Hard to Trust (Hard to Love Book 2)
Page 2
“But,” he begins. My head flies up, my eyes meet his. But? There’s a but? “Maybe, we can work something out.”
Maybe? Is he crazy? There are no maybes about it. I will do whatever it takes, whatever he wants. I will fetch him coffee, take the worst cases, put in more hours than there are in a week. I will make any sacrifice I have to not to lose everything I have worked so hard for.
“Anything Elliott. Just name it.”
A smile covers his face and a feeling of unease washes over me. Suddenly I feel uncomfortable standing here in front of my boss, a man that gave me the opportunity of a lifetime. A man that I trusted and respected. There is a twinkle in his hazel eyes, one that tells me I may just have backed myself into a corner that I don’t want to be in.
His intercom blares, his assistant’s voice letting him know that his accountant is here.
“We’ll have dinner tomorrow to discuss the details. You can go now.”
He dismisses me as though I am nobody when, just yesterday, I was one of his most promising attorneys. My mouth falls lax and my eyes are wide. He looks at me, confused as to why I am still standing in front of him when he had told me to leave.
My feet falter beneath me momentarily before I get my bearings and hurry down the hallway. I desperately hold back the tears that threaten to fall. The moment I’m in the solace of my office, I shut the door, turn the lock, and allow the floodgates to open. I worked so hard, did everything right, except for those few short months. While it may not have been the right thing to do, I did what I had to. And now, here I am, my worst fears coming true. The exact reality Logan tried to save me from becoming a realization.
Instinct has me wanting to call Logan, tell him what’s going on and ask him for help. But I can’t. Not now. He has a wife and a baby on the way. No, I can’t bring him back into this. He did his part. It’s up to me now.
I rest my head in my hands. Think Ashlynn, think. As I sit here, pondering my life’s decisions and how to get myself out of this mess, I realize that whatever it is Elliott is going to suggest, the consequences of it will be much higher than the offer Logan made me. There are most definitely going to be strings involved when it comes to Elliott. I’m just afraid of exactly how tight he might pull them.
2
Ashlynn
“Where’s he going?” Johnny’s angry voice asks.
“I… he… he wanted to have sex with me,” I say in disbelief. I don’t know how I managed to get the man off me, but I did, and I ran.
“And?” Johnny asks unsympathetically.
“I didn’t agree to that,” I tell him.
His sick sadistic laugh reverberates through me. “You don’t have to agree with any of this. You just need to do it. Do you have any idea how much money you just cost me?”
“I am not a hooker,” I assert.
The skin of his rough fingers touches my cheek. “You are whatever I tell you to be.”
I open my mouth to argue, but his hand comes around my neck. I choke from the pressure, but he doesn’t care. “You fucking cost me money. How do you plan on making that up to me?” he asks.
Even if I wanted to answer, I couldn’t. I can barely breathe, let alone speak.
He presses his body against me, pinning me against the wall. I can smell the strong alcohol mixed with smoke on his breath. “Guess I’ll have to take what you owe me.”
I shake my head violently. “No,” the desperate plea whispers from my mouth.
One hand still around my neck, the other tears at my clothes desperately trying to remove them from me. I fight a losing battle against him.
“No.”
He just smiles at me as though my telling him no is more of a turn on than a deterrent.
“Maybe this will help you learn your lesson,” he says.
I wake from the nightmare with my heart in my throat and my clothes soaking wet. Nightmares that I thought were long gone are reemerging with a vengeance. Trying to calm myself, I take in a few deep breaths but they aren’t doing a damn thing for me. On shaky legs, I get up from the bed and head to the kitchen, pull the whiskey from the cabinet and drink it straight from the bottle.
I learned my lesson that night, that’s for sure. Anyone or anything I had to do was better than ever having to feel Johnny’s hands on me again. The sick pleasure he got from hurting me, making me cry and forcing me to do things I didn’t want to do.
No, I hadn’t wanted to be with those other men, but still it felt different. With them, it was on my terms. I was doing a job, I was surviving. With Johnny? I shake my head at the memories that still haunt me all these years later. No, with Johnny I died inside.
***
The nightmare from last night still had my body on guard when I arrived at the restaurant as requested by Elliott. I keep trying to tell myself this isn’t the same… I don’t have to do what Elliot wants. No, I don’t have to, but if I don’t, I may as well kiss any chance of becoming partner goodbye. Hell, I can kiss my career goodbye. The ethics committee would have a field day with this. I had hoped getting away from Johnny would free me from ever being under anyone’s thumb, but here I am with another powerful man dangling my future in front of me in order to get whatever he wants.
“You look exquisite, darling,” Elliot remarks as he approaches me and kisses my cheek.
I play along, softly kissing his cheek in return.
“Thank you, Elliott,” I tell him.
I endured too much, fought too hard to get here. No way in hell am I going to let anything come between me and my career now.
Elliott guides me to our table, his hand resting on the small of my back as he does.
I sit across from Elliott at the secluded table in the corner and study him. My hands fidget with the napkin I place in my lap, nervous about what exactly he’s going to proposition me with. My worst fear – that he wants sex. It’s not the first time that a powerful man has pulled a trump card like this to get what he wanted from a woman. While I would never have pegged Elliott for a man like that before yesterday, now I’m not so sure.
“Ashlynn?” Elliott says my name, interrupting my thoughts.
“Hmm?” I say so wrapped up in my own head, and what fresh hell tonight might bring, that I can’t find the words.
“What would you like to drink?” he asks.
I look up from the table and eye the waiter who looks impatient with me. “Whiskey, neat,” I tell him. If there were something stronger then that I would take it in a heartbeat. I am going to need the courage and freedom the alcohol allots me to accept whatever it is Elliott throws at me.
“The restaurant is amazing,” I say, trying my best to act normal and stay in the present. “I can’t believe I’m here.”
Elamina’s is one of the top rated restaurants in the city and damn near impossible to get into unless you’re a man like Elliott Cahill – rich and powerful. I try to enjoy the fact that I’m here, but everything I would normally relish in – the décor, the ambiance, the clientele – it’s all lost on me because all I can think about are the damn strings Elliott is about to bind me with.
“This could be your life, Ashlynn,” he says.
Little does he know, that’s exactly what I’m afraid of.
“What exactly are you proposing, Elliott?” I ask. I hate beating around the bush. I would rather get whatever this is over with.
“I’ve come up with something that I believe will be mutually beneficial.”
“And that is?”
“You need me to make this little transgression from your past go away and I need a beautiful woman on my arm to escort me to events and meetings. Someone who will make me look good, adore me. Someone impressive.”
“You’re blackmailing me into dating you?”
“Not dating. More of a business relationship.”
I ask the question I need to know most. “So, this will all just be pretend? You don’t expect me to have sex with you?” My words are direct and to the point.
“That is?”
“This needs to appear real. That means absolutely no dating other men.”
“That’s it? That’s all you want from me?” This all seems too easy. Too good to be true. To keep my secret and to become partner, all I have to do is be his arm candy?
“For now. Who knows Ashlynn, this just might work out to be so much more. Just think of all the contacts you will make being on my arm, the clients and opportunities you’ll have at your disposal.”
He’s not wrong about that. Still, I can’t help but feel like I’m selling my soul to the devil. There’s a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach that he’s not being completely up front with me about something.
“I don’t know, Elliott,” I say, my voice filled with uncertainty.
He shakes his head ever so slightly. “I thought you wanted to become partner.”
“You know I do.”
“Then I would think you would be willing to do whatever it takes to get there.”
Whatever it takes. The words have basically been my motto my whole life. The moment my mom basically sold me out to Johnny, I swore I would do whatever it takes to succeed. Honestly, it’s not as though I’m giving up a lot here. I have no desire for the prototypical love and marriage happy ending. No, my main focus has always been my career. Agreeing to Elliott’s demands, well that can only serve to help further me along.
“And if I agree to this, you’ll make me partner?” I ask, needing the confirmation.
“If you agree to this, I promise to make all your dreams come true.”
I can be his arm candy, that isn’t an issue. It’s the ‘for now’ that has me concerned because frankly I’m not sure where in the hell he’s headed with all of this.
“So, what will it be, Ashlynn?” Elliott asks.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I fight back the tears that want to fall. No way in hell am I going to let him see me cry, let him know that he affects me. My eyelids flutter open as I plaster a smile on my face.
“I say yes.”
“You won’t regret this,” he tells me.
Except that I already do.
Elliott Cahill always gets what he wants, and I am no exception. I give myself to him, agree to play the dutiful girlfriend because for the second time in my life – I don’t have a choice. I have to do what’s necessary to survive. And survive this I will.
3
Ashlynn
“Oh my God, this is amazing,” Cara squeals as she throws her arms around me.
Growing up I never had many friends. The life my mother led forced me to hide, embarrassed by her behavior. The other kids didn’t know, but the parents did, and I hated the way they looked at me. So, I kept to myself, I studied. Even as a child I knew I had to do everything I could to make a better life for myself. Even as I got older I didn’t really have any ‘friends’. Aside from Logan that is. Cara is one of the few people in my life that I would go so far as to call exactly that – my friend. We met a few years ago at one of the Cahill and Cahill Christmas parties. She’s bubbly and sweet, the complete opposite of me. But we do have one thing in common: We do whatever it takes to get to what we want.
While my version of that was throwing myself into my career and busting my ass, hers was a little different. Cara, a former model, is stunning with her mile long legs, flawless skin, and blonde hair that somehow always looks runway ready. She knows it and she uses it. Specifically, she used it to land Alec, Elliott’s former partner and best friend. And she is as happy as a clam about it.
Alec is the kind of rich most rich people wish they could be. The kind that has his own island, yacht, and pretty much anything else you can think of. And now, as his wife, she owns it all too. Unless of course he leaves her. Or she cheats on him. But then again, the settlement amount they agreed upon in the pre-nup in the event of a divorce is substantial enough to keep anyone happy. I would know, I helped Elliott write it up.
So, her happiness for me is genuine. She knows the opportunities that being with a man like Elliott can afford me. It’s her support and happiness that has me feeling guilty as hell about lying to her. Elliott made it clear though. No one is to know this is fake – not even his own son, Brayden. As far as anyone is concerned, I am head over heels in love with him. While we might not be anything behind the scenes; in public I am to be the most adoring, affectionate girlfriend in the northern hemisphere. I am to appear head over heels in love and dote on him as though I am his little pet. The idea of it all makes me sick but even more I hate how easy it is for me to play the part.
“Calm down,” I say as I glance around the ballroom. It’s an annual gala held by a mutual friend of Elliott and Alec’s and one of my first public outings as Elliott’s doting girlfriend.
“Do you know what this means? This means us, together, on vacations, checking out men half the age of our significant others, drinking the best damn champagne that has ever been created.”
“You do know that I work, right?”
“You really think Elliott will let you after your married?”
“Married?” I say as I choke on the expensive champagne that she was just talking about. “We’ve barely just started dating.”
She waves her hand dismissively at me. “Elliott has not tied himself to a woman since he left his wife. If you two are together, I assure you he has no plans of letting you go.”
I glance back at Elliott. He’s standing there amongst a group of his friends, businessmen from around the world. What if Cara is right? What if I am stuck with Elliott for the rest of my life?
“So are you really going to still try to become partner in the firm?”
That’s the plan. That is literally the only plan. It’s the sole reason I’m in this mess to begin with.
“Of course,” I tell her. “My career is everything to me.”
“Sleeping with the boss should definitely get you there,” she says with a laugh. She clinks her champagne flute against mine.
Thankfully, Cara moves onto more important topics rather quickly. As she continues to babble about her most recent trip with Alec and the gorgeous waiter at the restaurant they went to, my forced smile becomes a little more natural.
I can hear my phone chime in my clutch. I glance down at it, a message from Elliott that I need to be at his side.
“Duty calls,” I tell Cara.
“Let’s have lunch next week,” she suggests.
I nod in agreement and head toward where Elliott informed me that he is.
As I stride up to him, I make sure to accentuate my assets. I wrap my arms around his biceps, my tits on perfect display for the men in the group to admire, and the women to hate me for.
“There you are, baby,” I coo. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
“Gentleman, this is Ashlynn,” he says introducing me to the men of the group as though I am a trophy he is showing off. His face screams ‘Look what I’ve won.’
How, in all the events I have been to, have I never noticed this type of behavior before? The women are submissive and quiet and have thin smiles on their faces as their dates gawk at me in my excruciatingly revealing dress. I know why I’m doing this, playing this pathetic part – but why are they? This is degrading and disrespectful and everything I hate.
The men standing before me are some of the most prominent men in the country. Trophy or not, I can still make contacts, I can still prove myself as an attorney.
For a moment, I stand there silently as they speak. One of the men tosses a legal question toward Elliott and I’m quick to jump in.
“You got yourself a smart one there,” one of the men comments. Despite the compliment, there is amusement in his voice.
“She’s one of my b
est attorneys,” Elliott says.
I’m almost shocked by his words. Hearing him speak of me like that, in front of these men. Maybe I am more than just some piece of arm candy. Maybe he really wants me here to make him look good, and not just because I’m half his age. I smile proudly standing next to him, my hands holding his arm a little tighter. Elliott may be right; this really can be mutually beneficial.
Maybe this arrangement with Elliott is exactly what I need – safe, stable, and lucrative.
4
Grayson
I scroll through the emails that keep popping up on my laptop as I sit next to my mother’s bed.
Today has been a particularly rough day. Her grasp on reality much further gone than it has ever been before. That’s not to say that tomorrow she won’t be back to herself; lively, funny, and begging me for grandchildren.
I shake my head at the thought. As if the world isn’t a bad enough place on its own to bring children into – bringing one into my dysfunctional family? I actually chuckle out loud. Now that is a joke. My family would destroy a poor kid. Well, my dad would. He destroys everything he touches. Prime example, my mother.
I know it seems cowardly to blame someone else for a person’s problems, that really my mother allowed the way he treated her – all in the name of love. Men like my father though, they don’t know what love is. Rather, they use people, take advantage of their emotions and play them to their benefit. Elliott Cahill pretended to love my mother, used her to create the successful law firm he now runs with my brother, and then discarded her as though she were garbage at the first sign of trouble.
I crack my neck, my body tensing just thinking about him.
My phone vibrates in my pocket. The message from Hal pulls me out of my current funk. Temporarily, at least.
Hal Worthington is not only my partner in our law practice, but my best friend. He also happens to be the biggest goofball I have ever met which is why his current text, some ridiculous meme, has me laughing when the doctor walks in.