Redesigning Happiness

by Nita Brooks

  “I saw it in your face the moment he returned. You realized you were making a mistake.”

  That wasn’t entirely true. When Richard returned, she had thought Nathan was the best choice. The safer choice.

  “Richard isn’t the reason our engagement was a mistake. When you asked me, I hadn’t really considered marriage. We were good together. You were safe.”

  Nathan winced. “Ouch. Safe.”

  “You were. That, and you were great with Jacob. I thought you wanted me for me despite all that I came with. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt that way.”

  “I did want you for you. What I felt for you wasn’t a lie. Neither is what I feel for Cassidy.”

  She believed him. Maybe they both had believed they’d found what they’d been searching for. He found the perfect woman who didn’t have the potential to tear apart his family. She’d found the perfect man who was ready to embrace her and her son.

  “What are you two going to do?” she asked.

  “We’re going to tell our family.” His voice was confident. His eyes were nervous. She doubted this decision was easy for him. “Now that everyone knows you and I aren’t together, my parents want to know why. I don’t want to continue to hide my feelings.” He smiled and looked like a guy about to take on an unexpected and scary adventure. “I don’t know how things will turn out, but I need to find out. Saying this may be wrong of me, but, seeing you and Richard is part of the reason.”

  “How? You didn’t trust Richard.”

  “That’s because I know a threat when I see one. I thought he was only out to get you back.”

  Yvonne cringed. Again, stung by the truth. Except this sting was like being wrapped in the tendrils of a jellyfish. “You weren’t wrong about that. I found out he was hoping to get me back. His ex-wife threatened to tear apart the company if he went along with the show. He was willing to let the show drop, but wanted to wait until he could work things out with me first. I think that’s the only reason they made the offer in the first place.”

  Nathan frowned. “I don’t think so. I didn’t believe it when he said he wanted the show before knowing who we were, but Judy backed up his words. She told me the network liked the idea of a couple’s home renovation show. Part of the push for original programming.”

  “Okay, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that Richard tried to use the show to get close to me.”

  Nathan ran a hand through his hair then eyed her warily. “About that. I did talk to him man-to-man about that.”

  “You what?” When had Nathan even had the chance to be alone with Richard?

  “I wanted to know what his end game was. He admitted he cared about you, but also that he only wanted you to be happy and to get his family together. If I had to be a part of the deal, then he’d be okay with that.”

  Yvonne’s jaw dropped. A second later she snapped it shut. The stinging pain of Richard’s words lost their potency. “He said that?”

  Nathan exhaled slowly. “He did. That’s when I knew I had serious competition. He still loves you, but he wasn’t going to love you at the expense of forcing me out of your life. I didn’t like it, but I had to respect it.”

  She looked away. Thoughts went through a spinner in her mind. Had she misjudged what he said? Did it matter if she had? What did this mean?

  Nathan’s hand closed over hers, jerking her back to their conversation. “I don’t know what to tell you about Richard. What I can tell you is that I forced myself to conceal my feelings for Cassidy for years because of pride and worry about what other people would think. Lies kept you from the father of your child. The man you were in love with, and I don’t think you ever got over that. How about we both stop letting unrealistic expectations and fears keep us from being happy.”

  That’s why she’d fallen for Nathan. He was always so steady, so sensible, so supportive. No matter what happened, she knew she’d always want him as a friend in her life. She flipped her hand over and squeezed his. “I like that idea.”

  Chapter 27

  “Are you ready?”

  Yvonne looked up from the magazine she’d been reading while waiting for her segment on Sandra’s show. Her nerves had finally died down from I’m-going-to- throw-up to I’m-only-moderately -nauseous levels. She wasn’t sure why. She’d done interviews before, was filming the pilot for her television show, and had sat in confessionals during her short stint on Celebrity Housewives. But this felt different. Before she’d only seen the interviewer, or a cameraman, and she hadn’t been live. Live for thousands of listeners.

  Sandra hurried across the green room and sat next to Yvonne. “Don’t panic. You will do great.”

  “It’s that obvious?”

  Sandra scrunched her nose then nodded. “Do I need to get you a bag?”

  Yvonne laughed and took a deep breath. “No. I’m not going to be sick. Just a little nervous.”

  “Don’t even think about the people listening. Just act like you’re talking to me. That should make it easier.”

  That would make it easier. In the few weeks since learning Sandra was her sister, they had spent more time together, talking and getting to know more about each other and their childhoods. Yvonne had always assumed her father’s kids with his wife lived some perfect ideal life. The perfect mom and dad with their happy little family. She’d envisioned Christmases with lots of presents, birthdays full of love and laughter, and proud faces beaming, giving standing ovations after every school event.

  The reality of Sandra’s childhood was much different. She’d grown up watching her parents fight constantly about her father’s infidelity, until finally her mother had gotten a boyfriend. Her parents’ secret, but not so secret, other lives caused an oppressive sadness in the home. Yvonne’s childhood had been full of her mother’s warnings not to make the same mistakes she had, but there hadn’t been sadness or an absence of love. Her mom had been there for her and Valerie at every school event, and always struggled to make holidays and birthdays special, if meager.

  “I think I can handle that,” she said.

  “And remember, I’m not going to go into our connection as sisters. That can be handled later if we want to.” Sandra said quietly so they wouldn’t be overheard by anyone walking by the green room.

  They’d both agreed Yvonne’s life was hectic enough with the announcement of her broken engagement and connection to Richard. They didn’t need to add finding a long-lost sister to the mix. Besides, they wanted to spend more time getting to know each other before letting others in. Valerie was an exception of course. Her sister had insisted on getting to know Sandra. Yvonne hadn’t argued. She loved Valerie and how she always had her back.

  “Sounds good.”

  “We’ll focus on your new show, your design background, and maybe a little of the dirt from Celebrity Housewives.” Sandra stood.

  Yvonne laughed and got up as well. “Only a little. I’d like to keep the confidentially of my clients. It’s good for business.”

  Sandra waved a hand, but grinned. “Fine, if you have to be honorable.”

  They walked out of the green room to the sound room where Sandra’s show was recorded.

  “You know, you really dodged a bullet by not doing the show with W.E.W.,” Sandra said.

  “Why do you say that? I mean, I’m ecstatic about the new deal, but W.E.W. is one of the top networks.”

  “Was one of the top networks.” She glanced at Yvonne. She must have seen the confusion in Yvonne’s expression because she stopped to place a hand on Yvonne’s arm. “You don’t know?”

  “Know what?”

  “Richard Barrington sold his shares in the company.”

  “What?” The question rang out between them.

  “Yes,” Sandra said, shaking her head. “He said he’s ready for a clean start and is focusing on new opportunities. He’s no longer tied to the network or any of his family’s previous holdings.”

  “None of them?” She sounded like a
parrot, but she didn’t care. She could barely form another thought as she wrapped her mind around what Sandra was saying.

  Richard had sold his shares in the company? “That makes no sense. His company is the most important thing to him.”

  Sandra raised a brow. “Is it?” She gave Yvonne a knowing look before walking into the sound room.

  Yes, it was. He’d once been willing to sacrifice his own happiness for the company. Would do anything to grow and increase its reach and influence including marrying a woman he didn’t love. What would make him give all of that up?

  “You coming?” Sandra asked before Yvonne could complete her train of thought.

  She pushed the shock of Richard’s decision out of her mind. Right now, she was about to start the first round of promotion for her new television show. Her show! This deserved all her attention. Figuring out what was going on with Richard could wait.

  “I’m ready.”

  * * *

  Excellent interview.

  The text message from Richard came thirty minutes after she finished her interview with Sandra. An interview she’d gotten through without throwing up. Her nerves had settled and once she and Sandra started talking, she’d gotten into the groove of the conversation. The time had flown by and she’d ended up having fun. Now she was on her way out of the radio station and on her way to pick up Jacob.

  She’d effectively put the situation with Richard and his company out of her mind. With two words, he was right back in the forefront of her thoughts. Her heart did a small lurch. Her palms became sweaty around her phone.

  Thank you.

  That could be the end of their text conversation. She’d made sure to keep their conversations short, sweet, and to the point since walking out of his offices. Focused solely on his next visit with Jacob, how they would handle the transfer, and communications through their lawyers on the points of the long-term visitation schedule. It was all very civilized and responsible. She hated it.

  Jacob was introduced to his dad casually. Which meant he didn’t understand why the easy way his dad used to show up and hang out with them no longer happened. The disappointment on his face broke her heart every time.

  I heard about you selling your shares? Why?

  He didn’t owe her an answer. If he chose to ignore her then she’d suck up her curiosity and move on.

  She didn’t want to move on. She wanted an answer.

  I needed a clean break.

  A clean break? Could Richard be any vaguer? Break from what and why? Okay, she was overthinking things. Over hoping things. Like hoping he realized he’d sacrificed enough already to save the company his father started.

  She didn’t like admitting how much time Richard had occupied in her brain since she’d talked to Nathan. Knowing he’d said the same thing to Nathan she’d overheard in his office made her reevaluate that entire conversation. Yes, he had been willing to drag things out to placate Natalie while he figured out how to make things work with her, but that didn’t mean he’d lied to her about the show or his belief in the show’s merits. Another revelation emerged from what Nathan pointed out—technically, he hadn’t lied to her.

  Jacob misses you.

  She opted to text something safe instead of asking more about his need for a clean break. If he wanted to tell her, then he would.

  I’m in town. I know it’s not my day. I’d like to come by.

  Here is where she could say no. She felt the slippery slope she was on. The unsteadiness of knowing that if she fell, things would hurt. Did she want to fall? Did she want to believe in Richard one more time? She took herself out of the equation and thought of Jacob. He’d be happy to see his dad. If she got a weird vibe off Richard, then she would send him home without giving anything more of herself.

  Jacob would like that. We’ll be home after six.

  Thank you. I’ll see you later.

  Chapter 28

  For the rest of the afternoon she barely focused on anything. A few clients called to ask for updates on their projects and to tell her she was great on the radio; she tried to give them her full attention. Eventually she gave up for the day. School was back in, so she picked up Jacob from afterschool care and dinner from a Tex-Mex place. With extra queso and chips for Jacob.

  Once home, she connected her phone to a pair of Bluetooth speakers in the kitchen. Old school R&B filled the kitchen as she put away the cups, bowls and other things left out in their mad dash to leave the house on time that morning.

  “Mommy, can I switch the music?” Jacob already had her phone in his hand. “I don’t want to hear this lovey stuff.” He frowned as if lovey stuff was terrible.

  “Go ahead,” she said, laughing.

  Soon after the upbeat tones of Kidz Bop replaced her lovey music. Yvonne sang along to the pop song. Jacob’s enthusiastic voice accompanied. Soon they were in the middle of a two-person dance party.

  Yvonne turned up the music and held a wooden spoon like a microphone in front of her face. She jumped up and down and raised her other arm as she belted out the words off key. Jacob danced around her.

  When the song ended, Yvonne and Jacob both laughed. Jacob wrapped his arms around her legs, his grinning face beaming up at her. She hugged him tight and kissed his head. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had a dance party with Jacob. This was what brought sunshine to her life. These perfect moments with her son. Finding time to live life to the fullest. She wouldn’t neglect that part of herself again.

  Someone knocked on the back door right before the next song started. Yvonne swerved to the door. Richard stood on the other side of the screen smiling at them. She’d left the back door open when she’d taken the trash out earlier. Her stomach tightened. He had shared this moment with them.

  Three things registered in her brain. Yearning to wrap her arms around him and soak in the love she saw on his face. A trace of affection fluttering around her middle. Unexpected desire. What was noticeably missing was the wary protectiveness that once kept her on edge whenever he came near.

  She wanted him. In her arms. In her life. Smiling at her like that.

  Jacob tore away from her and ran to the door. “Dad! You missed the dance party.”

  Jacob pushed open the screen door. Richard focused on Jacob while Yvonne’s world spun. Nathan had been right: she’d never gotten over Richard.

  Realizing she still wanted Richard was like a punch from Mohammad Ali. Her ears rang, and buzzing filled her head. She wasn’t sure if she should be exhilarated or scared. Going with this, accepting this, would put her back in the same space she’d been in years ago.

  “I saw some of it,” Richard said to Jacob. “Looks like you two were having a good time.”

  “We were. Mommy sings real good,” Jacob said.

  Richard looked up at Yvonne. A sparkle in his eye and a hint of a smile hovered over his lips. “She does. I’d forgotten how well you sing.”

  She lifted a shoulder and hurried to her phone to turn off the music. “I wouldn’t expect you to remember everything.”

  “There isn’t much about you I forgot,” he said. “You were always so full of life. So ready to make people smile. It’s good to see that part of you again.”

  Yvonne stared at him for a long second as her world pivoted. She quickly turned away. She pulled a strip of paper towel off the roll and wiped at her sweaty brow. Sweat from dancing, and a little from the I-still-love-him panic attack she was trying to avoid. “We were just about to eat.”

  “Guess I got here in time.”

  “I hope you like tacos,” she said.

  She faced him again. Richard walked over to her and pulled a small piece of paper towel that was stuck to her temple right near her hair line. Yvonne went completely still. The brush of his fingers on her face ignited a spark in her chest. She should have stepped back or walked away while his fingers lingered on her temple.

  “I gratefully accept whatever you offer.” His voice dropped. Grew husky. Questioni
ng.

  Warning bells rang in her head. She needed to step away. Her breathing hadn’t slowed down, and she swallowed hard. His gaze traced over her face. Stopped on her lips. She remembered his kiss. He still tasted the same. Sweetness and temptation wrapped in warmth that penetrated every corner of her soul. Richard must have felt something too, because his fingers ran from her temple, down her cheek to the racing pulse at her throat.

  “Thank you for allowing me to come over.” He inched closer until the enticing smell of his cologne mingled with the heat of her body and made her light up.

  She slipped to the side. Out of his reach, before Jacob got a firsthand demonstration of the lovey stuff he hated. “Who’s ready to eat?”

  Jacob jumped up and down. “I am!”

  She clapped her hands. Forced down her raging hormones. “Let’s do this.”

  They sat around the table for dinner. Jacob’s enthusiasm to have them both there didn’t disappear as they ate. He beamed at her and Richard the entire time. She didn’t need to give a penny for Jacob’s thoughts because they were written all over his face. He had his family and he was happy.

  * * *

  After they put Jacob to bed, Richard followed her back into the living room. The atmosphere between them tonight was different. The anticipation of words begging to be spoken vibrated around them like hummingbird wings. Words she’d suppressed from the moment he walked back into her life. Yvonne couldn’t sit down, so she straightened the pillows on the couch and tried not to obsess about the last time they were alone in this room.

  “You can relax, you know. I’m not going to push.” Richard eased down onto the edge of the couch. She got the feeling he didn’t want to make her even more jumpy with sudden movement.

  “Push what?”

  “You. Me. How we move forward.”

  “Do we move forward?” The question burst from her lips. Irritation suddenly itched across her skin. Why was he so calm and collected when her world still reeled? He said he still loved her, but he was acting as if they were a business deal he had to work out.