Redesigning Happiness

by Nita Brooks

  “I do care. If I’d known, I wouldn’t have let this much time go by without being there for him or for y—”

  “Why should I believe you didn’t know?” She didn’t want him to lie and say he would have been there for her. He’d made his choice when he refused to listen to her voice messages or read her emails.

  Richard leaned forward. “Do you really think so little of me?” His voice was both surprised and concerned. “Do you honestly think that after the time we spent together I wouldn’t care?”

  When he looked so baffled she almost felt bad for not trusting him. Almost. “It’s the only reason I took the money.”

  “Why would you believe I cared so little for you?”

  “Because you walked away from me, from us, so easily.”

  “Easily? You think leaving you was easy?” He leaned back in his seat and stared at her as if she’d spoken nonsense. “Responsibility is the only reason I went back to her. I told you why I made my choice. You didn’t seem to care.”

  Yvonne’s hand balled into a fist in her lap. “What did you want me to do, Richard? Beg you to stay? You could have been responsible and taken care of her and your child without leaving me.”

  “It wasn’t that easy.”

  “No,” she said with a snap of her fingers. Anger flaring hot and bright. “You did the easy thing. Leaving me was easy. Marrying the woman your dad wanted you to marry to grow your business was the easy thing to do.”

  “She showed up three months pregnant with my child.” He said the words as if that meant she shouldn’t have been hurt.

  “And I respect you for wanting to step in and take care of your responsibilities, but when we met you said you broke things off with her because you didn’t want to marry her. That you loved her like a friend. You said you loved me, but in the end, you walked away without a backwards glance. How am I supposed to know you weren’t engaged the entire time?”

  Her biggest fear. That he’d deceived her from the start. That she’d been nothing but a quick fling before his marriage.

  Richard leaned forward and stared her straight in the eye. “I didn’t lie about that. Natalie and I were through when I met you. I’ve always been honest with you. It’s why I told you the minute she called and said she was pregnant.”

  Yvonne stirred her ice cream again. A knot loosened in her chest. She believed he hadn’t lied about that. “Obviously you loved her a lot more than you let on. That’s why you deleted my emails and ignored my messages. That’s why it was easy for me to believe your father when he said you agreed to the payoff.”

  His jaw clenched. Richard took several deep breaths before he spoke. “I didn’t listen to your calls because I knew if I heard your voice, I might abandon the mother of my child,” he said calmly. When his eyes met hers, they were full of regret. “Not talking to you was the only way I could stop myself from coming for you.”

  The words ripped a hole in the cushion of indignation she’d wrapped around herself. Damn her wounded emotions for making her want to cling to those words like someone hanging on the edge of a cliff. But too many years had passed. Now he could say all types of sweet things about how hard it was to marry Natalie and grow his fortune, but the truth was if he really wanted to reach out to her he could have. If he had cared about her just a bit, he wouldn’t have ignored her.

  Yvonne glanced down at the ring on her finger. She ran her hand over the diamond. Thought about Nathan. How good he was with Jacob. How good he was with her. She finally had her life together. She wasn’t going to let Richard shove his way back in her life just because his marriage failed, and he suddenly decided he wanted to be a father to their child.

  “Jacob is perfectly fine without knowing who you are. He’s happy. We’re happy. You coming now will disrupt everything.”

  “Everything for him, or everything for you?”

  The hard edge in his voice made her head snap up. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “I mean your plans to be Nathan Lange’s perfect wife.” His voice held no emotion, but his body was tense as if he were preparing for a blow.

  “Nathan isn’t the man I’m worried about being in Jacob’s life. He’s been good to both of us. I can trust him, he hasn’t lied to me, and he’ll be a great father. I don’t want to let you into Jacob’s life if you’re only here to play games. I still don’t know if I can trust that you weren’t responsible for the payoff.”

  “I spoke with my brother after our meeting the other day.” Richard’s hands clenched into fists on the table. His shoulders rigid. “He backed up your story. He knew about what our dad did. What he and Natalie did. My dad confessed to him before he died. So much time passed. Michael didn’t think it was smart to go bringing up the past.”

  The pain and anger in Richard’s voice was as real as the pain and anger brewing between them. She’d met Richard’s brother a few times and each time she hadn’t believed Michael liked her. His preference for Natalie and the money and connections her family would bring to the table were clear. He would have kept any payout to her a secret.

  “Why should I believe you?”

  He met her eyes. “Because if I had known you were pregnant with my child, I would have given up everything.”

  Her lungs froze. She clenched her teeth to stop any words from coming out of her mouth. She didn’t even know what she wanted to say to that. She didn’t know how to process what he meant. Should she feel happy? Should she feel cheated? Should she feel vindicated? She went with the easiest emotion: anger. He couldn’t come back now and say things like that. Not when she was over him. Not when her life was moving forward.

  “Do you live in Atlanta?” she said stiffly. That was more important than what he would have done six years ago.

  The expectation that filled his eyes was replaced with a businessman’s cool demeanor. “I live in D.C., and I have no plans to move. I’m only here because of the network’s interest in your show and... Natalie telling me about Jacob on the day our divorce was finalized.” Anger filled his voice. He took a deep breath. “My home and family, including my daughter, is in D.C.” He said softly. “She can’t be that much older than Jacob.”

  The memory of seeing Natalie, not quite six months pregnant, when she’d tried to see Richard, slammed into Yvonne’s head. The proof of her stupidity for believing Richard ever loved her in a tasteful white and blue maternity shirt. She’d fallen in love with a man who’d gotten them both pregnant. It didn’t matter that he ran a successful company, wore expensive designer suits, and had made her feel like a queen. He’d used her and tossed her aside.

  “No, I guess she isn’t,” Yvonne said. “You did have me and Natalie at your beck and call.”

  “It wasn’t like that.”

  She lifted her chin and shrugged, though the careless gesture felt stiff and wrong. “You owe me no explanation. She was your fiancée. I was just the girl you slept with during your break from her.”

  “Stop saying that.”

  “Nothing you say will change my thoughts on that. Let’s get that straight right now. Look, if you want to get to know Jacob then we should clear up a few things. First, the past is over and done. We’re happy now. You don’t get to pop in and tell us what to do or make demands.”

  “I’ve got fifty thousand reasons why I need to know what’s happening in my son’s life.”

  Yvonne pressed her lips together. She reached into her purse and pulled out a large envelope. “This is proof that the money you gave me—”

  “My father gave you.”

  “That your money is in a trust in Jacob’s name.” She dropped the envelope on the table. “I didn’t take that money for myself. It was for him. Has been and always will be. If you want to take it back, do so knowing you’re taking it from the son you suddenly decided to care about.”

  Yvonne watched anxiously as Richard opened the envelope. He stared at the documents that supported her claim. She’d set up the trust five years ago. He met her ga
ze. Her chin lifted, daring him to accuse her of taking the money for selfish reasons.

  “I’m so sorry, Yvonne.”

  She sucked in a breath and swallowed hard, the remorse in his voice slicing her to the quick. “It’s over now.”

  “Can we move forward?” he asked. “I want to know him. I want him to know his sister, his grandmother. I’ll pay child support, cover school expenses.”

  Yvonne frowned. “School expenses?”

  “For him to attend private school. He’ll have the best education.”

  “You’re not turning my son into another stiff copy of you. He’s not going to private school.”

  “Are you saying you don’t want what’s best for him?” He tossed back.

  Yvonne crossed her arms. “Of course, I do, but you can’t come here and tell me what’s best for our son. You don’t even know him.”

  “I’ll get to know him,” he said instead of arguing the point of private school. Which meant he wasn’t done with the subject. “And he’ll get to know me. I’ll make sure he’ll have a good life.”

  She pointed to her chest. “I’ve made sure he has a good life. You don’t get to show up and critique how I’ve raised him.”

  “But I do get an input. And before you say I don’t because of this,” he touched the envelope. “That was not me. I’m glad you used it to secure Jacob’s future, but I didn’t give it to you. My father, for whatever reasons, used a check I gave him to pay you off. Natalie approved the transaction. I had no clue about it. You can’t use the payment as me giving up my rights to my child.”

  “I’m not asking you to give up any rights. I am asking you to realize that if you really want to be a part of his life you have to learn about him before you try to make changes.”

  “Nadia has been going to one of the best preparatory schools in D.C. Jacob deserves to get just as good of an education.”

  Her lips pressed together. “I’m sure Nadia got a lot of things Jacob didn’t have access to. That doesn’t mean he isn’t happy and that his experiences are less than.”

  “That’s not what I meant.” He ran a hand over his face. Frustration creeping into his features. “I want to help. I want to do something for him.”

  “He’ll be happy just to know you.”

  Didn’t he understand that? He didn’t need to buy Jacob fancy presents or send him to an expensive private school. Jacob would be overjoyed just knowing Richard was around. So overjoyed he’d fall into the palm of Richard’s hand within minutes.

  Richard sat up. “Has he asked about me?”

  His excited expression was so much like Jacob’s she had to stare into her ice cream again. “Once or twice.”

  “And what did you say?”

  “That his daddy was far away and couldn’t be around,” she said in a reassuring tone. She’d hated the way she and Richard ended, but that didn’t mean she had the heart to trash him to Jacob. How could she tell her son his father didn’t want him without making him wonder why?

  His shoulders relaxed. “You didn’t bash me to him?”

  “Just because you hurt me doesn’t mean I had to hurt him.”

  Pain flashed across his features, and he nodded. “Fine. I’ll get to know him before we talk about any changes.”

  Which meant Richard wasn’t leaving anytime soon. Which meant more meetings with him. Her heart sped up, but before she got too . . . overwhelmed by the thought she had to know what he planned. He didn’t live here. Maybe he had to get back home. “How long will you be here?”

  “Long enough,” he said. “I can handle business from here. Especially if you and Nathan accept the offer from my network.”

  “We’re waiting on other offers.” Judy hadn’t called with any other offers that were better than what W.E.W. offered, but she wasn’t ready to completely intertwine her life with Richard’s again. He was pushing his way back into her personal life; him having any type of control of her business life did not seem like a good decision.

  “I won’t live here, but I’ll visit often,” he continued. “And Jacob can visit me. We’ll work out a schedule as part of our joint custody.”

  Yvonne sat up straight. “Joint custody.”

  “What were you thinking?”

  “Not about joint custody. Jacob will live with me and Nathan.”

  Businessman resolve returned to his features. “Nathan isn’t a part of this decision.”

  “Nathan is a key part of this decision,” she countered in a no-nonsense voice. “We have plans for our future. Plans that were made without a thought of you.”

  “That doesn’t matter. I’m here now.”

  Her eyes widened. “Don’t try to bully me about my future. You want to suddenly show up and play daddy, fine, we might be able to work that out, but you don’t get a say in the way Nathan and I raise him.”

  He pointed at her chest then his. “We will raise him.”

  “No, Nathan and I will. You will visit.”

  “What does Nathan have to say about me being back?”

  “He supports me and doesn’t trust you.” As soon as the words were out she wanted to pull them back. The tilt of his head meant he’d caught what else her words didn’t say. Doesn’t trust you. Maybe not trust you around me.

  Richard’s eyes dropped to the ring on her finger. “Are you sure about—”

  She held up a hand. “You don’t get to ask me that. We talk about Jacob, not my relationship with Nathan.”

  “As long as you understand that if your relationship with Nathan has any negative effects on our son, I will step in.”

  “You don’t have to worry about stepping in. He’s the man Jacob views as a father. Don’t worry about Nathan hurting Jacob. Just make sure you don’t let him down.”

  “You can tell Nathan that his services are no longer needed,” he replied. “I’m back, and I’m taking my place in Jacob’s life. I’m his father. Don’t either of you forget that.”

  * * *

  Yvonne called Nathan after the meeting. Told him everything had gone fine and hurried off the phone, claiming to have a call from one of her clients. Instead she went to the afterschool program and picked Jacob up. They got Happy Meals at McDonald’s and she let him play as long as he wanted in the play area. Afterwards, they went back to Sweet Cream and he got the biggest pile of gummy bears on his ice cream he wanted. Back at home, she helped him with homework before he took a bath and once again ran out of the bathroom with his back soaking wet because he didn’t have the patience to dry off.

  After his bath, the two of them sat on the floor. His favorite cartoon was on the television while they played a game of Uno. Jacob was beating her. He always beat her, but this time she wasn’t throwing the game. Her mind wasn’t there with Jacob enjoying her time with him.

  A small hand tapped her leg. “Mommy, it’s your turn.”

  Yvonne blinked and focused on Jacob. “Sorry, baby, I’m tired.”

  “Do you need to go to bed?” Jacob asked.

  She smiled and ran her fingers over his soft cheek. “I do, but before we go to bed there is something I need to tell you.”

  She thought about what Nathan had said right before they’d gotten off the phone. “Don’t tell Jacob without me.” Immediately followed by Richard’s words. “I’m back, and I’m taking my place in Jacob’s life. I’m his father.”

  She looked into Jacob’s deep brown eyes. For years, it had been just the two of them. Sure, her mom and sister had been around to help out, but most of the days and nights had been like this. Her and Jacob, watching television, shopping together, eating together, making a pretty damn good life for themselves. She wanted to tell Jacob about his father and she wanted to tell him on her own terms. Just the two of them. No one else dictating how she or her son should react.

  She took a deep breath. “Your father is in town. Your... real father.”

  The silence that followed was so deep and heavy it rivaled a black hole in its power. She focused on Ja
cob. He sat frozen. No movement except for the quick rise and fall of his shoulders as he sucked in air.

  Yvonne reached over and placed her hand on his. “Did you hear me, Jacob? You always said you wanted to meet him.”

  “My dad?” he finally said. His tiny brows drew together, and he looked at her as if her words made no sense.

  She guessed they didn’t. Six years of “he’s not around” followed by “surprise, Dad’s in town” wouldn’t make much sense.

  “Yes.” She swallowed hard and hoped she looked calm. The last thing she wanted was to freak him out or make him feel as if he had to react a certain way to the news. “He lives in Washington, D.C., but he contacted me a few days ago. He wants to meet you.”

  Jacob’s back straightened, and his head tilted to the side. The confusion still there, but a spark of interest beneath the change. “But . . . if my dad is back . . . what about Nathan. Is he going away?”

  Yvonne shook her head. “No. This changes nothing. Nathan and I are still getting married.”

  Jacob shifted quickly until he sat with his knees bent and his heels beneath his behind. “Where’s he been? Did he stay away because he didn’t want me?”

  Yvonne ran her hand over Jacob’s head and cupped his cheek. “Of course, he wants you. He just... couldn’t come around before.”

  Jacob’s eyes lit up with curiosity. “Was he in jail? Jimmy’s daddy is in jail and can’t see him.”

  What the hell? She flipped through her mental files and came up with Jimmy being one of Jacob’s friends from school. She’d met his mom at a school function. Guess now she knew why she hadn’t met his dad. She shook her head. “No, baby, he wasn’t in jail. It was just . . . circumstances.”

  Jacob’s brows drew together again. “What’s circumstances?”

  “Things that happen that can mess up your life. Circumstances kept him away, but those things are gone now, and he wants to meet you.” The simplest explanation she could think of.

  Jacob got quiet and processed her words. He chewed on his lower lip and studied the carpet. Yvonne wished she could read his mind. She ran her hand up and down his tiny little back. He was so small, so fragile. Letting Richard back in his life could break him in so many ways.