Scars of Yesterday (Sons of Templar MC Book Book 8)

by Anne Malcom

  I put my drink down, moving from my chair to straddle him on his. My hands framed his face. “That is more than okay with me.”

  Then I kissed him.

  He kissed me back for a while.

  When things started to heat up, he pulled away. I made a sound of protest and glared at him.

  “As much as I want to continue this, and I really fucking do,” he adjusted himself to communicate just how much he wanted to continue, “I can’t with a good conscience fuck you in one of those rooms.” He titled his head, regarding me. “We make enough good memories here, baby?”

  “Yeah,” I whispered.

  He stood, taking me with him. “Good, then we’re going to that fancy as fuck hotel an hour away.”

  “An entire hour?” I whined.

  He grinned wickedly. “Don’t worry, babe. I’ll make it worth the wait.”

  And he totally did.

  Three times.

  Then, two months later, he proposed to me.

  That was worth the wait too.

  Epilogue

  We had lived hard.

  Both of us.

  Life gave us pockets of easy. Of love. Happiness.

  But we also had hard times. Ugly, traumatic times. Blows that were meant to kill but only scarred us. Even together, there were more wounds. More scars from yesterdays coming back to hurt us.

  So our epilogue, our ending, whatever you want to call it, needed to be soft. Gentle.

  Of course there were things we couldn’t control. Both Kace and I had chosen a hard road in life. Choosing to love is harder still.

  But things were softer now.

  Things were quieter.

  We’d both healed from the wounds that we’d obtained, each of them joining all of our other scars. Now memories.

  There were no babies for us, although I had thought after our wedding that maybe that was going to happen for us. I’d wanted to give that to Kace, despite not being sure if I wanted more kids myself. More than anything, I wanted to give him the gift of fatherhood. Wanted to see a child who was a mix of the two of us. He would be patient with my pregnancy. He’d hold my hand while giving birth. Cut the cord. He’d get up in the middle of the night with me. Change diapers.

  In short, he’d love that child an unimaginable amount. Because that’s who Kace was. Because he already loved my children that much. Loved them like he had watched them grow inside me, like he’d known them forever. Like they were his blood.

  And they loved him back. Hesitantly at first. Well, not Lily. She was not one to love with hesitation, which was going to spell trouble for us in her teenage years. Jack, on the other hand, had been more guarded. Which was entirely to do with losing his father. It created borders, boundaries to his love. A fear of loss that broke my heart.

  Beyond that, he idolized his father. Adored him. And he considered it his job to protect me. One he took more and more seriously with every passing year. So even though the child inside of him wanted to love Kace for teaching him about cars, about guns—that one got me—about all the things his father had started to teach him, there was also the fact that the ghost of his father lingered. He was also old enough to feel guilt for wanting to love Kace. Like it was somehow dishonoring his father.

  So it had taken him longer.

  But not that much longer.

  Because that was the magic of Kace.

  You couldn’t not fall in love with him.

  Especially when we’d all been faced with the possibility of losing him. And when we didn’t lose him, we’d had to see him weak. Injured.

  And my son stepped up. He was there every step of the way. And they were steps. Kace had had to learn how to walk again. Had to go through months of intense rehab. Had to weather constant pain. It could’ve done something to him. It could’ve made him depressed. Negative. Angry. It sure made me all of those things.

  But not Kace. Through everything, he smiled, even if he was gritting his teeth while doing so. Regardless of his physical condition, he always found enough energy to be kind to me. To the kids. He was magic.

  Jack certainly viewed him that way. He respected Kace’s strength. His dedication. When Kace got out of the hospital, it was Jack’s insistence that he move in with us. That he drive him and Lily to school when he could drive again. That he should sell his house down the street because he ‘didn’t need it anymore’.

  He also helped Kace pick out my ring. Lily helped with the proposal. Kace made sure they were involved in such a big change in their lives. A bookend to their life with their father. Kace was so sensitive and knew that they didn’t have control or agency over losing their father. Over having their mother move on. He wanted them to feel like this wasn’t happening ‘to’ them, but like they were involved in everything.

  Jack was his best man at the wedding.

  Things got... softer from there. Easier.

  Problems arose, to be sure. There were two growing kids around with scars of their own. There were more Sons of Templar courtships, Ashley and Wire of the most surprising. Well, not to me.

  But for us, at least, things seemed to settle.

  Then the baby thing slowly started. He didn’t pressure me. Didn’t mention it. But still, I felt it there. With his youth, with the fact it might just be an insult to science and the human race not to carry on his magical genes.

  But I just felt... done.

  Life was soft now. The loss of my baby and my husband after haunted me. Was I tempting fate by bringing yet another soft, pure, unmarked piece of happiness into the world?

  It was surely a selfish way to think. But I couldn’t help it.

  And it had to come to a head eventually. Kace knew me too well, was far too in tune with me for me to be able to hide my thoughts on this.

  I feared telling him. That he’d think less of me. That it would put a wedge in our beautiful marriage. But I had to. So I did, with a shaking voice and a fearful soul.

  “Baby, I have you,” Kace affirmed the moment I spoke, pulling me to him.

  “Got two children that need a second father, one here on earth to do their first one proud. It’s a responsibility. A big one. A beautiful one. In addition to being your husband, being their father fills me up. There is not one part of me that feels like my life is lacking without a kid. If you truly want one with your heart and soul, I’d be down. Only because I want to go on any adventure with you. But you don’t truly want one. And you’re torturing yourself thinking that is taking something away from me, when in reality, baby, you’ve already given me everything.”

  So there it was.

  Our soft ending.

  For now, at least.

  Sure there would be bumps in the road. There would be things that cut us further. Wounded us still. But for the most part, we were content. Happy. We had made peace with all the scars of all of our yesterdays. We had the beauty of today.

  Acknowledgments

  Ah, it’s so hard to write this.

  For those of you who don’t know, I wrote this book when I was pregnant. I started around the exact same time I found out. I wrote this book in the middle of the chaos that came with finding out this beautiful news and making preparations to go home to New Zealand so I could have the baby there.

  Not long after I sent this book to the editor, at three months pregnant, I lost the baby.

  It was (and still is) the hardest time of my life. I’m still going through the pain and emotions that too many women know all too well. This loss has battered me. Scarred me. Having to go through edits for this book while I was still suffering cut me all over again.

  Lizzie’s miscarriage at the beginning of the book was my way of acknowledging my own fears, thinking that if I wrote them into a book they wouldn’t happen to me. But it did happen to me. The pain and loss in these pages is my own.

  It’s even more important to me now, even while still going through this, that I share this book. I share some of my story with you. Maybe I might make you feel less alone.
I shared what happened to us with my readers on Facebook and I was overwhelmed with the strength and bravery of women willing to share their stories with me.

  You made me feel so much less alone. You gave me so much hope. Thank you.

  There are so many people all over the world who made this book possible. Who helped me feel strong enough to publish this.

  Taylor. My soulmate. My best friend. My protector. You worked so very hard for us. For our daughter. You carried me through when I couldn’t hold myself up. Held me when I was falling apart. Showed me love when I felt alone. I am so lucky to have you by my side for the rest of my life.

  Mum. It has been so very hard being a world away from you throughout all of this. But I am so lucky that you answer every single one of my calls, that you let me cry, let me talk, let me do whatever I need to do. I’m so lucky that you have supported all my dreams and helped me through this nightmare. I can’t wait to get home.

  Dad. You’re not here, I’d like to think you’re somewhere with Ember, watching over me. I am the woman I am today because my dad taught me to never give up, to believe in myself and fight for what I want.

  Jessica Gadziala. My #sisterqueen. My rock. You are such a wonderful person and talented author. You’ve been there for me throughout all of this and continue to be such an amazing human being. I’m so so lucky to have you as my friend.

  Annette Brignac. You are always there for me. Always a message away, and I’ve needed that so much lately. You are steadfast friend, sister, superhero. Thank you for being there for me. And for being there for this book.

  Michelle Clay. I’m so lucky that my books brought us together. That my family is bigger and more beautiful than ever because of our relationship. The light you bring into it. You are such an extraordinary woman, mother, wife and friend and I cannot wait to see how you kick ass in the future.

  Amo Jones. My ride or die bitch. Soul sisters forever. I love you so so much, am in awe of your talent and your all around badassery. Forever.

  Polly. You have been there for me so much during this horrific time, even though you’re on the other side of the world, I couldn’t have gotten through any of this without you.

  Emma. My beautiful friend. I miss you so very much and I cannot wait until we’re reunited. Thank you for loving and supporting me across a world.

  Harriet. I miss you so much, girlfriend. Especially now. Miss our shopping trips, spending too much money on food and wine and having adventures together. Love you so so much.

  Kim. Thank you for doing such beautiful edits on this book and being a generally beautiful person.

  And most importantly, you, the reader. Without you, this life of mine wouldn’t be possible. This life where I get to write stories for a living. Daydream about bikers, vampires, witches, rockstars and call it a job. You’ve made my dreams come true.

  About the Author

  ANNE MALCOM has been an avid reader since before she can remember, her mother responsible for her love of reading. It started with magical journeys into the world of Hogwarts and Middle Earth, then as she grew up her reading tastes grew with her. Her love of reading doesn’t discriminate, she reads across many genres, although classics like Little Women and Gone with the Wind will hold special places in her heart. She also can’t get enough romance, especially when some possessive alpha males throw their weight around.

  One day, in a reading slump, Cade and Gwen’s story came to her and started taking up space in her head until she put their story into words. Now that she has started, it doesn’t look like she’s going to stop anytime soon, with many more characters demanding their story be told as well.

  Raised in small town New Zealand, Anne had a truly special childhood, growing up in one of the most beautiful countries in the world. She has backpacked across Europe, ridden camels in the Sahara and eaten her way through Italy, loving every moment. She has settled down with her fiancé, their dogs and happy to be in one place…for a while at least.

  Want to get in touch with Anne? She loves to hear from her readers.

  You can email her: annemalcomauthor@hotmail.com

  Or join her reader group on Facebook.

  Also by Anne Malcom

  The Sons of Templar Series

  Making the Cut

  Firestorm

  Outside the Lines

  Out of the Ashes

  Beyond the Horizon

  Dauntless

  Battles of the Broken

  Hollow Hearts

  Deadline to Damnation

  The Unquiet Mind Series

  Echoes of Silence

  Skeletons of Us

  Broken Shelves

  Mistake’s Melody

  Censored Soul

  Greenstone Security

  Still Waters

  Shield

  The Problem With Peace

  The Vein Chronicles

  Fatal Harmony

  Deathless

  Faults in Fate

  Eternity’s Awakening

  Buried Destiny

  Standalones

  Birds of Paradise

  Doyenne