A Whole New Me

by J C Carter

  To the right of the door are more lockers and a section for checkouts. There's also a return counter and a small area where you can trade in old textbooks for cash.

  "You look like a kid in a candy store," Ricky says from behind me.

  "I love books," I say very seriously. "It's a real problem on my wallet."

  “I'll make sure to remember that," he says with a laugh. "Well I'll be heading over this way towards the Business aisle."

  "Mine are a bit all over the place, so I'll find you when I'm done?"

  "Sounds good."

  He walks off and I find my way to the Literature aisle figuring I can get the cheaper ones out of the way first. I scan the rows of books until I find the area for the class I'm taking. There are five books in the stack, which means I'll need to get all of those and the other three. I really hope I have enough space in my bag for all of these; lugging them home on the bus isn’t going to be fun.

  I grab all the books for this class and repeat the process three more times, stopping in the psychology, sociology, and history aisles respectively. I've been at this for about a half hour and I've yet to see Ricky, so I decide to go in search of him. And then I stumble upon my version of heaven.

  The two farthest aisles from the door are dedicated to bins full of used books. And there is a sign that informs me I will find nothing over four dollars here. This is my version of a party.

  I take my time going up and down the aisles digging through each bin carefully. I don't want to miss any hidden gems. Most of these are mass markets, but some of these are some pretty rare finds and I am ridiculously excited.

  I'm just wondering how I'm going to carry all my textbooks along with the ten odd books I've already spotted in the bins when Ricky comes walking down the aisle.

  "Oh good, you're just in time," I practically yell. "Hurry up and get over here. Come on, come on, come on."

  I'm probably freaking him out a little with my excitement, because the more I talk, the slower he moves. But he eventually comes to stand in front of me, giving me a concerned look.

  "Is everything alright? I've been looking for you for the past twenty minutes."

  "I've been here," I say, somewhat distracted by the books I'm now pulling into my arms. "Here, take these," I demand, while shoving my textbooks into his arms. Never mind that he's currently carrying his own books, he's strong, he can deal. He doesn't complain, just adds my pile to his.

  I make my way down this aisle and the next grabbing book after book. By the time I'm finished, it's been another thirty minutes, and both of our arms are loaded with books. To his credit, Ricky hasn't complained once. If this is his attitude when following me around to buy, it’s definitely earning him points. Damn.

  "Alright, I think I'm done now"

  "Are you sure," he asks in a sarcastic tone. "The store isn't empty yet."

  "You are so funny, seriously I just can't stop laughing," I deadpan. "Let's go checkout."

  "Pack mule at your service ma'am," he mumbles from behind me.

  We arrive at the checkout and Ricky helps me buy all my stuff first, since I have more. And then I wait, laden down with several bags while I wait for him.

  I'm not really sure what to do now. Because I agreed to coffee, but we haven't spent much time together and I sort of feel like I owe him for being such a good sport. So I make a decision, one I hope I won't come to regret.

  He finishes up with the cashier and makes his way over to me. "So, would you like to grab some lunch? You know, as a thank you for putting up with me for the past two hours."

  "Yeah? That'd be great, I'm starving. Here let me take some of those for you," he says, reaching for a few of my bags.

  I don't bother to protest, partly because I know he won't listen and partly because they're really heavy. He leaves me one to carry myself and we head up to grab our bags.

  "How about we get a locker for these, so we don't have to bring them with us to lunch. We can come back for them later."

  "Yeah that sounds like a good idea."

  He smiles at me and says, "You're being very agreeable all of a sudden. It's a nice change."

  "Well, it's like I said, you put up with me back there and I really appreciate it. Usually when I bring someone book shopping with me they complain almost the entire time. Not that I gave you much choice, but still," I say with a shrug.

  "You're welcome," he says almost shyly. "I liked watching you have fun like that. I'll go book shopping with you anytime you want."

  I can feel myself blushing as I turn towards the door, "I'm thinking we hit the food carts for lunch? I haven't had a chance to check them out yet."

  There are dozens of little restaurants down on the main street, but there's also a collection of food carts. Most of them only take cash, or at least that's what I've heard, but everyone seems to love them.

  "Lead the way."

  * * *

  ‘I don't know, I guess I just want to be that person that finds a hidden gem and helps it get out into the world," I say shyly.

  After we grabbed our food, him Japanese, me Cajun, we walked down to the terrace to sit by the lake. We've been talking for the last twenty minutes about what I want to do after college. I've just finished explaining why I want to be a book editor. And he has listened attentively, asking question after question. But I'd really want to know something about him.

  "Tell me about you, all I know is what I've heard from the girls on my floor. And I'm not sure they're very reliable sources."

  "Probably not," he says with a laugh. "Well, obviously you already know I'm a Junior and I play on the school football team." I nod along as he talks, watching him closely. “I grew up here in the Midwest, in a town a few hours North of here. Total farm country, though my family aren't farmers or anything.

  My mom teaches piano lessons part time, she was home with us as kids, and my dad runs the family business. We own a farm equipment company"

  "That sounds kind of idyllic. I bet you had an awesome childhood,"

  ``It was pretty good," he says, though he won't make eye contact with me and I get the sense that he's not telling me everything. "What about you?"

  "I was born and raised here, well, in a city about two hours Southeast of here. It's just my mom, little sister, and me. My dad passed when I was three, I don't really remember him, but my mom has always kept his memory alive. And I never really felt like I missed out. Mom's a realtor, a really good one, so she's always made pretty good money and had a flexible schedule."

  We've finished with our food by now, but neither of us makes a move to leave, both really enjoying the conversation.

  "And you? What do you want to be when you grow up," I ask with a laugh. "You bought business textbooks today, so?"

  "Well, everyone expects me to play football professionally. And I'm pretty sure I want to. I mean I already have scouts and teams interested, and I've been approached by a few agents. But, I want a back up plan just in case anything happens. So, I'm majoring in business, because I'd like to eventually become a sports agent."

  "Really," I ask, failing miserably to hide the shock in my voice.

  "Don't sound so surprised," he says, sounding wounded.

  "I'm sorry, really. It's just that you are not at all how I expected you to be."

  "Yeah, I kind of figured," he says a bit sadly. "But you know, I'm not just a dumb jock who's all about football. I mean I love it, but it's not my whole life. And not to toot my own horn or anything, but I'm pretty smart."

  "I know you are. I am really really sorry Ricky. It's not you, I just had a bad experience with a football player recently and I guess I just pushed that on to you. It wasn't fair at all."

  He gives me a reassuring smile, "I won't hold it against you, Diner Girl. And for the record, that guy is an idiot."

  "Thanks for that."

  "Look, Tessa. I really like you and I'd love to spend more time with you. And I know you're not looking for a relationship, but at the risk of sounding
like an idiot, I'll take you anyway you'll let me."

  "Even if I'm just looking for sex," I ask tentatively, not daring to look him in the eye.

  "How about sex and friendship," he asks, lifting my chin with his finger. You're worth more than just sex Tessa, but I won't force you into anything like a relationship if it's not what you want. But I would very much like to be your friend. We can hangout and spend time together, but as friends who have sex, nothing more."

  "That sounds good to me," I say with a smile. "When would you like to start being friends with benefits," I ask, scooting closer and tucking myself under his arm.

  "Well," he says, giving it some thought and seeming pleased by our close proximity. "I'm busy tonight, tomorrow, and most of Tuesday, but I'm free Tuesday night. How would you feel about coming over to my place?"

  "Uh, to the frat house with a bunch of loud guys? I'm not sure?"

  He laughs, "I promise it'll be fine. My room is well away from all the noise. And it has its own entrance, so we don't even have to see anyone if you don't want to."

  "I guess that sounds OK. Should I meet you there? I'm done with classes at five and then I have to stop by my place, but I can head over afterwards."

  "No, no. I'll swing by your dorm and pick you up,” he says with a shrug.

  I have to push back though, because I’m so not used to people, besides my family just offering to go out of their way for me. So I say, "But you'll have to come all the way to the other side of campus."

  "I'm sure my car can manage. Really, I don't mind at all."

  "Alright then, I won't argue.”

  I check my phone for the time and realise it's approaching three in the afternoon already. And I have a ton of stuff to get organized for my first official day of college classes. Gosh, I haven't even started classes yet and I've already secured myself a sex friend. Who even am I? I'm not sure right now, but I'm excited to find out.

  "I should get going, I have so much stuff to do tonight. This was fun though, I'm really glad you suggested it."

  "Thanks for agreeing," he says laughing. "We should probably head back and grab our stuff then. Are you going to need any help getting all those books home?"

  "I'll be fine. They should mostly fit in my bag and I'm going to catch the bus so hopefully it won't be too much of a hassle."

  It takes us only a few minutes to get back to the student store and we're dodging tons of people as we go. It's been a really beautiful day and everyone's taking advantage. The summer weather usually lasts well into September here, so we still have a few weeks left of sunshine and warmth.

  We retrieve our books and bags from the locker, make our way back outside, and turn to each other to say our goodbyes.

  Ricky pulls me to him in a tight hug. I'm caught off guard at first, but after a few seconds I relax into it. He's big, and warm, and his presence is surprisingly soothing. He pulls back, and bends down to steal a kiss. I turn my face away so his lips meet my ear and giggle softly when I hear his yelp of surprise.

  I pull back enough to really get a look at his face and he looks so disappointed, it's hilarious.

  "Oh, come on big guy. You know what they say, always leave them wanting more."

  "Tessa, Tessa, Tessa," he breathes into my ear. "You're better at this kind of thing than you probably think you are. I'll be thinking about kissing those lips until I see you again."

  "Then my plan is working," I say, giving him my sweetest smile. "I'll see you Tuesday," I say as I turn and make my way to the bus stop. I don't look back, though I'm sure he's watching me go. I smile to myself, because I can't wait for Tuesday night.

  Chapter 6

  Tuesday arrives with a cloudless sky and brilliant sunshine. A huge change from yesterday, which was miserable.

  It rained all day long and you couldn't take a step without walking through a puddle. A great start to my college career. I mean it was a pretty fun and easy day. It was all very exciting. But, the weather could have been a bit better.

  I'm just leaving the dining hall after breakfast, coffee in hand when my phone sounds with a text. I suppress a smile when I see it's from Ricky. We never actually exchanged numbers after our date that wasn't a date, I'm not sure how that happened. But by the time I arrived home from book shopping, there was an email from Ricky in my school account. I'm assuming he got my address off the student directory. Very clever.

  We've been exchanging messages on and off since then, and I have to say that I don't hate it. He's flirty and fun via text, not that he isn't also like that in person, but it has made the past day and a half more interesting.

  He wishes me a good morning just like yesterday, and he makes sure to call me Diner Girl when he does. I'm still not sure how I feel about that nickname. We trade messages for a little while about what we both have going on today. And then he makes sure to remind me that he'll see me tonight. Like I could really forget.

  The day passes by so slowly, even though it will end up being my busiest day of the week. I'm taking four classes, which is pretty standard for incoming freshmen. But along with those classes comes discussion sections and one even requires a mandatory study group. Apparently our Sociology professor feels that we need to interact with one another to do well in his class.

  Two of my classes fall on a Monday, Wednesday, Friday schedule; each lasting fifty minutes. And the other fall on the Tuesday, Thursday schedule, those classes are called power lectures, because they last one hour and fifteen minutes. Though I'm used to that time frame since that was the length of all my classes in high school. Even so, I'm in classes from 8:15 in the morning to almost three in the afternoon.

  This is only the first week, so I know it's only going to get busier. It doesn't help that all I can think of is Ricky and what we have planned for tonight. I check my phone throughout the day, but he must be busy because I don't hear from him much. Just a random text here and there telling me funny things about his day.

  I'm sitting in my last class of the day waiting for the lecture to begin when someone sits down in the seat right next to me. I find this really odd, because there are at least a dozen empty seats around me. And the one thing I've learned about college lecture halls so far is that no one wants to sit next to each other.

  Before I can question this person's sanity, I hear a deep male voice say, "I was hoping I'd see you again." And I look up into a pair of bright blue eyes set into a very handsome face, and that face belongs to some guy that I've never seen before. Though he seems to know me.

  "I'm sorry, have we met before?"

  His face falls just a bit, but he recovers quickly and says, "At the frat party? You were in the kitchen near all the drinks. You were nice enough to grab me a beer."

  I think for a second, but I honestly don't remember. Maybe I vaguely recall handing some guy a beer. If he was that guy, I couldn't tell you, but I keep that to myself and say, "Oh, right. I'm so sorry, I think I'd had my second drink by then. And I'm a ridiculous lightweight."

  He lets out a great big laugh, the kind probably never fails to put smiles on people's faces, and says, "Nothing wrong with that. It's alright if you don't remember me by the way, I just remember you had maybe the prettiest eyes I've ever seen. Couldn't forget those. I recognized you right away. I'm sorry. I hope I'm not freaking you out. I really just came over to say hi."

  He goes to get up and I stop him with my hand on his arm, an arm that's basically the size of both of mine and more. "Don't go. Please, it'll be nice to have a friend in class. Besides, anyone who thinks my eyes are pretty is alright in my book." He gives me another big smile and settles back in his chair. Suddenly I'm thinking this class won't be so bad after all.

  * * *

  "It's going fine I think, but it's hard to say. I mean it's only been two days mom. That's hardly enough time to judge."

  After my last class was finished I made my way back to the dorms. My mom called me not two minutes after I got back. She has a copy of my schedule, so I knew she was
calling to see how my day went. She did the same thing yesterday, and I'm guessing she'll keep this up for the next few weeks.

  I let her chatter on about making new friends and how I should introduce myself to all my professors, not a bad idea though I'd never tell her that, while I pick out an outfit for meeting up with Ricky later. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and grimace. My hair is basically a ball of frizz and my face is shiny with sweat. Why oh why does it have to be so humid here.

  "Mom," I say, cutting her off mid sentence. She probably has no idea that I checked out of the conversation a few minutes ago. "I hate to cut you off, but I have to go. I'm meeting a friend for dinner and I need to grab a shower first."

  Of course she tries to ask me if I'm meeting a guy but, coward that I am, I practically yell goodbye, and hang up the phone. I'm sure I'll get scolded for that later. Yesterday I fessed up about me and Jackson, but she was surprisingly calm about it. I suspect she was pretty happy about it, not that I was hurt of course, but that he was out of my life. I'm pretty sure she never really liked him.

  I take a quick shower, quick being relative of course. I make sure I've shaved and scrubbed to perfection, there's nothing worse than realising later that you've missed a spot, and then I send Bronte a quick text asking for a mini pep talk. I'm so nervous. I know this isn't a date, by my own insistence, but it's still something and someone new.

  I was with Jackson for a year. And before that I had two other boyfriends, but those relationships only lasted for one month and three months respectively, so I'm not sure they even count. I did love one of them though, or at least I thought I did.

  I find that I'm asking myself that question a lot lately. Did I love Jackson, or either of the other two? If I was still with Jackson I'm sure the answer would be yes, obviously. But, that's the thing about big life changes, they force you to question everything you thought you knew. Because nothing is guaranteed anymore. Not that it really was to begin with, but we want to believe there was.