The Misplaced Man: Who is in charge of his destiny?

by Nick James

  ‘Jesus, Bunny, I didn’t realise you were this high up in the bank,’ I said as we swayed together to the music.

  She looked up at me. ‘I’m not, Sam, my boss is. I’m just his PA. I can be moved around at any time. After the holiday, I’m moving to the director of loans,’ she said softly, and then placed her head onto my chest as we danced.

  ‘Still, it’s a lovely building, and at least you’re around fellow rice eaters,’ I said with a laugh, which led to rabbit punches in my kidneys.

  She looked up at me. ‘Shut it, round eye, or I won’t marry you,’ Bunny snarled. She then slammed her head back onto me, making me wince.

  ‘You want to be my wife, baby?’ I asked.

  Normally marriage was a taboo subject, even though I had a ring hidden away for when the time was right.

  She giggled. ‘No, silly, you’re going to be my husband,’ she said, and then we continued to dance. ‘Mama has dropped hints about grandchildren. As I’m the only child, it’s up to us, Sammy.’

  I couldn’t believe it. From not wanting to talk about it, to now marriage and kids. Gonna be a busy life, I thought before asking, ‘What’s the timeline?’

  She hugged me tighter. ‘I was thinking engagement next Christmas, the wedding a year and a bit after in the spring. By then, we’ll be nice and secure in our jobs.’ Bunny stopped moving and looked into my eyes. ‘What do you think?’

  In that sentence alone, she sounded like a worried girl asking me to love her. Not my hard-nosed Bunny, but my beautiful, fun woman that I loved to distraction. The girl only I see.

  I smiled and let our lips lock, the soft flesh pushed together. We stopped and parted while panting slightly.

  ‘Sounds perfect, my love… Perfection.’

  Our tender kissing and dancing continued late into the night. We were both feeling alone in our safe, happy world.

  What we didn’t know at the time was that we were being watched!

  Chapter 10

  Tuesday, 24 December 2019

  Michael McAllister

  Finally, the last meeting of the year, I thought as I looked around the room. There was a lot of heavy hitters in there. Something must be up. Even the chairman was in, along with all the heads of security. I sighed. Ah well, I’ve had a good run, I thought, assuming I’d been caught. Then again, the police would be here if I had, unless they wanted to do it quietly.

  The CEO, Charles Madison, called the meeting to order. ‘Right, as you know, some of the largest companies in the UK and America have been hacked either by North Korea, Russia or the Chinese. As of yet, we have not been touched,’ he said sternly.

  I watched him look pointedly at Albert Kettering, the director of external security.

  ‘That’s right, we have been pinged and tested, but there have been no outright attacks,’ said Albert.

  He was a freaky one: tall, no hair and blond eyebrows, which made them look non-existent. I couldn’t drag my eyes away from the shine on his head, it looked like the North Star. It was simply amazing. Clearly, I wasn’t listening to his bullshit. He had no background in computers, he was ex-MI5 or MI6, I forget, but he was good at his job and his team was the best money could buy.

  Madison looked around. ‘Good, Albert, and yet we are still getting product stolen,’ he said, casting his eyes over to the director of internal security. ‘So, John, any ideas?’

  John Jones sat up. ‘Well, I’ve had my people doing security sweeps on everybody, including department heads, several times a week now. But so far, nothing.’

  There were grumblings from middle management.

  The CEO addressed the room once more. ‘As I understand it at the moment, it’s only small-time stuff, and we have managed to talk our way out of the situation, but it must stop,’ he stated, raising his voice slightly to highlight the importance of his statement.

  Everybody nodded their heads, including me. Of course, why wouldn’t I? We can’t have another leak in this company; it would be wrong. I wonder when Mai is coming back, I mused.

  ‘Now, as you all know, our internal security department had a run-in with the Chinese embassy,’ Madison said while smiling at John Jones. As chuckles rippled through the room, Madison held up his hand to stop their amusement. ‘How is that employee of ours who’s linked to the said Chinese individual?’

  Everyone turned to me. ‘What?’ I stumbled, all my wit and cunning…missing.

  ‘Very eloquent, Michael. Now, how is Mr Blades doing?’ asked the chairman.

  I shook my head to clear it. ‘He is a very good worker. He has integrated with the team well,’ I replied while trying to remember information about him. ‘He has a playful side, but the team likes him. Although, there was a problem at the Christmas party between his girlfriend and a team member’s partner.’

  John Jones laughed. ‘Oh yes, the cocktail umbrella incident.’ Once again, laughter filled the meeting room. ‘But no one wished to press charges, and they hugged and made up,’ Jones added, chuckling as he remembered the CCTV footage of the incident and the anger on the small girl’s face.

  The CEO nodded. ‘Good, but I did see him and his girlfriend attending a Christmas party at Eastern Global Finance. Even though we can’t tell our employees who they can date, it does worry me that we can’t find information on her family. She could also call upon the president and lawyers of that bank, along with the Chinese embassy, for just failing to make an appointment with a PA,’ he stated.

  Albert nodded along. ‘I shall reach out to some old friends, they have assets in Hong Kong,’ he added.

  ‘Good, but I don’t want it coming back to us,’ asserted Madison.

  ‘It won’t, sir, they are very professional,’ Kettering reassured him.

  Jones sat up again. ‘Why don’t we just fire the kid? What’s one bloke?’ He received several nods of approval from around the room.

  ‘But hasn’t this been a problem for a while now?’ I said guiltily, since I knew the leak was me. I waited for someone to say, ‘You doth protest too much!’ When they didn’t, I added, ‘And Blades has only been here for a couple of months?’

  Jones shot me a big ‘fuck you’. ‘Yes, we’re chasing shadows. So, better to catch one than none!’

  I frowned. ‘But what do you think Blades has done, apart from having a girlfriend from Hong Kong?’ I said loudly. I sighed inwardly. I really should think things through before I open my mouth. The room stilled at the loudness of my voice.

  ‘Quite right,’ Charles Madison said. ‘I’m still concerned about the Chinese link, though, but better the devil we know. Keep watching him, and make sure he’s not passing on any information.’

  ‘Yes, sir, already checking,’ Jones responded.

  Charles Madison stood up. ‘Well, that is all, ladies and gentlemen. Hope you all have a good holiday, and I will see you in the new year,’ he said happily, closing down the meeting.

  We all filtered past him shaking hands until it was my turn.

  ‘A quick word, Michael, before you go.’

  That shocked me and everybody else, but the line kept moving. In the end, it was just me and the big boss. He offered me a seat.

  ‘What can I do for you, sir?’ I asked politely. My mind screamed, you’re done; they know it’s you.

  The tall, fit man stood by the window gazing over the top of Canary Wharf. ‘Drink, Michael?’ he asked, holding out a whisky bottle.

  ‘Just a small one, sir,’ my mouth said, though my mind sang, just pour that bottle over me, baby, do it, do it now… Yes, I have problems.

  The chairman sat down and smelt his whisky. ‘Now, Michael, this Blades character. I’m leaning towards the possibility that the poor boy was in the wrong place at the wrong time,’ he suggested before taking a long sip and letting it trickle down his throat. ‘But, there are certain things wrong with his girlfriend’s family. If they have links to a government, and I mean any government, we could be in the shit.’

  ‘I agree, sir. What would yo
u like me to do?’ I asked, wanting to drink the whole bottle of whisky and shag his secretary over his desk as he applauded.

  The boss man leant back continuing to savour his whisky. ‘Set up some dummy accounts; tell him it’s a special project. I’ll authorise you to access some minor celebrity accounts, then pick some dreams that aren’t identity specific. Let him manage those accounts, and we’ll see what gets sent out on the Internet,’ he explained.

  ‘Yes, sir, I can do that. I’ll start fresh in the new year,’ I said as my brain high-fived the old git for giving me access to the good shit. ‘I’ll give him a financial incentive.’

  ‘Good idea. Get him comfortable, and hopefully he will brag to his girlfriend. Then we shall see,’ replied Madison.

  I smiled a shit-eating grin at him. ‘And then we can get rid of him,’ I concluded.

  The room went silent. I could hear the cogs turning in his head.

  ‘We shall see. As I said, sometimes it’s better the devil you know,’ he said before downing the rest of his drink and closing his eyes. ‘Have a good Christmas, Michael, hope the dominoes go your way.’

  Chapter 11

  Wednesday, 25 December 2019

  Barking

  Sam Blades

  T’was the morning of Christmas when all through the flat not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

  All apart from me bouncing on our bed. ‘It’s Christmassssssssss!’ I screamed.

  ‘Arrgghhhhhhh! What the fuck is wrong with you?’ Bunny screamed. ‘娘们’

  I think that means twat.

  She managed a crafty punch to my nads, then to the throat before storming off to the toilet. As I lay there cradling my baby makers, I concluded that I don’t understand women. This was reinforced when she kicked me off the bed on her return.

  ‘It’s five in the morning. Don’t talk or touch me till nine o’clock! Got it!’ she snapped with fire in her eyes.

  I groaned in reply and hoped my lucky left nut would return to his nice warm home. ‘Love you, Bunny,’ I offered.

  She cupped my cheek, which made me flinch. ‘And I love you, too, Sam, just don’t be a dick,’ Bunny whispered back, and then slapped me on the cheek before curling back up in our duvet.

  I may have misjudged the situation. Who would’ve thought? Our kids are going to be boss-eyed now, they’ll be crying down their backs, I thought as my darling little warrior started to snore. Like I would ever tell her that she did… That’s for Easter.

  We managed to get out of our pit around nine, and Bunny checked my boys out as we showered together. Good news: they work fine. We donned our new his and hers bathrobes and sat down for brunch. Bunny had always been tricky to buy for Christmas gift-wise, so £200 of Next vouchers did the job.

  For me, she bought a replica Hattori Hanzō samurai sword from Kill Bill. Unfortunately, it was locked in a wooden and glass case. Guess she didn’t trust me with sharp objects. That’s rich coming from Miss Butter Knife!

  Although, as a lovely thought on my part, I bought Bunny a marine saltwater fish in a nice tank.

  ‘What the fuck is it?’ she asked, in her come-to-bed manner.

  ‘It’s a clownfish. You like animals,’ I replied, thinking this wasn’t going well.

  She frowned. ‘Looks like the fish from that movie?’

  ‘Oh yes, his name is Fred,’ I replied.

  She just looked at me. It was a complicated look. It melded sympathy and worry together, and finally acceptance. Then she just walked away from both Fred and I.

  The rest of the morning was nice. I cooked a small roast chicken with all the trimmings. We then sat and watched The Muppets Christmas Carol. You nailed it, Mr Caine, sod The Italian Job. Bunny enjoyed it for the first five minutes, then she started to read, and then she was snoring.

  Boxing Day was more of the same. We stayed indoors and kept away from anything shopping related, but Bunny did hammer the shit out of the online stores. What an age we do live in!

  In the evening, Mark and Kate came over for some drinks and games. Well, I suggested films but was outvoted three to one. Bastards! Charades was fun as Kate kept bouncing up and down, but it was when Monopoly came out alongside the bottle of tequila that things got interesting. It only took an hour for the first fight to occur. When Bunny landed on Mark’s Mayfair property with a hotel on it, he asked her how much she charged per hour.

  The second and final fight was because Kate had Park Lane and told my lovely girlfriend that her people weren’t allowed in that area of London. At that moment, I saw Mark close his eyes and his girlfriend’s go wide open as Bunny launched herself across the table sending my iron flying off the board. It did surprise me when I saw Bunny’s ankles go past my face.

  We managed to part them, but it cost us bruises and scratch marks. Bunny ranted into the night, until I was holding her hair as she emptied her stomach while apologising to me. I later found out that this was happening at Mark’s house too. Fun times.

  The rest of the break went quickly. On New Year’s Eve, we watched TV until midnight, then I woke up Bunny and opened the curtains to watch the fireworks around us. Despite the fights and tears, it was the best Christmas we’d had together. Soon it was back to work.

  Chapter 12

  Thursday, 2 January 2020

  Michael McAllister

  ‘Oh, my sweet God, my head is pounding,’ I muttered with my head pressed against the very cooling glass top of my desk.

  It had been a very busy Christmas and New Year. I went out with Tiger Tony for a few nights in a row and found out he was now dating Suzie Q, the small Chinese coat lady.

  I wept for the depravity they would create together. I received a small clip of them having some fun in an alleyway next to a theatre showing The Sound of Music. Not so bad, you think? Well, they were dressed as a vicar and a nun. I wondered who was holding the camera, and then dismissed it just as quickly.

  The Limping Dragon was a busy and fun place to spend my days, especially as Mai Lee was back in town, which allowed us to date over the holiday. No, I’m not gay. And, no, I don’t have a problem with it. My girlfriend just has an extra bit of anatomy, compared to other women.

  She was over the moon when I told her about the meeting at work and plans for my lovely patsy. Mai had forwarded the information to the boys upstairs, which meant that my credit limit was raised once more at The Limping Dragon, but my now girlfriend then warned me about my drinking and gambling problem.

  On New Year’s Eve, I bid farewell to Mai Lee as she had to head home. It was a soft and lingering kiss, after which she told me to take it easy that night and get home safely. I promised with all my heart. I knew with the love of a good woman that I would turn my life around…apart from the stealing.

  Yeah, I managed to fuck that up. I woke up in a hotel room in bed with Tiger Tony and Suzie Q. Tequila – hell of a drink. But now it was a new year, and a new me.

  There was a knock on my door. The sound rattled through my tender brain. I looked up and saw my patsy. I smiled and waved the young man in. Then I saw him smear a big handprint on my glass door. Use the handle, prick, my mind screamed, making me wince again.

  ‘You wanted to see me, sir?’ Sam said, looking worried.

  I smiled again, even though it hurt my face to do so. ‘Yes, Sam, and call me Mike,’ I explained again, and then noticed some scratches on the man’s neck. ‘Looks like you had a good break, Sam,’ I said, pointing towards the nervous man’s throat.

  He barked out a laugh. ‘Yeah, it was a Monopoly and drink incident. Never get in between two scrapping women,’ Sam explained while shaking his head.

  ‘Not fighting with Wayward’s girlfriend again, was she?’ I probed. The man’s head dropped. ‘Sam, some women just get on, don’t push it.’

  He seemed to agree with me. If only he knew my track record with women.

  ‘Did you have a good Christmas?’ he asked as the small talk continued.

  I turned my back to him and pic
ked some files from the shelves behind me. ‘Not bad thanks, TV and family, quite boring,’ I said dismissively, the bullshit fisherman casting his net wide. ‘Now, we have been impressed by your work,’ I announced before spinning around on my office chair, like the badass boss I am.

  ‘You need a white cat to stroke when you do that,’ Sam said with a laugh, and then blushed. ‘Sorry, sometimes my brain doesn’t have a filter.’

  I raised an eyebrow. ‘Is that so, Mr Bond?’ I replied, making him laugh. I wondered if he was brain damaged.

  ‘I’m glad you’re happy with what I’m doing. It’s a good team to work with,’ said Sam.

  I suddenly felt a pang of guilt, but that was pushed away with my hangover spiking again. ‘Yes, they are, but this is about you, Sam. I have been authorised to give you a project, to see how you cope.’

  Sam smiled and sat up in his seat. ‘Of course, anything,’ he said eagerly, running happily into my plans for world domination.

  Damn him and his Bond joke. I couldn’t seem to get it out of my head. Maybe I should try and bang Amanda Moneypenny on floor seven, I thought. I handed the files over to Sam. ‘Have a look at these tonight. They are procedures and a layout of what we want you to do over the coming year.’ I watched his eyes bulge. ‘Yeah, we have that much faith in you. You will be managing several high security accounts, and not just checking the security either.’

  ‘Oh, wow. Thank you, Mike. Er…does my team know?’ asked Sam.

  I shook my head, which was a great idea as it made my brain feel like it was going to explode. ‘No, but Richard has been told and he has agreed with our assessment of your work.’ I watched him scan some of the files while nodding like a dog.

  ‘I won’t let you down, Mike,’ he said, like a soldier going on a special mission.