Accepting His Home

by Ember Davis

  Amelia beams up at Dex and quips, “You seem to have perfect timing, Dex.”

  Dex grins down at Amelia and kisses her cheek, but she doesn’t blush like she would if it was Beckett. “Thanks Amelia, my winter has been saved.”

  Everyone thanks Amelia and she just shrugs with a self-satisfied look on her face. She likes taking care of her family and it shows. Olivia settles into the loveseat next to me and I smile at her. She freezes for a moment before a genuine smile spreads across her face. It makes my heartbeat faster.

  Andrea squeezes in next to Olivia which pushes her closer to my side and I put my arm along the back of the loveseat to give her more room. Having Liv pressed up against to me is the sweetest torture. Andrea arches her eyebrow at me and gives me a knowing smile.

  Amelia points at Walsh who holds his hands up in surrender. Amelia giggles and finishes her margarita. “You know which drawer everything is in, right?” Walsh nods and Amelia bats her eyelashes at him, “Will you roll up then?”

  Walsh grins at her, “You don’t gotta ask me twice, Sweetcheeks.”

  Amelia grins and pulls Dex into the kitchen asking him if he wants a margarita or a beer. I hear the back door open and close and then the smell of cooked meat hits me and I bite back a groan. Dex comes back into the living room and settles on the floor around the coffee table. Amelia comes back in looking a little flushed and Beckett is trailing close behind her a shit eating grin on his face. Amelia’s margarita is refilled, and Beckett is nursing a new beer, but he’s eyeing her like a predator.

  Beckett takes the last open chair and pulls Amelia down onto his lap. Walsh finishes rolling up and sparks the first joint. Beckett tells us that the meat needs to rest for a few minutes then we can slice it up and start building our nacho creations.

  I realize after I’ve passed the joint off when it reaches me that my hand is cupping Olivia’s shoulder and my thumb is making idle circles. She stiffens when I falter for a moment, but I don’t let the fear take me under this time and determine my actions. Maybe it’s wrong and maybe it’s leading her on, but I just can’t seem to stop myself. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, but I know that tonight, it feels right to have my arm around her.

  We fall into good conversations, inside jokes and ribbing that only happens when our family is all together. As much as I hate to admit it, Duncan’s a great guy; all of Blake’s team are. He’s the tech wiz of Higgins Security, but he’s no physical slouch either.

  Blake explains how they all found each other while in the service and that it was just like with our family; they just clicked. I’m grateful that they’ll be able to help keep Amelia safe. That’s all that matters.

  I make sure to pull Blake aside and we set up a time for him to come and check out the security system in my house later in the week. I’d rather be prepared than be caught unaware. I can’t help but be warmed by the look of pride that Blake gives me when I ask him about it.

  As the night goes on, Amelia gets tanked and Beckett watches her like a hawk to make sure she doesn’t take it too far. It’s hilarious. She’s funny and so unassuming all the time but get some margaritas in her and it’s a thousand times better. I try and give Liv some space, but it’s hard. I see the heated looks Duncan gives her and the shy ones Liv gives in return. It hurts, but can I blame her? I can’t hold her back anymore and when the night is done, I think it might actually be ok if Olivia finds happiness with someone else. My family will still have my back.

  CHAPTER 8

  OLIVIA

  It’s been almost four weeks since the weekend of Nacho Bar night and something significant shifted that weekend. There was so much heaped on our family at one time when we had our family meeting. No matter what else has happened, one thing I’m sure of is that Amelia is a fucking warrior.

  Amelia was so brave when she told us about her ex and what he did to her. I could sense that she was afraid that we’d judge her or pity her, but I knew our family would never do that. Zeke surprised the hell out of me that day by telling Amelia not to apologize and that we’d stand behind her. That’s what families do.

  Zeke seemed to have an epiphany that weekend and became more comfortable with giving me the emotional space I needed. He has been just as vigilant in keeping an eye on me and has still asked if I wanted to get lunch or needed a ride. The difference is that if I said no, I didn’t feel like he grieved it anymore. I’m still not sure if that’s a good thing or not, even though I’ve felt like I could breathe a little better.

  Amelia, Andrea and I had a girl’s night at Beckett’s house a few nights after Nacho Bar night. Damn, I needed that. I didn’t realize how amazing it is to have female friends, since I hadn’t really had any before. We drank wine and painted our toenails while watching a few rom coms. We made sure to pick ones we’ve seen a thousand times before so that we could talk over them when we wanted.

  Beckett came home late that night, but that’s when he was able to fit his client in that he moved so he could work on Amelia’s back piece. When he walked in the door, we had just started 10 Things I Hate About You, pigging out on popcorn and letting our toenails dry. We all giggled, granted that may have been the second bottle of wine we were almost done with.

  Beckett smiled, “Evenin’ Ladies, having a good time?” He might have asked the group, but he went straight for Amelia, wrapping her up in his arms and kissing her neck.

  Amelia breathed, “Hi, Love. We’re having a great time! There’s some pizza in the kitchen, it arrived only an hour ago or so.” Amelia bit her lip, like she was worried that wouldn’t be good enough to come home to. Beckett just beamed at her and kissed her hard.

  I realized in that moment that it didn’t hurt at all anymore seeing them together. It was good to see them. Really. They had a love that should be celebrated and appreciated. I intended to do just that.

  Didn’t stop me from giggling with Andrea and singsonging with her, “OoooooOOOooooooo!”

  Amelia giggled and Beckett just shook his head in admonishment. We filled up our wine glasses while Beckett grabbed a few slices of pizza and sat with us in the living room while he scarfed them down. He didn’t even razz us about the movie that was on. He’ll be a good Dad to a little girl someday.

  Amelia asked him, “Make some amazing art today, Love?”

  Beckett winked at her, “You know it.” He looked at the two empty bottles of wine and chuckled. He pointed at Andrea and I, “You are both sleeping here, right?”

  Andrea shrugged, “That or Steve will come by and pick me up later. He shouldn’t have to be at his club all night, being Wednesday and all. But if I fall asleep, I fall asleep.”

  Beckett nodded and looked at me, I gave him a thumbs up. “That’s my plan, Boss man.”

  Beckett chuckled and finished his slices, then took his plate back into the kitchen. Amelia packed a pipe and Beckett stuck around just long enough to smoke it with us. Then he kissed Amelia on the temple and headed back to his studio, promising to check on us later.

  That’s when Amelia fixed her gaze on me, but it was kind with a little curiosity and concern thrown in. “Olivia, I don’t want to overstep,” Andrea snorted, and Amelia shot her a look, “but I was just wondering what was going on with you and Zeke and if I can help.”

  I sighed because I didn’t want to talk about it so I could ignore it, but I also wanted to talk about it with someone. It felt like something I had to keep a secret for so long, even though, apparently, we hadn’t been hiding anything. Sitting between two women who had rapidly become my best friends, I felt strong enough to get it out. Finally.

  “I don’t really know what’s going on.” I met Amelia’s gaze and all I saw was the desire to listen and help; it gave me courage. “We’ve been friends for two years, but it’s not the same as with the other guys. It never has been.” I shift uncomfortably, not sure how to put it into words.

  Amelia smiled knowingly, “You knew, didn’t you? You saw him. That was it.”

  I nod
ded and took a big gulp of my wine. I croaked, “Yeah, everything went technicolor and all that shit.” I shook off the memory and focused, “Obviously, he doesn’t feel the same way.”

  Andrea shook her head, “I don’t know about that, Liv. I think he does feel the same way.” Amelia nodded and pointed to Andrea, what she said.

  I huffed, “I don’t know. He hasn’t said anything, he hasn’t made a move; nothing.” I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes, “I…I love him.” I peeked one eye open, looked between them and saw them both smiling at me. Not out of pity, nope, smiles of joy. My voice was small, “I don’t think he loves me back. If he does, he doesn’t want to.”

  Andrea squeezed my knee, but Amelia was the one that spoke. Her voice was calm and even, “I think he isn’t sure how, Liv. I think he’s been running from something that is so big, at least to him, that he doesn’t know how to live outside the shadow of that.”

  Tears slid down my cheeks and I tried to wipe them away quickly. Amelia wrapped an arm around my shoulders. I let my frustrations rise. “Amelia, look at you and Beckett,” I scoff. “You guys met like three weeks ago and look at you two. He knew, you knew and you both decided to put your shit aside and let each other in.”

  Amelia said quietly, “And if I hadn’t been ready or if Beckett hadn’t?” She shrugs a shoulder, “Then who knows how that would have worked out. If I had met Beckett when I first moved here, I don’t think I would have been ready to trust another man; no matter how wonderful he was.”

  I rasped, “I want him to trust me. I want him to want me. I want him to let me in.”

  Andrea piped up, “I think he does trust you as much as he can. I really think him being guarded is about him and not about anyone else. He’s the closest with you. He cares about you, Liv, so much.” She sighed, “I don’t know why he won’t let you in.”

  I whispered, “I just want him so bad. I’ve never wanted anyone like I want him.”

  I turned bright red and then spilled everything, about my parent’s death, my brother stepping up, my ex-boyfriend bailing on me because I was so emotional and then how I went about becoming a tattoo artist. Then I dropped the big bomb that with all that in my life, I never got around to losing my virginity. I looked up to find a look of respect on both Amelia and Andrea. That I was not expecting.

  I finished my tirade with the cherry on top of the ridiculousness that is my love life, “To top it all off, Duncan asked me out and I told him I had to get back to him.”

  Amelia’s eyebrows shot up and Andrea’s brow knit together. Amelia said matter-of-factly, “Okay, let’s table the Duncan thing for a moment.” I nodded slowly because, really, I think I already knew the answer to that question. “First, I’m so sorry about your parents. That must have been really hard to lose them at 16 and I hope to meet Nate soon because he must be a great guy to step up like he did and help you to become the badass, fierce woman that you were always meant to be.”

  Andrea nodded and smiled from ear to ear, “What she said.”

  I grinned as Amelia rolled her eyes at Andrea and kept talking. “Liv, you’re so fucking talented. Your art is beautiful. It’s admirable how you put your gift first and used it to make a career for yourself. Not everyone has the balls to do that, especially on their own. You forged a path and then you walked it.”

  Andrea pipped up, “Fucking badass!” Andrea got up and scampered into the kitchen, bringing back the third, and last, bottle of wine. She snuggled back into the couch and opened the wine, filling up our glasses.

  Amelia high fived Andrea and then me; I couldn’t help but giggle. Amelia’s eyes went soft, “As far as being a virgin, I think that’s really special. Giving yourself to someone else like that should be cherished and I’m so glad you didn’t have sex with that fuckwad of an ex.”

  Andrea got a dreamy look on her face, “I wish I had waited until I found Steve. Not that I had bad experiences before, but it would have made finding Steve that much better and even more special.”

  Amelia agreed, “Totally.” She giggled, “Not to mention all my other partners were,” she trailed off and held up her pinky finger.

  Andrea gasped, “No!”

  Amelia’s eyes darted over my shoulder and widened as her face went bright red. Then Beckett’s voice boomed from the hallway behind me, “I know you’re not talking about other men’s dicks in our home, Baby.”

  Amelia rolled her eyes, blew a kiss down the hallway and pitched her voice louder, “Wouldn’t dream of it, Love.” She watched over my shoulder for a moment, but I knew if I turned around that I wouldn’t be able to hold in my laughter. When her eyes came back to us, Amelia shrugged and lowered her voice, “Not really that small, but at least comparatively.” She wagged her eyebrows and I couldn’t help but look shocked; Andrea looked the same. Amelia shrugged, “What?”

  Andrea stage whispered to me, “I’m not sure if I’m intrigued or skeeved out to now have this information.”

  I whispered back, “It’s kind of like finding out about your parent’s sex life.” Andrea gagged and we all giggled.

  Amelia scoffed, “Whatever.” She tried to hide her smile by taking a sip of her wine before she became serious and turned to me fully, “Liv, you love him?” I nodded. “You want to be with him?” I nodded again and she sighed. “While I almost hate to say this, then you need to keep waiting. Love him, don’t shy away from him to protect yourself because I think he deeply needs love and acceptance.”

  I studied her and whispered, “He lights up around you.”

  Amelia gave me a sad smile, “I can love him without expectation of anything in return.” I felt my eyes widen and realized that she was right. I had put conditions on my love for him. Fuck. “I also recognize the sadness, fear and regret that he carries around with him. I don’t know what secret he holds so close, but I know it runs deep. It’s the fear that holds him back.” I opened my mouth, but she cut me off. “Right or wrong, it’s the fear and fear can be irrational and all consuming.”

  I closed my eyes, nodded slowly and took a deep breath. “I have to be patient. I have to trust in him and how I feel about him or else I can’t expect him to do the same.”

  Amelia’s smile lit up the room when I opened my eyes. “Exactly, Liv.”

  Andrea squeezed my shoulder and I sighed, “I guess I have to tell Duncan no, then.”

  Andrea made a sound in the back of her throat and my eyes snapped to hers. She shrugged, “I mean, you don’t have to. You could go out with Duncan; it doesn’t have to be a date-date. Just be upfront with Duncan about it and don’t go out of your way to make Zeke jealous.”

  Amelia looked at Andrea like she grew a second head and scoffed, “I wouldn’t recommend that.”

  I bit my lip, “I don’t know. Zeke has been different since Nacho Bar night, like he’s giving me the space I need and was trying to force for the last few weeks. Duncan seems like a nice guy and he’s attractive.”

  Andrea made a ‘keep going’ motion with her hand, “But?”

  I looked between them and shrugged, “I don’t know, it’s just different.”

  Amelia nodded knowingly. “Duncan doesn’t light you up from the inside the way Zeke does?”

  Andrea snorted and I giggled, “Exactly.”

  Amelia grinned, “Then follow your gut. Take the space you need, but there’s no rush to jump into anything with anyone. You both need to be ready.”

  I felt tears welling up in my eyes and I tried to blink them away, “My heart hurts from waiting and feeling like I’m not enough.”

  Amelia wrapped me up in a hug. “I know. You are enough. You’re amazing. You’re smart, fun and talented. You are kind and so fucking gorgeous. You’re like a twelve, Hun.”

  Andrea wrapped her arm around my other side and scoffed, “More like a fucking twenty!”

  Amelia giggled and I couldn’t help but join in. They released me and Amelia looked at me seriously, “If you need a pick me up, then go out with Du
ncan. Just make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons and that you can feel good about it deep in your soul. You know?” I nodded slowly and Amelia smiled warmly. “You don’t have to wait forever either. Just because you make the choice right now to wait and give Zeke the space to figure out his own shit, that doesn’t mean you can’t make a different choice at another time. He doesn’t want to hurt you and I think it’s really eating at him.” She heaved a deep sigh, “I just don’t think he knows how to let himself off the hook for whatever he’s carrying around with him. He doesn’t want to hurt you and yet, he needs you.”

  Andrea pipped up, “And he wants you.” She fanned herself, “Some of the looks he gives you are like an inferno. I’m surprised your panties haven’t burst into flames.” Amelia feigned being appalled which made Andrea snort, “Oh please! Like the looks Beckett shoot you are any less scorching. I swear that man could make you come just by looking at you.”

  Amelia did look slightly scandalized at that last part for a split second before we all doubled over in laughter. It felt so fucking good to laugh. It felt so fucking good to have friends, girlfriends, like them. We laughed so hard and for so long that Beckett came out to check on us. He gave us a weird look as we tried to get ourselves under control while wiping tears from our cheeks. As he slowly backed back down the hallway, we couldn’t fight it and burst into another fit of giggles.

  Thankfully, after our giggle fest, we changed the subject to trashy TV as we finished off the last bottle of wine, raided the pizza and fell asleep on the couch. I woke up when Beckett scooped up Amelia and carried her to their room. He came back a moment later and covered Andrea with a blanket.

  Beckett grinned at me as I pulled one from the back of the couch over myself. He crouched down as I stretched out. He whispered, “It was nice to hear you laugh so much, Liv.”

  I smiled and it felt nice that I didn’t have to force it, “It was nice to laugh. I needed this, not just tonight but I needed Andrea and Amelia in my life.”