by Gaia Octavia
“How could they have just thrown it all away? How could they have been so careless, so selfish?”
I drew in several breaths before answering, not really knowing what to say. I had asked the same question of Ma during our lessons of old Earth. It was the same question we all asked ourselves each day, as we fought to survive in such an unforgiving world. It was difficult to understand why anyone would knowingly harm their own planet until it became almost uninhabitable. Not only for them, but for posterity. For us. Earth had once been a paradise, now it was barely able to sustain life.
It was a lesson every young child learned in camp. Once the climate warmed, the nightmarish weather began. There were fires, floods, and monstrous storms for many years. When the sea reclaimed large portions of the continents, land became a luxury. People with money continued to ignore all they could, while those who weren’t well-off starved or drowned or met some horrible fate in the lawless fringes of overcrowded cities. When most of the animals died out, the famine took hold. And disease was soon to follow, neither caring how much was in anyone’s useless bank account. By that time, it was far too late for anyone to stop the world from tearing itself out of mankind’s cruel grasp.
Isolation between continents began with rampant nationalism and isolation, long before the death of technology. When the warmer, saltier oceans allowed the massive beasts that used to live long ago to rise once again from the depths, people stopped sailing and the world became even smaller. The creatures on land who survived devolved over generations into their heartier, more adaptive ancestral forms.
Insects ruled the world, as well as birds and massive reptiles. It is said that Earth now resembles a time long ago, well before humankind was around. We aren’t meant to be here. To survive. But somehow, we fight on. We’re told from the moment we’re born how important it is to fight and live. To bring more humans into this world. But I knew long ago that I didn’t want to bring any child of mine into a world as cruel as this.
“I think,” I began slowly, looking past Jade and up at the sky, “that it was the same back then as it is now. There were cruel, heartless people who only cared about themselves. Who only wanted more. But there was also kindness and beauty in many others. I think the goodness in the world just got outweighed.”
It was a lame answer, but I had no other to give.
Jade didn’t sigh or argue. He didn’t make a noise. My eyes searched him out once again, making sure he hadn’t fallen asleep. He looked so young in that moment–so lost.
“If they had listened,” he finally said, “if they had stopped destroying our world, I would be with my family right now. Or I wouldn’t have been born at all.”
I’d heard what Jade hadn’t said. That either of those options would be preferable to the life he lived now. It made me feel cold inside. I wanted to crawl to him and fold him into myself, to warm us both.
“I’m glad you’re here, Jade,” I said, not quite keeping the emotion from my voice.
He turned to me then, his eyes sad and distant. The corners of his mouth lifted to form a smile that almost seemed mournful. As if he pitied the way I’d come to care for him.
“I’m glad I’m here for you too, Emit.” He smiled again, this time making an effort to do so more convincingly, before rolling off his mat. “I’m going to go set the traps. Goodnight.”
I hadn’t missed how he’d tied his existence to his ability to help me. But I swallowed all the things I wanted to say to convince him that the world was better off with him in it and closed my eyes.
“Night, Jade,” I said, hoping that his questions wouldn’t follow me into my dreams.
CHAPTER SEVEN
⸙
JADE
Setting the traps hadn’t taken me longer than an hour, but I was still putting off going back to camp. I wanted to give Emit some time to sleep before I laid down. I knew that I would be asleep as soon as my head hit the mat, and gods knew that the darkness would find me, and I’d most likely have another nightmare. I felt like I was running not just from the man, but also from the memories of my life in that camp and the life I’d had before it. The man was never going to give up the hunt for me. I had no doubt about that. And I knew that if he ever found me, I was going to wish I were dead every moment I had left in this world. My stomach churned at the thought of what he would do to me. After everything he’d already done, I was terrified of ever finding out what he’d do after my betrayal.
Little bumps flashed up my arms as a chill ran through my spine. This was definitely not what I wanted to be thinking about before going to bed. I needed to leave those thoughts behind. There was nothing I could do about it now. Instead, I tried to figure out how many days of walking through dense forest we had ahead of us before it opened up a bit and we came to the seemingly unending rock cliffs that ran north. Probably two or three days, if I remembered correctly. And we should be passing that nice, shallow river tomorrow. We could stop to bathe and wash our clothes and blankets. And I could count how many times I swore at myself for sneaking a look or two or three at Emit.
Gods.
There was nothing wrong with appreciating beauty though, was there? It’s not as if I would ever do anything. Or even wanted to. Besides, Emit had a girlfriend. As long as he remained ignorant of my appreciation, no harm done. I put the thought out of my mind and started back toward camp, hoping that Emit had gone to sleep shortly after I left. By the time I got back, the fire had died down and thankfully, Emit was asleep on his mat. I decided to take our waterskins down to give them a good rinse and rub before letting them dry by the fire overnight, since I didn’t want our water to start tasting like damp.
As I made my way to my mat, I silently begged my body to wake itself up before Emit had to, in the event of another nightmare. After everything I had put my body through, I wasn’t holding out any hope for the favor. I couldn’t put off going to sleep any longer. And besides, I was exhausted and needed rest. I laid on the mat Emit had set out for me. I hadn’t meant to leave him with all the cleanup earlier. I’d just needed to get away from his questions. By the time I returned to help, he’d already been lying on his mat. At least I’d been a bit productive after. Maybe in the morning, we would have some meat to cook for breakfast.
“Thank you,” I whispered, as quietly as possible.
I finally closed my eyes. While I knew I could never thank him enough for the things he did for me, I was sure going to try.
⸙
The next day was unbearably hot. We walked slower than usual, but we’d still been walking for hours when I was about to suggest we take a break. I almost didn’t see it until I stepped on it, just happening to glance down to see a swatch of color almost completely hidden under the thick vegetation. I stopped short, Emit bumping into me a second later and apologizing. I nodded before squatting down, moving layers of fern leaves to see what the bit of yellow color I had seen was.
I realized that it was fabric and that there was a lot more of it than I’d first noticed. But when I moved more leaves aside, I cried out, jumping back and knocking into Emit, sending us both tumbling to the ground. Even as I fell, I was scrambling backwards, away from what I’d just seen.
“Jade? Jade! What’s going on?”
Emit’s eyes darted about, no doubt searching for danger.
He hadn’t seen.
I shook my head at him, unable to speak. My breaths were coming in short gasps and soon, Emit was kneeling in front of me, telling me to take a deep breath and hold it. It seemed like an impossible request, but glad for any distraction, I focused only on accomplishing what he’d asked of me. It took some time, but the moment I had my breathing under control, I felt my stomach suddenly decide to take center stage and only just managed to turn away from Emit before throwing up.
“Hell, Jade,” he said, putting a hand on my back, “what’s going on?”
His hand should have bothered me, but it didn’t. Not until I remembered what I had just seen.
&
nbsp; “Hand,” was all I managed to croak.
Emit immediately removed his hand and stepped back, giving me some space.
“I’m sorry,” he said, shaking his head, “I didn’t even notice.”
He looked embarrassed and unsure. It was only my desire to relieve him of those burdens that had me shaking my head again.
“No.”
I pointed to the spot on the ground but couldn’t manage anything more. Emit walked over to where he’d seen me squatting and began moving the ferns as I had only moments before. I heard his gasp and watched as his back went rigid. I knew I should have warned him, but I hadn’t been able to force the words from where they’d been lodged in my throat. I watched as Emit carefully picked up the object that was wrapped in the yellow blanket.
Only it wasn’t an object. It was a tiny baby. A tiny, dead baby. With tiny, unmoving hands.
“Gods, Jade.”
I squeezed my eyes shut as he turned around, wanting to give myself one more moment without the memory of what I was about to see. When I opened them, Emit was still standing, holding the baby’s body as if it were still alive, cradled in his arms. I knew it hadn’t been dead long. Between the heat and the predators, the baby must have only been dead a few hours. We hadn’t seen anyone in the forest, but that didn’t mean anything. Finally, I forced myself to stand and walk over to where Emit stood, his eyes fixed on the newborn.
“How could anyone do this to a baby?” he asked, his disgust and sadness quite evident.
I was about to try to talk us both into believing that the child had already been dead before it was left behind. But when I reached him, I realized that he hadn’t just been talking about someone leaving the baby. As I peered down at the baby’s perfect, little face, it became sickeningly clear exactly why the baby had been left. I hadn’t ever seen a mark like that on someone’s face, but I knew all too well what it was. And if that hadn’t been enough proof, the bit of fern still trapped in the baby’s tiny hand–the same hand I’d seen just moments ago–certainly was.
“Ma told me about this,” Emit whispered, “about how people did this. But I thought for sure that it was some horrible, arcane practice that couldn’t still be happening.”
His voice shook as his eyes roamed the baby’s face, though I wondered if he was seeing it or if he was lost in a memory, seeing something else.
“They mark them when they’re born. So that everyone knows that they’re…”
His voice trailed off as he absently rubbed an arm across his eyes.
“That they only exist because of rape.”
“Raiders,” I whispered, my stomach sinking.
He nodded.
“When they come, they don’t always kill everyone. But they always rape the women. When a child is born, the mother’s aren’t even allowed to hold them. People don’t want the products of raiders to live. They fear that they’ll grow up to be evil.”
Emit shook his head in disgust.
“It’s so fucking simple to them. They don’t understand anything.”
After taking a few deep breaths, he continued.
“Most camps don’t do this. They know better. They understand that it’s not the child’s fault and that they aren’t evil. There are even people who travel the woods, looking for marked babies to save. I just–”
Emit looked up at me, his eyes full of rage.
“I can’t understand it.”
I reached out, almost touching the angry, unhealed brand on the baby’s cheek before pulling back. I knew what it was to be marked by the raiders. To be seen as less than nothing. I knew what it was like to be treated as if your very existence was inconsequential. But I had lived. I closed my eyes as Emit shifted, the unfairness of it all washing over me like a raging river.
When I opened them again, Emit was bending back over the spot we’d found the baby, gently cradling the baby’s head as he made to set it back down.
“No!”
I screamed, desperately snatching the baby away from him. If it had been alive, I would have been afraid I had hurt it by the way I grabbed it and held it to me, losing the blanket in the process. I would have made a horrific image to any passerby; clinging desperately to a stiff, dead baby. Covering its nakedness with my arms in my bid to warm it back to life.
But I knew the time for miracles had passed. I knew the gods had looked the other way as this helpless child, this tiny little girl, had suffered every moment during her short life. I knew it wasn’t Emit’s fault. That he’d only been trying to carefully place her back where she’d been. I knew he wasn’t okay with what had been done to her, but I couldn’t just leave her here and walk away. It wasn’t right.
“I’m sorry,” I said, looking at Emit with what must have been a pained expression.
“I can’t. I just can’t leave her here.”
“Jade.”
His eyes softened.
“We can’t take her with us.”
“I know,” I nodded, “I know. It’s just…”
I looked around as if desperately searching for the right thing to say.
“This isn’t right. She didn’t deserve this!”
“I know,” he said softly.
“She deserved the world! She deserved to live!”
There were no tears in my eyes, but I was crying in every other way; my words coming out in sobs as I clung to the little girl.
“I know, Jade,” he said, gently placing his hand on my arm, “I know.”
“We can’t just leave her, Emit,” I pleaded desperately, “she’ll be eaten.”
The thought made me feel sick, and part of me wondered if I was going to throw up again.
“We have to bury her.”
It hadn’t been a question, and despite not having anything to dig with and needing to keep moving, Emit still nodded his head.
“Okay,” he said, squeezing my arm softly before squatting back down.
“Okay, Jade. We will.”
I just stood there, clutching the baby as he stood back up, holding the yellow blanket out to me.
“Here. You wrap her in this and keep her close. I’ll get to work.”
That was all he said for a long time as I carefully swaddled the infant, holding her in my arms and smoothing over her marred cheek with my finger as if I could erase the mark, could take away the pain. Emit pulled the vegetation up and dug the hole with his hands. By the time he stopped, it was very deep and he was sweating in the oppressive heat. He held out his hands and I felt a moment of panic at the thought of handing her over, knowing she would never be held again, but after telling her that I was sorry, I passed her precious little body over to Emit. He held her for a moment, apologizing to her as well, before pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head and laying her gently in her tiny grave.
“You should go,” he said, wiping the tears from his eyes, “let me finish here and I’ll follow you in a few minutes.”
I wouldn’t go far, but I knew that he’d somehow known the sight of dirt being placed on top of her was more than I could bear. I closed my eyes, wondering if I was dooming Emit to a life of nightmares about what he was about to do, and then turned to leave.
“Thank you,” I said to the air in front of me.
“You were right,” he said, “it’s the least she deserves.”
⸙
My mother swept me up in her arms, and even though I knew I should be complaining that I was too big for her to be doing so, I didn’t. She pressed a soft kiss to my forehead and her arms tightened around me for a moment before setting me back down.
“My little Gem is not so little anymore,” she said almost sadly.
“I’ll always be your Gem, Mama,” I promised, hugging her again.
She smiled, her eyes twinkling as she returned my hug.
“That’s a good boy.”
I settled down into my blankets to go to sleep, but before she left the sleeping space, I asked her the same question I’d been asking since opening th
e present my parents had given me after our evening meal.
“Do you promise to make it just like Papa’s?”
It was the night of my eleventh birthday, and I had been given a gift of a small pile of furs from my parents. They had each taken turns setting extra traps for over a year and had saved the furs of the small mammals that occasionally traveled inland in search of food so that Mama could make me a cloak–a patchwork of furs with plenty of pockets inside of it to store my wares–just like Papa’s. I wanted to be just like my strong, unshakable father, and did my best to be like him in every way possible.
“Yes, dear one,” my mother promised again, “the very same.”
I grinned and felt my heart swell with joy.
“Thank you, Mama. I do love you so.”
“And I you, my precious little Gem.”
She left the space then. My sister had long since been asleep, so I closed my eyes and listened to her soft, little breaths as I slipped into the peaceful land of my dreams.
CHAPTER EIGHT
⸙
EMIT
I heard the crying before I heard his screams. Leaping up from my mat, I moved toward Jade’s, but immediately started to panic when I realized he wasn’t on it. Jade had always been on his mat when I had to wake him up from a nightmare. For a split second, I thought maybe he’d fallen asleep by the fire, but I saw the edge of his twisted blanket a few feet from his mat and my eyes followed it until it was lost in shadow. Even though it was incredibly dark where the light of the moon didn’t reach, I could see that there was a shape within the shadows along the ground.
As the screaming turned to ragged sobs, I quickly went to where the blanket had been trailed and was able to make out the shape of Jade’s body. He was pressed against the side of a large rock as if it were a mother’s skirt, his hand slightly raised and flattened on it as his body, drawn into almost a fetal form, pressed against it in search of shelter from a horrible terror.