by Amie Denman
Indulging himself by imagining an affair with Autumn was something he didn’t have time for or deserve. Especially since her life had taken a different turn and her son was, understandably, her main focus. Had motherhood changed her?
Autumn tapped his shoulder and pointed to a huge ugly fish below them and then she put both hands over her mask in a comic gesture.
She had not changed. She was still like a gorgeous sunrise.
When they swam into the shallows again and then walked onto the beach, they both pulled off their masks.
Autumn pointed to her face and drew a wide circle with two fingers. “Do I have mask lines?”
“Craters,” Luke said. “I don’t think you’ll ever be the same.”
Autumn laughed. “If they’re half as bad as yours, I’m in big trouble.”
“We’ll have to lie down on the beach and let the sun bake them away,” he said. “Otherwise, the rest of our group will know we were having fun without them.”
“We’ve been having fun without them all our lives,” Autumn said and then she glanced up quickly. “I mean, we’ve been doing fun things all our lives and they haven’t necessary been there.”
“I know what you mean,” he said. “I learned to speak fluent Autumn Benedict a long time ago.”
“Really,” she said, giving him a skeptical glance. “Then what would Autumn Benedict say right now?”
He put a finger on his chin and tried to look as if he was thinking of something very clever to say. “Autumn would say she was torn between doing the right thing and having a fun adventure.”
Her smiled faded and was replaced by a serious expression. “Maybe you should define those two choices.”
The air sizzled between them and Luke tried to persuade himself not to go down the path he could already feel his feet and body itching for. “She would say it was time to go back to the party and be a loyal friend and family member, but…”
Autumn cocked her head and a hint of smile returned. “But?”
“But she might also like to see the fabled stone bridge I mentioned earlier because she has a long history of wanting to try new things and loathing being left out.”
“You noticed.”
“I noticed everything about you,” he said. He shouldn’t reach out and touch her face, shouldn’t trace the pink line left by her mask. And he was quite sure she shouldn’t lean toward him, inviting his touch. That night several years ago had begun in the same way. So much about that time in his life was a fog, but he remembered Autumn coming to his place with dinner. Remembered the way she playfully tried to use her finger to erase his frown and worry lines. And then he’d kissed that finger and everything that happened afterward was a slow-motion incredible memory. Clothing had come off. He’d held out a hand as he stood in his bedroom’s doorway. She’d taken that hand and everything else he had to offer.
Luke held out a hand now, wondering if she was remembering that night, too. “Come with me to the stone bridge.” He knew how secluded the spot was and how much he needed the short walk through island trees to get his head straight.
Without comment, Autumn slid her hand into his and walked by his side. They stepped over palm fronds, climbed over some rocks worn smooth by time, and finally came to a place where Luke felt as if they were the only people on the planet. He led her out to the center of the bridge. From their position on the far side of the island, they couldn’t see his yacht or the fabulous home of his friend or even hear the laughter of the other guests on the beach.
“It’s beautiful,” Autumn said.
Her eyes swept over the narrow bridge of stone beneath their feet and the blue water below. Luke knew she wasn’t afraid even though the bridge was narrow. One misstep and they’d both tumble into the water. Balance was everything.
Keeping her hand, he leaned in and touched his lips to hers. It was an experiment at first and he was prepared for anything to happen. He thought. He wasn’t prepared for the lightning that coursed through his body and shot straight to his groin when her tongue flicked out and teased him a moment into the kiss. He dropped her hand and pulled her toward him, holding her close against him but keeping his feet firmly braced for balance.
Kissing Autumn…he didn’t deserve it. Didn’t deserve this second chance at the bliss he’d experienced with her in his bed two…or was it three?...years ago. He could hardly remember anything from that period of dimly lit confusion in the months after Vanessa died. The guilt, the sudden flashes of grief, the need to bury himself in work even though it didn’t light him up the way it used to.
But he remembered that night with Autumn. Her lips, her touch, the forbidden but incredible feeling of her hair slipping over him as she tumbled over in his bed…
He slid his hands through her hair and the low moaning sound she made rewarded him. Island heat swamped him and he wanted to pick her up and carry her anywhere but the precarious arched and narrow bridge they stood on.
“Autumn,” he whispered, breaking the kiss and trailing his lips down the side of her neck. “I’ve dreamed of you, thought of the way you felt, ever since that night.”
Her breathing was fast, shallow, and he knew she felt as much heat as he did.
“I couldn’t possibly forget,” she said. “That night has been with me ever since.”
He paused and put his hands on both of his cheeks, tenderly but possessively. How had he let her go, denied himself—both of them—this feeling? But then he remembered. His best friend who was currently honeymooning on his yacht. What would Grady say if he knew Luke’s relationship with his little sister had begun with a one-night stand only a matter of months after Luke’s wife’s death? Grady would think his sister was being used.
“What?” Autumn asked, her eyebrows arched in a question. “You looked as if you were afraid something was going to leap out of the water and knock us off the bridge.”
“I’m not worried about that,” he said, smiling as he looked into her beautiful eyes. “I was thinking about your family and what they’d say if they could see us. If they knew about that night.”
Autumn shrugged. “I’ve gotten into the habit of keeping my personal life private. I’m twenty-eight and not living under anyone’s roof but my own.”
Luke began to hope for just a moment. The attraction was there, and if Autumn didn’t care what her family thought, could there be a chance for them? What if they started over, began a relationship in a better way than a wild night in the sack followed by two…three…years of silence. Would she—
“But you’re right. There was a good reason we kept our distance after what happened,” she said. She tried to turn away from him and lead them off the bridge, but she swayed and he caught her, steadying them both.
“I don’t want to be right,” he said. “I want more of you than I deserve to have.”
“You deserve happiness,” she said. Her voice sounded sad even though her face was turned away and he couldn’t read her expression from the slice of profile he could see.
“We both do,” he said, resting his chin on her shoulder and wrapping an arm around her waist from behind. The incredible blue water spread out before them and sparkled in the afternoon sunshine. The island around them was lush and green, filled with life and promise. “What if we tried…dating?”
She didn’t stiffen or move away, but she stilled. The perfect stillness of a rabbit whose position was known though it hoped to remain unseen. He didn’t think he frightened her, but her utter stillness scared him.
“That’s a bad idea,” she said.
“Was kissing me a moment ago a bad idea?”
“Definitely.”
“But you liked it,” he said.
“I loved it. But I’m not the only person I’m responsible for now. I have to think of…my son,” she said, her voice so quiet he could only hear her because of the stillness of the island. Was she really going to use her child as an excuse not to give him a chance?
Despite the heat betw
een them and the longing he felt in every part of his body, Luke moved backward an inch. He had no right to pressure Autumn. She’d come to him last time, maybe he’d get lucky and lightning really would strike twice. As they left the bridge and regained stable and safe footing, he didn’t take her hand no matter how close their fingers brushed as they followed the path to join the others.
Chapter Eight
Confusion, lust, and sunshine wrapped themselves into a neat package for the rest of Autumn’s visit to the private island. When she and Luke had popped out of the tree-lined pathway leading to the beach, most of the other visitors had hardly given them a passing glance. Her cousin Jack and his wife Amelia were stretched out on lounge chairs. The maid of honor Marianna and her boyfriend Christopher played with a beach ball in the shallow water. And Autumn’s cousin Jessica sipped a drink while walking along the water’s edge looking for seashells. Julie sat under an umbrella on the end of the beach closest to the pathway, and she was the first to shade her eyes and scrutinize Autumn and Luke.
Autumn didn’t want to give away any of her emotions, so she’d looked down and pretended to rummage for something in the beach bag over her shoulder. When she risked a glance back at Julie, her cousin was still staring. She flashed a grin at Autumn, and Autumn tried to look sheepish, hoping her perceptive cousin would think the sun caused Autumn’s pink cheeks.
Autumn had hoped Julie wouldn’t guess the real reason a blush rose to Autumn’s face and competed with all the heat already there. She’d thought she was really going to burn up before she got back to her air-conditioned cabin on the yacht. On Luke’s yacht. Luke. The reason for the heat all over her body and the secret father of the child she’d left in the care of her parents.
She’d known she was playing with fire—not just a match or a flickering flame, but the kind that consumes entire city blocks before anyone can shut it down. When her brother had told her how excited he was to have his wedding aboard Luke’s boat, Autumn had nearly fainted at the thought of spending time close to Luke. She’d even considered leaving her baby behind with a trusted friend, knowing hiding the truth would be risky and difficult.
What if she had just told Luke when she found out she was pregnant? As Autumn had passed the rest of the afternoon on the beach and tried to concentrate on having fun and enjoying the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to relax on a billionaire’s private island, she’d run the entire scenario through her head over and over. If she had only told Luke and her family from the start, it would have been explosive, but everyone would have gotten over it by now…or would they have? And how different would Carter’s life have been, being shared back and forth somehow with his parents living separately?
There was no point in beating herself up over a decision she’d made at a difficult time in her life because changing that choice now would leave a wide swath of damage. Especially to Luke.
When the group had finally boarded the tender for a return trip to the Paige Ellen late in the afternoon, Julie chose a seat next to Autumn.
“Were you saving this for anyone?” she asked, a warm but questioning smile on her face.
Autumn shook her head. “No one.”
This was actually true. She didn’t want to sit next to Luke on the return trip, not with his kiss still buzzing on her lips and his words still in her ears. She needed space, distance, before she made the kind of mistake that could sink everything. Getting too close to Luke could only end in heartache for both of them, especially since she’d kept his child from him a secret for so long already. Even if she got up the nerve to tell her family and tell Luke, how could he ever forgive her for not trusting him with the knowledge that he was a father?
She wished she had thought of that two years ago, but without seeing Luke and being around him, it had been easier to cut him out of the equation. She’d reasoned that she was sparing his feelings and being sensitive about the child he’d lost along with his wife.
“We all got a lot of sun today,” Julie observed as she pulled an extra hat from her bag and handed it to Autumn. “You look like you need air conditioning and a gallon of ice water.”
Autumn took the hat and pulled it over her head. She should have thought to bring one, but she’d been more worried about making sure Carter was settled and had what he needed—not that her parents would neglect even his smallest need. She thought of the night she’d gone shoe-shopping with Luke, a necessity because she’d been more worried about packing for her son than for herself. That excursion was just days ago now but it already seemed like a happy memory she’d cling to on long Michigan winter nights.
“You look better already,” Julie said. “What are your plans for this evening? I know we’ll all want a shower and then dinner, but it would be fun to hang out with Carter if you two don’t have other plans.”
“That would be great,” Autumn said, meaning it. If she and Julie wanted to play somewhere on the yacht with Carter, it would prevent Luke from seeking her out. Stalling off any further contact with him…physical contact that led to thoughts of more physical contact…was her only hope for survival for the next few days until the guests would leave the ship.
True to her word, Julie met Autumn at the dinner table a few hours later, showered and casually dressed. She sat across the table from Carter’s booster seat and took an interest in cutting up pieces of food she thought he’d like. Autumn knew how much Julie loved kids and Carter in particular, so having her cousin’s eyes on her child gave Autumn breathing room. Room to enjoy her dinner, gaze around the stunning dining room, and try to listen in on the many conversations going on around the sixteen-person table.
Luke sat far at the other end, the head of the table, and she only caught parts of his sentences. He seemed to be telling an amusing story about some previous guests he’d invited on board, not knowing they were once married and now bitter enemies. Both of them worked in the auto industry, albeit for different companies, and Luke had spent the entire three-day trip wishing his boat was a lot bigger.
“You mean there wasn’t a happy ending?” Jessica asked. “Like they discovered they really still loved each other and you reunited them at sea?”
Luke laughed. “Sorry, but no. And I had to replace one mirror, two vases, and at least one dinner plate that were innocent victims of the battle I accidentally ignited.”
“You must be glad to have the no-drama Benedict family aboard,” Jessica observed. “I doubt any of us has ever thrown anything in a fight.”
“I wouldn’t say that,” Grady said, laughing. “My sister used to throw pillows at me and Luke when we were kids, but she was a bad aim.”
“That was my favorite lamp,” Nancy Benedict said, shaking her head sadly at the old grievance. “Wedgewood blue, and it was part of a set. I never did find a replacement.”
Autumn bit her lower lip and glanced at first her brother who smirked and then Luke, but she regretted the glance at Luke. He was staring at her as if she were also something irreplaceable from the past.
When she returned her gaze across the table, she found that her cousin Julie was giving her the same questioning look she’d seen several times on the cruise. Julie had something on her mind, and Autumn was very sure she was going to hear about it.
After dinner, Autumn neatened up the table in front of Carter even though waitstaff members were on hand to clear away dishes. Autumn wondered how the staff of the Paige Ellen managed to make everything look so effortless. Her tour of the ship hadn’t included the crew’s quarters out of respect for their privacy, but she hoped they were nice. Everyone deserved a comfortable room at the end of a long day working.
“Need any help?” Julie asked.
“Can you get Carter down so he can stretch his legs while I pick up the scraps of food that are probably jammed into the sides of his booster seat?”
Julie laughed. “Come here, little guy, champion of the messy eaters.”
Carter smiled and touched her face, and Autumn had a flash of grateful
appreciation for her cousin, her parents, and all her family who had helped her survive being a single mom and had respected her privacy about her child’s father.
The evening was still hot and color streaked the sky. “It’s too early to put him to bed, so we could let him splash on the steps of the pool for a while,” Autumn suggested. Carter loved water and pouring water from one plastic cup to another made him happy for long stretches of time. It had been her lifesaver in the bathtub plenty of evenings.
“I’ll ask for some plastic cups,” Julie offered, knowing the game from putting Carter to bed the few nights in the past year that Autumn had been required to be at school for an evening event.
A few minutes later, Autumn had her shoes off and both hands securely holding onto her toddler as they sat on the top step of the swimming pool on deck. A crew member turned on strong overhead lights even though the fading sunset provided enough for as long as they were planning to stay.
“Cups,” Julie said as she sat on the edge of the pool and slipped her feet into the warm water. “This is the life, isn’t it? Maybe I should try to find a billionaire to marry so I could live on a private yacht and stop worrying about how I’m going to pay off my college debt.”
Autumn laughed. “Good luck with that.” She guided Carter’s hand as he filled one cup with water and poured it slowly into a cup Autumn held. She poured the water back into his cup and he laughed, his joy echoing all over the pool deck.
“I’d have to find a billionaire who likes kids,” Julie said. “I want at least four kids.”
Autumn glanced up. “I think you should have one and then decide how many more you can handle. It’s not easy.”
“But worth it,” her cousin said.
“Absolutely.”
“When are you going to tell him?” Julie asked.
Autumn let the question hang in the air and considered pretending she didn’t hear it.