Me: That clothing store, north of Stacks on Beech Street sells suits. This is a lake town, you know.
Indie: What time?
Me: Eleven. I’ll meet you at the studio so you don’t have to walk alone.
Indie: I’m feeling nauseous.
Me: Don’t punk out on me, O’Connell.
Indie: I’ll see you at eleven.
I didn’t get a chance to smile at my win because my father’s name flashed across the screen with an incoming message.
Dad: No plans for this Sunday, why?
The team had a meet this Saturday, which meant no Sunday practice. My mouth was dry as I typed, the pain in my shoulder flaring more in this instant than it had in days.
Me: We need to talk.
Indigo
Daphne rummaged through her backpack, her music manic as I walked into our room. She had clothes piled and spilling off her small, twin mattress. She’d warned me on the first day I met her she lacked the “organizational code” in her DNA, but this was bad, even for her. I scanned the chaos and noticed two more suitcases sprawled on her bed, and her side of the closet was empty.
“Going somewhere?” I asked as she stuffed a few articles of clothing into her bag.
She glanced at me, peering over her shoulder, a deep frown on her face. She looked more awake than I had seen her in days. Actually, I hadn’t seen her for a couple of days.
“Yeah, I was invited to Greek Row for the weekend.” I would’ve known she wasn’t serious even without the snarky attitude.
I sat on my bed, staring at her back as she picked through a pile of tank tops. Setting my bag at my feet, I sighed and her posture stiffened.
“Spit it out, Indie. Subtlety isn’t your thing.” Daphne turned, giving me the full force of her appearance.
She was gaunt with dark circles under her eyes. Her hair was wet from what I assumed was the shower, the lack of makeup on her face made her seem even more pale than normal. She looked thin and weeded through. Gray draped over her silhouette, not an ounce of color left in her.
“Did I… do something to make you angry?” I asked.
Her shoulders sagged, tears pooled on her bottom lashes. She shook her head and swallowed. “No, Pink. I’m not mad at you.”
“Talk to me. What’s going on?”
Like I hoped she wouldn’t, she turned and grabbed a handful of clothes, shoved them in her bag, and zipped it.
“Where are you going?” I asked again.
She sucked in a breath, or maybe a sob, she wouldn’t look at me. My eyes filled with tears as I stood.
“Don’t touch me. If you touch me, I won’t leave this room, and I have to leave, Pink. I have to go.”
“Go where?” I asked, feeling the hand of panic on my throat.
She swung her bag over her shoulder and looked at the bed. “You can keep whatever I left behind.”
“Daphne, you’re freaking me out.”
She took a step toward me, her hand out as if to touch me, stopping when the front door slammed shut.
“What the hell is she still doing here? Get out!” Imogen’s cheeks were red, her face contorted into a sneer. I’d never seen her so upset.
“Don’t worry, I’m gone.” Daphne shut her two suitcases, pulled her phone from her pocket, and whispered, “Fuck my life.”
“Will someone please tell me what’s happening?” I asked and earned the wrath of Imogen’s glare.
“Ask your junkie roommate.”
“For the record, I never liked you, Imogen.” Daphne’s smile sat wrong on her face. It was twisted in a way that made me think of pain.
Imogen brushed her long, silver blonde hair over her shoulder. “Trust me, the feeling is mutual.”
The comment landed without damage, and Daphne laughed as she pushed her cell into her back pocket. “My ride’s here.”
“You mean your parents, or your dealer.”
This time Imogen struck the right chord. “My parents. Asshole. Now get out of my way and stop being a bitch. You ruined my entire life.” Daphne’s voice shook as she tried to grab both of her suitcases at the same time.
“Your parents?”
“She’s been expelled.” Imogen’s tone bordered on gleeful. “Hopefully, they’re taking her skanky ass to rehab.”
“Expelled? Daphne, what the—”
Daphne’s phone rang and she didn’t let me finish. “I have to go. I’ll call you, Pink. I promise.” She grabbed her other suitcase and I watched as a tear trickled down her face. She was almost to the door when she stopped, her head falling in defeat, she said, “I’m sorry, Indie, I’m sorry for everything.”
I didn’t get a chance to ask her what the apology was for. She practically shoved Imogen into the wall as she stormed past. The front door opened and never shut.
“She can’t even close the front door.”
Her hands were full. I wanted to say, but I was still piecing through this train wreck of an afternoon. Imogen exhaled and left my room, I assumed, to close the door. I stared at Daphne’s bed.
Expelled.
She was gone.
A few t-shirts and tank tops were scattered on her black comforter. All of her Andy Warhol posters were left behind, too. Maybe she’d left them like bread crumbs. Maybe she’d come back.
Expelled.
“Imogen.” I called her name louder than I had intended and she jumped. “What the hell just happened?”
“She got caught buying coke from some guy in Kappa Sig.”
“Cocaine?” My bones felt too heavy as I sat on my bed.
“She’s been stealing my ADHD meds. I had a whole bottle and didn’t realize they were missing. I cleaned out my bathroom bag the other day and they were gone. I’d let her have a couple last semester, so I know she was the only one who knew where to find them. When I asked her about it the other night, she denied it. I told the dean.”
My stomach was sick. “Why didn’t you tell me? I could have—”
She narrowed her eyes. “Could have what? Helped her? You are so naïve. She needs rehab and I hope to God her parents are taking her there as we speak.”
“I didn’t see it.” That wasn’t entirely true. Since the semester started, she’d changed. Drinking more and more, it was why I’d asked Dr. Sand how to help. When I suggested therapy, she’d taken it as a joke, and put even more distance between us. But cocaine? “I guessed something wasn’t right… I had no idea it was that bad.”
“If I wasn’t so angry that she stole from me, I’d feel sorry for her, but she knew what she was doing. After what I told the dean, the campus police were going to pull her in for questioning, but they caught her red handed… it’s not my fault.”
Addiction was a sickness. Instead of fighting voices, Daphne fed hers.
“I feel terrible for her. Addiction isn’t that black and white. Yes, she knew better, but maybe there’s more there that we don’t know about.”
“Her parents were addicts. My boyfriend’s roommate told me that last year. The two of them went to high school together.”
High school.
I thought about Kai.
“My brother’s best friend, Kai, went to high school with her, too.”
“Isn’t he the one who got Ellis expelled?”
“Ellis got himself expelled.”
Her face softened. “I know, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean… I’m pissed off. I shouldn’t take it out on you.”
She was pissed off? My best friend was gone. Using drugs. And I had no idea.
“I’ve got to go into town,” I lied. “Need anything?”
“No, thanks.” Her attitude had almost completely cooled. “Want me to walk with you?”
“I’ll be okay.” I gave her a small smile, and she nodded.
“Ari will be home soon, she’s gonna flip when I tell her. She suspected Daph of stealing her necklace last week.”
I walked toward the front door, not wanting to listen to any more of Imogen’s insights, debat
ing on if I should call Daphne the minute I left the dorm, or Blue to ask him what he thought. Still shocked, I figured calling Daphne would only serve to make me more confused and angry. Not ready for excuses, I decided to call my brother.
The weather was chilly as I stepped outside. It didn’t matter that the sun was out, painting the firs in several shades of green, it was February and winter’s cold touch still drove the wind. I pulled out my phone and dialed my brother’s number. The phone rang as I made my way toward Warren House.
“Hey, Pink.” He was out of breath.
“Can you talk?” As soon as I spoke, tears fell down my cheeks.
“What’s wrong?”
“Are you home?”
“I’m at the gym.”
I heard a few beeps and a soft whirring sound—I hadn’t noticed at first—as it fell silent in the background. I sat down on the bench near his dormitory, quickly wiping the tears from under my eyes with my free hand.
“Daphne got expelled for drugs.”
“Holy shit, really?”
“I had no idea.”
He was silent.
“Did you know?” I asked.
“Kind of, but… She stayed at our place the other night and—”
“She stayed at your place and you didn’t tell me?” I was incredulous.
“She was with Kai.”
“W-what?”
My pulse tripled, hollowing out my chest, leaving my heart in a free fall.
“I don’t know, Pink. She slept in Kai’s room, and the next morning she was gone. Kai shut me down when I asked him about it, said she was struggling and to leave it alone.”
He’s with her.
He doesn’t want you.
My throat was thick and dry. “He knew.”
“I’m not sure. He did tell me she promised him she’d get help. What happened?”
“She got caught buying cocaine from a frat guy.” I fell back onto the bench and shut my eyes.
“Cocaine?”
“That was my reaction.”
“I wish we could have helped her.”
“Imogen thinks her parents will put her in rehab.”
“It helped Aunt Mel.”
“Mel wanted the help.”
My Uncle Kiernan’s wife, Melissa, struggled with drugs when she was younger. Mel had told Royal over break, when he’d asked her about Kai’s drinking, “You can’t help those who don’t want the help in the first place.”
“Maybe this will be the catalyst. Kai said they’re just friends, but maybe there’s a deeper connection, maybe he can reach out to her. I’ll talk to him.”
“Okay,” I said and opened my eyes.
A deeper connection.
The hollow spread to my ribs.
Just friends.
The voices in my head laughed at me.
“I’ve got practice tonight, but you should come over after.”
I was supposed to meet Kai for my swim lesson, but after everything today, watching someone I thought was my best friend, walk away, I wanted to be alone. I was unsettled. My head ached and so did my heart.
“Thanks, but I think I’m going to the studio.”
“I’m here if you need me. Camden’s got a song to write, so I’ll be flying solo if you want some company.”
“Love you, Blue.”
“You know I love you, Pink.”
I slipped my phone in my jeans pocket and walked back to Vigrus, my mind spinning through the last thirty minutes. It was selfish for me to think about Kai, with Daphne possibly en route to rehab, but I couldn’t help it. I’d come to St. Peter’s with the hope I’d find my own way. I was good at being Royal’s twin. Good at sharing his smile and eyes. His friends were my friends. Kai belonged to Royal, too, but I’d let myself believe he’d become mine. I couldn’t let myself get attached to the idea of Kai more than I already had. Kai Carter had more life experience in his pinky than I had in my entire existence. He had a reputation. He was a man, and I was girl. It didn’t matter if he was the only guy I’d ever thought about kissing, or how his smile made the voices disappear, how his attention had set me on fire. But that was him. Who he was. I wasn’t special. How many girls had he struck like a match?
Naïve little girl.
He never saw you.
Ari and Imogen were in their room when I got back, I could hear Ari’s voice over the music playing in my own. I shut my door and turned off the clock radio Daphne had left on. I let a few minutes pass, waiting for Imogen and Ari to crash through my bedroom door, ready for gossip. But the apartment was quiet. I started to fold the left-over things Daph had left behind, creating a neat stack on the center of her bed. I checked her two drawers in the dresser we shared and found more abandoned clothes. She probably wanted a new start, new things for a new life. Hopefully, a clean one. I pulled what looked like a sports bra and underwear from the back of the top drawer. The dark red material like a sign from the universe dangled from my hand. I puffed out a laugh and stared at the bikini. It still had the tags on it.
Slipping off my shoes, I threw the suit onto the bed. Daphne had once said Kai wasn’t my type. She wasn’t entirely wrong. I’d never had a chance to develop a type. I didn’t know what I liked. I could see a guy and find him attractive, but no interest was sparked. Kai was my type. Him. His loyalty to my brother. His mystery. I smiled. And maybe his body was perfect, too, but in the studio, he’d showed himself to me, cracked open his façade and showed me he understood the dark as well as I did. My physical attraction to him shouldn’t stop me from being his friend. He trusted me, and I needed to trust myself. Trust what I wanted. And I wanted him in my life. I wouldn’t let this thing with Daphne, my self-doubt, those voices, undermine what Kai and I had started to build so easily.
Before I could talk myself out of it, I tried on the bikini.
It was five after eleven when Kai showed up at the studio, wearing his faded SPC swim team hoodie and a smile that made my knees feel gooey.
“You’re looking a little sick, O’Connell. Don’t worry, I won’t let you drown.”
“That’s good.” I picked up my bag, the red bikini burning a hole through it, or more like my nerves.
“Got everything you need?”
“Yup.”
Kai’s grin lightened his eyes and I smiled in response. Leaning down, he touched my shoulder; the small sensation sent a thrill down my arm and erased my doubt about deciding to go through with this. “I promise. You’ve got this.”
The sky drizzled down around us as we walked to the Aquatic Center in a comfortable silence. I wondered if Royal had mentioned Daphne to him? It felt intrusive to ask, but she was my friend, and anything he might know that could help her was worth it.
“Did you hear about Daphne?”
“Yeah.” His jaw flexed as he looked at me. “Royal said you were pretty upset. I should have texted, we don’t have to do this tonight.”
“It will be a good distraction.”
His chuckle surprised me. “You’d rather be painting.”
“You sound like a bumper sticker.”
My favorite lopsided smile appeared. “I’ll make you a shirt.”
The Aquatic Center loomed ahead of us and I lost my humor. He must have noticed.
“I’m sorry about Daphne,” he said.
“Royal said you were trying to help her?” I asked, keeping my eyes on the front doors of the building.
He punched a code into a small metal box right off the entrance. A soft click sounded, and he pushed through the door, holding it open for me.
He paused inside the large, empty lobby, his dark eyes finding mine. “I should have said something to you the other night. She stopped by, she was strung out. I was afraid to let her leave. I told her if she stayed I’d take her to the clinic in the morning, help her make an appointment, but she snuck out sometime in the night.”
“I didn’t realize you guys were… close.” I wanted to cringe at my reluctance. I couldn’t care w
ho he was close to.
His jaw pulsed again and he turned toward the hallway by the front desk. “I’ve known her since we were kids.”
“I know.”
“I should have told you.”
“She should have come to me, I’m her best friend.”
He looked at me, his eyes darker than they were just seconds ago. “A girl like Daphne has only one friend. Herself.”
“I’m angry, too.” I wanted to reach for his hand, but I was afraid he wouldn’t want me to.
“Good thing you have a distraction.” He smirked, lightening the mood as he twisted my earlier words. “The women’s locker room is to the right, down the hall. You can enter the atrium from there.” He pulled my braid. “Don’t try to sneak off, O’ Connell.”
My laugh was uneasy as I watched him walk toward the men’s locker room. I wanted to run, but not because I was afraid to swim, but because of the suit in my bag. When I tried it on, it fit better than I had expected. The top was tighter than I would prefer, my curves bigger than Daphne’s but smaller than the world’s standards. I worried about what he would think of my body as I walked into the locker room. The lights flashed on automatically, illuminating a wall of mirrors and rows of lockers. I set my bag down and stared at myself. I saw the women he used to flirt with at Stacks when he’d worked there. Tall with slim waists, curvy hips, and more in their bras than Daphne and me combined. Compared to them, I looked like a boy.
It was too late to back out now.
I changed into the dark red suit, clipping the strap behind my neck. It really did look more like a sports bra than a bikini top. My skin was translucent under the fluorescent lights, and my eyes trailed along the line of my reflection in the mirror. My hips hardly flared. An hourglass I was not. My thighs were lean, not necessarily sticks, since they touched toward the middle. I had no abs, and I hated that the suit was cut so low. My hip bones jutted—too prominent—reminding me I probably needed to add more protein to my diet. I stared at my boyish figure and wrapped my arms around my chest.
He’ll break you.
So delicate.
My thoughts hissed and hummed until my eyes started to burn.
I should leave.
Seven Shades of You Page 13