by Elias Taylor
I made my way over to see two of my favorite people in the world. My father must have heard the car pull up to the driveway because he was waiting at the doorway for me.
“Here’s my girl.”
“Hey, Daddy.” I put on a brave face and presented a fake smile. I wrapped my arms around him inside the door. He stroked my hair. He smelled of nostalgia, fresh, warm, and spicy. Daddy never went anywhere without putting on his Old Spice. It made me feel safe. I held on a little tighter to him.
“Good to see you. Looks like all my kids are here. This is the best surprise your old man could have.” That meant that Karly was here. As long as she left me alone and didn’t turn into a little monster, everything would be okay. I walked into the lounge, and my mother and sister were sitting with hot drinks in their hands at the table.
“Baby girl! How are you? I was just thinking about you. There’s a book I wanted to read from your store. You know, for me and your father.” She winked. “You know how to spice things up a little bit.”
My baby sister chimed in “Ugh. Mom, we don’t need to know about it.”
I sat down next to them, and my mother signaled to the coffee pot. I nodded my head as a yes. She got up from the table.
“Well how do you think you got here? Immaculate conception?”
I put on the act of the century and laughed. My mother returned and placed a coffee in front of me. I wrapped my hands around it. I started to think that maybe I would have to switch beverages to tea. Drinking was most definitely out. Not one errant thought entered my mind about not keeping the baby. I had the means to support it. I wanted a full family,= with a baby and a man I could grow old with.
My sister glared at me and said, “Hi, Autumn.”
“Hi, Karly. How are you? How’s beauty school going?”
She took a sip of her drink. Karly and I had some similar features, except her eyes were honey brown. Her hair was cut into a bob with a purple streak through it, and she was a little shorter than me. “Really good. I’ve got another semester to go, and I’m home free.”
“Wow. That’s awesome.” I tugged at her ear affectionately.
She leaned her head on my shoulder briefly. We had a love-hate relationship sometimes. She loved to steal my boyfriends back in the day. Since we didn’t hang out, and she lived on the other side of town, she didn’t have the opportunity now. The way I figured it is if they were able to be stolen, then they weren’t for me. My father joined us at the table, kissed both of our heads, and sat down.
“Since all of my beautiful women are here, I think it might be the night for grilling.” We all groaned in unison.
“It’s always the night for grilling with you, Daddy.” Karly groaned.
He threw his hands up in the air. “What! I can’t win here. It’s three against one. It’s a beautiful California night. Your mother doesn’t have to cook, and I will make my famous honey glazed ribs.” He licked his fingers.
That’s normally something that would make me bust out laughing, but today, my soul wouldn’t comply. All my mind was focused on was how I would be able to cope with having this baby. Carter didn’t want me. How would I tell him? Given his overreaction last time I saw him, I knew there was no way he would stomach this.
My mother put her hand up. “If it involves me not cooking tonight, then go to town.”
He high fived my mother and kissed her on the lips. “See, there we go.”
“Can we make potato salad?” I needed something to do with my hands to take my mind off the madness of my world.
“Good idea. I’ll do the potatoes. Last time you made them, they were crunchy.” Karly said, wrinkling her nose.
“You had more than two helpings of potato salad. You’ve got to be kidding me.” I glared at my sister.
“Now, girls, play nice. For once. You can let out that pent up aggression when we play UNO,” my mother chided.
Karly raised her arms in the air like flags and said, “We are the A-team! We kicked some serious butt last time.”
My mother chimed in while I got the eggs, chives, and a few other ingredients out of the pantry. “That’s because you cheated.”
“No. We would never do that. Anyway, prepare to get whipped. I will be out at the grill if anybody needs me,” my father said as he went toward his second home in the backyard.
We cut, sliced, and diced all the ingredients alongside one another. My mother stepped out to the grill with my father.
“So, are you seeing anybody nice, Autumn?” Karly asked innocently.
I smirked at her. “What, so you can steal them again?”
She rebuffed my comments. “Maybe the guys had feelings for me and didn’t know what to tell you.” She side-eyed me.
“Suit yourself. I know you like sloppy seconds,” I countered.
“A lot of the time, it was months after.” She was most definitely delusional. “Is this why you’re not hanging out with me anymore?”
“Partly. It was pretty pathetic that you needed to do something like that. Months after doesn’t make it right. I just want to remind you.” I shrugged my shoulders.
“Don’t get yourself wound up about it. It’s not worth it,” she said sarcastically.
I gripped the knife so tightly my hand hurt and said, “In answer to your question, I would never tell you if I was dating anyone.”
“Oh. It’s like that, is it?” Karly retorted sarcastically. I didn’t want my baby coming into the world with a double-crossing aunt.
“Yes, it’s like that.” In the blink of an eye, my head became woozy, and I needed to sit down. “I think I need to lay down for a while. I feel a bit woozy.”
Karly frowned. “Are you running?”
“Would it be better for you than if I stayed, Karly? You never win arguments with me. Focus on getting your own boyfriend.” I snapped.
“I have one,” she said softly.
“Good for you. Call me when dinner’s done.”
She didn’t say anything, and I needed to lie down. Just when I thought all the tears had been evacuated from my tear ducts, more started to fall.
Chapter Fifteen: Can’t Be Without You
Tossing and turning back and forth in my sleep, I punched my pillow so many times that I lost count. My head filled with Autumn and where she might be. Ever since I met her, it had been about her. I got up to get a glass of water. I tried to go back to sleep, but I couldn’t. I had nowhere to run. I wanted to talk to her so badly, to hear her cute laugh and her sultry voice. I called her again just to listen to the voicemail. I left another message. I didn’t care. She needed to know I wanted nobody but her. There was no point chasing sleep, and I knew I would pay for it in the morning.
After three fitful hours of rest, I knew I had to go back to The Red Gorilla as soon as they opened. I searched my mind as to why my feelings ran so deep for her. I searched them again, and again. Not being able to find her sent me into a downward spiral.
I knew it would be tough to get through the morning’s work, but I went through the motions and opened the garage, anyway. We’d just about finished the huge bike order that came in months ago. Right on the back of its heels came another set of custom bikes. Word of mouth was elevating the business like wildfire. My career was taking off like a rocket ship, and my love life was in the dungeon.
“Hey, dude. How are you? You look like the walking dead.” Magner patted me on the back. I needed a bucketload of coffee. Meanwhile, Magner looked fresh as a daisy.
“I know. I know. I got a lot on my mind with the expansion and everything.” Once again, I lied about everything. It was becoming a bad habit.
“We are killing it right now. There’s no reason for you to come in with bags under your eyes. I need a coffee, and you sure as hell could use one.”
I wasn’t keen on Autumn seeing me like this. Or maybe it would be better for her to see me like this so that she knew I was for real. I whistled lightly. “You’re not wrong there.”
He s
lapped me on the back and walked out into the sunshine.
It was still three hours until The Red Gorilla opened. Three freaking hours. Time seemed to be dragging. Eventually, the clock reached the right time, and immediately, I put down my tools. I looked myself in the eye in the bathroom.
Come on, Carter, time to be a real man about things. Go get your girl.
“Hey, Magner, I’m going to head up to—”
“Let me guess. The Red Gorilla.”
I saluted him and changed out of my coveralls.
“You and that place, I swear. It’s your second home.”
Grim-faced and determined, I quickly went to The Red Gorilla. I had tunnel vision and didn’t look at anyone. I went straight to the bar. Phoebe was working, and I didn’t want any bullshit from her. She cast a snobbish look my way. I ignored it.
“Hi, Phoebe.”
“Carter.”
“Listen. I know you’ve got a problem with me, but let’s put that aside for right now.” I set my jaw.
“Why should I?” She polished a few wine glasses and put them in the rack.
Exasperated, I said, “Because I need to get in touch with Autumn. Where is she?”
“She’s where she wants to be. I can assure you that’s not near you,” Phoebe lashed out.
“What does it have to do with you? I only want to know where Autumn is, and I know you know where she is.”
Phoebe stopped and put both hands on the bar. “You know why it matters? Because as her best friend, I’m the one who has to deal with the fallout for your stupidity.” She flung the tea towel down.
“Just tell me where I can find her.”
Phoebe put one hand on her hip. “Uh-uh. Nope. Now, I have customers to serve, so unless you want a drink, then I gotta work.”
Enraged, I left silently. There was no way Phoebe was going to give me the information I needed. I went back to work for a little while. I was so agitated. I had to go home. One of the perks of being the boss is you can do that.
“Hey, Magner. I think I’m coming down with something.” I started washing up and grabbed my keys.
“I agree, you don’t look so good. Go home and rest up.”
“Yeah, that’s the best bet. I don’t want it to kick me in the ass.”
Knowing that there was no cure for the love spell Autumn had cast on me, I took off on my bike, taking my cloudy thoughts with me. What the hell was going on with me? What was this? This woman had me shaken to my core.
I paced the floor. Back and forth. Thinking. Back and forth. Like a bolt of lightning, the dream I had about Autumn popped into my mind. The dream of her as a mother carrying our baby in her arms. The whole situation became clear. I wanted to marry Autumn Bancroft. I wanted her to be my wife. It sounded crazy when I said it aloud to myself. I’d only been away from her for three weeks, but in those three weeks without her, I had become a shell of a man. Less than that. I needed her.
I knew of only one other place she might be. Her parents’ place. I had no idea where they lived, though. All I knew was that Autumn loved them both. She had a good relationship with them. She told me they lived near the University of California. If I could match that up with their last name, maybe, just maybe, I would be able to locate them. I looked through the online white pages for her parents. As I rifled through all the names, I noticed there weren’t too many Bancrofts to choose from.
I rang a few of them, and they told me I had the wrong number. The last one I rang had an address near the University and was my last hope.
“Hello?” A pleasant woman answered.
“Yes, hello, my name’s Carter Harrington. I wanted to know if you have a daughter named Autumn?”
“Yes, we do. How can we help you? And why are you calling?”
Chapter Sixteen: Not Meant To Be
“Daddy, that was good. You really are a pro on the grill.” I hugged my father, and he kissed my head.
“Thank you, baby girl. I love a grill and meat. Typical man, I guess.” My father paused. “You want a beer with your old man?”
I felt guilty, but there was no way I could drink now. I had two of us to think about. “No. I’ll pass.”
The great news was my sister Karly had made a quick exit after dinner. That was her style, to hang around for what she needed and then leave. We’d known many ups and downs in our sibling relationship, and I eventually put it down to immaturity and envy, neither of which I had any energy to deal with.
“Suit yourself. Are you staying long? I noticed you brought a little bag there. Is everything okay, honey?” The way he said it so tenderly made me want to burst into tears. I thought I was fooling him, but a few tears managed to sneak out from my eyes. He was shocked to see them. “Darling. Talk to me. Are you okay?”
I dabbed my eyes with my hands for the twentieth time today. He walked inside and returned with a box of tissues.
“I—I feel under pressure with the two businesses, and I just need some time to refresh.”
I hated lying to him. I wanted to tell him the truth. My father didn’t have a judgemental bone in his body. I don’t know why I felt the need to hold it inside. I wanted to tell Carter first, the father of my child, but he refused to listen to me. He didn’t want me. All this pain might seep through to the baby, so I tried to change my thoughts to happy ones, which was one of the hardest things I’d ever attempted in my life.
“I understand.” My father picked up my hand and rubbed it. We were out on the porch watching the sunset. The birds made their final calls to their flock as the violet dusk blanketed the sky. The peace of my parent’s house kept me grounded.
“You know, Autumn...” He looked out wistfully to the road ahead. A few neighbors were out walking their dogs, and they waved at us. My father and I waved back.
“Yes, Daddy?” I whispered. I liked listening to my father’s soothing voice, and the crickets with their songs helped.
“You’ve always had a huge heart, a light that makes people love you. Never forget that. You want to rest and remember the pleasures of life. I think it’s a good idea for you to be here.”
I sighed and realized my parent’s house was exactly where I needed to be. I put my hand on his chest.
“I couldn’t have asked for a better father. You’re the best.”
I felt his chest rise and fall with laughter. “And I can cook a mean steak. What do you say?”
I giggled. “I would say that’s pretty accurate.”
We stayed like that, talking about past moments for a while. We talked about family trips and old stories of how he and Mom got together, which I loved hearing. It gave me hope.
“We’ve had our pitfalls along the way, don’t you worry. But no matter what, we always fall back into one another. She was and has always been the one for me.”
“They don’t build them like you anymore, Daddy.”
“No, they don’t. They sure don’t.”
“Daddy, how did you adjust when I came along? Was it hard with a baby?”
My father chuckled. “You were a love child. We were so young at the time. We had no idea what we were doing, but we made it. We bumbled a few times, but you turned out to be something truly special. Your time will come.” He raised his eyebrows at me. “If that’s something you want.”
Before this, I never thought too much about having children. To me, it was something in the distant future, but reality had brought a child to my doorstep far sooner than I ever thought it would. If I was a love child, then what was my child? The notion of my child not being wanted by Carter made me want to cry. I hummed a little to stop the tears from coming. My father squeezed my shoulder.
The sun had well and truly set, and we both made a move inside. “Let’s go see what the love of my life is doing, shall we?”
“Okay.” I followed my father into the house.
My mother had the house phone to her ear, and she put her hand over the receiver to talk to me. “There’s a guy named Carter on the line for you
. Do you know him?”
My heart pounded through my eardrums. He was calling here? How the hell did he get my number? “Yes. I know him.”
She still had her hand over the receiver. My father was watching my reaction. I reached out for the phone.
“Hello?” I answered timidly.
“Hi. Autumn, I’m so sorry. Please don’t hang up on me.”
My parents were discreet and had moved into the living room. I had enough space to talk to him.
“Give me one reason why I shouldn’t.” My heart hurt, and my wounds were wide open.
“I don’t know how many times I can say sorry, but I will say it until you believe it. I just saw all your text messages. My phone has been on the blink for a while. I messed up big time.”
“You sure did.” I felt all the feelings coming back from the fight. Pools of salty tears formed in my eyes.
“I don’t know what I was thinking. Just the thought of you with that guy drove me nuts.”
I inhaled and exhaled a huge sigh. “I would never do that, Carter. I wanted to see you that night, not him. If you even took the time to look at my face, you would have seen it. I had no interest in him whatsoever.”
“Autumn, there’s something I want to tell you.”
I wiped the flood of tears from my eyes and waited for him to continue.
“Autumn Bancroft, I love you. I love you so much. I don’t want to be without you. I can’t.”
All my mind kept thinking was that if Carter found out I was pregnant, he wouldn’t want to be with me. I knew it. I couldn’t go through the pain of him dumping me again.