Vessel (Cutting Cords Series Book 2)

by Mickie B. Ashling

  After a couple more drags, I relaxed. The potent herb worked its magic, knocking the edge off my frayed nerves. I closed my eyes and drifted, the distinct bouquet steeping through my senses. After a few minutes, I blinked in Tin’s direction. “Remind me why I gave this up?”

  “Because of your tight-assed lover.”

  I smirked. “He is an ass, isn’t he?”

  “Uh-oh… what did he do now?”

  “Do you really want to know?”

  “I’d rather not, but I’m sure you can’t wait to spill your guts.”

  I sighed dramatically and blurted, “The motherfucker is getting married―to a woman.”

  Tin leaned forward in alarm. “Excusez-moi!”

  “You heard right. Cole wants a kid and he needs a wife to complete the project.”

  Tin gasped reflexively. He slid closer and reached for my hand. “Look at me, gorgeous. C’est vrai?”

  His gentle touch and heartfelt sympathy acted like a lever, and my resolve to keep it together was obliterated by a deluge of tears. He embraced me while I sobbed on his shoulder, crooning French words intended to comfort, but which only made me feel sorry for myself. Nothing could alleviate my pain.

  Cole had jumped at the first opportunity to have a healthy child, never once taking my feelings into consideration. If this technique had been available five years ago, would he have broken it off with Juliana? Was I only his second choice because, at the time, fatherhood was not a viable option?

  I pushed Tin away gently, wiping away my tears with my sleeve. “Thank you for the shoulder, Tin, but this ends now. He’s not worth crying over.”

  “Who’s not worth it?” Max sauntered in, barefoot and disheveled. His living quarters were upstairs and security cameras must have alerted him to our presence. “What are you men doing here?”

  He threw himself on one of the easy chairs, crossed his legs one over the other, and planted them on the matching hassock.

  “Sloan asked me to meet him here,” Tin explained. “Apparently, Cole is planning to get married, to a woman.”

  “Is he serious?” Max asked me in disbelief.

  I nodded and took another drag off the joint. “Want some?”

  “Why not.” He reached for the tail end and inhaled deeply. “Christ, that’s strong.”

  “See.” I threw an accusing look at Tin. “I’m not the only who’s a wimp.”

  “You guys are ridiculous.”

  Max waved away his commentary and pinned me down with his forceful gaze. “What the hell happened when you got home? Wasn’t the question of children still under discussion?”

  There was no point in whitewashing the story. Max had a way of extracting the truth, and it would be futile to pretend this wasn’t a betrayal of the worst kind. Bitterness swamped me and I bit down hard on my lower lip to keep the treacherous tears away. I refused to have a meltdown in front of Max who’d never pretended to like Cole. He tolerated him for my sake, but this deception would only solidify his first impression—Cole wasn’t right for me. Nonetheless, I had to put up some kind of front or he’d insist on watching me round the clock. Max was aware of my tendency to self-harm, and although it hadn’t been an issue for a long time, his intuitive brain would arrive at the obvious conclusion.

  “He blindsided me,” I admitted. “You were dead-on about the legality of surrogacy in our state. My lover’s piece-of-shit father has done his investigating as well, and not only is it illegal in this state, it’s against Japanese law.”

  “What’s Japan got to do with anything?” Max queried.

  “He’s imported the baby maker.”

  “American women aren’t good enough for him?”

  “Beats me. All I know for sure is that Ken showed up with a Japanese-American surrogate, and Cole didn’t flinch when his father proposed marriage as a solution. They must have discussed the legal ramifications beforehand, or he wouldn’t have agreed so readily. On top of everything, she’s lovely. I’m afraid Cole will fall in love with her.”

  “Her beauty is irrelevant if he can’t see her.”

  “Well….”

  “And furthermore, Cole is gay,” Max said succinctly. “You need to have more confidence.”

  “Cole is bisexual.”

  “Nonetheless, he chose you over Juliana.”

  “Because she wasn’t a good fit. Maybe Noriko is just what he needs. You know how much he loves the Japanese culture. Christ, he’s got a master’s in ancient history and glorifies the samurai ethos.”

  “You’re overthinking, Sloan. Did you make your feelings crystal clear?”

  “I walked out of the apartment as soon as I heard the word marriage.”

  “You’re too impulsive,” Max admonished. “You should have stayed and ironed everything out.”

  “Not in front of a stranger. Besides, I wanted to kill him, and I didn’t think it would go over real well with his parents.”

  “You’ll have to face him eventually.”

  “As soon as I calm down.”

  “It may be sooner rather than later. I heard a car drive up,” Max said. He stood and walked over to the window. “Cole and Freddie just got out of a Yellow Cab and are standing at the front door.”

  “Christ.”

  “Go ahead and let him in.” Max shook his head and sighed. “Hash it out, Sloan; face this and tell him exactly how you feel. If you come to blows, I’ll drive you both to the emergency room. Don’t leave this open-ended or you’ll regret it.”

  He lifted my chin and studied me intently. “In case you haven’t heard this recently, you are one of a kind. If Cole doesn’t realize what he’s risking by making such unreasonable demands, I promise you there are several people ready and able to step into his shoes.”

  “You’re a good person, Max.”

  “No, I’m not. I’ve wanted you for years and never pretended otherwise. It wouldn’t bother me in the slightest if your relationship with Cole withered on the vine. However, I’m not stupid enough to stand in the way of true love. As much as I hate to admit it, you guys love each other. Work it out, beauty.”

  “I’ll try.”

  “It’s all you can do,” Max said. “Come on, Tin. Let’s go upstairs and have a nightcap.”

  Chapter 4

  Freddie went nuts when I opened the door, wagging his tail so hard his body moved from side to side. Petting him reflexively, I gave him the command to sit still. Plopping down at my feet, he lowered his head onto his paws and waited for his stupid owners to communicate.

  “What do you want, Cole?”

  I tried for cool and dispassionate, but my voice rose to an angry crescendo.

  “We need to talk.”

  “Ya think?”

  “Please let me explain?”

  “You’ve already tried, remember?”

  “May I come in?”

  I turned my back without answering. Freddie didn’t wait for an invitation, though, and followed on my heels, guiding Cole expertly. He led him to the two-seater opposite mine and waited until Cole was seated before he dropped down on his haunches.

  “I didn’t know surrogate births were illegal in this state,” Cole began haltingly. “My dad only informed me last month.”

  “Why didn’t you say anything about marriage when you were sucking up to me in the bedroom?”

  “Because I knew how you’d react.”

  “Asking me to weigh in on this decision has been a fucking charade. You’ve been lying from the beginning.”

  “Sloan….”

  “Shut the fuck up! How would you feel if I signed a relocation contract without informing you? Inadequate? Ridiculous? Superfluous?”

  “That is an inappropriate analogy.”

  “I don’t think so. You’re compelling me to accept this improbable scenario because…why? I hardly ever say no to you? This reminds me of the time after we first had sex when you wanted me to become your dirty secret so you could resume a normal life, or what you considered norma
l at the time. As you’ll recall, it didn’t go over very well.”

  “I remember,” Cole said.

  “And here you are again, proposing something equally absurd. When will you learn I’m not a windup toy you can point in the right direction?”

  “I didn’t mean to spring Noriko on you so suddenly. My dad sort of jumped the gun.”

  “Even if we had a proper meet and greet, my answer would still be no. Mulling over the idea of a surrogate birth does not imply consent. And marriage! Are you nuts? We were going to tie the knot this year, or did you conveniently forget?”

  “We’ve waited this long, Sloan. What’s another year? Once Noriko gives birth, I’ll start divorce proceedings.”

  “Do you really expect me to be okay with this?”

  “Not one hundred percent, but I was hoping you’d keep an open mind.”

  “Maybe if you’d been more honest, I wouldn’t feel so betrayed.”

  “Look, the marriage is only a formality. We have to make it legal if I want rights to my children.”

  “Children? I thought we were talking about one child.”

  “She’s willing to carry twins if we can get two genetically perfect embryos.”

  “Why not go the extra mile and have triplets? Better still, be the octo-fucking-dad and sire your own baseball team! You and your eight perfect sons will make nine!” My last functioning brain cell shorted out and I crossed the divide and shook Cole so forcefully Freddie whined. “Where did you plan on housing this woman and her litter? Is she going to sleep in between us?”

  “Sloan, please,” Cole begged desperately. “Stop fighting this and help me.”

  “We’re beyond help.” I pushed him away more forcefully than intended, and he fell against the coffee table. Freddie was up in an instant, clearly confused. He had no idea if we were playing or if I was really going to hurt Cole. In either case, he moved closer to his master, emitting a low growl until Cole put his hand on Freddie’s head to reassure him. Cole’s cheeks were flushed and a vein visibly pulsed at his temple.

  Horrified by my angry outburst, I crouched down and gave Cole a hand. When he was back on his feet, I offered an apology but had a hard time keeping the resentment out of my voice. “Sorry this got rough, but I’m starting to see the true picture. You and your father have been plotting for months. I’m an inconvenience you’re hoping to sweep under the carpet. So here’s my solution; I’ll move out and what’s-her-face can move in.”

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  “I want you to share in this experience. You’re going to be a father as well, and I want you beside me all the way.”

  “Listen to you―I want this and I want that. What about me, Cole?”

  “I’m trying to accommodate everyone.”

  “I’m not everyone,” I shouted. “Since when did I get lumped into the ‘everyone’ category?”

  “Sloan, you’re being unreasonable.”

  “Don’t I have any say in this fucked-up situation?”

  “Of course you do.”

  “Fooled me. So far, it’s all about you, Cole.”

  “What is it you want, Sloan?”

  Was I wrong to deny Cole’s chances at having children? I could never give him a family. On the other hand, the way he was going about this was entirely wrong. When he first broached the subject of surrogacy, I had something completely different in mind. I pictured a lawyer handling the transaction and managing the details with very little interpersonal contact between us and the mother. We’d pick up the kid once it was born, and that would be the end of our connection to the baby maker. Now, he was asking me to make room in our lives for a complete stranger, a “wife” no less. It made me so angry I wanted to choke him. I swallowed the bile and put a lid on my temper, which was one second away from flying out of control again. “You have to give me more time to think about this.”

  “How long?”

  “What’s the rush?”

  “Noriko can’t stay indefinitely; she’s on a tourist’s visa.”

  “How much are you paying her?”

  “I’ll cover all the medical expenses, plus she’ll get a lump sum once she delivers the babies. Of course, there’s another settlement when we file for divorce.”

  “Christ. She’s making out like a bandit by having a viable uterus.”

  “I wish you had one.”

  “Me too,” I said, completed defeated. “You do realize she can always change her mind about a divorce, and you’ll be stuck.”

  “Why are you so suspicious?”

  “I don’t trust the bitch.”

  “You don’t even know her.”

  “Do you?”

  “I’m only going by my dad’s recommendation.”

  My hackles rose instantly. Ken Fujiwara had resented me from day one. If any vetting had been involved, it would have been cursory at best. To his mind, any female was a better choice than I’d ever be.

  “How well does he know her?” I demanded. “Can you trust her to do the honorable thing on your father’s say so?”

  “We’ll sign a contract.”

  I scoffed. “Contracts are made to be broken. I’m disappointed in you, Cole. You’ve always taken such pride in your superior intellect, referencing your degrees whenever I asked a stupid question, and here you are, facing the most important decision in your life with little or no information. How can you agree to this arrangement without researching the future mother of your children?” I must have raised my voice again because Freddie crawled closer to Cole and whimpered. I reached down and gave him a reassuring pat.

  Through clenched teeth, Cole replied acidly, “I will get the info you want.”

  “It doesn’t matter,” I said dejectedly. “I won’t have any rights so the point is mute.”

  “Once we become legal, you can adopt the children, and then you’ll have every right.”

  “What about the mother?”

  “Six months after the birth, Noriko and I will divorce, and the contract will be complete. Then, you and I can make it legal. Adoption will come right on the heels of our marriage, and you’ll have rights to everything I own, including my children.”

  “You have this all worked out except for one small glitch.”

  “What?”

  “I don’t want to be your second choice.”

  “Christ, Sloan, Noriko knows I’m bisexual and committed to you. She’s simply a vessel.”

  “More like an intrusion. I’m reluctant to turn over so much power.”

  Cole crinkled his eyes in frustration. “What power?”

  “As your wife, she can create all kinds of havoc. How do I know she won’t insist on throwing me out? What if she gets hormonal and turns into a raving momzilla? We’ll be stuck, Cole, and leaving ourselves wide open to emotional blackmail.”

  “Sloan, for God’s sake.”

  “Listen to me.” I gripped his biceps. “What if she falls in love with you? Having a soft spot for the father of your child is not uncommon. She would have to be some kind of robot to ignore her instincts. And any mother worth her salt is bound to get territorial over her offspring. What happens then?”

  “Noriko is going into this with eyes wide open. It’s purely a business arrangement, and we’ll have no physical contact whatsoever. You’re being overly cautious, Sloan.”

  “Maybe, but it’s better than having my head up my ass.”

  “You think I’m being naïve for trusting a legal document?”

  “Perhaps naïve is the wrong word choice, Cole. You’re so caught up in this idea you’re not being your usual methodical self. Really, Shogun, what do we know of surrogacy and its pitfalls? Don’t you think it bears a little more investigation?”

  “I can’t believe this is coming out of your impulsive mouth,” Cole said thoughtfully. “Usually, I’m the one talking sense into you.”

  “Your nagging has obviously fallen on fertile ground. I’m not willing to consider this without some g
uarantees that our relationship will not be jeopardized in any way.”

  “I’m open to suggestions,” Cole said agreeably.

  “Will you really give me free rein?”

  “Within reason,” Cole said. “Why don’t we spend the weekend with her and get better acquainted. Maybe then you’ll be more willing to agree to the plan.”

  “Agreed, but in the meantime, I want her investigated by my own people.”

  “Jesus, this is not a covert operation.”

  “It is to my mind. You’ve waited years for this, Cole. Why rush? Right now, you’re being emotional and ignoring your analytical brain. You envision walking on a mound with your son, or sons, and teaching them baseball. You tend to forget the world is a shitty place populated by bad people. Plus, you’re a prime target for someone unscrupulous who’ll have no qualms preying on a rich man who also happens to be blind.”

  “Thanks for the note of self-confidence,” Cole fumed. “Think what you like about me, but father has been around much longer than either one of us. I’m certain he did a background check before approaching her.”

  “You’re assuming he did the legwork. Well, call me jaded, but I want hard facts before embarking on this improbable adventure.”

  “Or what?”

  “We’re finished.”

  In a broken voice, Cole asked, “You would end our relationship because of this?”

  I nodded. “It would kill me, but I’m not sticking around to sweep up the mess.”

  “I thought we’d be together for the rest of our lives.”

  “Who says we can’t?”

  “You’re sending mixed signals,” Cole said. His kissable mouth drooped, and his eyes swam with tears. He reached for Freddie’s harness and gave him the sign to move forward. “Won’t you please come home so we can discuss this in our own place?”

  Saying no to Cole was always difficult, but even more so when he looked this miserable. I caved immediately. “Let me call a cab.”

  “Thank you.”

  Chapter 5

  The apartment was dark when we got home, not that it mattered to Cole, but I switched on the recessed lightning in the living room to illuminate a path for myself. We’d been living in the same place since I moved in five years ago. We could have afforded something bigger, with the money I made modeling, plus his reliable income, but Cole was hesitant to subject himself to another learning curve. Currently, he could safely navigate every square inch of the apartment, find his way to the cleaners, pharmacy, deli, subway, and more importantly his job at NYU. He’d been preparing for his inevitable blindness with the help of Dr. John Butterman, his sight counselor and friend. John had been a tremendous help in guiding Cole through the final stages of his disease. Freddie, the golden retriever we’d been lucky enough to receive from Guide Dogs of America, had been another source of comfort in providing the confidence Cole needed to maneuver his way in and about his daily life.