“Because you see me for me, for more than my job.” Reaching out, Blake tucked Alexis’s hair behind her ear as she leaned in for one more kiss. She purposefully made it slow and tender to let Alexis know she meant every word she said. “When you look at me, I feel like myself. I don’t have to pretend to be some put-together actress, and I like that.”
“I feel the same way.” Alexis ran her hands down Blake’s arms before taking hold of her hands and pulling them around her back, bringing Blake closer to her. She placed soft kisses along her jawline, which caused her to tilt her head to give Alexis better access. “I like you, too,” her warm breath on her ear sent shivers down Blake’s spine as the words fluttered around her heart. Blake knew it was a big deal for Alexis to say those words, and she pulled away reluctantly to see her face.
“What did you say?” She felt her eyes dancing.
“I like you too.”
“Good,” Blake teased as she nodded. “Otherwise, this whole make-out session would have been super awkward.”
“I’ll see you later.” Letting go of Blake’s hands, Alexis ran her hand through her hair as Blake walked backward until her back hit the door. If she didn’t leave soon, she knew where the night would go, and she knew Alexis wasn’t ready for that yet. Hell, Blake didn’t know if she was prepared for that yet. “Have a good night.”
“You, too.”
Soaking in the last glimpse of Alexis as she pulled the front door closed behind her, Blake was sure the smile on her face would be plastered there for a very long time.
Chapter 16
It had been a couple of weeks since Alexis had driven Blake home, and yet, their conversation in the car still played in Alexis’s brain on occasion. Alexis couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen her mother on a day the banks were open. Actually, she couldn’t recall the last time she’d even been to the fancy house on the outskirts of Moonflower Cove.
Moira and David Holland had raised four children in the colonial-style house nestled in Pine Crest’s cul-de-sac, the Cove’s wealthiest subdivision. They’d met in law school, opened their own practice in the Cove shortly after graduation, and quickly grew their family and business. Her three older siblings – Cole, Grace, and Dylan – were in their teens by the time Alexis was born. She was an accident, and her parents constantly reminded her of that. Intentionally or not.
Alexis had always been the outcast within her family. She spent more time at her friends’ houses than her own, and on more than one occasion, wished one of them would adopt her. Neither Moira nor David wanted anything to do with her as they had thought their child-rearing days were over when Moira discovered she was pregnant. Her siblings were less than interested in having an annoying little sister fourteen-plus years their junior, and Alexis had never been close with any of them.
Each of her siblings had gone on to become lawyers at their parents’ firm and had their perfect spouses and perfect kids and perfect lives. Meanwhile, Alexis was just Alexis. She’d never wanted to be a lawyer; she never wanted to follow in her parents’ footsteps. Alexis always marched to the beat of her own drum, and her parents never understood her music.
During Alexis’s freshman year of college, her father had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, and everyone in the Cove knew about the diagnosis. It was also how Alexis had met Sophia. Alexis was in Sophia’s Intro to Novel Writing class, and as Alexis’s sister, Grace, also worked at the college, Sophia had heard about David’s diagnosis through the staff grapevine. She’d approached Alexis after she’d failed a test and asked if things were ok. The rest was history for their friendship.
A year later, when Moira had found out Alexis was pregnant, she’d kicked her out of the house without any chance for Alexis to defend herself. Sophia had taken Alexis under her wing without any questions and became the person Alexis needed in her life. Although she was beyond thankful that Sophia and Isla had stepped up for her and Harper, Alexis still wished her mother had shown an ounce of interest in Harper.
But Moira never did. Neither did her father or her siblings.
Despite all of that, Alexis found herself sitting in her parents’ driveway nervously drumming her fingers on the steering wheel. She’d dressed Harper in her least-nerdy shirt and pulled her strawberry blonde hair into a French braid that she had spent too much time on. For herself, Alexis had chosen a black and white striped skirt coupled with a black scoop-neck top. They had both worn their Chaco sandals, and Alexis hoped that Moira could at least appreciate the effort Alexis had put into looking presentable for their impromptu visit.
“Mommy, why are we here?” Harper groaned from the backseat. She wasn’t a fan of her biological grandmother. That was Alexis’s fault, and it caused a pang of guilt to cross over her heart. Although Alexis tried her hardest not to bad-mouth her parents or siblings in front of Harper, she felt Harper knew more than she wanted her to. Harper was intuitive; she understood Alexis in ways that no one else did. It was a blessing and a curse at times.
“We’re stopping by to see Grandma Moira.”
“But why?”
“Because we don’t see her enough.”
“So?”
“So, we need to see her more often.”
“But why?”
“Because I said so.” Alexis hated using that phrase, but she wasn’t in the mood for more questions from Harper. Getting out of the car, Alexis opened the back door and Harper jumped out. She took her hand as they walked up the sidewalk to the front door. Reaching out, Alexis rang the doorbell and waited. Harper pulled a dead bloom off the plant by the front door, and the small gesture made her smile.
The hunter-green front door opened, and Moira stood before with her hand on her hip. She looked them up and down as her eyes narrowed. “Alexis, Harper.”
“Hi, Mom.” Alexis forced a smile as she gently nudged Harper’s shoulder with her hip.
“Hi, Grandma Moira.” Harper’s voice was borderline bored, and Alexis stifled a laugh.
“To what do I owe this unannounced appearance?”
“I thought we’d pop over and say hi.” Alexis shrugged as a shy smile formed on her lips. No matter how much water there was under the mile-long bridge between them, Alexis still wanted her mother to be happy to see her for once. Instead, Moira let out an exasperated sigh.
“Well, you’ve said that, so is there anything else you need? Money, a lawyer, advice on where to buy sandals that weren’t made for hiking?” Moira’s eyebrow raised as she looked down at their shoes. Alexis was on edge but resisted the urge to snatch up Harper and go back to the car without another word.
“I was hoping we could,” the words were bitter on her tongue, “talk.”
“Talk?” She scoffed. “I don’t have time for this right now. The home health aid is here with your father, and I have to get ready for tonight. Can whatever agenda you’re pushing by coming here wait for another day?”
“No, Mom, it can’t.” Alexis held her ground, and the move seemed to startle Moira. She opened the front door as her hand dropped from her hip to her side. “I’ve been thinking a lot, and I want to talk to you and try to…”
“Try to what, Alexis?” Her hand was back on her hip. “Repair our relationship?”
“Don’t you think we need to?”
“Why start now? You’re grown. You don’t need a mother.”
“That doesn’t mean I don’t want one.” Alexis gritted her teeth as she averted her eyes from Moira. She noticed a small garden on the side of the house, and she pointed at it. “Hey, Harp, why don’t you go look at the garden and see what plants you can find?”
“Ok!” Bounding off without another word, Harper’s absence gave them the chance to be alone. Alexis crossed her arms over her chest and looked back up at Moira.
“Do you really not want a relationship with me?”
“Why the sudden interest and desire to have a relationship? You’ve never wanted one until now. What’s changed? What do you need?”
&n
bsp; “I don’t need anything. I have everything I could ever need.” Alexis hated the way she often ended up shedding tears when she was angry. It made her feel weak, and in Moira’s presence, it made her feel weaker than she’d felt in years. “I have a great life and a spectacular kid and friends who love me more than you ever could. I foolishly thought that you’d want a relationship with me. I’m your daughter.” Her voice cracked. “Does that mean nothing to you?”
Moira opened her mouth to speak, but Alexis held up her hand.
“No, let me say what I need to say.” She took a deep breath. “Do you know how much it hurts to know that your own mother didn’t want you? To know that she loves all your siblings more than she could ever love you? Do you have any idea how it hurt me that you weren’t there when Harper was born?”
“I didn’t know you wanted me there.”
“Probably because you didn’t answer any of my calls or texts, nor did you come to either of my baby showers.” Alexis angrily wiped a tear from her eyes. “You were there when every other grandkid was born except for Harper. You weren’t there for us, and until right now, I always felt sad for Harper and me because of that; but now, I feel sorry for you. Because you missed out on knowing one hell of a kid.”
Waving a dismissive hand at Moira, Alexis turned slightly to leave before pausing.
“Harper’s the greatest kid in the world. You’ve been a crappy grandmother to her since she was born. You’ve never wanted to spend time with her or get to know her, or even show up to a birthday party. You can be shitty to me all you want, but Harper doesn’t deserve that. She’s never done anything to deserve for you to treat her like that, and you should be ashamed of yourself for letting whatever problem you have with me stop you from getting to know your granddaughter.”
Stepping down the first two steps, Alexis wasn’t surprised when she heard the front door shut behind her. However, she was surprised by Moira walking speedily past her to cut her off on the last step. “You are quite an interesting puzzle, Alexis.”
The anger and frustration that had laced Moira’s voice were gone and in its place was a softer tone than Alexis had ever heard before.
“You’re not like me, or your father, or your siblings. You’re so strong-headed, and I didn’t – I don’t – know how to handle that, so I didn’t. I don’t handle it.”
“It’s easier to forget I exist.”
“Look,” Moira pinched the bridge of her nose, “I know that I haven’t handled anything involving you right from the day you were born.”
“You think?” Alexis snarked.
“See, this is why I can’t talk to you. You’re so opinionated, and you say what’s on your mind with no regard to how that makes anyone else around you feel.”
“Gee, Mom, I wonder where I learned that from?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You have always said exactly what you were thinking about me in front of me with no regard to how that made me feel. I was always ‘too much,’ that’s what you always said. I was too loud, too needy, too annoying, too unruly, too outgoing, too gay, too much. You said those things to me all the time, and you know what? I believed them. Because it was you telling and you are my mother and what you stay sticks whether I want it to or not. You always told Cole and Grace and Dylan how proud you were of them and how you loved them, and you never once told me that.”
“Don’t be dramatic.”
Alexis bitterly laughed as she shook her head. “I don’t know why I came here. I was expecting you to listen to what I had to say and understand how your words – and at times, lack of words – affected me, but now I know that you don’t care. According to you, I was your big screw-up in life and went on to screw up my own life, so I guess you were right after all. Harper,” she called over her shoulder, “let’s go.”
Neither Moira nor Alexis said anything else as Harper rejoined them and took Alexis’s hand. She smiled up at Moira, offering her a quick wave goodbye as Alexis walked her over to the car. Opening the backdoor, Alexis let Harper inside and grabbed her bag. Alexis took the ticket she’d purchased for the play's opening night and turned back around toward Moira.
“I don’t know what I was thinking in bringing this, but I had hoped that you could come.” Extending the ticket out to Moira, Alexis waited for her to take the few steps to grab it from her. “I’m playing the lead. A lawyer, actually, which is funny to me considering how hard I rebelled against that specific career path growing up. Anyway, I thought,” she shrugged, “that maybe you could use a night off from taking care of Dad and might enjoy it. It’s paid for and in the back, because I know you’d want to be near an exit in case Dad needed you. You can use it or not. It’s up to you.”
Moira only nodded in response as she looked down at the ticket in her hand. Heading back to the car, Alexis hopped in and headed down the street; looking in the rearview mirror at Moira still standing in the front yard. She was still looking at the ticket, and Alexis hoped she took it as the peace offering Alexis meant it to be and nothing else.
“Mommy?”
“Yes, baby?”
“I love you.” Leaning up in her booster seat, Harper patted Alexis’s shoulder as they looked at each other in the rearview mirror. Alexis’s heart swelled at how Harper always knew what she needed. She covered her hand with her own and squeezed.
“I love you too, Harp. Are you hungry?”
“Yup!”
“You wanna go to Mommy’s work or somewhere else to eat?”
“Is Emmy at work?”
“She is.”
“Emmy!” Harper pumped her fist in the air as Alexis turned left out of the subdivision and headed back toward downtown. She turned up the Taylor Swift song playing through the Bluetooth as she and Harper sang along to every word. When they arrived at Straight to Ale, Alexis was relieved they’d apparently missed the lunchtime crowd. There was no line for a table, although nearly all were occupied.
“Hey, Marcus.” Alexis greeted the host at the entrance. “Table for two, please, in Emily’s section, if possible.”
“Absolutely.” The young boy marked off a table on the tablet and picked up two menus. “Right this way.” Motioning them to follow him, they were seated at a small booth along the dividing wall that separated the bar area from the rest of the dining room. Emily was behind the bar and waved at them as they sat.
“Mommy, can I go see Emmy?”
“She’s working, baby. She’ll be over here in a minute.”
“Fine.” Crossing her arms, Harper sulked in her seat and Alexis rolled her eyes. She picked up a menu to peruse, although she had memorized the whole thing. Emily came over to the table, bringing a strawberry lemonade for each of them and had included a fun straw for Harper in her kiddie cup. Emily sat beside Harper and they wrapped their arms around each other excitedly. “Hi, Emmy!”
“Hey, Bug.” Emily kissed her forehead. She’d given the nickname Bug to Harper years prior, and Alexis loved that it had stuck. It added to the sweet bond the two of them shared. “You two look nice. What have you been up to today?”
“We went to Grandma Moira’s.” Harper looked so much like Alexis when she rolled her eyes that she nearly choked on her drink. Emily must have noticed it as well since she smirked across the table to Alexis. “But—but guess what?”
“What?”
“She had a garden, and I named a bunch of the plants, just like Aunt Maddie does.”
“That’s super cool, Harper.” Turning her focus to Alexis, Emily put her elbow on the table and leaned closer. “So, you went to your mom’s? On a random Friday in June?”
Alexis shrugged. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“Didn’t go well?”
“Does it ever?”
“Maybe one day it will.” Emily reached across the table and squeezed Alexis’s arm. She sympathetically smiled at her. Alexis appreciated that Emily understood the complicated relationship she had with her mother and ne
ver forced her to talk about it. “What do you two want for lunch?”
“We’ll split the bacon cheeseburger with pepper jack cheese and a side of cheese fries with bacon and sour cream and extra ranch on the side. Please.”
“I will so not be telling my girlfriend about that order.”
“That would be greatly appreciated.” The two shared a laugh at how Sophia always made them feel guilty for eating unhealthy food. It was why they often indulged in greasy, delicious foods out of her sight. Emily hopped up from the seat with a wink and headed back behind the bar and through the kitchen door.
Harper plucked a sugar packet from the small container on the table and flicked it across the table toward Alexis. It was a game they often played that Harper affectionately called Sugar Ball. The rules were simple: stop the sugar packet from falling off the table, or your opponent got the point. They played the game until Emily returned with refills and their food. Emily even brought a salad over for herself and took her lunch break with them. The trio laughed and chatted until nothing but crumbs were left on their plates.
“Well, this is what I like to see.” Isla walked over to the table and put her hands on her hips. She pretended to look annoyed, but her smile gave her away. “One employee on the clock and yet sitting down eating with another employee who’s off today out of the goodness of my heart and,” her eyes softened, “there’s my little Harper baby.”
“Hi, Aunt Isla.” Harper giggled as she put the last of the cheese fries into her mouth.
“I was on my break.” Emily gathered the dirty plates as she stood. She quickly disappeared to the back. Isla sat beside Harper and pulled her into a hug.
“I love making her stress out.”
“You’re evil.”
“What are you two doing today?”
“Nothing.” Alexis wasn’t in the mood to mention she’d gone to her mother’s. She knew Isla would ask a hundred questions, and Alexis didn’t have the answer to any of them. Thankfully, Isla seemed satisfied with that answer.
State of Grace: A Moonflower Cove Romance Page 15