The Twelve Dragons of Albion

by Mark Hayden

  Most of the adults are the prisoners’ mothers, ashamed or defiant, bringing their daughters’ children to visit, and there’s a sprinkling of male partners doing the same job. It’s a sweeping generalisation, but the men are either emaciated from addiction or bulked up with muscle, probably from steroids, and that’s the worst thing about prison: it denies the women inside their individual stories and pours them all into the same mould, to be stamped with a criminal record they’ll never erase.

  Then you slow down and watch more carefully. A little boy carries a work of art to the desk to be inspected: shells, pipe cleaners and felt shapes glued to sugar paper. ‘It’s me house,’ he says. ‘I put me mam in it. And a dog. We haven’t got a dog, though.’

  Next in the queue, a middle aged woman dumps a pile of books in front of the Prison Officer – the PO – ‘Bleedin’ Open University. Nearly pulled me shoulder out carrying that lot.’

  I waited until last before I handed over my form, because I wanted to conduct an experiment. I got my chit for the items I was taking through security, then I put the Hammer in its case on the counter. ‘Look after that, will you?’ I said, as casually as I could.

  If he put that case anywhere near the X-Ray machine, I’d be face down on the concrete with a Taser in my back before I could say King’s Watch. He picked it up and put it under the counter without even looking.

  The visiting room was nearly full today, and I had to use my height to spot the splash of colour in the corner that was Mina Desai. The love of my life is not very tall, and used to be too thin. Now that she can eat properly, she’s put on a few pounds, and she doesn’t look like she might break if I picked her up.

  If being a Witch was just a matter of having long hair, Mina would be a Coven leader by now. She spent years using a great black curtain to hide the damage to her jaw, and I was only half joking when I told Vicky that she spends every night washing it.

  Mina has never liked me staring at her face, for obvious reasons. In a letter the other week, she told me that she was going to celebrate her freedom by having a nose job. She also wrote that she was going to start a campaign to have segregated areas on the Tube for people under five foot four who have to stand.

  She was standing when I reached her corner. I bent down to enjoy the Minimal Physical Contact which we’re allowed, then she did what she usually does and started crying.

  ‘I promised myself I wouldn’t cry. I promised. Ten times an hour all morning, I promised. Shit. See the effect you have on me? Get the tea.’

  Prisoners have to remain seated and can’t visit the refreshment hatch. It gives her time to stem the tears.

  ‘I have to know, Conrad. I have to know if I dreamt it. Can you really do magic?’

  ‘It’s not do magic, it’s use magick. With a “k”. Yes, I can, but I’m totally rubbish, as Vicky told you. She sends her love by the way.’

  ‘Do you see much of her? Should I be worried?’

  ‘Yes and no. It’s me that should be worried: Vicky keeps telling me you’re out of my league.’

  ‘That’s because she wants you for herself.’

  I had to laugh at that. Mina looked slightly offended. ‘She actually calls me Uncle Conrad, you know. She’s got terrible taste in men, too. She only goes for the ones with big … Talents. My Talent is very small.’

  ‘I hope nothing about you is small. That would be a terrible disappointment.’

  ‘Erm. Right. Moving on… I’ve discovered that I can sense Magnetic and True North,’ I said, with some pride.

  ‘What are they?’

  ‘They’re … never mind.’ Does no one appreciate navigation any more? GPS will be the end of civilisation. ‘And I’ve been set a challenge. Look at this.’

  I’d submitted the level 1 Keyway box for inspection, saying that it was a gift. Prisoners are not allowed to have lockable boxes, so it passed muster. Mina turned it over and looked inside.

  ‘What’s this?’

  I took it back and worked the Keyway. She spent nearly five minutes trying to find a hidden catch to open it before giving up. I unlocked the box and said, ‘It’s a gift. You can keep stuff in it, and you’ll be the only woman in here with a magickal Artefact.’

  She stared at it again, then cradled it in her lap. When she looked up, her eyes flicked first to someone behind me, for the third time. I turned to look.

  ‘Don’t!’ she said in alarm.

  I locked eyes with a shaven-headed thug who was visiting a beefy woman I’d not seen before. Two chubby children were looking bored, their thumbs moving to play with phones that they’d had to leave in the lockers outside.

  I leaned as close to Mina as I could and said, ‘What’s the matter?’

  ‘Nothing.’

  ‘Mina, you’ve got no one else to talk to, so tell me.’

  ‘It’s Sonia. She’s new.’

  Mina turned her body so that none of Sonia’s table could see her face. ‘They put me back to work as a literacy tutor after I sorted out the Governor’s budget spreadsheets. Sonia got in the group even though she can read well enough. Keeps her off outside work. No one wants outside work in winter. Anyway, in the first session, the PO sat in the corner facing away from us. Sonia made one of the other girls hand over a phone, then spent the whole time texting.’

  ‘Oh.’ That was bad enough, but I could see that it wasn’t the end.

  Mina looked at Sonia’s table again, and drummed her bright red nails on the table. I took a moment to admire her gorgeous hands.

  ‘Promise me you won’t get involved,’ she said. ‘If I tell you what happened, you have to promise not to get involved.’

  ‘I am involved. I love you. That makes me involved.’

  ‘And I love you. Does that make me involved in your King’s Watch?’

  ‘Yes. You just can’t do much about it. Yet.’

  That stopped her. She spent one of our precious minutes winding her hair into a twist. I didn’t complain because I love watching her move, and at the end, I could see all of her face, nose, scars and shining brown eyes.

  ‘Let me sort it out,’ she said. ‘You have to promise not to do anything about Sonia. No phone calls to friends in high places. No interfering with the POs.’

  ‘I promise not to do anything about Sonia. Now, tell me.’

  She clenched her fists. ‘At the second session, yesterday, there was a PO right in the middle of the room. I asked Sonia to read something. She said, in a very loud voice, that I was a brown nosed grass, and that I should go back to Pakistan.’ Mina looked as if she wanted to throw up. ‘Do you know what the screw did? She said Leave it out, Sonia. The rest of the class are now scared of Sonia: two of them refused to read anything to show that they are on Sonia’s side.’

  ‘You’ve never called a PO a screw before.’

  ‘It gets to us all, Conrad. No one is innocent in here. Not for long.’

  ‘What are you going to do?’

  ‘I don’t know. I could ask for a transfer down south now that my jaw and teeth are fixed. I could just keep out of the way. I don’t know.’

  We sat back, away from each other, for a moment. Mina has fought back from much, much worse. Perhaps it’s the illusion of normality that’s made her worried. She now has a normal face, she eats normal food and she clings to the promise of a normal life to come.

  I leaned forward. ‘You’re a Desai from Gujarat. You’re not going to let her get away with calling you a Pakistani, are you? Not that there’s anything wrong with Pakistan.’

  ‘Would you rather I shanked her?’

  ‘Only if you didn’t get caught. Sonia isn’t worth doing extra time for.’

  She laughed. ‘Listen to us. I’m not sure which of us is further from the real world, you or me.

  ‘You’ll think of something. You’ve got more fight in you than all this lot put together.’

  ‘I used to. I’m not so sure any more.’

  ‘You know what I’d do?’

  ‘As lo
ng as it doesn’t involve guns, magick with a “k” or being six feet tall, then yes, I’d like to know.’

  ‘Why did the PO do nothing? Figure that out and you’ll know the source of her power, or your lack of it. You’re not alone in here. Some of the girls really like you. You’ve said as much in those epic letters. Have a think. It’ll take your mind off magick.’

  ‘No. I don’t want to think about Sonia while you’re here. You have forty minutes to tell me what you were doing in Lancashire with Vicky, and what you’re up to now.’

  I spent the next thirty-eight and a half minutes telling her. Do you know what bothered her most? ‘You can’t leave Mr Mole to die like that. You owe him, and what is it you’re always saying? A Clarke always pays his debts.’

  ‘That’s the Lannisters’ motto. You’re confusing me with a young Charles Dance.’

  ‘Not so young.’

  ‘Whatever. My Dad didn’t always pay his debts, but he never broke his word.’ She didn’t notice the pause when I remembered that I still hadn’t had a straight answer about whether he’d always been faithful to Mum. ‘I’ve never broken my word, either, and I have never promised to be Moley’s keeper.’ She gave me the grim expression, the one that makes her look like a hungry eagle. ‘Okay, okay. If I can help His Worship without getting into serious trouble, I will.’

  ‘Good.’ She looked at the clock. The POs were starting to move. ‘Now for the hard part.’

  That was a surprise. I sat up, suddenly worried.

  ‘I don’t want you to send me a Valentine on Saturday. I don’t want the day that Miles died to be remembered for anything else. If he hadn’t loved me and married me, I would be dead.’

  It was a bit melodramatic, but broadly true, I suppose.

  She put her hands on mine. They were cold. ‘If we have a future, Conrad, I want that future to be remembered from the day I get out of here. It can be our private Valentine.’

  ‘Time!’

  Chairs scraped, mouths kissed, women and children cried, and men stiffened their lips.

  I lingered at the exit to see whether an armed response squad was waiting for me in the holding area. No. I just collected my case and walked out. For all his weirdness, Hledjolf certainly knows his magick. And have you noticed that it's easier to say him when I’m not actually with him. It. Whatever.

  You’ll have noticed, I hope, that my promise to leave Sonia alone was not extended to her family. Her pet gorilla was holding open the door to a white van with the name of a Liverpool building contractor on the side. I took a note of the numbers and let them drive away in peace. For now.

  On Saturday morning, I went into Cheltenham and did a bit of shopping. Back home, I did a bit of searching on the Internet to find out what an old acquaintance was up to.

  Mine and Mina’s nemesis, DCI Tom Morton, was up north, not a million miles from HMP Cairndale, and he’d been given his first solo command of a murder enquiry. On a very cold, snowy and wet Valentine’s day last year, Tom Morton had turned up just in time to arrest Mina, but too late to catch me. Later, we’d shared a near-death experience in a helicopter. I gave him a call for auld lang syne. He was a bit mystified to hear from me, but didn’t threaten me with an injunction for getting in touch. It never hurts to have a contact in the police. He even said he’d do his bit to keep Juliet Porterhouse off mine and Rachael’s backs.

  And Spectre Thomas? One whole week of using magick in the house, and he never showed his ghostly face once. I’d have to move Vicky’s seance up the agenda or he might re-join his Alice before we could find out what the problem was.

  11 — What are they not telling me?

  Monday Morning. I stood outside the Watch Room in Merlyn’s Tower and squared my shoulders ready for the day’s new beginnings.

  Inside, I found Maxine Lambert doing some filing and no one else. Perhaps they were all out slaying Dragons or conjuring Dæmons. As it happens, Maxine would do nicely…

  ‘Good morning, Conrad,’ she said brightly. ‘I’m not going to salute you, so don’t stand around waiting for it.’

  ‘It’s me who should salute you. From what I’ve been reading, the Watch would fall apart without an efficient Clerk.’

  She searched my face for irony and found none. ‘The kettle’s just boiled. Tea, one sugar. And not syrup like Tennille makes.’

  I dumped my bag and moved to follow her instructions. When I’d poured water into two mugs, I said, ‘I’m afraid I’m with Mrs Haynes on the tea, if nothing else.’

  Maxine shoved a folder into a bookcase with an air of finality. ‘We get on very well, do Tennille and I.’ I listened hard, and I could hear her thinking, so long as she stays upstairs.

  Maxine’s tea was ready and I put it on the table. She pointed to my bag. ‘Have you brought your laptop?’ I nodded. ‘Leave it out, and I’ll get Mr Li to put his program on it. You can access all these files online with that.’

  ‘Will I find out what the King’s Watch actually does if I read them?’

  She thought that was hilarious. ‘Were you that naive when you joined the RAF?’

  ‘No one tells you the truth before you join up. Go on, I met Rick James last week. Tell me what he got up to in January.’

  ‘All right,’ she said, and picked out the folder she’d slammed home a few minutes ago. ‘In January, Watch Captain James escorted a coven of Lithuanian Witches to an Esbat in the Lake District on the orders of the Constable. Don’t ask me why. He also visited Dunster in Somerset at the request of the Daughters to investigate an 038.’ She looked up. ‘Have you got your card?’

  I took out a laminated card and looked down the list. ‘Code 038 — performing Necromancy on designated holy ground. Not to be confused with 039 — performing Necromancy without consent of the next of kin.’

  ‘Correct. Rick convened a Badge Court and fined two ladies called Summer and Hazel the sum of 2.4oz Troy between them. He keeps half. These Witches do love to ditch their birth names. There’s a fully cross-referenced index of names in the database.’ She replaced the file. ‘Not quite like what you got up to at Lunar Hall, is it?’

  ‘There’s a lot to be said for the quiet life and simple pleasures, such as my cup of tea. Are you going to join me on the roof? I’ve got time before I’m due upstairs.’

  ‘How do you know…? Never mind. You get the door, I’ll get my coat.’

  While she pulled on her rather striking red waterproof, I gazed at the door leading to the Water Room stairs. ‘How do I open it?’

  ‘Just pull. It’s not locked.’

  I carried both mugs and handed Maxine through the hatch.

  ‘You’re a real gentleman, Conrad. I like that. Makes a change.’

  We shared a light and gravitated to the river side of the battlements. ‘You’ve been here a while, I take it?’

  ‘It only feels like forever, but yes, thirty-eight years, believe it or not. I failed to get into Salomon’s House by a country mile and took a job here. The Boss has just about found her feet now, so I’ll be thinking of retiring before you know it. I would have gone three years ago if hubby hadn’t taken up golf.’

  ‘Filthy habit.’

  ‘I know. My daughter got married last year, and they’re trying for a baby. I can’t wait to be a proper granny.’

  ‘Is your daughter…?’

  ‘No chance. Neither her, nor the boys, nor my husband or any in-laws has any Gift whatsoever. My family all think I work for MI5.’

  ‘How much do you know about me?’

  ‘I haven’t read your un-redacted file because Tennille keeps the HR records. Virtually everything else comes across my desk. People talk, as well, and I for one didn’t think you were gay for a single second. Not that it would have made a difference.’

  ‘Quite. You might not know that my girlfriend is currently serving a sentence for GBH with intent.’

  She gave me a sharp look. ‘No, I didn’t.’

  ‘She’s coming out in the spring, and she’s very
bright. She’d be a chartered accountant if it wasn’t for the money-laundering conviction.’

  That got a full-on laugh. ‘I can’t wait to meet her.’

  ‘That’s what I was leading up to. Just hypothetically, could she work here?’

  ‘Short answer: yes. Long answer: it would be an uphill struggle. You’d better go. Don’t forget to leave your laptop out.’

  I twisted my way back down, past Hannah’s back door, through the Watch Office and up to Tennille’s lair. There was no sign of Vicky.

  Hannah’s PA stared at me. ‘You’ve been talking to Maxine. I heard you go past.’

  That was worth knowing. ‘You’ll always be my first love in Merlyn’s Tower,’ I said.

  ‘Hah. And don’t you forget it.’

  ‘I won’t – you check my expenses, remember?’

  ‘Get in. She’s waiting.’

  There was still no sign of Vicky when Hannah waved me to the chair in front of her desk rather than the comfy seats by the window. ‘Busy week?’ she asked.

  I offered a printout. ‘I didn’t know if there was an official time-sheet for when we’re away from here, so I prepared this to show that I was being productive.’

  She waved it away. ‘I don’t doubt your capacity for hard work, Conrad. That’s not the problem.’

  I crossed my legs. ‘Let me guess: the problem isn’t a what, it’s a who.’

  She had a folder in front of her which she stared at. ‘I took a risk in nominating you, not a risk to the Watch, but to my way of doing things. There’s been a complaint.’

  ‘A complaint, ma’am? I’ve only been here five minutes. Even I can’t get in trouble that quickly.’

  ‘We’ve been ambushed, I’m afraid. The Vicar of London Stone has decided that carrying firearms is not compatible with the aims and values of the King’s Watch.’

  She was holding up her hands to ward off my outrage. I could see that she was deeply unhappy, but not nearly as unhappy as me. ‘I’d be a sitting duck without my weapon! I wouldn’t even have my Badge. This is…’