If I Did It Prove It

by Valarie Deshazier

  “For one, I don’t have be from here to open my center. For two, there is nothing little about Live Mind Strong. There are too many kids that are being bullied every day and killing themselves because of it. The work that I DO help kids deal with being bullied. This is something that I really take to heart. And lastly, it really doesn’t matter if you understand, get it or whatever. I’m not doing it for you, so your thoughts or opinion doesn’t even matter. However, maybe you need to worry less about me and more about what’s going on right in front of you,” I spat.

  The table was quite for a good strong forty-five seconds before anyone said anything. I was hot about her calling my center little. She is part of the reason for the center. Now that I think about it, I should have reached across the table and slapped the shit out of her ass. Just thinking about it is making me mad all over again. Anyway, this is what happened next.

  “She didn’t mean anything by it Porsha, she was just asking a question,” Lisa stated breaking the silence.

  “Yeah, I guess,” I replied like whatever.

  “For some reason it seems like I know you from somewhere. Are you sure you haven’t been here before?” Asia asked.

  “I just have one of those faces, because I’ve never been here before now.”

  “I guess so,” Asia replied as she looked at me, like naw bitch I know you from somewhere.

  “Well anyway, how can we help with the center? I would really like to be a part of what you have going on. As you know from my dinner party, my son has been going through some things with the kids at the school,” Nikki chimed in.

  “It’s a lot that you can do. For one, you can talk to your son and let him know that no matter what he is someone special and he can’t allow anyone to tell him that he isn’t. Kids that are being bullied don’t know how to stand up for themselves or just afraid to do so, so we have to teach them.”

  “Yeah, but I know that kids pick on other kids, but not every day. And to the point that he don’t want to go to school means it’s bad. I hate that my nephew is going through that. No offense to you Nikki, but you need to teach him how to fight or something,” Jasmine stated.

  Nikki just looked at Jasmine, but I could tell that she was offended by the statement. I myself wanted to laugh because everything that she had done to me and Shannon was now coming back on her through her son. Like the say, God don’t like ugly, and karma is a bitch.

  “Kids are going to be kids, so how do you know when a kid is really being bullied or just very sensitive,” Lisa added.

  “When a child comes home with tears in their eyes from being picked on or don’t want to go to school because some kid or kids are making their life hell, that’s how you know,” Nikki stated with force.

  I wanted to really laugh because now she was seeing the outcome from the things that she did, and her bitch ass friends had done to me and my cousin. Deep down I felt bad for her son because I knew what it was like for him. I lived being bullied all my childhood days. And by the bitches that was now wanting me to help them. Isn’t life funny sometimes?

  “Well bullying is a problem for me because I lost someone very dear to me that was bullied. They took their own life just to get away from it. I would hate for another kid to feel like that’s their only way out. My center is especially important to me. I take bulling very personal.”

  They all looked at me but at each other at the same time. It was like they knew who and what I was talking about. However, they wasn’t going to ask me or say anything. Which was the best thing for them at that moment.

  “All I know is that everything you do in life at some point will come back to you. You just have to be careful how you treat people,” Asia stated as she reached in her purse and pulled out her flask and took a sip.

  “Really Asia, can you go one day without drinking?” Lisa asked in frustration.

  “Yes Lisa I can and have, but I like drinking. Do you have a problem with me drinking?” Asia barked back.

  “Yes I do have a problem. You need to stop drinking so much. That’s why you can’t see your kid now because of all the drinking that you do,” Lisa fired back.

  “It might be a good thing that I can’t see my kid because that way I know he won’t end up doing the things that I did or for my karma to come back on him,” Asia spoke with tears in her eyes as she looked over at Nikki.

  “Look, that’s enough you two. Just drink your drink Asia and Lisa you don’t look at her,” Jasmine told them both. Jasmine looked at me and I looked back at her, like yeah I heard what was said, but not said at the same time.

  “Porsha, I apologize for all this. I wanted you here so you could help me with dealing with my son being bullied. I also was hoping that we all could come together and do some great things in this town,” Nikki spoke softly.

  “It’s all good; things don’t always go as plan. However, I have some business that I need to handle so I will chat with you later. You can stop by the center and we can start putting some things together,” I stated as I was standing up to leave. I looked at the other bitches and said, “Ladies.” Then I walked off.

  Just that little bit of time told me all that I needed to know about all of them. It was time for me to break each one of them down one by one. I thought of making Asia my first take down, but that would have been too easy. So, I was going to focus on Lisa.

  I made a few calls once I got in my car. It was time to pick up the pace on some things. My goal was to hit them one by one but at a fast paste. Payback is a bitch, and I was that bitch.

  I went home and pulled out my vision board. You know one of those boards that the police be having when they are trying to put a case together. Well, I had one of those with all their photos on it and details of their life underneath. So yeah, I had everything planned all the way out. It was time for operation MELT DOWN to go into effect.

  Chapter Six

  It had been about two weeks and I finally caught Asia out alone. She was at the supermarket which was the right time to make my move. I waited for a minute before I said anything to her. I wanted to watch closely at what she was buying. What people buy, eat or just how they sit can tell you a lot about them.

  “Dinner for one I see,” I spoke from behind Asia.

  “Yes, it’s just me,” she replied as she turned around. I could tell by the look on her face she was shocked to see me standing behind her. “Oh, hey Porsha,” she continued to say.

  “How are you?”

  “I’m good and you?” she asked nervously.

  “I can’t complain. Life is good and about to get better.”

  She slightly smiled and giggled a little. I could tell she wasn’t sure as to what to say or do. So, I helped her out a little.

  “I was going to cook but why don’t you join me for dinner out. We can get to know each other and have a drink or two at the same time.”

  “I don’t know. I was just going to go home.”

  “Come on it’s on me. I know this little place right outside of town that has the best steaks and not to mention the drinks are always on point.”

  She didn’t say anything right away, but then she thought about it and took me up on my offer. We put what we had down and left out. She followed me to a little diner right outside of town. I wanted to make sure that no one would walk up on us while we were so-called bonding.

  When we got there and went inside we got a booth and order a drink. I wasn’t going to waste any time, so I started asking questions. I needed to know just where her head was and what she was willing to tell.

  “So, Asia, how long have you been friends with Nikki?”

  “For far too long,” she replied with a little irritation in her voice.

  “Why you say it like that?”

  “No reason, just saying we have been friends for a long time. We all grew up together.”

  “Oh okay.”

  “Just be careful with her,” she warned me.

  “Why do I need to be careful with her?”
r />   “Just be careful is all I’m saying.”

  I didn’t push it, but I wasn’t worried about all that because they all needed to be careful of me. However, the more we sat there and had small talk, Asia was throwing those drinks back. I waited until she was good and full of it before I started asking the real questions.

  “Asia, I have a question that I would like to ask you.”

  “Okay what it is?” she replied with slurred words.

  “Do you know anything about the young girl that killed herself years ago, because she had been bullied?”

  “Why are you asking me about that?” she questioned as she sat up straight.

  “I was just wondering if you knew the story behind it, because I was doing some research and it came up.”

  She didn’t say anything at first, just took her drink to the head and then waved the waitress over and ordered another one and told her to keep them coming. She looked at me and I have to say I wasn’t ready for the words that was about to come out of her mouth. I knew it was going to be easy, but I didn’t know it was going to be as easy as it was.

  “It never should have happened. She didn’t deserve what happened to her. It went too far. It all went too far.”

  “What do you mean it went too far?”

  “I was there when it happened. It will be a day I will never forget. Never,” she stated with tears in her eyes.

  “What happened?” I asked sitting up and leaning in so I could catch every word that was about to come out of her mouth.

  “She only wanted to go home but she wouldn’t let her. She just kept pushing and taunting her. I couldn’t even tell you all the things that she said to her. I knew it was getting out of hand, but I just stood there and did nothing.”

  “What happened? Who is she?”

  I was starting to get in my feelings, but I had to control myself. That fact that Asia was telling me that she was there when Shannon took her life had me leg shaking uncontrollably.

  “They spit on her and beat her. They called her every name they could think of. She begged for them to stop but they wouldn’t.”

  She paused and my blood was boiling. I wanted to reach over the table and wrap my hands around her neck and choke the life out of her, but I held it together.

  “Go on, what happened next?” I pushed.

  She started shaking her head like she wanted to say more but just couldn’t get the words to say it.

  “It will help if you just get it out. You have been holding it in for far too long. It’s okay you can let it go now. I’m here for you,” I said as I reached over and touched her hand in comfort.

  She looked at me and took her drink to the head before she said anything else.

  “We followed her all the way home. She ran to the back of the house and we ran right behind her. Not sure how it got that far, but Nikki pulled out a gun while Jasmine pulled out some pills. They were telling her she needed to kill herself. She was crying and begging for them to stop and just leave her alone. Jasmine and Lisa held her down while Nikki tried to force the pills down her throat. Somehow the gun fell, and she picked it up.” She paused for a few seconds before saying, “She pointed the gun at all of us. Nikki started laughing talking about shoot if you so bad. Jasmine and Lisa was right along with her. Then when she put the gun to her head Nikki yelled out there’s not bullets in it, but just as she said that the gun went off and her body just dropped to the ground.”

  “So y’all stood there and watched my cous…I mean y’all just watched as she kill herself?”

  “Nikki said that there weren’t any bullets in the gun,” she cried.

  “So really, you guys killed her.”

  I was getting pissed off by the minute. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. They gave Shannon the gun to kill herself. So yeah, I wasn’t going to feel bad about what I was going to do to them. I didn’t want to hear anymore. However, I couldn’t leave just yet. I needed to know what they did after my cousin shot herself.

  “What did you guys do after she shot herself?”

  “We ran. Nikki said that we could never tell anyone or even talk about it ever again. Every day I see her face. It lives with me and the only way for me to deal with it is to drink. I know I haven’t been a saint, but it had got way out of hand. I couldn’t just stop being around them because I knew they would have turned on me.”

  “You were more worried about them turning on you other than telling the truth. I can’t believe this,” I spat.

  “I didn’t know what to do at the time,” she explained.

  “You could have spoken up, but no you just drink thinking it’s going to drown it all away.”

  “Why are you so upset about it? It’s not like you knew her,” she stated.

  I looked her deep in her eyes. I wanted her to see me, and I mean really see me. I think it took a few seconds for her to but when she did her face lit up.

  “I can’t believe it’s you. And I just told you all that. I knew I knew you, but I just wasn’t sure until now. I got to go,” she expressed standing up to leave.

  “You can leave but you are not going to tell the girls who I am.”

  Asia looked at me and I could tell that she was nervous and wasn’t sure what I was going to do. I informed Asia that she could leave but she and I weren’t done by a long shot. I really wanted to wrap my hands around her neck and not let go until there was no more life in her. I stood up and looked Asia in the eyes, she was scared. I knew she was going to hurry over to Nikki’s and tell her who I was, but I wasn’t worried about her making it. Asia left and I paid for the bill. By the time I got outside Asia was pulling out of the parking lot. I watched as Asia drove down the road until I could no longer see her. On the drive home I was thinking hard at just what I wanted to do. I wanted them to pay dearly for what they had done. My plan was still going to be the same, but I was going to change it up just a little. One by one those bitches was going to go down.

  I couldn’t believe that those bitches stood there while my cousin shot herself with a gun they had. To know that Nikki had the gun and told Shannon to go ahead and do it…baby my blood was boiling. Yeah, it was on at that point. I wanted them to feel all kinds of pain. And I wanted them to know it was me doing it too. I had to take two sleeping pills just to go to sleep that night.

  Chapter Seven

  The next morning, I woke up to the news that Asia had a bad car accident. She was in critical condition and I have to say I didn’t even feel bad about it. It was reported that her brakes went out on her car. I just made me a cup of coffee and was like goodie for her. She got what was coming to her.

  Later that day I ran into Lisa at the nail shop. It was all falling together perfectly.

  “Hey Lisa, I’m sorry to hear about Asia,” I lied through my teeth.

  “What do you mean you are sorry to hear about Asia? What are you talking about?” she inquired.

  “Oh, you haven’t heard she was in a bad car accident last night.”

  She jumped up from her chair and ran out of the salon like it was on fire. I kind of smirked a little and sat down in the chair so that I could get my nails done. I wasn’t bothered at all. The question to me was who was going to be next. After I got my nails done I knew it was time for me to grab a bite to eat. I didn’t want anything heavy, so I thought maybe a salad from Zaxby’s would do me good. I started to go through drive-thru, but when I saw Jasmine’s car I knew I couldn’t pass up the chance to say a few words to her.

  I walked in and looked around to see if I could spot Jasmine, and sure enough she was over in the corner talking on the phone. I ordered my salad and then walked over to where she was.

  “You mind if I join you?” I asked standing at the table that she was sitting at with my salad in hand.

  She looked up at me and for a second. It seemed as if she was about to say that she did mind, but then she pointed to the chair in front of her in saying have a seat.

  “How are you doing?” I asked as I
sat down.

  “I’m good and yourself?” she replied.

  “I can’t complain. I’m sorry to hear about Asia though.”

  “Yeah, well thank you.”

  “It’s crazy because I was with her last night,” I stated as I took in a fork full of salad.

  “You was with her?” she spat looking at me with a side eye.

  “Yeah, we had dinner together,” I replied taking another bite of my salad.

  “What do you mean you two had dinner together?”

  “Just what I said, we had dinner together and she was telling me about the young lady that killed herself years ago,” I stated with a raised eyebrow.

  “She told you about that?”

  “Yeah, I asked her about it, and she told me what happened.”

  “What all did she say?” she asked sternly.

  “Nothing really, but it was just sad that what had happened.”

  “Why would you be asking about that anyway?”

  “I was just asking. Is it a problem that I asked about it?”

  “I just need to know what she told you,” she said with all ears.

  “Just know that she told me enough to understand why and how the young lady ended up killing herself.”

  “Why are you really here? Who are you, really?” she quizzed.

  “Like I said before I’m here because I wanted to open up my center for bulling. I am who I say I am. Why do you have a problem with me being here?” I inquired as I ate my salad.

  “But why here though? Why would you choose here? Crawfordville of all places.”

  “I felt this would be the perfect place to start being that Crawfordville hit home for me with bullying.”

  “What do you mean hit home for you?” she quizzed.

  “The question is how do you really feel about bullying?”

  “How I feel about it really doesn’t matter.”

  “Oh, it matters,” I stated as I placed my fork down and pushed my salad away from me.

  “Why does how I feel about it matter?” she spat with aggression.

  I laughed and stood up to leave before I spoke the words, “Every action has a reaction. Sometimes it’s instant, sometimes it’s years later, but there is always a reaction.” I walked off after that.