But she’d never guess the answer. Not by looking at him or trying to find some nuance in the way he talked to her. She needed to ask him, point blank, to his face and find some answers.
“Hey,” Finn said, coming up behind her and putting his hand on the small of her back.
A tiny shiver of awareness went through her and she tipped her head to the side to face him.
“Hey.”
“I’m sorry. Every time I talk to the doctors, it seems like they don’t have an answer I want to hear,” he said. “I’m trying to be better, but I know that I’m not. Please don’t give up on me.”
She nodded now, taking a page from his book. She thought about how they were feeling their way through this. Both of them. She knew she had expectations and he did, too. But his were tied to driving and how he’d lost that temporarily.
“Is this temporary?” she asked.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” he said.
“Finn, I’m not going to give you an ultimatum, but honestly if we are going to be in a relationship, we can’t ignore this. Driving is who you are, just like law enforcement is who I am. We can’t both just pretend that’s not the case. I know talking is hard for you, but if this is going to work, you’re going to have trust me.”
Delilah and Red came out of the back before he could answer and that was just fine with her. She was tired. She’d driven for five days, and had the ride of her life with Finn Delaney but she was also scared. She wasn’t the kind of woman who lived her life at full throttle. She was a Sunday drive down a farm route looking at the rolling hills, or donuts at Kolaches on a Sunday morning kind of person.
“Ready to go?”
“Yes!” Lane said. She ruffled her nephew’s hair. He had so much enthusiasm and no barriers. She wished that Finn had a smidgeon of that.
“Yeah, we are,” Finn said.
Chapter Thirteen
A date. He couldn’t even believe that he’d suggested it but dinner at the Dragonfly to celebrate her new job seemed like the perfect excuse to see if what he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about all afternoon was viable or, if it was just his messed-up brain trying to find something real to hang on to.
He had caught a ride home with Braden. The Delaney ranch was a big sprawling property. Cal and Amelia along with Braden lived in the big house. But as soon as he’d made some real money at racing, Finn had built his own place about ten minutes’ drive on an all-terrain vehicle from the main house. There was a dirt road that connected the two residences and a large garage that housed his hot rod collection, his truck and a few motorcycles he liked to ride in his down time.
The house smelled clean, like lavender. He knew that the cleaning service he employed kept the house ready for him at all times. It was cool inside and as he put his bag down in the foyer, listening to the sound of Braden’s European sports car roar back toward the main house, he just stood there.
He was alone in Last Stand—the exact situation he’d been hoping to avoid for days. But here he was. His own mind wanted to go down dark paths but since he’d just got the compression boot off, he forced his mind to happier places. He moved through the house that was decorated with up and coming western artists that his interior designer had chosen for the walls when Finn had been offered a spread in Architectural Digest. The profile had raised his stock with the team managers and Finn had seen it as a stepping stone to being the top driver on the team.
Everything in his life had been centered around racing. Now that he was alone, though, he had to face facts. The doctor who’d seen him today had checked his blood and scheduled another MRI to get a current picture of the blood clot in his leg. But he’d pretty much said, in no uncertain terms, that getting back behind the wheel right now was dangerous. They could treat him, but there was a good chance the condition could come back. No one was saying it, but Finn knew that he should be thinking of a future that didn’t involve sitting in the same position for hours.
So effing hell. He had to figure something out and quick. And trying to bring Lancey into his life wasn’t going to work. She had her own things to do. She didn’t want to retreat to his place outside of town and pretend that life was just about the two of them. Of course, he hadn’t asked her, but he knew in his gut he was right.
She wasn’t the kind of woman to hide out when life got tough. How many times had he seen her take some new pothole in the road and maneuver around it? Enough, he thought. She’d slept with him for fun and curiosity and because, hells bells, the heat between the two of them had been hotter than Texas in June. She’d taken on mothering Lane because she couldn’t do anything else and she’d been a friend to him when he’d needed one.
She’d taken a job that wasn’t anywhere near as important as her old career and she was happy. And here he was, standing in the house he’d built to make him more attractive to his NASCAR bosses, and wishing he could go back. Something his mom said drifted through the back of his mind.
If wishes were horses, beggars might ride.
He felt her presence with him, and he wished she was here to give him advice. But he knew what he had to do. He had to make a plan. But what kind of plan? Did he include Lancey? Or did he sort himself out first and then come back to her?
Would she even wait for him?
He didn’t know. What he did know was that she was the complete deal. She wasn’t unsure of herself or fumbling around trying to figure out what to do next. She took what she was given and moved forward.
He needed to do that. He couldn’t come to her with half-hearted hopes that the DVT would clear up and he could drive again. So what were his options?
He had money. He’d been paid well as a driver and Cal had helped him invest it. So he didn’t have to drive for a living. But he needed to do something.
He took his cell phone out of his pocket and called Cal.
“Hey, Bro, what’s up?” Cal asked.
“I need a favor,” Finn said.
“Anything,” Cal said.
“Thanks, Bro, I need to start thinking about the future. I think… Don’t say anything to Bray or Amelia, but there’s a good chance I won’t be able to drive anymore,” Finn said.
“Damn. I’m sorry to hear that. I thought that the blood thinning medicine was working,” Cal said.
“It is. But there is no guarantee that it’s a long-term fix if I get back behind the wheel. One of the things that the doctors warned me about is that I have to change my lifestyle,” Finn said. “That’s where you come in. I need to crunch the numbers—I’m hoping our investment guy can help me with that—but I want to build a small track out here so that I can train young drivers and get them ready to go into racing professionally. It would take a few years, but I think if I do it right, we can get approved as a NASCAR training track.”
“Great idea. We have a lot of unused ranch property and Malcolm has been urging me to sell it off,” Cal said. “I’ll start a group text and get the ball rolling. I think we’ll have to bring Braden in because the land belongs to all three of us.”
“I know. I just don’t want anyone feeling sorry for me. I wanted to leave with something to go to, you know?”
“I do, Brother. You’re thinking of staying in Last Stand, then?” Cal asked.
Finn heard the hope and the love in his brother’s voice. “Yeah.”
“Finally found someone to stay for,” Cal said.
“Yeah, I did,” he admitted.
Now he just had to convince her that he had changed, really changed. He wasn’t sure that would be easy to do, though. He was afraid he’d done too good a job making her believe he wanted to leave.
*
A date. Like they were just a normal couple. Like he hadn’t rocked her world on two different nights and then taken her to the beach. And listened to her talk about her plans for the future and just…accepted her for her who she was.
She knew that Delilah had been right—she was definitely in love with Finn. But it wasn’t so
mething she’d expected. She’d hoped she’d be smarter than her mom and her gran, hoped that maybe she’d be the one Maverick woman who didn’t fall for a smooth-talking bad boy. But she had.
It wasn’t even like she didn’t understand that part of the reason she loved him was exactly because he was that NASCAR driver, who was always going from town to town, never staying in one place. That was who Finn was. She got it. But the other part of her wanted him—
She broke off that thought and went into Lane’s room to watch her nephew sleeping. If Finn changed, he wouldn’t be the man she loved. She looked around the walls of the nursery with the pictures of her family on the wall. TJ and her as kids, her mom and Gran as babies, and always, there were pictures of the men holding those babies. Those men had been strong and principled. They hadn’t left for another woman or some frivolous reason. No, they’d always left for something bigger than themselves. Her grandfather had been a Texas Ranger, her dad a Marine, TJ…hadn’t had a chance to figure out his cause before he’d died. Would he have stayed? Lancey wanted to hope so.
She sat down on the rocking chair in the corner of the room and the afghan on the back of it fell forward on her shoulder. It smelled like her mom’s lavender perfume and she turned her head, burying her face in it and crying, feeling like she was being hugged by her mom.
She missed her so much. If she could just have one more conversation with her mom, Lancey was pretty damned sure she could figure this out. Should she try to pursue this dream that had come when she and Lane had driven cross-country with Finn? Or should she live the life she’d always led?
No answers came to her but breathing her mom’s perfume and sitting there with her face in the blanket, a calm settled over her and she realized that whatever path she chose, it would work out. She thought of Mom and Gran and how they’d been left to raise their children on their own. How they’d found a way.
You’ll find yours, too.
She looked around but knew she was alone in the room, even though she’d just heard her mom’s voice.
How many times had her mom advised her to trust herself? To believe in her own strength? More times than she could count. It had led her to follow in her father’s footsteps.
And now she was back. She was a Maverick woman. Strong, reliable and as much as she wanted Finn by her side, she knew she had to let him be his own man. Find his own path.
She wasn’t going to find it for him. She’d seen how disastrous that could be when she’d tried to force TJ to grow up and be the man that Lancey had thought Rose and Lane needed him to be. But he had run.
No one could be forced into a life they didn’t want.
She had to remember that.
Love didn’t change that.
And whether Finn stayed or not, that wouldn’t change her feelings for him.
“Auntie.”
She put the blanket down and glanced over at Lane, who stood up in his crib and watched her.
“Hey, kiddo,” she said, getting up to go and pick him up. “Good nap?”
He made a hmm sound and sleepily cuddled closer to her. She held him and just stood there for a few minutes. Whatever Finn decided or didn’t decide wouldn’t change this. She’d found herself when she’d been given Lane. She’d found something inside of her that she’d never realized had been missing.
And that was enough.
Finn was a bonus. She had to remember that. If it worked out between them, she’d count that as a blessing. But even if it didn’t, she’d never regret her love for him. He’d made her accept parts of herself she hadn’t even realized she’d been afraid of.
She got Lane dressed and then waited for Cal and Amelia to arrive. They were taking Lane for the night so she and Finn could have their date. They were also dropping him off since he still couldn’t drive.
Finn hadn’t looked too thrilled that he still was relegated to the passenger seat when she’d left him at Outlaw Tequila. But she couldn’t change that and neither could he.
Until his body was ready, he wasn’t going to be driving. And that was what worried her about this date and her relationship with him. He was a man used to being in charge and being with her gave him something that could feel real. She knew, because it felt real to her.
But she also was afraid that he was pretending to be content here when they both knew that his heart would always be on the road.
She didn’t mind loving him as long as she didn’t come out of it looking like a fool. But she would have no way of knowing if it were real or not unless she trusted her heart.
*
The Dragonfly was busy since many people were in town for the rodeo on the Fourth, but Delilah had given them a table on the large wooden porch that overlooked the spur of the Pedernales that ran through Last Stand. It was tucked in a corner and she’d had her staff move some of the potted plants to give them even more privacy.
Finn wouldn’t have guessed it, but the toughest Corbyn sister had a romantic streak. He had never been much on romantic gestures, figuring most women saw through them, but Lancey had caught her breath at the twinkle lights in the tree branches and the small table set for two.
“This seem like it’s part of a fantasy,” Finn said.
“Did you do this?” she asked, turning to face him. Lancey had her hair up but not in her usual high ponytail. A few tendrils framed her heart-shaped face and she’d worn makeup for their date. She had a sundress on that hugged her chest and accentuated her tiny waist before the skirt flared out and fell to her knees. She had on a pair of strappy sandals that added a few inches of height to her.
“I asked if we could have some privacy, but the rest of this is all Delilah,” Finn said. He had never been nervous around a woman before but something about this night with Lancey was making him anxious. “She’s making a special dinner for us—another of her suggestions.”
“She’s good at making those,” Lancey said.
“She is,” Finn said. If his brothers saw him now, they’d never let him live this one down. Where was all the charm he’d cultivated over the years? The ease he’d always had with women? It was gone. The one time he wanted to be at his best, he wasn’t even coming close. But never had he had so much on the line.
They sat down and their waiter served them both a refreshing mint lemonade that was the specialty of the Dragonfly and when they were left alone again, Lancey folded her hands on the table and waited.
“First let’s have a toast. To your new job,” Finn said, lifting his glass.
“To my job,” she said. They both took a sip of their drinks and put them back down on the table.
Silence fell between them and she shook her head. “I’m not good at this.”
“What?” he asked.
“This. I know we’re on a date and we should be relaxed. But I want to know what’s on your mind. Earlier, I asked you about driving and you shut down. But I think we need to talk about it,” she said.
“We do,” he admitted. “I’ll be honest with you. There is a pretty good chance that I’m not going to be a full-time driver anymore.”
She nodded. “I was afraid that might be the case.”
“Why?”
“You don’t know anything else,” she said. “Everything about you is tied to being a racecar driver.”
“It is. Do you think that I’m nothing without it?” he asked.
“No. No, I don’t. I wondered if you did,” she said.
“I’m not sure. I have been thinking about it a lot while we were on the road. Now that we’re back, I don’t know what I’m doing. This isn’t me. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been focused on my career, being the best, winning the cup. But now that’s gone, and I have to figure out something else. But everything I’ve ever done in my life was to make my driving better. I don’t know anything else but driving. Or I didn’t…until you.”
She nodded.
That was it, her only reaction. Just a tiny nod of her head and then she took another sip of
her drink and put her hands back in her lap. The waiter brought out a basket of large soft yeast rolls and with honey-lavender butter on the side. She took one and broke it apart on the bread plate but didn’t eat it.
Did she not want him to want her in his life? “Is that not a good thing?”
She swallowed and he watched her throat work as she turned her head and looked away from him.
“Lancey?”
“I don’t know, Finn,” she said. “I mean, on one hand it’s flattering to think that you have found something in me that could replace—not sure that’s the right sentiment—racing for you. I am flattered.”
She tore another chunk off the roll, and he watched her.
“But?” he asked. What was she saying? He wasn’t the best guy when it came to reading the nuances of women but frankly, he was flummoxed by this. He thought she’d be happy to hear he found himself in her.
“You are talking about me being on par with your entire life. Racing wasn’t just your career, Finn, it was everything. It was what you used to define yourself with your brothers and to get away from your father. Losing that isn’t easy. I know that because when I had to leave the Marines, I felt like I’d lost a limb. It’s not something that you can replace quickly, or easily. I’m still filling in those missing pieces. Lane helps me with part of it. The friendships I’m making here help, too. And the job at the police office will give me purpose. You’re helping, too,” she admitted.
“Great. So you get what I’m saying,” he said.
But she wasn’t smiling. She wasn’t looking as if what he’d said had made her happy.
“What is it?” he asked.
“I can’t be your everything,” she said. “And I don’t think I am. I think you are looking for something to distract you from what you’ve lost. Right now, while the sex is good and everything is new between us, it feels like it could be me. But what happens when you realize I’m just Lancey Maverick of Last Stand, and you want more from life?”
Full Texas Throttle (The Dangerous Delaneys Book 2) Page 12