Chapter 14
Through long shifts, even longer rehearsals, and a fun day with Harper at the park, the kiss had lingered on Alexis’s lips like a tattoo. Every time she thought about it, she couldn’t help but smile. She wanted to savor the sweetness of the moment forever, so much so that she hadn’t even told Sophia it had happened. Alexis knew Sophia well enough to know that she would have talked her to death and made her start to doubt if she should even be interested in Blake in the first place.
Sophia was protective; Alexis would give her that. But sometimes, her protectiveness came out in ways that drove Alexis crazy. It was always Sophia’s way or the highway, and she wasn’t one to budge on what she thought was the right path for everyone’s life. The worst part was that Sophia could dish it out, but she couldn’t take it; often, instead of rocking the boat, Alexis would let Sophia tell her what she thought was the thing Alexis needed to do and just nod.
Which was precisely why Alexis had chosen to stay in her happy bubble.
At least until the next day at game night when she knew she’d end up spilling her guts after one too many drinks. Alexis rarely drank anymore, but game nights with her best friends were the exception. She’d become a lightweight after having Harper, and it often took less than two full drinks to make her buzzed.
She certainly would have downed a whole bottle of any liquor to give her the courage to talk to Blake after the rehearsal. Although Blake had been at every rehearsal, Alexis hadn’t gotten to talk to her since the night they kissed. She’d wanted to, of course, but the timing was always off. They’d leave at different times, or Blake would get caught by another cast member wanting to pick her brain on their performance.
“Ok, gang, that was fantastic!” Bryce ran up the stairs on the side of the stage as she clapped her hands. In the audience, Blake was standing and clapping as well. They’d successfully run through the first three numbers without a hitch, and although Alexis was exhausted, she was also exhilarated. Her eyes found Blake’s in the audience as her smile spread wide across her lips at the adorable wink Blake sent her way. “That’s a wrap for tonight; tomorrow, we’ll try to add another number.”
As everyone dispersed for the night, Alexis wasn’t surprised to find Blake waiting for her by her car. She leaned against the car and had her hands in the pockets of the lightweight jacket she was wearing. Blake was looking down at her Converse sneakers, which gave Alexis a few moments to take in the view. She was stunning but not in the way Alexis had expected when she’d first seen Blake on TV. Instead, without all the makeup and her hair falling in soft curls around her face, it was a more natural beauty that stole Alexis’s breath every time she saw her.
“Hey.” Alexis tapped the toe of Blake’s shoe with her own, and her blue eyes looked up at her. They went soft as the faint lines around her eyes crinkled with her smile. She savored the fact that the smile was solely for her as she nervously tussled her hair. “You waiting on me?”
“No, this car is just really comfortable to lean on.”
“Good call.” Reaching out, Blake took hold of the strings on Alexis’s hoodie and pulled them slightly. “I haven’t gotten to talk to you in forever.”
“It’s been a week.”
“Ahh, so you know how much time has lapsed.”
“Well, that was one hell of a kiss.” Alexis lowered her eyes and licked her bottom lip before slowly looking back up at Blake. She wanted more than anything in the world for Blake to kiss her again, but she didn’t want to be needy and ask for it. Thankfully, Blake must have been feeling the same way as she pushed herself off the car and pressed her lips quickly onto Alexis’s. The kiss was quicker than the other night; they were both aware people were still milling out of the theatre and into their cars. But it still made Alexis’s heart flutter. “Is it weird to say I’ve missed you even though we really haven’t hung out that much?”
“I know what you mean.” Blake nodded. She ran her hands down Alexis’s arms, causing shivers to run throughout her body as she took hold of her hands and squeezed them. “I wanted to give you some space after…after last week. I wasn’t sure how you felt after that, and after Mom said that you might be interested in me too, I…”
“Wait, what?” Shaking her head in confusion, Alexis pulled her hands from Blake and studied her face. Panic was written as clear as day all over Blake’s face, and she immediately tried to backtrack.
“I mean,” Blake crossed and then uncrossed her arms over her chest rapidly, “she saw us kissing, so of course, it came up on the ride home.”
“Did she say anything else about me?”
“No,” her voice was a higher pitch than usual. Alexis crossed her arms and gave Blake a look that always worked on Harper when she was in trouble. “I mean, sort of, but she told me not to tell you that she told me.”
“What,” she forced the lump in her throat down with a swallow, “what did she tell you?”
Her mind was racing, swirling with the worst-case scenarios of what Isla could have told Blake. There were skeletons in Alexis’s closet that she would rather never see the light of day again. They were her darkest days, and Alexis had locked them up so tightly in the recesses of her soul that she knew there was no way she’d ever be able to open up to anyone enough to tell them about those days.
Including Blake.
Especially Blake.
If Blake knew her truth – the ugly, painful truth about her darkest days and the events that led to Harper – she’d run for the hills. Alexis was too fucked up to ever be loved by someone like Blake. She believed that with every fiber of her being. The flirting and the kissing had been fun, but if Blake was feeling what Alexis thought they might be feeling, a flip had switched inside her soul and told her to run. The doors that she’d barely opened for Blake quickly slammed shut around her heart.
“I don’t know what Isla told you, but she had no right to tell my story.”
“She didn’t want me to worry if you were closed off.”
“Closed off?” Alexis spat the words at her. “She said that?”
“Well, yeah.” Blake shrugged again and laughed, but it fell short. She looked so nervous, and for a moment, Alexis felt sorry for her; until she remembered that there was a considerable possibility that Blake knew more about her personal life than Alexis wanted her to. “Mom wanted me to know that there was a reason if you didn’t open up to me.”
“God, I love when people who have no right to it butt into my life for no goddamn reason.” Throwing her hands up in the air, Alexis walked past Blake and put her bag into the backseat before slamming it shut.
“Please don’t be mad.”
“I’m not mad.” She sounded exactly like Harper at that moment, and it made her pause.
“Well, clearly you are.”
“And, gee, I wonder why?” She put a hand on her hip and spun around to face Blake. “I barely know you, and now, there’s a good possibility that you know things about my past that I never wanted you to know. Isla knows every one of my dirty secrets that I don’t parade around, and you’re the last person I’d want to know them.”
“You don’t mean that,” Blake’s voice cracked.
“Oh, no, I do.” She nodded firmly. “This,” Alexis motioned between them, “was a mistake. I have no idea why I was letting myself fall for you. I mean, you’re Blake Calloway. You could have your pick of anyone in the world, and yet, here you are, kissing me in the parking lot. Why the fuck would someone like you want to get to know someone like me?”
“Because I like you.”
Alexis wanted to scream. She wanted to let out her emotions by belting them out like Harper did when she was little and didn’t know how to express her feelings. There was no way on God’s green earth that Blake Calloway had just admitted that she liked her. Blake Calloway who was the most beautiful woman Alexis had ever seen. Blake Calloway who was the first person ever to make Alexis feel alive with a simple kiss.
A kiss that rocked Ale
xis’s world.
A kiss that suddenly tasted bitter on her lips.
Was Blake only being nice to her? Had Isla told her about her past? Did Blake feel sorry for her and see her as an easy target? Someone she could whisk off her feet and help pass her time in the Cove until she got the next call for a movie or TV show? It made more sense than Blake actually being interested in her.
“Alexis?” Blake took a step toward her, but Alexis took a step back. “Say something.”
“I don’t know what to say. I’m so mad right now.”
“Why? I thought you liked me, too?”
“What does it matter?” Alexis threw her arms up in frustration.
“It matters to me.”
“Why are we even talking about this?”
“Because I want you to know that you can open up to me.”
“Why in the world would I open up to you? I barely know you.”
“We could get to know each other if you open up to me.” Reaching out, Blake took hold of her hands before Alexis could pull them away. Alexis wasn’t prepared for the understanding in Blake’s eyes. “Look, I am sorry I said anything. I promise Isla didn’t tell me much. Hardly anything. She told me about Michelle and how she’d hurt you, and she told me to listen to you, ok? That’s it.”
Alexis wanted to believe her; she wanted to believe that Isla had only told her about Michelle. In the grand scheme of things, Michelle was the part in her past that Alexis would have opened up to before anything. After all, Michelle had been the catalyst that had sent Alexis spiraling down to the lowest point in her life. She only hoped that Isla hadn’t said anything else. Alexis wouldn’t be able to look into Blake’s eyes if she knew she knew everything about her life.
“You can’t stay mad at me forever.”
“Oh, I can’t?” She pulled her hands free from Blake’s once more and opened her car door as she scoffed. “Haley Miller made me mad in the third grade, and I still refuse to wait on her when she comes into the bar.”
“That’s real mature, Alexis.”
“Yes, well.” She got into the car and slammed the door shut behind her. Rolling down the window, she looked up at Blake. Alexis wanted to tell her she was sorry for freaking out, but She knew that would lead to Blake saying it was ok and giving her those understanding eyes she’d given her earlier, and Alexis couldn’t deal with that. She needed to be mad, at least for a while.
It wasn’t fair to Blake, which made everything worse. Alexis should never have kissed her. Never should have let herself fall for Blake Calloway. It was best to stop everything before it had the chance to go any farther. Blake would simply have to go back to being Isla’s daughter and apparently Bryce’s new assistant, but that was it.
“I can’t do this,” Alexis begged her tears to hold off a little longer. “I’m sorry.”
Rolling up her window, Alexis backed out of the parking spot and peeled out onto the street. She didn’t look in her rearview mirror; there was no way she could look at Blake. Alexis drove the few short blocks home and ran up the stairs to her apartment. As she pushed open the apartment door, she was surprised to see Sophia sitting on her couch working on a crossword puzzle. Alexis quickly wiped the few tears that had managed to escape off her face.
“Soph, hey, what are you doing here?”
“What’s wrong?” Sophia was on her feet and to Alexis in record time. Alexis wanted to stay strong, but instead, she let Sophia envelop her in a hug. “Oh, mon amour, what happened? Was rehearsal bad?”
“No, rehearsal was fine.” She shook her head against Sophia’s chest. “It’s Blake.”
“What happened?” Putting her hands on Alexis’s shoulder, Sophia took a step back as she studied her face. Sophia knew her better than anyone. Alexis knew there would be no way of talking herself out of this one. And Alexis didn’t want to. She was ready to talk about it. “Did she do something to you? I will kill her if…”
“No, don’t kill anyone.” Alexis rolled her eyes as she walked past Sophia and sat on the couch. Following behind her, Sophia slowly sat beside her and placed a hand on her knee. “Blake didn’t do anything. It’s me. I’m the idiot.”
“I doubt that, but tell me what happened.”
“She told me she liked me.”
“Wow.” The shock flashed across Sophia’s face as she shook her head. “Wow, ok. I didn’t know you two had hung out enough for her to realize that, but I guess I was wrong.”
“You know last week when Emily and I took Blake to get ice cream?” Sophia nodded. “Well, when she was walking me back home…there was this moment. I don’t know how to describe it, but she looked so beautiful, and the next thing I know, we’re lip locked outside the apartment door.”
“I knew I should have checked the tape when Emily said Blake had walked you home.”
“Soph,” Alexis picked up the pillow wedged between her body and the couch arm and threw it at Sophia. They had cameras everywhere, and it was a joke that they used them more to stalk people than for actual protection. “Focus, please.”
“I’m a Nikon camera.”
“Thank you.”
“So…you kissed Blake.”
“Or she kissed me. I don’t know. We kissed, yeah.”
“And,” she paused, “how does that make you feel?”
“Geez, when did you become my therapist?”
“Since you stopped going and someone had to take over for her.” Sophia patted her knee several times before tucking her hair behind her ear. It had been a point of contention between them that Alexis had stopped going to therapy. She’d always meant to go back, but the longer she waited, the harder it got to start again. “Talk to me, Lex.”
“Why the hell would she kiss me?”
“Because she likes you.”
“But why does she like me? She could have her pick of people in Hollywood. And I’m just me.” The angry tears pooling in her eyes finally let loose as they ran down her face. Alexis tried to laugh it off, but there was nothing funny about it. “I’m nothing special.”
“Alexis Rene Holland,” Sophia gently took hold of Alexis’s chin and lifted it to her face, “you are so beautiful you don’t even realize it. You have curves that some women, my skinny ass included, would die to have. And, honey, don’t get me started on those gorgeous eyes of yours.”
“Soph…” She’d never been able to take a compliment, but when they came from Sophia, they meant more than coming from anyone else. Sophia knew her; the good, the bad, and the ugly. She had been there for Alexis during her darkest period, in which Alexis wasn’t sure she would have survived. It had been Sophia and Harper that had pulled her through those days.
“Listen to me, honey. You’ve overcome so much in your life, and you’ve become so strong because of it. You have an amazing daughter who absolutely adores you. You have friends who would do anything for you. And you have me, your person, sitting beside you and telling you how great you are and begging you to listen to her.”
“I am listening.”
“But are you hearing me?” Sophia arched an eyebrow at her. As she nodded, Sophia slipped one arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. Alexis rested her head on Sophia’s shoulder as Sophia kissed the top of her head. “You’re worth more than you give yourself credit for, Lex. I wish one day that you would believe me.”
The lump in her throat blocked any words that Alexis wanted to say. She wiped the tears off her cheeks as she let Sophia hold her. Sophia’s arms were one of the few places Alexis knew were utterly safe. She didn’t linger on the fact that up until an hour ago, Blake’s presence was another place that’d made her feel oddly safe.
“Mommy!” Quick footsteps down the hall proceeded Harper barreling into the living room and jumping into Alexis’s arms. Her hair was still damp from her bath, and Alexis didn’t recognize the Bambi pajamas she was wearing.
“Hey, baby.” Alexis kissed her on the cheek as she sat Harper down in her lap. “Where’d you get the new paja
mas, Harp?”
“Emmy got them for me.”
“I hope you don’t mind.” Emily came into the living room with a towel in her hand. Alexis’s heart swelled with happiness at the village that was helping her raise her daughter. Harper was the luckiest kid in the world to have so many people that loved her. “I saw them at the store and had to get them for her.”
“Thanks, Em. They’re adorable. And so soft.”
“I know, right.” Putting a hand on her hips, Emily laughed before snapping her fingers at Harper. “Now, come on, Harp. We gotta get your hair dry before you go to bed.”
“Ok!” Harper wrapped her arms around Alexis’s neck and kissed her. “Mommy, will you read me a story before bedtime?”
“Absolutely, baby. I’ll be in there as soon as Emmy dries your hair, ok?”
“Oh, Lex,” Emily pointed at her as Harper ran back to the bathroom. “I invited Blake to game night tomorrow. I hope that’s ok.”
“What?” Alexis quickly sat up on the edge of the couch. “Please tell me this is a joke.”
“I thought you’d be excited.”
“She would have been if she’d not gone all Alexis on Blake tonight.” Shaking her head, Sophia stood and walked over to Emily, who looked up at her then back at Alexis.
“Oh, what did you do?” Sitting down on the edge of the love seat, Emily crossed her hands in her lap. “Please tell me you didn’t freak out on her. You two are so cute together.”
“She did.”
“Lex,” Emily whined. “Why do you do this?”
“Because I’m incapable of being happy.”
“Blake told Alexis she liked her, so clearly, that means Blake secretly hates her and doesn’t want to be with her.” Despite her sarcastic tone, Alexis knew that Sophia loved her and wanted her to be happy.
“But you like her, too.”
“I do.” Alexis nodded.
“Ok,” Emily looked up at Sophia again and nodded before looking back at Alexis, “so, why don’t you take some time to regroup and apologize to Blake for freaking out? I’m sure if she likes you, she’ll understand.”
State of Grace: A Moonflower Cove Romance Page 13