Transcendence

by Shay Savage

Page 32

  Slowly, understanding comes to me. Beh wants a name-sound for the baby. I don’t know why she is asking me since mothers always make up the name-sounds for their babies. I wonder if the sounds she has been making are supposed to be a name-sound, but I don’t think that’s possible. There are too many strange sounds all together for that.

  Maybe she doesn’t know what to call her.

  “Beh,” I say as I touch her shoulder. I place my hand on top of the baby’s head then reach over and place my hand on Beh’s lips. I pull back and look at her expectantly, waiting for her to tell me the baby’s name-sound.

  Her eyes stay on mine for several minutes before she looks back to the babe suckling her and runs her hand over her soft head. Then she makes a combination of sounds that remind me of the noises she sometimes makes when she cooks—the ones that all run together. She looks up at me and smiles, repeating the sounds more slowly.

  It’s still a ridiculously complicated amount of noise for a name-sound, so I’m not sure what she is doing. She makes the sounds again and again, and I watch her lips and tongue move together.

  “Sheee…lah…”

  At the last part, her tongue flicks over the back of her teeth in a somewhat familiar sound.

  “Luffs?” I question.

  “Laaaah,” Beh says. “Sheee-lah. ”

  “Luuhh…” Why does she make all her sounds so complex?

  “Shee-lah. ”

  “Luh. ”

  “Ssss-lah…”

  “Llllah…”

  We go back and forth for some time before Beh sighs and shakes her head at me. She makes a long, loud trail of sounds, and I look around to make sure she hasn’t attracted any unwanted attention as she sighs again.

  “Lah?” she says quietly.

  Much better.

  “Lah,” I repeat with a smile.

  Lah chooses that moment to release Beh’s nipple and turn to the sound of my voice. My smile grows larger as I run my finger over her tiny, soft cheek, and she blinks at me before turning back to her meal. Beh laughs and reaches out to pull me close and put her mouth on mine.

  “Lah,” she says softly.

  “Lah. ”

  Our daughter has a name-sound.

  Winter comes early in the form of heavy snows.

  The weather changes quickly and without warning, but we have plenty of food and should have enough if the winter isn’t overly long. As Lah takes her nourishment from her mother, Beh is hungry more often than she used to be. Still, I think there should be enough.

  I hope there is.

  Snowflakes fall from the overcast sky as I wrap my outer fur closer around me and survey the snow-covered field. I also hope that Beh will let me try to put another baby in her soon, but she pushes me away every time I try. It has been a long time since I have had myself inside of her, and I miss it. I’ve tried to just touch her, but she is still bleeding from the birth, and she won’t let me do that either.

  Once Lah is sleeping, Beh will put her hand on me until my seed spills on the furs. It feels good but isn’t what I want. I want to hold her to me while I move, taste her lips and hear her cry out my name-sound as she shudders around me.

  Pushing the fur that covers the cave entrance to one side, I slip through the crack and into the warmth of the cave. I shake my head rapidly to send the snow flying in all directions. I hear some laughter from the other side of the cave and smile to myself. After I use the thick fur to cover up the crack leading to the outside and to keep the winds from us, I move to the other side of the cave where my family is.

  I drop the two rabbits I caught in traps to the side of the fire—I will skin and cook them later—and turn to my mate. Beh hums and makes her fluid sounds as she sits with Lah near the fire. Whenever Beh makes noises with her mouth, Lah watches her face intently. I come up behind them both and sit, wrapping my legs around Beh’s hips and my arms around them both as we keep ourselves warm by the fire. Outside, the wind howls and the snow blows, but inside we are content.

  Beh turns her head toward me and leans into my chest as I place my chin on her shoulder. Lah’s eyes meet mine, and I think I see the corners of her mouth turn up a little. My heart beats faster at the sight of the little girl who seems to recognize me now. Before too long, I think she will actually smile at me.

  Beh’s sounds are soft, and she cradles our child in one arm as she reaches around my head to grip the hair at the back of my neck and bring my mouth to hers. I press against her, and my tongue traces the outline of her lips.

  As we part, we open our eyes and look closely at one another. For a long moment, we just stare. It is not at all threatening or uncomfortable; it’s just the two of us, together, and my skin warms at the thought of being with her.

  With a sharp cry from our daughter, we are both brought back to the moment. My chest shakes a little as I try not to laugh, but Beh does not even try. Lah’s eyes go wide as she looks up to us both, startled into silence by the strange sounds we make. Then her eyes squeeze shut, and she lets out a long, shrill cry.

  My head hurts.

  As she grows, Lah makes almost as much noise as her mother.

  There is a part of me that likes watching the two of them as they look at each other and make sounds, but the constant noise inside the cave makes the temples on the side of my head throb. Our home has begun to feel a little cramped with three people in it. There is barely room for me, Beh, and Lah, the size she is now. She is all wriggly and squirmy when you hold onto her, but she cannot move anywhere on her own. Once she is more people-sized, this cave will not be big enough for us. Besides, by the time Lah is grown, Beh should have had several children. We could have a whole tribe by then, and a tribe would definitely not fit in our cave.

  At some point, before Lah gets too big or before I put another baby in Beh, we will have to look for a new place to live. This is not the only thought that concerns me. I’m also worried about Beh because she still doesn’t seem to want to have me put another baby in her at all.

  Lah sits on her plump backside with her mother holding out her arms for balance. The baby rocks back and forth a bit and squeals. Beh makes a lot of noises at her and then turns to make noises at me. Lah looks to me, too, and lets out another squeal as she bounces up and down.

  I have to laugh because she looks so funny when she does that, but at the same time, I can’t wait until spring when I can get out of the cave and away from all of the racket. The solitude of hunting on my own seems more appealing all the time.

  I go to the entrance to the cave and pull aside the fur to look outside. The sky is overcast, but the air is slightly warmer than the day before, and the thick snows are finally starting to melt. Just as an excuse, I get one of the clay bowls and take it outside, fill it full of packed snow, and stare up at the sky for a few minutes until the wind chills my ears. When I go back in, Beh has placed a suddenly sleeping Lah on a pile of furs for her nap.

  I place the bowl near the fire to melt the snow and come to Beh’s side. She strokes our daughter’s cheek, and Lah makes little sucking motions in her sleep before letting out a long yawn.

  Beh yawns, too, and I lead her over to the sleeping furs near the baby and coax her down. She needs more sleep—we both do—but she rarely seems to fall asleep when Lah does. She spends all that time just watching her.

  Hoping to help her rest, I get into the furs with Beh and wrap my arms around her middle. She turns her back to me and presses it against my chest so she can look at the baby. I tuck my head against Beh’s shoulder and inhale. Her hair always smells so good. I grip her tighter and push my hips against her. Beh stiffens slightly, and I know she can feel me hard on her back.

  I didn’t mean to; I just can’t help it.

  I feel her chest rise and fall with a long breath before she rolls to face me. Beh places one hand on my chest and reaches up with the other to cup my face.

  �
��Luffs, khizz?”

  Beh’s smile lights up her face, and she reaches around my head to bring me close to her. Her lips touch mine gently and then with more need and an open mouth. Lying back against the furs, I let her do as she wants. I don’t want to push; it has been so long since she has done more than just a quick touch of lips to mine before gently discouraging me from more. I don’t want to ruin this, whatever it may become.

  Her tongue touches mine, and her hand runs down my neck and over my shoulder where she grips it tightly. I press my hand to her back and bring our bodies closer together, moaning slightly into her mouth as my penis is pressed between us in the most wonderful way.

  Beh moans, too, and she moves her hand down my chest and wraps it around my shaft. I take a long, deep breath and try to keep myself together as she strokes me.

  I like it when she does that.

  I want more.

  My hand finds her breast underneath her furs, and my thumb rubs at her nipples softly. At least they don’t appear to be so sore anymore like they were when Lah was first learning how to get milk from her mother. Beh would wince every time Lah would latch on, and when I tried to touch her breasts, she made that no sound.

  Beh’s hips rock against my body even with her hand trapped between us. I’m so close to her entrance, and I know if I just moved her hand away, I could be inside of her very quickly. She doesn’t want this, though, and I will never understand why there are times she does not.

  She is panting softly as I continue to touch her breast and press my lips to the side of her neck. Her skin is salty there, and I lick over it with the flat of my tongue, making her groan loud enough that she presses her face to my shoulder to keep from waking Lah.

  Then she pushes me away, and I end up on my back, sweating and with a heaving chest.

  She sits up and wraps her arms around her legs for a moment, resting her forehead on her knees. She makes some noises, including my name-sound and the luffs sound.

  “Beh Luffs. ” I repeat, and I reach for her.

  She turns and smiles at me before she reaches out and places her hand on my chest.

  “Beh Luffs Ehd. ”

  Her fingers move down, and I think she is going to just move away at first, but then she lets them stay against my skin—trailing down the center of my body to my stomach and then lower. Her fingers run along my length, causing it to jump up and down with excitement.

  I try to steady my rapid breaths as she strokes it with one finger from tip to base and then back up again. She adds another finger, and then wraps her hand around it. She moves up and down a couple of times, and then holds my penis so it is standing straight out from my body—pointing to the ceiling of the cave.

  Then she leans over and takes my penis in her mouth.

  “Hoh!”

  I sit up quickly, the shock of my mate’s actions causing my body to react almost violently.

  Beh has my penis in her mouth.

  In her mouth!

  I can’t put a baby in there!

  Beh’s hands rest on my stomach and thigh as she leans over me, and her mouth engulfs half of my length before she moves back up. Her tongue runs over the tip, and then she goes back down again. At first, I want to push her away, but the confusion over why she would do such a thing halts my movements just long enough to feel.

  Her mouth is warm and wet, and her tongue strokes down the sensitive line on the underside of my penis.

  “Beh…”

  Her eyes look to mine as she hears her name-sound, and I see them sparkle with playfulness as well as desire. My hand reaches out and touches the side of her head, pushing strands of her hair out of the way as I watch her move back down again.

  I am caught in the sight and the sensations. Even though my mind cannot understand why she would consider doing this to me, I am not going to stop her.

  Definitely not.

  Her mouth moves up again, and her lips caress my hard flesh as she wraps them around me. As I watch, her cheeks hollow, and I suddenly feel more of my length being pulled into her mouth by the suction.

  “Hoh! Hoh!” My breath comes out in short gasps as my legs tense, throb, and shudder. My hips buck upwards—pushing my penis farther into Beh’s mouth as I feel my seed follow the sensations of my climax.

  Beh’s eyes widen slightly and then close as her throat bobs. She pulls back, releasing me and sits back on her knees.

  With my own eyes wide, I reach over and bring her face close to me, my eyes dancing between hers to try to understand what would have caused her to do such a thing—and how I could get her to do it again. I examine her smirking face and realize she seems…proud.

  Closing my eyes, I lean forward and drag the end of my nose from the tip of her nose all the way up to her forehead and then back down. When I look at Beh again, she is still smiling, and it makes me feel warm inside despite the chill inside the cave.

  “Khizz,” I whisper, and she brings her mouth to meet mine. She tastes strange, and at first I pull away, confused. I quickly realize it is my seed I taste on her and press my lips to hers again. My tongue reaches into her mouth, and I consider the strange saltiness. It makes me wonder: What would she taste like?

  I reach for Beh’s hips and quickly lift and turn her to lie her down on the furs. She lets out a short squeal of surprise but quiets herself with a glance toward our sleeping Lah. I place my lips on her once more and then slide my hands down the sides of her body as I move myself downwards as well.

  I take her legs in my hands and push them up and to the sides. I can see her opening there though my penis isn’t ready to respond just yet. That’s not my plan, anyway. I lay down between her legs, propping myself up on my elbows as I glance up at Beh’s face.

  It’s flushed and beautiful.

  Moving closer to her core, I first touch the tip with the end of my nose, inhaling her scent before I reach out with my tongue to find that place that is so sensitive. Beh’s body reacts immediately, and her hips buck. I can’t keep up with her movements, so I wrap my arms around her thighs and hips and hold her to the furs.