by Elias Taylor
“Pretty good, huh?” Magner spoke over the music.
“Yeah! I love these guys. I haven’t heard them in such a long time.” I noticed Magner staring toward the other side of the room, and he kept looking there. He was frowning. I didn’t pay any attention for a while. I just rocked out to the band. Our beer bottles were drained dry, so I gave Magner a nod.
“Next round’s on me,” I said and got up to head to the bar. I grabbed two beers. A familiar scent wafted past and reminded me of Autumn. Too bad, my charger was acting up.
I passed a beer over to Magner, but he still had a weird look on his face. The band finished their set, and he asked, “Did you see her when you went to the bar?”
I laughed. What the hell was Magner talking about? “Dude, see who? What are you on?” I sipped my beer, keen for the band to come back on. Autumn would love these guys.
“I’m not on anything. You just walked right past her. I thought you saw that Autumn and Phoebe are here.”
I swiveled my head in the direction that Magner was gesturing. We were near the entrance on the other side away from the bar. If I had my way, I would have been sitting right near the bar like I did at The Red Gorilla, watching the band from there.
I saw the backside of Autumn. No hiding all those long chestnut curls. She could go wherever she wanted, though, so no problem. Then, I took in the whole scene. Some tall blonde dude got up from the booth. I leaned a little further so I could see. Phoebe and Gareth. No, she wouldn’t do that. My eyes wouldn’t let go of where they were sitting. The tall guy was definitely flirting with her. He had those lust-driven eyes, the same eyes I had for Autumn when I met her. Get the fuck out of here. Gareth’s hands were moving as he demonstrated something, and Phoebe started laughing. The tall guy leaned in and whispered something in Autumn’s ear. She leaned back and laughed.
“Hey, it ain’t a big deal. Just thought you saw her, is all.”
I felt the blood rushing through my system, and I was about to explode. “What the fuck is she doing here with that guy?” I felt my heartbeat thundering through my ears.
“Why are you worried, man? You got what you wanted. Both of you had a good time, right?”
I gripped the bottom of my beer glass so hard my knuckles went white. “She sure didn’t waste any time. You gotta be joking! You see her over there?” I shook my head in anger.
“Like I said, Carter, no big deal. She’s moved on, and so should you. Unless you’re still seeing her?”
I didn’t say anything. I was practically foaming at the mouth. I would have some words for her when I saw her later.
“Carter. Are you seeing Autumn? Because you are looking way too mad about something that was a wrap ages ago.”
“Maybe you’re right.” The band came back on stage, and the volume made it too hard to talk.
Magner yelled over the top of the music anyway. “Maybe? Carter. Come on.”
I drank down half my glass. “No. I’m not seeing her Magner. Relax. Let’s watch the band.”
I snuck a few glances her way. I gripped my glass, and my hands went white. I felt my jaw start tensing up with resentment. The people around me and all the noise from the bar started to agitate me.
Magner turned to me. “This band is all right, man. I haven’t seen these guys in a while. I’m glad we came out.”
“Yeah, me too. You see those girls on the right side? Any for you?” I gulped my beer and nodded my head toward the women to distract Magner.
“Wow. That blonde one right over there, she’s got it. I might have to work a little Magner magic on her.”
I fake smiled at Magner. “Do your thing, brother. She looks like your type.” I raised my beer glass to him. My stomach churned over, and the smile quickly faded from my face.
My mind wouldn’t let up. I waited to see how long they would sit there. Autumn was oblivious to my presence. I stayed put until I saw her walk out the door with Phoebe and Gareth. The tall guy stayed. I contemplated heading over to punch his lights out. I resisted.
“Hey, Magner, I gotta go. I can’t do it like I used to bud.”
Magner gave me a hand signal to the stage. I could tell he was feeling loose. Good for him. “All good. I think I’m going to stay. There are a couple of hotties I want to get to know upfront.”
“Go get that. Just show up tomorrow.”
“No doubt. I’ll be there.”
“Okay, man, I’m out.” I fist-bumped Magner and left, letting the cold California night wake me up.
I never should have rekindled things because then I wouldn’t have to feel. I wouldn’t have to think about wringing that guy’s neck. I wouldn’t have to address Magner’s interrogation. So many things I shouldn’t do, and not enough things I could. The woman was dangerous. I sure as hell vowed to get to the bottom of it all, one way or another.
Chapter Twelve: Doomed
I made it through the fraudulent date. If I’d stayed, God knows what would have gone down. Clay reminded me so much of other guys I’d met before Carter. I stepped toward the porch. I cursed silently because I forgot to turn the automatic lights on. I reached for my keys, fumbling around at the door when I felt a presence behind me.
“Here, need a light?” A flash from a phone came over my hands. I jumped straight out of my skin. My heart jumped as I saw a bald head glinting in the moonlight. It was Carter. I put my hand on my chest. He just stood there.
“What the fuck, Carter? You should have said something.” I let out a breath. His face didn’t look welcoming, but I was happy to see him. I opened the door.
“Same thing you should have done.”
“Huh? Come in. It’s getting chilly.” I dropped my handbag on the counter and turned to kiss him. He sidestepped me. A stony eyed look resided on his face.
“Carter? What’s going on?”
His arms were crossed, and his eyes were hard with anger. I had no idea what to think. “Coming back from somewhere, Autumn?”
I held my hands out and clicked on the heat in the passageway. The night air made me a little chilly. “Well, yeah. You know that. I sent—”
Carter rubbed his hands over his head and then put them to his temples. “I don’t know why the hell I got involved with you! I should have known it would be nothing but trouble!”
I stared at Carter. The accusations were flying from his mouth, and I had no idea where they were coming from. It seemed like our relationship was doomed from the start. I gave him another chance, and this is how he was treating me?
“What the hell does that mean?” I wanted to slap him.
“I mean, do you care about anyone but yourself, Autumn? Seriously?”
“That’s fucking rich coming from you!” I felt my voice rising to another level. I still didn’t know where this was coming from.
“I saw you, Autumn. I saw you in plain sight.”
Bewildered and distraught, I felt like I’d just walked into a minefield. “Carter! I sent you a message. Check your phone. Check it now!” I pointed my finger like a wand toward his pocket. He didn’t check.
“Oh, so you admit it? You were on a date?”
“Carter, listen to me. You’re not listening. I told you in the text. I didn’t want to be there! Phoebe set it up.”
Carter paced my tile floor and held his head. “You expect me to believe that? You can’t be fucking serious? You’re cheating on me!”
I held up my hand. The accusations flying out of his mouth were gut-wrenching. I wanted the madness to stop. I couldn’t believe what he was saying. This was coming from left field and made no sense to me. Why was it happening? Why me? I knew I shouldn’t have agreed to what Phoebe wanted.
“You don’t believe me? We have no trust? Look at your goddamn phone, Carter!” Carter pulled his phone out and fumbled around. As I watched him, the oxygen was cut off from my lungs. I needed breath to come quickly. Dizziness made my eyes blurry. I grabbed a glass of water and downed it. Carter kept pressing the buttons on his phone.<
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“I can’t get it to work. Why the fuck would you send me a message about going on a date, anyway? Doesn’t make sense.”
“I can’t believe you called me promiscuous.” I gulped down my water. I didn’t offer him one. I was too pissed, and he was yelling at me for no reason. In my home.
“If the shoe fits, Autumn, you gotta wear it.”
My mind was blown. What Carter and I were building was disintegrating right before my eyes. “That’s the pot calling the kettle black. Phoebe warned me not to get involved with you. She told me not to give you a second chance. You broke my heart! Now check your phone!”
He wouldn’t let up. His mind was somewhere, and there was no turning back. We were headed down a dark, lonely tunnel of despair.
“You know what, Autumn?”
“What, Carter?” The fight knocked the wind out of my sails. The room was spinning even though I stood motionless.
“If you want to date other people, it’s fine. Just know that I can’t be a part of it.” His head dropped, and he breathed out. “I mean, given your industry and everything...”
“Carter! I told you the truth, and you’re not willing to listen to me.” The way his caramel eyes were glazed over let me know his mind was made up. He’d shut down.
“Sounds unbelievable to me.” Carter’s suspicious nature was taking him over. Like some beast let out of a cage. It’s almost like he wanted things to fail between us.
“It would because you never trusted me in the first place. You’re being stupid, and I sent you a message earlier about everything.” My tone held venom, and I wanted to strike out at him now. He just kept shaking his head. “It’s not my fault that you don’t check your phone.”
“You must think I’m a fool. You have to think that. But let me tell you, I’m nobody’s fool, Autumn.”
“I’m done, Carter. I’ve tried to explain this whole thing to you so many times. I don’t know what else to say.” Tears were welling in the corners of my eyes, and I hated myself for them. I didn’t want him seeing me like this.
“I’m done too, Autumn. That’s one thing I agree with you on. We fucked it up. So good luck with everything, and I’ll see you later.”
My feet were rooted in the kitchen. They wouldn’t let me move. I watched as Carter blazed out of my door and my life for the last time. As soon as I heard the door slam, I bawled. The tears burst through the dam gates and spilled onto the counter. This was the second time Carter had sent me into a tailspin. It’s like my love life reeked of doom. I slumped to the kitchen floor, hugging my knees close to my chest. Why the fuck didn’t he check his phone? I wished I didn’t go. I wished I told Phoebe no. I wished we didn’t keep the romance a secret now. I had a bagful of regrets and a jar full of broken promises from a guy who just drove all over my heart.
Chapter Thirteen: Resurrection
“Hey, did you bring the hot dogs, brother? Because, you know, last time, we ran out.” Billy slapped me on the back. It was family day at California Ryders, and it was my turn to host the barbecue.
“You love to rub that in, don’t you?” I teased. Billy was a long time rider and motorcycle enthusiast. I got a lot of great tips from him about places to visit and where to ride. He was a cool dude.
“Where’s that sweet little young thing I’ve seen you riding around town with?”
I jerked my head up from flipping burgers. “Just an old acquaintance. Nothing serious.”
Billy guffawed and held his big belly. “I know about those acquaintances. They can become rather tricky.”
“Damn straight.”
Billy and a few of the other riders lined up for food with their families. Deep down, I wished for what they had. A family unit. A brood to call my own. There was no point in having a huge motorcycle franchise for no reason. I mean, what was I working so hard for?
Even at California Ryders, Autumn made her presence felt. It felt like some sort of prison for me. I refused to let my mind speculate about her. I just continued to flip the sausages and burgers.
My drinking had picked up in the three weeks since we broke up. One of the sayings goes, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, but my conscience wouldn’t let me. Plus, my phone was frustrating the hell outta me. My battery wouldn’t hold a charge. I had no way to scroll through my little black book for numbers. Besides, the whole fiasco with Autumn reinforced that women were more trouble than they were worth. The screen on my phone would flicker and then die. It didn’t matter to me so much. I wasn’t a phone guy. I knew where I was headed—to work and back home. If I wanted to see my parents, I went to their house. I worked with my homeboy, so no need to text or call him.
By sunset, I craved Autumn. This woman had crept into my soul and made a home there. When I got home, I put my dysfunctional phone on charge. All of a sudden, the loading bar started working.
“Son of a bitch. This thing hasn’t worked for weeks, and now it wants to work,” I muttered to myself. I grabbed a Budweiser from the fridge and sat down to watch a movie. I checked the charge function an hour later. Fully charged. I definitely had to get a new one. A voice in my head told me to switch my phone on. I pressed on the side of the phone and, immediately, it started pinging. Ping after ping. There were missed calls and a bunch of text messages I missed while the phone was off. I started at the top.
Hey babe. Phoebe asked me to go on this stupid double date with her. I don’t want to go at all. It’s just to keep her off our back. I just want to let you know. Kisses, your vixen. Miss you.
Shit. She sent this like she said. She didn’t lie.
Hey, babe, just sending you another message. I can’t wait to see you tonight after this fake charade. Hope you got the other message.
She sent another couple messages, too. Man. I fucked up again. She told the truth. That’s all I needed to know. She told the truth. She was a lady of her word. Fuck this. My fingers couldn’t work fast enough to call her phone. It was the weekend, so she was one of the three places in my mind. The bookstore, work, or on her bike.
“Hello, you’ve called Autumn Bancroft. I’m not around right now. Please leave your name and number, and I will get back to you as soon as I can” her voicemail said.
Shit! This would be like reviving the dead, but I was willing to do it. Three weeks had already passed. That was three weeks of distance to set in her heart. My first stop would be the bar. It was a good time, though, because it was after five, and Autumn normally worked the late shift. I had never run out of the house as quickly in all my life. I screeched out of the driveway on my bike. My heart was pounding. I was the biggest dick ever. All my insecurities stopped us from being together. I had to make it right by her.
At The Red Gorilla, a decent amount of people were in the mix. I saw a new bartender, one whose face I didn’t know. I must have looked frantic because she eyeballed me as soon as I got there.
“Is Autumn here?” Straight down to business. I’d wasted enough time already.
“No, she’s not in tonight.” The girl had a goth look to her with a prominent nose ring.
“Do you know where she might be?”
The girl at the bar, who looked on the younger side, stared back at me. “Who are you?”
I puffed the air out of my cheeks. “I’m Carter.”
“Oh! You’re the guy who fixes bikes. My friend’s dad got his bike fixed by you.” I looked at her as if she was nuts. I was trying to get to my girl, and she was talking about her father’s bike.
“Look. I don’t have time to talk about his bike. I just wanted to see if Autumn was here.” It came out wrong. Forceful.
“Chill out. Like I said, she’s not here.”
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to snap. I just have something important to tell her.”
“I guess she’ll be back in during the week. She called in sick if you want to know.” She turned away in a huff and served another customer.
I couldn’t wait that long. I had to clear th
is up now. She was sick? I definitely had to see her and make sure she was all right. I made my way to the second stop, her apartment. My mind raced with stories and what I wanted to say to her. I let the air rush through my lungs. Autumn, forgive me. Please forgive me, baby.
I got off my bike and knocked three separate times. Nothing. I peeped through the window and listened, but there was no sound.
From what I knew, her bookstore stayed open late. After all, it was an adult bookstore. The sky transformed from candy pink to apricot. Sunset. I wished to share it with Autumn.
I jumped back on the bike to go to Autumn’s bookstore. Come on, Autumn. I know you’re here. Please forgive me. I said some awful things to her. I basically accused her of being a slut, and I’d blown her off. Fifteen minutes later, and I arrived at the bookstore. No lights were on. My heart dropped right into my shoes. Autumn had faded into winter, and she was nowhere to be found. I had been a fool to let her go.
Chapter Fourteen: Creation
White walls closed in around me as I paced back and forth, trying to keep my breath steady. I worked to keep my breath steady, but it was failing me. I let the tears drop and watched them splash and spread on the tiled floor beneath me. I was holed up in my local grocery store, and the turmoil just kept on coming. The test came back positive. I was carrying Carter’s baby, a little life forming inside of me.
Nobody knew. Not a single soul. I’d never felt more alone in my life. My heart felt like it had been yanked from my chest and beaten with a hammer. And now, here I was about to re-enter the world as a single mother. Why couldn’t I have a marriage like my parents? They still loved one another and were going strong after all these years. To raise a child alone in this world would break me. Fresh tears rained down, and I thought I might drown in them. I gripped the wall of the stall and sat on top of the toilet seat, my head in my hands.
What would I do now? I didn’t know the first thing about having a baby. I had a bar, a bookstore, and a man who wanted nothing to do with me. What a world to bring a child into, not knowing her father. My parents’ place had always been a place of solace, joy, and contentment. I wanted my mother to wrap her arms around me. I wanted her to hold me tight and lay my head on her chest, to see my father’s goofy smile. The memories made me smile just a little bit. I decided to retreat to my parents’ place. I needed a place to calm my frantic mind. I breathed out and opened the stall. I washed my face and hands.