Play With Me: Diamond In The Rough 1

by Hart, Rebel

  I flickered my eyes over to Allison and saw her staring at Marina. I didn’t know what the fuck that bitch had done, but it had certainly pissed the two of them off. Rae had her hands balled up into fists. Hell, so did Allison. I narrowed my eyes softly—well, my good eye. The other one was still too swollen. I tried to read her, to figure out why the hell she was storming up to me in the cafeteria on a whim.

  I mean, I had to give her props for her balls. Especially after the encounter with Roy the other day. But what was her problem?

  I licked my lips. “Can I help you?”

  Marina giggled. “Yeah, Rae. Can Clint help himself to you?”

  Roy let out a bark of a laugh as the rest of the guys around us chuckled. But Rae didn’t bat an eye. She kept staring at me. Glaring at me. With those fists balled up, ready to fly.

  Then she pointed her trembling finger at me.

  “I’m only going to tell you this once, because I’m done with your antics.”

  Marina smacked her lips. “Oooh, scary. Practically a haunted house.”

  Roy wrapped his arm around her waist. “I bet her house is one.”

  Everyone snickered again. But Rae didn’t move. She stood strong, and I admired her for that. Because my friends could be ruthless when they chose to be.

  I sighed. “What is it, Cleaver?”

  Her eye twitched. “If this is the kind of bullshit I have to put up with to be friends with you, then it’s not worth it. Do you hear me? I’m not going to be cornered in a bathroom and teased relentlessly for shit I’m trying to do to help you. To befriend you. To see the decent fucking person beyond the shitstain that is the boy that walks into this school every day.”

  I watched her shoot a killer look at Marina before her eyes came back to mine.

  “So if these are the lowlifes you’re going to hang out with? These stubborn, ignorant, pig-headed, ugly people? Then we’re through. You and me, and whatever this is, it’s over.”

  I blinked at her, not knowing what to say. Did she really expect me to make a choice right now? In front of my friends? When our fuckable encounters were nothing more than rumor at this point? I looked over at Marina, watching her practically foaming at the mouth. What the hell had she done to these two girls?

  I cast a glare at Roy before my eyes panned back to Rae.

  She furrowed her brow. “I guess I have my answer then?”

  What the fuck did she really expect me to do? I mean, I knew we had something special. A connection I’d never shared with anyone else. She got me, and I got her. And when I was with her, the rest of the world faded away. But when she wasn’t around, when we weren’t behind closed doors, the world existed. Sure, it was only high school. And yeah, I hung around shitty people. But I sure as hell wasn’t going to spend my senior year—the last glory year of my life—fucking around in the shadows and having spit balls stuck to the back of my head.

  She’s the only person who doesn’t make you feel like shit, Clint. Don’t do this.

  “Well?” Marina asked.

  I kept staring at Rae as I answered her. “Put a cock in it and shut up.”

  Everyone snickered again behind me except Roy. He didn’t stand up for her, but he sure as hell didn’t buck up to me. He knew his place.

  Like everyone else.

  You don’t have to put on a show with Rae.

  “Well?” she asked.

  I didn’t know what to do. Things with her were so new. I mean, days old kind of new. And it was terrifying. What was I supposed to do? Toss the entirety of my reputation away on a girl I’d fucked around with for a few days? She wasn’t just any girl, though. Even I knew that. But was I ready for a move like that? Was I ready to abandon my post as top dog of this school and attempt something else with her? Something that wasn’t guaranteed?

  For all I knew, this was a ploy of hers. A ploy to peel me away from my throne so she could wreak revenge and havoc on my life. I mean, we had a history, she and I. And not simply a sexual one. I’d made her life a living nightmare freshman year. And she’d been my target on and off for the rest of high school.

  For all I knew, this was her revenge. Her plan. And with Allison at her side after what I did to Michael? It wouldn't have shocked me one bit.

  I’m not ready to take that chance yet.

  Rae sighed. “You did this on purpose, didn’t you?”

  Marina giggled. “You mean, did he do you on purpose?”

  I grumbled, “Put a muzzle on that girl or get her the fuck away from this table.”

  Roy scoffed. “Say what now?”

  Rae sighed. “It’s fine. Just don’t play stupid. I know they know. I’ve accepted that. But at least give me the satisfaction of confirming the nightmare I’ve already come to terms with.”

  I shrugged. “Not sure what you mean.”

  Roy chuckled. “She means, did you fuck her in order to use it against her? Because honestly, if you did? Fucking props to you. Because that’s some lowdown shit and I love it.”

  Marina cackled. “Cleaver Beaver the Dick Eater. Has a nice ring to it.”

  Roy threw his head back in laughter and the gang behind me joined in. I sat there, staring up at Rae, and I saw Allison tearing up, getting emotional for her. It was the first time I’d ever felt guilty for teasing someone. For pushing someone around. I wanted to apologize to them for what happened with Michael. I wanted to apologize for the unhinged animals behind me, cackling and barking with laughter like feral fucking animals.

  Rae nodded. “This was always going to be used against me, wasn’t it?”

  Her voice was so soft, it almost got swallowed up by the laughter around me. And yet I heard it. Loud and clear. Like a fucking bullhorn. How the fuck could she even think that? Did I come off as that terrible of a person? That much of an asshole?

  Because that was some shit my father would have pulled in his younger years.

  Holy shit, I’m turning into my father.

  Allison sniffled. “Come on, Rae. Let’s get out of here. None of them are worth it.”

  Marina snickered. “Not what Rae thought when she was spreading her legs.”

  “Can it!” I roared.

  The entire fucking cafeteria came to a grinding halt as I looked over at that bitch.

  “What the fuck has your boyfriend, on numerous occasions, told you about that disgusting mouth of yours? Either keep it closed or take Roy somewhere and stuff it full. Got it? Holy fuck, Marina.”

  Everyone’s eyes went wide as I turned my attention back to Rae. But, try as I might, I couldn't bring myself to address the issue at hand. She shook her head side to side, then allowed Allison to turn her around. She peeked over her shoulder at me as a sadness filled her stare. Then she stopped and turned around to face me.

  “Thank you for giving me the answer I needed,” she said.

  I paused, then sighed. “You’re welcome, I guess.”

  The cafeteria returned to its dull roar as Allison shook her head. I saw Rae’s chin trembling and it broke my fucking heart. I turned my eyes out toward the window, where some of the nerds sat on the back patio doing homework while eating their fucking lunch. I couldn't stand to look at her. I couldn't stand to look at myself.

  You’re a sorry excuse for a human, Clint. Just like your father.

  “You all deserve each other, you know that?”

  I snickered at Rae’s voice. “Yeah, I guess so.”

  And I watched as Allison physically pulled her out of the cafeteria, leaving me surrounded by a bunch of brainless, nitwitted assholes I wanted nothing more to do with.

  Fuck my life.

  25

  Raelynn

  I sat at my window as the thunder rolled. The snacks under my bed were long gone, but I wasn’t hungry anyway. Not after my encounter with Clint at school today. I placed my elbow on the windowsill, resting my chin in my hand. I saw lightning crack the sky, illuminating the world around me. Black outlines of decrepit houses came into view. The rolling green
hills of the rich beyond ignited, taunting me with what I’d never have. The storm rolled in, bringing the pitter-patter of rain. I watched it come, a shower of greatness. Here to wash away the stench of our garbage-laden street.

  It didn’t wash away the hurt in my heart, though.

  “Fuck Clinton Clarke.”

  The rain battered against my window as lightning pierced the sky overhead. The clouds hung low, pregnant with rain. They were so close I imagined I was almost able to reach up and touch them. I placed my forehead against my window, the same window I’d crawled out of that night I first slept with Clint. I closed my eyes and reminisced about how much I’d hated the fact that he’d found me. How much I’d enjoyed opening up to him. How wonderful the bike ride had been and how kind he’d been.

  How gentle he was.

  “Stop it,” I muttered. “You’re torturing yourself.”

  Tears rolled down my cheeks with every flash of lightning. And as the thunder crashed, I let my sobs run free. All day, I’d kept them in check. Throughout history, where I felt Clint staring at me. Throughout P.E., where I saw him in the bleachers watching me from beyond his sunglasses. I dealt with the snickers and the names murmured under people’s breath as I passed by. Cleaver Beaver the Dick Eater. How quickly shit like that worked its way around the school.

  I wondered if I was turning into my mother.

  “Shit.”

  I put my head in my hands and cried. I didn’t try to hold it back any longer. The thunder covered up my sobs and the lightning heated my tears. And as the rain battered harder against my window, it was almost like the storm was trying to wash my sins away. Wash my tears away. Cheer me up with its furious might. I was envious of the storm. How strong it was. How it could rage, and people didn’t bat an eye. If anything, they cowered away. Respecting it. Admiring it. Sitting out on the porch and watching it in a mesmerized sort of awe.

  Now I know how Clint feels.

  I didn't know which was worse, being invisible to the masses or being seen only for my greatest mistake. But the truth of the matter was that I still didn’t regard Clint as a mistake. I never could. What we’d shared was tremendous, even if he didn’t feel it. Even if it was faked on his end. Even if he completely fabricated his words and his actions and his emotions, I hadn’t. I didn’t. And I never would.

  “That’s what makes you better than him.”

  I sat up from my arms and dried my face. I sniffled until my nose was clear, then went back to watching the storm. I’d had my moment of weakness, and now it was time to press onward and forward, like nothing ever happened. It was all I had, and it was all I’d use. Because in the end, that made me better than them. They could flash their money around and ride in their expensive cars and wear their designer clothes to school. But, in the end, what made me better and stronger than them was my ability to persevere.

  Whereas they broke down over a scuffed tennis shoe. Or a broken nail.

  Except Clint.

  I shook the thought from my head. He was like them. Just like them. He wasn’t different. He showed me that today. There was no use in crying over him. He was nothing but a cup of spilled, spoiled milk.

  I hated that I’d fallen for it, though. I was angry at myself for falling for his tricks. His ruse. Not seeing through the wolfish grin long enough to latch onto his plan. His ultimate plan to destroy me. His ultimate plan to play the best trick this fucking high school had ever seen.

  Fucking around with the school charity case before exposing her to be like every other girl who wanted to ride Clint Clarke’s cock.

  It was genius. And simple. And I’d fallen for all of it.

  I sighed. “You’re such a fool, Rae. Holy shit.”

  A knock came at my door and I shot up from the windowsill. I dove back into my bed, covering myself up as I tried to make myself look presentable. The last thing I needed was my mother knowing any of this, for more shame to come down onto the people in this family. I called out for her to come in, hiding my reddened cheeks with my pillow.

  When the door slowly swung open, she arched her brow at me.

  “You okay in here?”

  I sighed. “That obvious?”

  She snickered. “I may or may not have been standing here for a few minutes now.”

  “Oh.”

  Mom walked into my room and closed the door behind her. She came and sat on the edge of my bed, patting my leg. I didn’t like her seeing me like this. I had to take care of her. That was how this dynamic worked. That was how it always worked with us.

  But I needed my mom, too.

  “You wanna talk about it?” she asked.

  I rolled my eyes. “Just some stupid boy at school.”

  Mom sighed. “I’m familiar with those.”

  I paused. “How far do you think a bully would go in order to get a rise out of someone?”

  “Why do you ask?”

  “I think a bully at my school has gone a little too far with some stuff.”

  “Would this be the stupid boy at school?”

  I scoffed. “Aren’t all stupid boys eventually bullies?”

  She paused. “You have a good point.”

  The two of us shared a brief moment of laughter before Mom took my hand.

  “Has he hurt you, sweetheart?”

  I sighed. “Not physically.”

  She nodded. “Okay, good. I mean, not good with the hurt. But—”

  My eyes widened. “Oh, no no no. Nothing—nothing like that. Nothing like what you’re thinking.”

  “You’d tell me though? If it was?”

  “I promise, everything that happened wa—”

  Mom raised her eyebrows as I caught what I was about to say.

  “I, uh…”

  She giggled. “Sweetheart, I was much younger than eighteen when I started having sex with boys.”

  “Mom.”

  She smiled. “I’m not going to go into that. We had that talk when you were much younger. But let me see if I can piece this together. You fell for the school bully, had some romantic moments together, and now he wants nothing to do with you. Right?”

  I paused. “Don’t tell me you’ve experienced something like that, too.”

  She shrugged. “It happens sometimes. Maybe not quite like that, but it does happen. And it sucks. And I kind of want to wring his throat.”

  I giggled at her words as the pillow slowly slid away from my face.

  “What do I do?”

  She sighed. “There’s nothing you can do. You can’t change a man. So you can’t let that man change you. Bad boys are just that. Bad. Bad for you. Bad for themselves. Bad for anyone who comes into their lives.”

  I nodded slowly. “People at school will know soon enough.”

  “And all you can do is stand up to them. Stand your ground and don’t let them beat you into it. High school is relentless. There isn’t a person on this planet—rich or poor—that would do it all over again. I’m here for you, no matter what. And you can talk to me about anything, okay?”

  I smiled softly. “Thanks, Mom.”

  She tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “I guess we both have a tendency to go for the wrong men.”

  I giggled. “Yeah. Fuck D.J.”

  Mom laughed, covering my mouth with her hand. “Fuck D.J.”

  “Did something happen?”

  Her hand fell away from my face. “Isn’t something always happening with him?”

  “I thought you two just made up, though?”

  She shrugged. “Maybe I didn’t want to make up this time. Maybe I’m ready to let him go.”

  “Wait, seriously?”

  “Seriously.”

  I paused. “You’re done with him? I mean, for real this time?”

  She nodded. “For real this time. I have to stop this cycle, Rae. I didn’t realize the damage I was doing to myself. Or to you. Or to us. I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m sorry I’ve set this kind of example for you. I’m sorry I raised you in all this. I�
��m so—please forgive me, honey.”

  “Of course, Mom. Of course I forgive you.”

  She started crying and I pulled her closely to me. I wrapped my arms around her, silently thanking any god that would listen. Maybe this was it. The breakthrough my mother needed in order to see the life she had carved out for herself. I cried along with her, burying my face into her hair as she scooped me into her lap. I hadn’t been in my mother’s lap for years. Since I was nothing but a child who stood tall enough to wrap my arms around her hips. She held me close, rocking me side to side as the two of us grieved with one another.

  Grieved for our broken hearts and minds.

  Mom kissed the top of my head. “I love you so much, sweetheart.”

  My breathing shuddered. “I love you, too.”

  “It’s done. I promise you, it’s over. He’s never coming back around. You have my word.”

  “Thank you, Mommy. Thank you so much.”

  She whispered. “I’ve missed hearing you call me that.”

  Mom held me as the rain continued to batter against the window. Even though the thunder rolled away into the distance, the rain continued to flood our front lawn, drowning the grass seeds Mom and I always attempted to plant and grow during the summer months. I sighed as I pulled away, falling back to the mattress of the bed. And as Mom stood up, she reached for my hand.

  “Want to watch a movie and make a pizza delivery guy drive out to us in this nonsense?”

  I smiled. “Oh, hell yeah.”

  She leveled her eyes with me before soft laughter fell from her lips. I took my mother’s hand, and together, we started down the hallways We slipped down the stairs in our socks, laughing and picking at one another as we crash-landed into the foyer. Mom went to grab her cell phone while I picked out a movie, and the only thing that raced through my mind was how things felt normal again.

  How things felt good again.

  “Pepperoni and pineapple?” Mom called out.

  “And mushroom!”

  Mom barked with laughter. “Thanks for the afterthought, kid.”

  I giggled. “You’re welcome. Especially after you see what I’m gonna make us watch.”

  “Please tell me it’s not another Rocky movie.”