Everlasting Love: A BWWM Romance

by Tyla Walker

  From what I’m slowly understanding, Grace and August are like parents to the hospital staff here. I smile at the thought that Cassandra has both of them worrying for her.

  Of course, I’m sure Grace and August are busy too, and Cassandra is in this condition for the same reason.

  Grace looks to Cassandra sorrowfully and says, “She has taken extra shifts for the last three days because she’s taking a leave for her son’s birthday. Nurses are already busy as it is helping the doctors and patients. So for her to take extra shifts? No wonder she fainted.”

  I am shocked to hear that she has a son, but I don’t show it. “I see, that does sound like hell.”

  “Hell!” Grace laughs at my comment. “For a US Navy Captain, you sure think highly of nurses. Well, your grandfather told me. He’s proud of you. But thank you, we do our best.”

  Grace says she has to check on the others now and probably do some of Cassandra’s work. She’s a good person, I can tell by how she looks to Cass.

  And then I am alone with my unconscious ex. I stare at Cassandra, thinking that she has moved on and has forgotten me. I should be happy for her. But I feel an ache in my heart, then my eyes naturally wander about, checking her hand.

  There’s no sign of any ring.

  Is she divorced, perhaps? Not married, maybe? But based on what Augustine and Grace said, there seems to be no one taking care of her.

  Or maybe a man knocked her up and left? The idea makes me angry. If I was the father, I would NEVER leave her and the child.

  Never.

  Seven

  Cassandra

  It looks like fatigue has caught up on me, and I feel so tired. I want to open my eyes, but I can’t. The last thing I can remember before blacking out is that scared look on Silva’s face. It reminds me of that night in the rain.

  I’m so sorry...Silva. I fainted.

  In the darkness of my sleep, I have a dream. I am standing in the rain with Silva. I’m not sure why, but we’re both crying. Like how most they teach men as boys, Silva seldom cries to not show weakness. It has nothing to do with being manlier than some. But it is how they were taught, him and his brothers.

  So when we dated, Silva didn't cry much. It was only when I told him I don’t love him that I thought I saw tears come down from the corners of his eyes. Of course, I am uncertain because it was raining.

  But now, in this dream or memory, or both, I see him cry and breakdown. I’m crying too. But instead of going to each other, I just stand there crying. Neither of us went to the other.

  This is both a dream and a memory. I know because the next part did not happen that night.

  “Why? Why are you doing this?” Silva says. His eyes show how angry and frustrated he is about what I am doing to him.

  “You don’t need to know why,” I tell him, my soft voice almost drowned out by the rain. But he hears me loud and clear.

  This is a dream, Cassandra, wake up! I tell myself, but I don’t wake up.

  Instead, I watch as my stomach starts to grow. It’s the stuff of nightmares, ones you see in those Asian horror movies or described in Stephen King’s books.

  I watch as I bled between my legs. The next thing I know, Silva is holding Silver, who is covered in my blood.

  “GIVE HIM BACK!”

  “Who?”

  I blink, and I am now in a bed, not a hospital bed, but a large comfortable bed. My body feels warm, and I stand up in the sound of Silver laughing and giggling in the kitchen.

  I’m now walking down to meet with Silver, but there I see my son baking with Silva, covered in flour. I chuckle, then the two of them look at me.

  “Looks like my wife is awake,” Silva says with that gentle smile he usually shows when it’s just the two of us.

  “Mom! Look what dad and I are baking!” Silver chimes in gleefully.

  “Oh? What are you baking?” I join them.

  Silver shows me the bowl of mixed berries and cream. I pat him and clean his cheek from the cream and flour. Then I feel Silva’s strong arms hug me from behind.

  “It’s strange,” I say to him. “I just had this horrible dream…”

  “It’s alright. It’s just a dream,” Silva reassures me.

  But I soon hear the sound of the rain echoing once more. I look to the windows and see the sun turn back to rain.

  I’m back at the memory; only this time, it feels so vivid. The pouring rain feels as cold as it did that night. Silva is telling me that we should find shelter and that he doesn’t want me to catch anything if we stick around.

  “No,” I tell him. DON’T! DON’T SAY IT!

  “No? No, you don’t want to find shelter?” he replies worriedly.

  He steps closer; I step back. This action makes him stop getting any closer. He’s confused, but he doesn’t take another step.

  “What’s wrong? You’re acting weird, Cass.” Silva’s voice is painted with anxiety and a hint of despair.

  “I’m breaking up with you.”

  “What? Why?”

  “I just don’t love you anymore.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “I just…” I begin to struggle to explain because it’s all a lie. “I’m sorry I fell out of love. That’s it. These things happen. There’s no real explanation, but that.”

  I make sure to say it as cold as possible. Then Silva’s face transforms into a picture of heartache. I can’t stay there longer, so I walk away, not looking back.

  This is for the best. I convince myself over and over again.

  The sound of the rain continues hitting the pavement. There’s this strange solemnity about it as I carry my feet as far as I can.

  Never looking back.

  I slowly open my eyes and look around. This is the hospital, right? I’m in a hospital bed. My head hurts a little, but not as much as earlier.

  “Cass? You’re awake.”

  I’m shocked when I see Silva at my bedside. I subtly pinch myself from under the sheets just to make sure I’m still not dreaming. Nope. Not dreaming.

  “Silva, what are you doing here?” I didn’t expect the man to be here.

  I try to get up, but he stops me with his big hand. His hold on my shoulder is firm but gentle at the same time.

  “Please don’t get up yet. Dr. Augustine and Grace’s strict order is for you to rest. So rest, alright?”

  Then he smiles at me, and my heart clenches in pain. Don’t smile at me like that.

  “You should eat. I already ordered it while you were asleep.”

  “No, I’m not hungry.” I’m a little shocked, so I end up refusing him.

  “Nonsense. I even got your favorite food. Unless you changed taste buds?” Silva brings the food to me. It scares me. He’s scaring me because of the gentleness he’s showing. I don’t like this.

  It’s making me feel guilty. So I look away, even though Silva is giving me food.

  “Why are you like this to me? It’s been too long since we last met, eight years to be exact,” I ask him directly.

  “Do I need to have a reason to be kind to you?”

  No. I decided that I don’t want to have a connection with Silva because of Silver.

  So I refuse him adamantly and leave him in the room. Just like I did all those years ago.

  Eight

  Silva

  It’s been such a long time since I saw Cassandra, and I’m so glad to see her again. But I feel dejected when she leaves me alone in this dim-lit, gloomy room, and rejects the food which I’ve especially bought for her. It hurts when she avoids me like the plague.

  It’s just like before when we’re still in high school. Cassandra told me that she didn’t love me anymore, and she broke up with me, which I’m against at first. However, if you truly love someone, you’ll accept her decision and let her go.

  And I chose the latter. It has been eight years since Cassandra left me and went to another side of the country to pursue her studies. And after that, I didn’t hear any news or
messages from her.

  I’m brooding on my seat, contemplating why I didn’t stop her before she leaves the room. I’m not a run-of-the-mill kind person who’s easy to give up, but why am I brooding here like a teenager?

  Even if she rejects me over and over again, I’ll never, ever give up on pursuing her until her strong-willed fortress of defiance becomes vulnerable to accept me.

  I’m too eager to know if she’s already married to someone or not. So I talk with some nurses in the ward, and I casually chat with them. We have a small conversation about the hospital.

  I tell them that I have known Cassandra since high school without telling them my past with her, and I ask about her well-being. “I’m a little curious, is Cassandra... married?”

  The nurses giggle to my question, and one of them tells me, “Why are you asking? Are you interested in her?”

  The other one answers, “She’s not married yet, but we know that she has an eight-year-old son.”

  I smile when I’ve heard that she’s not married. I thank her colleagues, and I leave them to visit my grandfather.

  The next day, I come prepared. I will pursue and woo her. I wear my simple yet fashionable clothes and ride my new SF90 Stradale Ferrari car to impress her.

  I went to a fancy flower shop and bought her a bouquet of fresh pink camellias. These flowers mean Longing for you in the Language of Flowers.

  I saw Cassandra before reading a book at the campus. I hope she can still remember the meaning behind it.

  I’m walking in the hospital’s ward, and I see her resting with the other nurses.

  “Hi, Cassandra! How are you?” I ask her.

  She seems stupefied when she turns around and sees me behind her.

  “Silva? What are you doing here?” she asks.

  I’m tongue-tied because of her beauty, but I manage to respond to her, “I’m just visiting you... Er, I mean, I’m visiting my grandfather. I just want to say hi, when I see you here on standby.”

  Oh, shit! My tongue slipped. I’m so freaking nervous, and my heart leaps when I see her.

  “Can I talk to you? Just the two of us?” I’m timidly talking to her in front of her colleagues while listening to our conversation.

  Some of them giggling and teasing her to talk to me. I wait with my heart racing.

  “Uh, sure?” She seems uncomfortable around me. We move a bit from her colleague’s positions, pretending that they don’t see us. But I can feel some pair of eyes burning holes in us.

  There is an awkward silence between Cassandra and me, so I start to break the silence to lessen the tension in the air.

  “How’s your health? Are you fine now? What if you faint again?” I ask her, firing continuous questions like a machine gun.

  “… What do you want to talk about, Silva? Please keep it short, I don’t have time to entertain you,” she deflects my question, and she glances at her wristwatch.

  “Why did you leave me yesterday without saying goodbye?” my voice cracks up, but she doesn’t answer me.

  Why do I sound like a wimp? Fuck!

  “Never mind, I don’t want to take your time,” I say and change the topic. “Here, for you. I hope you’ll like it.”

  I give her my gift, but she’s wavering. I can see the reluctance in her eyes.

  “Pink camellias?” She looks shy, then I notice her eyes harden.

  “Thank you... but no thank you, Silva,” she says.

  “Why? Do you not like it?” I feel dejected again when she doesn’t accept it.

  I don’t know if I did something wrong that she doesn’t like, or maybe she doesn’t like to see me. Cassandra seems mad at me while her arms crossed. For a moment, I wait for her response, but she doesn’t answer me.

  “Oh, fine... Give me the flowers,” she mumbles while not looking me in the eyes.

  “What? Did you say something?”

  “Flowers... You can give me the flowers.” My eyes almost pop, and I look at her, still avoiding my stare. And I think, maybe she’s only coy after seeing me again.

  She grasps the bouquet from my hands and smells it until her colleague interrupts us.

  “Cassandra, we need you to the emergency room right now. Hurry!” her colleague calls her. For one last time, she stares at me with her dark, unfathomable eyes, then she hurries her way to the emergency room.

  After the end of her shift, I see her walking in the hallway, and I block her way. “Cassandra, can I drive you home?”

  “Come on, Cassandra! He’s been waiting for you the whole day.” One of her colleagues elbows her and hints to her to accept my offer.

  “No, thanks, Silva.” She shrugs. “Just stop pestering me, guys!” Her friends tease her then, they’ve left us alone.

  “Silva, please go home. You already stayed here in the hospital for hours, waiting for me. I don’t need you to bring me home or anything at all,” she says.

  Then she leaves me again. I sigh, but my resolve hardens as well.

  I comply with her request, but I will continue to pester and attract her attention tomorrow. And the next day after and the day after that until she gives in to my pleas.

  Silva Grey doesn’t know how to give up.

  Nine

  Cassandra

  Silva’s constant appearance shakes my heart and tugs at my conscience. He’s not supposed to do all these things for me. We were done eight years ago. It stays in the past; it must be.

  But everything he’s been doing lately goes against everything that I want to happen. He’s sweet. Even my colleagues are pairing us up.

  You can’t blame them, though. He comes to the hospital every single day. And it seems that he’s using his grandfather as an excuse to see me.

  I love him, believe me; I appreciate all these things that he does. But I still feel guilty about lying to him. Scared, too. And why is he not mad, seeing me again after all these years?

  I want to be strong with my decision not to ever let him in my life again. But he is not making it easy. He has been wooing me, and he’s probably even friends with a few of my colleagues. I notice there has been a lot of food deliveries lately, and they’re all my favorites.

  “Why can’t you just say yes to Mr. Soldier Grey, Cass? He’s single, young, and handsome. On top of that, he’s well-mannered, generous, sweet…” one of her closest friends in the hospital, Jamie, tells her.

  They’re at the cafeteria having their lunch, and earlier that morning, Silva sends a bouquet of pink camellias for the nth time already.

  “I have a son, you know that. It will be really unfair to him. Besides, I am already embarrassed as it is, seeing how sweet and generous he is to me.”

  I know that it’s just an excuse, more so that he is actually Silver’s father. But I have to give them a somewhat reasonable justification why Silva needs to stop wooing me.

  There’s nothing I can say about Silva that will make them back off, but I can say something about my situation that will make them think twice about it.

  “I’m sure Mr. Soldier will understand. I feel like he’s the type who will never, ever judge anyone. And we can see that he’s really dead serious about you, Cass.”

  He doesn’t judge anyone. I’ll give you that.

  But still, it’s Silva. I don’t know if letting him into my life will be a good thing. I can never take that risk, especially with Silver.

  When my shift ends, as usual, he is already waiting for me outside the hospital.

  “Cass, please just allow me to take you home. I will not ask you to let me in. Just let me get you home.”

  “Silva… I know you only have good intentions. And I appreciate everything you have been doing for me. But I can only say thank you and nothing else.”

  I walk away without looking back. Thankfully, Silva has not tried to stop me. But somehow, a part of me wants him to chase after me, like that night when I told him I don’t love him anymore.

  The next day, I do my usual rounds, and again administer Lukas
’ medicine. And like all the other days, Silva is there too. Lukas must have enjoyed this, his grandson visiting him every day.

  Although he knows it’s not actually him who Silva visits, I think he’s just thankful to have company.

  “Cassy. How are your rounds today?”

  Silva is just looking at me, waiting for my answer. I, on the other hand, just ignore him, busying myself. By now, I am used to Silva’s presence so that I don’t get rattled easily.

  “I’m fine, Lukas. As usual, the patients are a bit chatty and I have to cut their stories short since I have a lot yet to attend to. And of course, you are my priority, so I make sure to have time whenever you need me.”

  I smile at Lukas, and by the looks of him, I’m pretty sure he has something about Silva again. He has been talking about him lately. He tells me about how caring of a grandson he is, a loyal brother, and a respected officer in the navy.

  “Cassy, have I told you about the time when Silva’s team had to intercept some naval ships coming from the East?”

  Lukas is playing Cupid again, and though I have always thought that I’ll get used to it, I never do. I just chuckle at his stories, but deep inside, I know I’m really proud of Silva’s achievements.

  This is his dream. And I guess the sacrifice I made back then is all worth it. I know that Lukas will never leave me at that time, but I have to let him go so that he can pursue his dreams and live that life he loves.

  Whenever Lukas starts with these stories, I just let him. There’s nothing wrong with it. Besides, this way, I get to know more how Silva grew into who he is right now.

  “Not yet. What about it?”

  “Silva, why don’t you tell us the story? You know it better than I do. I have always enjoyed your stories, and I’m sure Ms. Smith right here will enjoy them as well. Am I right, Cassy?”

  Lukas smiles at his grandson, and then to me. He has Silva cornered now. And I am internally grinning right now because I know how Silva can be a bit modest about his accomplishments.