

  The light baggage, therefore, was packed, and they were waiting the wordof command from the pilot, when a commissary, from the Convention,arrived, to purify, he said, and new-organize the town, near which, in avilla that had been a part of her marriage-portion, the Marchioness andher brother then resided. To this villa the commissary made his firstvisit. The Bishop, by this agent of the inhuman Robespierre, wasimmediately seized; and, while his unhappy sister, and nearly adoringward, were vainly kneeling at the feet of his condemner,--not accuser!to supplicate mercy for innocence,--not for guilt! the persons who wererifling the Bishop, shouted out, with savage joy, that they had found aproof of his being a traitor, in a note in his pocket-book, which wasclearly a bribe from the enemy to betray the country. The commissary,who, having often been employed as a spy, had a competent knowledge ofmodern languages, which he spoke intelligibly, though with vulgarphraseology and accent; took the paper, and read it without difficulty.It was the promissory note of the old Earl Melbury.

  He eagerly demanded the Citoyenne Julie; swearing that, if six thousandpounds were to be got by marrying, he would marry without delay. Heordered her, therefore, to accompany him forthwith to the mayoralty. Ather indignant refusal, he scoffingly laughed; but, upon her positiveresistance, ordered her into custody. This, also, moved her not; sheonly begged to be confined in the same prison with the Bishop. Coarselymocking her attachment for the priest, and holding her by the chin, heswore that he would marry her, and her six thousand pounds.

  A million of deaths, could she die them, she resolutely replied, shewould suffer in preference.

  Her priest, then, he said, should away to the guillotine; though she hadonly to marry, and sign the promissory-note for the dower, to set theparson at liberty. Filled with horrour, she wrung her hands, and stoodsuspended; while the Marchioness, with anguish indescribable, and a lookthat made a supplication that no voice could pronounce, fell upon herneck, gasping for breath, and almost fainting.

  'Ah, Madam!' Juliet cried, 'what is your will? I am yours,--entirelyyours! command me!'--

  The Marchioness could not speak; but her sighs, her groans, rather, weremore eloquent than any words.

  'Bind the priest!' the commissary cried. 'His trial is over; bind thetraitor, and take him to the cell for execution.'

  The Marchioness sunk to the floor.

  'No!' cried Juliet, 'bind him not! Touch not his reverend and reveredperson!--Give me the paper! I will sign what you please! I will gowhither you will!'

  'Come, then,' cried the commissary, 'to the mayoralty.'

  Juliet covered her face, but moved towards the door.

  The Bishop, hitherto passive and meekly resigned, now, with a suddeneffort of strength, repulsing his gaolers, while fire darted from hiseyes, and a spirit of command animated all his features, exclaimed, 'No,generous Juliet! my own excellent child, no! Are a few years more orless,--perhaps but a few minutes,--worth purchasing by the sacrifice oftruth, and the violation of every feeling? I will not be saved upon suchterms!'

  'No preaching,' cried the commissary; 'off with him at once.'

  The men now bound his hands and arms; while, returning to his naturalstate of calmness, he lifted up his eyes towards heaven, and, in a loudand sonorous voice, ejaculated, in Latin, a fervent prayer; with an airso absorbed in mental and pious abstraction, that he seemed unconsciouswhat became of his person.

  Juliet, who had shrunk back at his speech, again advanced, and, withagony unspeakable, held out her hand, in token of consent. Thecommissary received it triumphantly, at the moment that the Bishop, uponreaching the door, turned round to take a last view of his unhappysister; who, torn with conflicting emotions, seemed a statue of horrour.But no sooner did he perceive the hand of his ward unresistingly graspedby the commissary, than again the expression of his face shewed his soulbrought back from its heavenly absorption; and, stopping short, with anair which, helpless and shackled as he was, overawed his fierceconductors, 'Hold yet a moment,' he cried. 'Oh Juliet! Think,--know whatyou are about! 'Tis not to this world alone you are responsible for vowsoffered up at the altar of God! My child! my more than daughter!sacrifice not your purity to your affections! Drag me not back from avirtuous death to a miserable existence, by the foul crime of wilfulperjury!'

  Juliet affrighted, again snatched away her hand, with a look at thecommissary which pronounced an abhorrent refusal.

  The commissary, stamping with fury, ordered the Bishop instantly to thecell of death. Where guilt, he said, had been proved, there was no needof any tribunal; and the execution should take place with the speedcalled for by his dangerous crimes.

  Juliet, cold, trembling, and again irresolute, was involuntarily turningto the commissary; but the Bishop, charging her to be firm, pronounced apious blessing upon her head; faintly spoke a last adieu to hismiserable sister, and, with commanding solemnity, accompanied hisgaolers away.

  The horrour of that moment Juliet attempted not to describe; nor couldshe recur to it, without sighs and emotions that, for a while, stopt hernarration.

  Sir Jaspar would have spared her the resumption of the history; but shewould not, having thus raised, trifle with his curiosity.

  The commissary, she continued, then took possession of all the money,plate, and jewels he could find, and pursued what he called his roundsof purification.

  How the Marchioness or herself out-lived that torturing day, Julietdeclared she could with difficulty, now, conceive. She was again willingto become a victim to the safety of her guardian; but even theMarchioness ceased to desire his preservation upon terms from which hehimself recoiled as culpable. Early the next morning they were bothconducted to a large house upon the market-place, where, in the mostdireful suspense, they were kept waiting for more than two hours; inwhich interval, such was the oppression of terrour, neither of themopened their lips.

  The commissary, at length, broke into the room, and, seating himself inan arm-chair, while, humbly and tremblingly, they stood at the door,demanded of Juliet whether she were become more reasonable. Her headdroo
ped, but she would not answer. 'Follow me,' he cried, 'to thisbalcony.' He opened a door leading to a large apartment that looked uponthe market-place. She suspected some sinister design, and would notobey. 'Come you, then!' he cried, to the Marchioness; and, taking her bythe shoulder, rudely and grossly, he pushed her before him, till sheentered upon the balcony. A dreadful scream, which then broke from her,brought Juliet to her side.

  Here, again, overpowered by the violence of bitter recollections, whichoperated, for the moment, with nearly the force of immediate suffering,Juliet was obliged to take breath before she could proceed.

  'Oh Sir Jaspar!' she then cried, 'upon approaching the wretchedMarchioness, what a distracting scene met my eyes! A scaffolding,--aguillotine,--an executioner,--were immediately opposite me! and in thehand of that hardened executioner, was held up to the view of thesenseless multitude, the ghastly, bleeding head of a victim that momentoffered up at the shrine of unmeaning though ferocious cruelty! Fourother destined victims, kneeling and devoutly at prayers, their handstied behind them, and their heads bald, were prepared for sacrifice; andamidst them, eminently conspicuous, from his dignified mien, and piouscalmness, I distinguished my revered guardian! the Marchioness haddistinguished her beloved brother!--Oh moment of horrour exceeding alldescription! I cast myself, nearly frantic, at the feet of thecommissary; I embraced his knees, as if with the fervour of affection;wildly and passionately I conjured him to accept my hand and fortune,and save the Bishop!--He laughed aloud with triumphant derision; butgave an immediate order to postpone the execution of the priest. I blesthim,--yes, with all his crimes upon his head!--and even again I shouldbless him, to save a life so precious!

  'The Marchioness, recovering her strength with her hopes, seized the armof the messenger of this heavenly news, hurrying him along with a forcenearly supernatural, and calling out aloud herself, from the instantthat she entered the market place, "_Un sursit! Un sursit!_"[11]

  [Footnote 11: 'A Reprieve! a reprieve!']

  '"Now, then," cried the commissary, "come with me to the mayoralty;" andwas taking my no longer withheld, but shaking hand, when some soldiersabruptly informed him than an insurrection had broken out at ----, whichdemanded his immediate presence.

  'I caught this moment of his engaged attention to find my way downstairs, and into the market-place: but not with a view to escape; everyfeeling of my soul was concentrated in the safety of the Bishop. Irushed forward, I forced my way through the throng, which, though atfirst it opposed my steps, no sooner looked at me than, intimidated bymy desperation, or affected by my agony, it facilitated my passage.Rapidly I overtook the Marchioness, whose age, whose dignified energy,and loud cries of Reprieve! made way for her through every impediment,whether of crowd or of guards, to the scaffolding. How we accomplishedit, nevertheless, I now wonder! But a sense of right, when asserted withcourage, is lodged in the lowest, the vilest of mankind;--a sense ofright, an awe of justice, and a propensity to sympathize with acutedistress! The reprieve which our cries had anticipated, and which theman whom we accompanied confirmed, was received by the multitude, froman ardent and universal respect to the well known excellencies of theBishop, with shouts of applause that exalted our joy at his deliveranceinto a felicity which we thought celestial! At his venerable feet weprostrated ourselves, as if he had been a martyr to religion, andalready was sainted. He was greatly affected; though perhaps only by ouremotion; for he looked too uncertain how this event had been brought tobear, to partake of our happiness; and at me he cast an eye so full ofcompassion, yet so interrogative, that mine sunk under it; and, far fromexulting that I had thus devoted myself to his preservation, I wasalready trembling at the acknowledgement I had to make, when I wassuddenly seized by a soldier, who forced me, from all the tenderestinterests of my heart, back to the stormy commissary. Oh! what a changeof scene! He roughly took me by the arm, which felt as if it werewithered, and no longer a part of my frame at his touch; and, withaccusations of the grossest nature, and vows the most tremendous ofvengeance, compelled me to attend him to the mayoralty; deaf to myprayers, my entreaties, my kneeling supplications that he would firstsuffer me to see the Bishop at liberty.

  'At the mayoralty he was accosted by a messenger sent from theConvention. Ah! it seemed to me, at that moment, that a whole age ofsuffering could not counterbalance the delight I experienced, when, toread an order thus presented to him, he was constrained to relinquishhis hard grasp! Still greater was my relief, when I learnt, by whatpassed, that he had received commands to proceed directly to ----, wherethe insurrection was become dangerous.

  'Such a multiplicity of business now crowded upon him, that I conceiveda hope I might be forgotten; or, at least, set apart as a future prey:but alas! the promissory-note was still in his hand, and,--if heart hehas any,--if heart be not left out in his composition, there, past alldoubt, the six thousand pounds were already lodged. All my hopes,therefore, faded away, when he had given some new directions; for,seizing me again, by the wrist, he dragged me to the place,--I hadnearly said of execution!--There, by his previous orders, all were inwaiting,--all was ready!--Oh, Sir Jaspar! how is it that life stillholds, in those periods when all our earthly hopes, and even ourfaculties of happiness, seem for ever entombed.'

  The bitterest sighs again interrupted her narration; but neither thehumanity nor the politeness of Sir Jaspar could combat any longer hiscuriosity, and he conjured her to proceed.

  'The civil ceremony, dreadful, dreadful! however little awful comparedwith that of the church, was instantly begun; in the midst of the buz ofbusiness, the clamour of many tongues, the sneers of contempt, and thelaughter of derision; with an irreverence that might have suited atheatre, and with a mockery of which the grossest buffoons would havebeen ashamed. Scared and disordered, I understood not,--I heard not aword; and my parched lips, and burning mouth, could not attempt anyarticulation.

  'In a minute or two, this pretended formality was interrupted, byinformation that a new messenger from the Convention demanded immediateadmittance. The commissary swore furiously that he should wait till thesix thousand pounds were secured; and vociferously ordered that theceremony should be hurried on. He was obeyed! and though my quiveringlips were never opened to pronounce an assenting syllable, the ceremony,the direful ceremony, was finished, and I was called,--Oh heaven andearth!--his wife! his married wife!--The Marchioness, at the sameterrible moment, broke into the apartment. The conflict between horrourand tenderness was too violent, and, as she encircled me, with torturedpity, in her arms, I sunk senseless at her feet.

  'Upon recovering, the first words that I heard were, "Look up, my child,look up! we are alone!" and I beheld the unhappy Marchioness, whose faceseemed a living picture of commiserating woe. The commissary had beenforced away by a new express; but he had left a charge that I should beready to give my signature upon his return. The Marchioness then, withexpressions melting, at once, and exalting, condescended to pour forththe most soothing acknowledgments; yet conjured me not to leave my ownpurpose unanswered, by signing the promissory-note, till the Bishopshould be restored to liberty, with a passport, by which he mightinstantly quit this spot of persecution. To find something was yet to bedone, and to be done for the Bishop, once more revived me; and when thecommissary re-entered the apartment, neither order nor menace couldintimidate me to take the pen, till my conditions were fulfilled. Mylife, indeed, at that horrible period, had lost all value but what wasattached to the Bishop, the Marchioness, and my beloved Gabriella; formyself, it seemed, thenceforth, reserved not for wretchedness, butdespair!

  'The passport was soon prepared; but when the Bishop was brought in toreceive it in my presence, he rejected it, even with severity, till heheard,--from myself heard!--that the marriage-ceremony, as it wascalled! was already over. Into what a consternation was he then flung!Pale grew his reverend visage, and his eyes glistened with tears. Hewould not, however, render abortive the sacrifice which he could nolonger impede, and I signed the promissory-note; while the Ma
rchionesswept floods of tears upon my neck; and the Bishop, with a look ofanguish that rent my heart, waved, with speechless sorrow, his venerablehand, in token of a blessing, over my head; and, deeply sighing,silently departed.

  'The commissary, forced immediately away, to transact some business withhis successor at this place, committed me to the charge of the mayor. Iwas shewn to a sumptuous apartment; which I entered with a shudderingdread that the gloomiest prison could scarcely have excited. TheMarchioness followed her brother; and I remained alone, trembling,shaking, almost fainting at every sound, in a state of terrour andmisery indescribable. The commissary, however, returned not; and themayor, to whom my title of horrour was a title of respect, paid meattentions of every sort.

  'In the afternoon, the Marchioness brought me the reviving tidings thatthe Bishop was departed. He had promised to endeavour to join Gabriella.The rest of this direful day passed, and no commissary appeared: but theanguish of unremitting expectation kept aloof all joy at his absence,for, in idea, he appeared every moment! Nevertheless, after sitting uptogether the whole fearful night, we saw the sun rise the next morningwithout any new horrour. I then received a visit from the mayor, withinformation that the insurrection at ---- had obliged the commissary torepair thither, and that he had just sent orders that I should join himin the evening. Resistance was out of the question. The tenderMarchioness demanded leave to accompany me; but the mayor interposed,and forced her home, to prepare and deliver my wardrobe for the journey.It was so long ere she returned, that the patience of the mayor wasalmost exhausted; but when, at last, she arrived, what a change wasthere in her air! Her noble aspect had recovered more than its usualserenity; it was radiant with benevolence and pleasure; and, when wewere left an instant together, "My Juliet!" she cried, while beamingsmiles illumined her fine face, "my Juliet! my other child! blessed beHeaven, I can now rescue our rescuer! I have found means to snatch herfrom this horrific thraldom, in the very journey destined for itsaccomplishment!"

  'She then briefly prepared me for meeting and seconding the scheme ofdeliverance that she had devised with the excellent Ambroise; and weseparated,--with what tears, what regret,--yet what perturbation ofrising hope!

  'All that the Marchioness had arranged was executed. Ambroise, disguisedas an old waggoner, preceded me to the small town of ----, where thepostilion, he knew, must stop to water the horses. Here I obtained leaveto alight for some refreshment, of which an old municipal officer, whohad me in charge, was not sorry, in idea, to partake; as he could notentertain the most distant notion that I had formed any plan of escape.As soon, however, as I was able to disengage myself from his sight, achambermaid, who had previously been gained by Ambroise, wrapt me in aman's great coat, put on me a black wig, and a round hat, and, pointingto a back door, went out another way; speaking aloud, as if called; togive herself the power of asserting, afterwards, that the evasion hadbeen effected in her absence. The pretended waggoner then took me underhis arm, and flew with me across a narrow passage, where we met, byappointment, an ancient domestic of the Bishop's; who conveyed me to asmall house, and secreted me in a dark closet, of which the entrance wasnot discernible. He then went forth upon his own affairs, into suchstreets and places as were most public; and my good waggoner found meansto abscond.

  'Here, while rigidly retaining the same posture, and scarcely daring tobreathe any more than to move, I heard the house entered by sundrypolice-officers, who were pursuing me with execrations. They came intothe very room in which I was concealed; and beat round the wainscot intheir search; touching even the board which covered the small aperture,not door, by which I was hidden from their view! I was not, however,discovered; nor was the search, there, renewed; from the adroitness ofthe domestic by whom I had been saved, in having shewn himself in thepublic streets before I had yet been missed.

  'In this close recess, nearly without air, wholly without motion, andincapable of taking any rest; but most kindly treated by the wife of thegood domestic, I passed a week. All search in that neighbourhood beingthen over, I changed my clothing for some tattered old garments; stainedmy face, throat, and arms; and, in the dead of the night, quitted myplace of confinement, and was conducted by my protector to a spot abouthalf a mile from the town. There I found Ambroise awaiting me, with alittle cart; in which he drove me to a small mean house, in the vicinityof the sea-coast. He introduced me to the landlord and landlady as hisrelation, and then left me to take some repose; while he went forth todiscover whether the pilot were yet sailed.

  'He had delivered to me my work-bag, in which was my purse, generouslystored by the Marchioness, with all the ready money that she couldspare, for my journey. For herself, she held it essential to remainstationary, lest a general emigration should alienate the family-fortunefrom every branch of her house. Excellent lady! At the moment she thusstudied the prosperity of her descendants, she lived upon roots, whiledeprived of all she most valued in life, the society of her only child!

  'To repose the good Ambroise left me; but far from my pillow was repose!the dreadful idea of flying one who might lay claim to the honouredtitle of husband for pursuing me; the consciousness of being held by anengagement which I would not fulfil, yet could not deny; the uncertaintywhether my revered Bishop had effected his escape; and the necessity ofabandoning my generous benefactress when surrounded by danger; joined tothe affliction of returning to my native country,--the country of mybirth, my heart, and my pride!--without name, without fortune, withoutfriends! no parents to receive me, no protector to counsel me;unacknowledged by my family,--unknown even to the children of myfather!--Oh! bitter, bitter were my feelings!--Yet when I consideredthat no action of my life had offended society, or forfeited my rightsto benevolence, I felt my courage revive, for I trusted in Providence.Sleep then visited my eye-lids, though hard was the bed upon which Isought it; hard and cold! the month was December. Happy but shortrespite of forgetfulness! Four days and nights followed, of the mostterrible anxiety, ere Ambroise returned. He then brought me thedismaying intelligence, that circumstances had intervened, in his ownaffairs, that made it impossible for him, at that moment, to quit hiscountry. Yet less than ever could my voyage be delayed, the commissaryhaving, in his fury, advertised a description of my person, and set aprice upon my head; publicly vowing that I should be made over to theguillotine, when found, for an example. Oh reign so justly called ofterrour! How lawless is its cruelty! How blest by all mankind will beits termination.

  'It now became necessary to my safety, that Ambroise, who was known tobe a domestic of the Marchioness, should not appear to belong to me;and that, to avoid any suspicion that I was the person advertised by thecommissary, I should present myself to the pilot as an accidentalpassenger.

  'Ambroise had found means, during his absence, to communicate with theMarchioness; from whom he brought me a letter of the sweetest kindness;and intelligence and injunctions of the utmost importance.

  'The commissary, she informed me, immediately upon my disappearance, hadpresented the promissory-note to the bankers; but they had declared itnot to be valid, till it were either signed by the heir of the late EarlMelbury, or re-signed, with a fresh date, by Lord Denmeath. Thecommissary, therefore, had sent over an agent to Lord Denmeath, toclaim, as my husband, the six thousand pounds, before my evasion shouldbe known. The Marchioness conjured me, nevertheless, to forbear applyingto my family; or avowing my name, or my return to my native land, till Ishould be assured of the safety of the Bishop; whom the commissary hadnow ordered to be pursued, and upon whom the most horrible vengeancemight be wreaked, should my escape to this happy land transpire, beforehis own should be effected: though, while I was still supposed to bewithin reach of our cruel persecutor, the Bishop, even if he wereseized, might merely be detained as an hostage for my future concession;till happier days, or partial accident, might work his deliverance.

  'Inviolably I have adhered to these injunctions. In a note which I leftfor the Marchioness, with Ambroise, I solemnly assured her, that n
ohardships of adversity, nor even any temptation to happiness, shouldmake me waver in my given faith; or tear from me the secret of my nameand story, till I again saw, or received tidings of the Bishop. And Ohhow light, how even blissful,--in remembrance, at least,--will proveevery sacrifice, should the result be the preservation of the most piousand exemplary of men! But, alas! I have been discovered, while still inthe dark as to his destiny, by means which no self-denial couldpreclude, no fortitude avert!

  'The indefatigable Ambroise had learned that the pilot was to sail thenext evening for Dover. I now added patches and bandages to my stainedskin, and garb of poverty; and stole, with Ambroise, to the sea-side;where we wandered till past midnight; when Ambroise descried a littlevessel, and the pilot; and, soon afterwards, sundry passengers, who, indead silence, followed each other into the boat. I then approached, andcalled out to beg admission. I desired Ambroise to be gone; but he wastoo anxious to leave me. Faithful, excellent creature! how he sufferedwhile I pleaded in vain! how he rejoiced when one of the passengers,open to heavenly pity, humanely returned to the shore to assist me intothe boat! Ambroise took my last adieu to the Marchioness; and I set sailfor my loved, long lost, and fearfully recovered native land.

  'The effect upon my spirits of this rescue from an existence ofunmingled horrour, was so exhilarating, so exquisite, that no sooner wasmy escape assured, than, from an impulse irresistible, I cast my ring,which I had not yet dared throw away, into the sea; and felt as if myfreedom were from that moment restored! And, though innumerablecircumstances were unpleasant in the way, I was insensible to all but myrelease; and believed that only to touch the British shore would beliberty and felicity!

  'Little did I then conceive, impossible was it I should foresee, thedifficulties, dangers, disgraces, and distresses towards which I wasplunging! Too, too soon was I drawn from my illusion of perfecthappiness! and my first misfortune was the precursor of every evil bywhich I have since been pursued;--I lost my purse; and, with it, awayflew my fancied independence, my ability to live as I pleased, and todevote all my thoughts and my cares to consoling my beloved friend!

  'Vainly in London, and vainly at Brighthelmstone I sought that friend. Iwould have returned to the capital, to attempt tracing her by minuterenquiry; but I was deterred by poverty, and the fear of personaldiscovery. I could only, therefore, continue on the spot named by theMarchioness for our general rendezvous, where the opening of every daygave me the chance of some direction how to proceed. But alas! from thatrespected Marchioness two letters only have ever reached me! The firstassured me that she was safe and well, and that the Bishop, thoughforced to take a distant route, had escaped his pursuers: but that thecommissary was in hourly augmenting rage, from Lord Denmeath's refusingto honour the promissory-note, till the marriage should be authenticatedby the bride, with the signature and acquittal of the Bishop. The secondletter,--second and last from this honoured lady!--said that all waswell; but bid me wait with patience, perhaps to a long period, forfurther intelligence, and console and seek to dwell with her Gabriella:or, should any unforeseen circumstances inevitably separate us,endeavour to fix myself in some respectable and happy family, whosesocial felicity might bring, during this dread interval of suspense,reflected happiness to my own heart: but still to remain whollyunknown, till I should be joined by the Bishop.

  'Cast thus upon myself, and for a time indefinite, how hardly, and howvariously have I existed! But for the dreadful fear of worse, darkly andcontinually hovering over my head, I could scarcely have summonedcourage for my unremitting trials. But whatever I endured was constantlylight in comparison with what I had escaped! Yet how was I tried,--OhSir Jaspar! how cruelly! in resisting to present myself to my family! inforbearing to pronounce the kind appellation of brother! the soft,tender title of sister! Oh! in their sight, when witnessing theirgoodness, when blest by their kindness, and urged by the most generoussweetness to confidence, how violent, how indescribable have been mystruggles, to withhold from throwing myself into their arms, with thefair, natural openness of sisterly affection! But Lord Denmeath, whodisputed, or denied, my relation to their family, was their uncle andguardian. To him to make myself known, would have been to blight everyhope of concealment from the commissary, whose claims were precisely inunison with the plan of his lordship, for making me an alien to mycountry. What, against their joint interests and authority, would be thepower of a sister or a brother under age? Often, indeed, I was temptedto trust them in secret; and oh how consolatory to my afflicted heartwould have been such a trust! but they had yet no establishment, andthey were wards of my declared enemy. How unavailing, therefore, toexcite their generous zeal, while necessarily forced to exact that ourties of kindred should remain unacknowledged? Upon their honour I couldrely; but by their feelings, their kind, genuine, ardent feelings, Imust almost unavoidably have been betrayed.

  'To my Gabriella, also, I have forborne to unbosom my sorrows, andreveal my alarms, that I might spare her already so deeply wounded soul,the restless solicitude of fresh and cruel uncertainties. She concludes,that though her letters have miscarried, or been lost, her honouredmother and uncle still reside safely together, in the villa of theMarchioness, in which she had bidden them adieu. And that noble mothercharged me to hide, if it should be possible, from her unhappy child,the terrible history in which I had borne so considerable a part, tillshe could give assurances to us both of her own and the Bishop's safety.Alas! nine months have now worn away since our separation, yet no newsarrives!--no Bishop appears!

  'And now, Sir Jaspar, you have fully before you the cause and historyof my long concealment, my strange wanderings, and the apparentlyimpenetrable mystery in which I have been involved: why I could notclaim my family; why I could not avow my situation; why I dared not evenbear my name; all, all is before you! Oh! could I equally display to youthe events in store! tell you whether my revered Bishop is safe!--orwhether his safety, his precious life, can only be secured by myperpetual captivity! One thing alone, in the midst of my complicatesuspenses, one thing alone is certain; no consideration that this worldcan offer, will deter me from going back, voluntarily, to every evilfrom which I have hitherto been flying, should the Bishop again beseized, and should his release hang upon my final self-devotion!'