Victima

by K R Leikvoll

  "Fine, if you want to know so bad! You are just like your mom, you know," he snapped slightly, pulling his arm away. "The King had to use a tremendous amount of demonic power to rescue you." He left it at that and started toward the door. "Eat your food and try to sleep."

  And I was left alone again.

  An accident arose because he had used too much demonic power. I was able to piece together what had happened relatively easily. I was guessing that he had probably been in a state of bloodlust and killed people. It hurt to think about. My rational, Earth side felt the same as when I had seen his "accident" in his castle. My new, budding Nephilim side was actually more empathetic to Kirin than those he may have hurt. The flames that he endured must have been incomprehensible. Between having to use the spell to make me remember the scroll's location and whatever crazy thing he did to gain wings, it created a debt that would've killed me had he tried to sacrifice. That only made me want to see him more, not less. I had the mental drive to get out of bed again. Maybe if I comforted him, he would feel better. I knew for sure that he had to be torturing himself mentally over what he had done.

  My food was the last thing I wanted to eat, but I forced it down. The candle was nearly burnt out by the time I finished the meat. I took a few painful sips of water. I knew what I was going to do, and I wasn't going to let anyone stop me.

  The first couple of steps were the worst. The swaying of the boat plus my weak legs was enough to send me crashing into a wooden trunk. My muscles were begging me to go lay back down, but I was feeling pretty determined. After stepping a few unstable feet, I was able to yank open the door.

  A heavy bump of the ship nearly knocked me over again. I was standing in a narrow, dimly lit hallway. Faint music guided me a few yards to an open dining area. I could hear people laughing and talking about women. I had to carefully peek around the corner to check out the situation. Four sailors, all drinking. One was playing some sort of stringed instrument for his own enjoyment. Disgruntled, I had to crawl quickly across the opening to make it to the other side without being noticed.

  The end of the hallway put me in a sticky situation. There were three doors and a staircase that led up and down. Damn it... Would they put a king on the same floor as the captain? I hesitantly cracked open the first door. With a tiny glance, I was able to make out a dozen small cots. Not it. The second door creaked so loudly I thought I was going to get caught. Same thing. Next one has to be it... wrong again.

  I studied the staircase. Up definitely led to the deck and I knew that wasn't an option. Down it was. The ship's lurching nearly sent me flying down the stairs, but—somehow—I subconsciously used demonic power to keep me standing. Oh shit! Not good. I shook myself slightly. The black flames around me flickered away. Stupid ring. It would’ve been a lot easier if it would heal my pathetic body.

  Downstairs was stacked full of large crates. My eyes spied a door on the other side of the crowded space. Maybe that was it? I was doubtful until I got closer. It took me time to cross the giant room with all of the swaying. The door was bigger than the others and had a silver handle. It seemed out of place. I twisted the doorknob slightly; it was locked.

  "Go away!" I heard Kirin's voice demand through the door. Bingo.

  I knocked lightly.

  "I said go away," Kirin repeated, highly irritated.

  I knocked harder.

  "What the hell did I just say?" he yelled as he viciously ripped open the door. He didn't look so great.

  The first thing I noticed was his eyes. They were still similar to Vince's... only silver rather than red. It was startling, but I tried to act unfazed. I was there to make him feel better, not worse. I could tell he was drunk, too. He had wine stains on his loose black shirt. It was even on his lips and chin. Before he could react (since apparently sick Val beats shitfaced Kirin), I slipped under his arm and into his room.

  "You are terrible at doing what you're told," Kirin said grumpily. His room was twice the size of Mortos'. His bed was a bit bigger and covered in gray furs. It was next to a large wine rack, a few chests and a desk. He had a single, half-melted candle lit on his nightstand. It was barely enough to illuminate the room.

  "You should be in bed resting," he stated, still holding the door open.

  I crawled into his bed defiantly.

  "In bed, resting," I whispered before succumbing to weak coughs.

  "Val, really. You need to leave.” He still wouldn’t face me. Maybe he was trying to avoid showing his face.

  "Let me stay for a little while," I whispered, wanting to close my eyes. His presence was making me feel a more relaxed despite his emotions. I was a lot safer in there than with a bunch of random sailors.

  Kirin sighed, clearly annoyed. He slowly closed the door and took a long drink from the wine bottle he had in his hidden hand. I hadn't seen him that drunk before. I could tell by the way he was hunched over and all of the empty bottles everywhere. He cautiously leaned against his desk so as not to show his own swaying.

  "What do you want? You need to be asleep upstairs," he snapped slightly, crossing his arms. I wasn't sure what to say to make him feel better; all I could do was give him a weak, tired stare.

  "Can't sleep... I want to stay in here," I whispered honestly. His silver and black eyes softened.

  "You can't stay," he said gingerly. "I want to be alone."

  "I know that you're thinking that you're a monster, but I was there. There wasn't another way. You saved me and that's what matters, right?" I asked in a cracked voice. My lungs dragged me into another coughing fit.

  "Justifying murder, so unlike you," Kirin replied coldly. Okay, that hurt. I was only trying to help, jeez. No reason to be a mean drunk.

  "I didn't come down here to argue with you. I just wanted to…" I trailed off. He put his empty bottle of wine down with an anguished expression dragging on his face. Fighting the awkwardness, I held my arm out to him, inviting him to the bed. He shook his head. Before he could tell me he wanted to be alone again, I whispered, "Please just for a little while."

  He didn't move.

  I really didn't want to show him how upset he was making me.

  "Listen, I have to make something clear to you: we can't stay in the same room. It's inappropriate to do in front of my men," he said slightly slurring his words. Despite his intoxication, he was being completely serious.

  "What's the difference between now and a few days ago?"

  "You saw how Varnoc acted, and he's a fellow demon. My people and our allies in Kaeda would not be accepting of this behavior. We can't be seen like this," he said with his brow furrowed.

  "Seen like what?" I said almost silently. His silver eyes glared at me.

  "Val, stop. I'm serious."

  Maybe I was right in feeling like he didn't care. Damn, I was such an idiot. I should've stayed in Mortos' room. I buried my face into the gray furs to cover the fact that I was upset. Even doing something like that hurt my weak body. I definitely had some kind of pneumonia or bronchitis that the ring wouldn't take care of. The walk to Kirin's room had taken a serious toll on my strength. I might even have had a fever. All I wanted was to feel safe...

  "Damn it."

  Kirin sat down next to me on the bed, but pointedly away from me. In the corner of my eye, I could see him hesitating to comfort me. Did he seriously still think I was scared of him with everything we had been through? I wiped my eyes and sat up.

  "You are not a monster," I stated in a cracked voice. I stared at him directly as seriously as I could. He wasn't, and I was at least going to get that point across to him before I was forced to leave. "It was an accident. Stop hating yourself."

  I cautiously reached out and tilted his face back toward me. He was silent in response and wouldn't meet my gaze.

  "You saved my life. You've done it over and over. I'm really thankful for that."

  His hand grabbed mine and he pulled it down slowly into his lap.

  "I don't want to hurt anyone anymore.
I have done it too many times to be excusable," he whispered. “It’s my sworn duty to protect them. How can they trust me if I snap like that?”

  I squeezed his palm. "You won't hurt anyone because I'll be there. I won't let you, I promise," I responded. I wasn't sure if I could actually stop that from happening, but I would try. He was a good person; the flames would make anyone desperate to stop them. I brushed my thumb over his hand reassuringly.

  Kirin finally glanced back at me. His expression showed serious grief. He looked more tormented by his demonic state than I had ever seen him. Kirin had lived for so long as something he hated and lost everyone, too. It amazed me he had even made it that far. I definitely wouldn't have been able to live so tortured for as long as he had. It was hard not to feel bad for him.

  "I'm sorry... for everything."

  I shook my head no. He didn’t need my forgiveness. With a slightly shaking hand, I moved his hair behind his ear. He held my fingers to his cheek, then to his lips. I wiped away the wine on his chin.

  "Do I still have to leave?"

  "Please don't."

  Kirin cupped my face in his hands. His lips hesitated near mine before he rested them on my forehead.

  My heart literally ached in my chest. I wasn't going to mess anything up like last time. I moved away from him slightly and put my arms around his neck. We shared an intense stare. His eyes... as strange as they were, were beautiful in their own way. I didn't know what to say; he didn't know what to say. Overcome with butterflies, I took the plunge. Our lips met. It was a rush just like the time before. He pulled me into his lap, burying me in his chest, never letting us part. We were in our own universe for a moment too short.

  A loud knock on the door made us part. Not waiting for a response, Mortos threw open the door. He looked at us amused.

  "I’m sorry, Kirin. Maybe I should lock her in this time?" he asked. I wasn't sure if he was being serious or sarcastic.

  "Go get her food," Kirin demanded as he grabbed his blanket around us. It swallowed me. I heard the sound of the door shutting. He gathered me in his arms and laid down.

  "What did I tell you?" he whispered in my ear. I didn't respond; instead, I curled into his neck. I couldn't help letting out a contented sigh. "You can't stay."

  He started to run his fingers through my hair.

  "Then at least come see me."

  He held me tighter.

  "I will do what I can, but you need to listen to me. You can't come back down here. You have to stay up there and sleep and get better. When we get to Evya, you can't be sick." He kissed my head and climbed out of the bed.

  Kirin had probably heard Mortos coming down the stairs. He opened the door right as the captain had raised his hand to knock. Mortos was holding a steaming bowl and a glass bottle.

  "This is the last of the Basulian wine. I figured you needed it," he said thrusting it into Kirin's hands. Mortos tried to peer at me over his shoulder before the door was shut in his face.

  Kirin brought the bowl over and made me sit up.

  "Please eat," he said as he started to pry the bottle open.

  "I already did."

  He sat next to me. "I know. You need to eat more," Kirin scoffed before taking a long drink. It smelled super strong, like isopropyl rubbing alcohol. Did he really need to get more drunk than he already was?

  I was forced into eating the soup, which was painful. As much as I needed food, my body wasn't used to eating anymore. I nearly threw my meals up with all of the boat's lurching. It took a lot of willpower (and yelling from Kirin) to keep it down.

  "It hurts. Are you sure I can't just live off of…" I started to say.

  "Look at yourself. You are a quarter of the size you were when you got here. I really do want what's best for you. I want you to be healthy again."

  He was right as much as I hated to admit it. I was really relieved there weren't any mirrors around. If everyone thought I looked bad in a place where food was scarce... well, I probably was turning into Skeletor.

  I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay in that exact spot for the entire trip. The warmth and security made it easy for me to feel drowsy. It was nice to be around him without hesitation or awkwardness.

  When I woke up the next day, I was back in Mortos' bed, as if I had never left.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Kirin had been right about the ride being a long one. The months passed agonizingly slow. I was almost completely grounded to the captain's room. I spent the days in bed being force-fed food that was becoming less and less appetizing as we started running out of supplies. He barely kept his promise about seeing me. On good days, he would visit with me for about fifteen minutes. Some days he wouldn't show up at all. Regardless of our privacy in Mortos' room, we didn't touch. He refused to give me more than half-hugs, even though I protested. In fact, he was growing so distant I thought that he might've been regretting our kiss. The only thing that gave me a glimmer of hope was the gentle look in his eyes.

  I took Mortos' idea in order to avoid getting cabin fever. The books he had collected through his travels were incredibly interesting, funny enough. The first one he gave me actually had James in it… and it wasn't anything good. It was a detailed account of Vince's genocide of the dragons titled only "Dracorium". Apparently, they were real and came from Earth, or at least lived on Earth before Praetis. They had eventually grown sick of being bothered by humans and came to Praetis in order to find some sort of refuge. It didn't last too long when Vince decided that they were the biggest threat to his future plan of world domination. He dragged James around across the globe killing every single dragon, except the most powerful. That one he saved for himself. Thanks to her, he discovered Earth. Throughout the other couple of books that documented his travels, I learned that he brought information from Earth back to Praetis. He was very aware of its existence and visited up until the '80s. It was devastating and alarming. I couldn't help but wonder if he spread the demonic energy back home.

  Four months had passed before Kirin finally let me leave the captain's room freely. I only knew how much time was passing because I was keeping a tally. Whatever dumb unit of measurement they had didn't make sense to me, so I scratched the days into the wood. Kirin forced me to wait until I was eating three solid meals a day. It took another couple of weeks for him to agree to let me eat with the rest of the crew. Of course, he made me sit on the other end of the table from him. It was supposed to appear as if we were at either ends as some sort of status thing, but I knew that it was because he didn't want us seen together. We stole secret glances at each other when people were distracted. That was as good as it got between us.

  The loneliness of the trip made me homesick. I had a lot of time to myself to think about things. I didn't know what the future really held. Kirin claimed he couldn't get me home without James, but I knew from reading that it was possible; I just needed to figure out how to do it. It was in my human nature to want to abandon Praetis to go back home, but I didn't want to. I didn't want to die, but I didn't want to leave those people to die either. All of the media I had been exposed to usually revolved around an empowered person sacrificing themselves for the greater good. I told myself I had to be like the heroes in those stories. Praetis was counting on me. If I could become as strong as Eve, or Vince... or both, I could save them. I could save everyone.

  I was spacing out during dinner staring at my food. I had decided that day that I definitely needed to learn how to get back to Earth as a last resort. If everything went to hell and I was the last one alive, I'd at least have an escape pod. I twirled my spoon in my hand and watched the broth swirl around in my hand-carved bowl. It was a lot of vegetable soup those days since we ran out of most of our food. I had gained some of the weight I had lost back, but I'm sure doctors on Earth would still be unpleased. Based on my rib cage, arms and legs, I felt like I was getting healthier. My pneumonia was still slightly hanging on in the form of a cough that didn't want to go away. Soup helped with
that at least.

  I took a sip of the broth. It barely tasted like anything.

  "Divinus?" a voice said. I forced my gaze off my soup and looked around. Everyone at the table was staring at me, waiting for me to say something.

  "What are we talking about?" I asked, coming out of my own thoughts. Kirin was having a hushed conversation at the other end of the table with Mortos, not paying attention to everything else.

  "Do you remember Evya before the war?" a dockhand named Bwert asked.

  "Not at all. Maybe flashes of it, but I wouldn't know if it's Evya or not," I said honestly to the small crowd. I had been having consistent flashes of memories since I inherited the scroll, but none of it had been clear after I saw Eve taken away. It was senseless sequences that hardly counted as full visions and didn’t give me much useful information.

  Evya was one of the main territories on Kaeda. Home to people that sort of looked like elves, kind of like Lydris or Lazarus, though they appeared a little more alien than Earth’s interpretation. Evya itself was destroyed by Vince way before my mom fought him. It was widely thought that the Evyans were all extinct, but Kirin and Mortos seemed to think that they were very much still alive.

  They went back to whatever conversation they were having as I returned to my own thoughts. I didn't even bother looking back at Kirin for the rest of my meal. He hadn't visited with me in nearly a week, and it was irritating the hell out of me. I think he knew I was angry too, but he thought it was better to ignore me than to talk. I didn't want to give him any attention for his behavior.

  I excused myself from the table without a word and headed toward the staircase. I didn't go outside much, but I was craving the stars. I walked onto the deck and was greeted with a burst of warm wind. We had passed the giant island of Ashena a few weeks ago. Mortos told me it was the island where the very first Divinus had acquired the ring. It was also apparently where my last name Ash came from. Since we passed it, we had been staring at open black sea—except for that day.