Midnight Rider

by D V Wolfe

  I raised an arm and pointed at the trailer. “That trailer belongs to Stacks.”

  Tags shrugged. “What? Is your old lady home or something?”

  I started laughing. “Yeah, I guess you could say that. Take a good long look at that Cadillac, Tags.”

  Tags was silent for a moment. “Oh fuck,” he said on an exhale.

  Suddenly, what was left of the door to the trailer swung open. It looked like Rosetta had fixed the hinges. She stood there, a dark silhouette framed by the light.

  “Well are you gonna stand out there all night or are you gonna get your hind ends in here for dinner?” Rosetta called out to us.

  “How’d she..?” Noah asked. I shook my head.

  “I’m more impressed she was able to find the kitchen in there to make dinner.”

  “Well, it is Rosetta,” Stacks said. “That woman can…” Stacks paused and looked down. “How’d she get around the traps?”

  I looked at him. “Didn’t Noah and I trip all of them when we came over?”

  Stacks snorted. “That was a burp compared to what this baby is wired for.”

  I looked at him. “And knowing that you’re sitting on top of a minefield of what, C-4?” He nodded.

  “Right,” I said. “And knowing that you’re sitting on top of a minefield of C-4, you can sleep?”

  “Like a baby,” Stacks said.

  “Shake a leg you slackers!” Rosetta bellowed out at us.

  We all stomped over to the trailer like kids about to get a whipping. Stacks and I went first, picking our way across the hard-packed yard to avoid any stray tripwires.

  I stopped to examine the door and Stacks was the first one in. This was lucky. I heard a noise that sounded like metal meeting skull and Stacks stumbled backward out the door. He was on the point of falling down the stairs and into his minefield when Noah caught him and shoved him back up.

  “Well,” Rosetta said, coming back to the doorway. “I feel better. Who’s for some scrambled eggs and bacon?” She turned around and disappeared back into the trailer.

  I looked back at Stacks who was simultaneously rubbing his head and his back. “What did I fall on?” Stacks asked, turning to look at Noah. “Your knee or a nail? Man kid, someone needs to sand down all your points!” He pulled a hand away from his forehead and looked it over.

  “Don’t be a drama queen,” I said. “You’re not bleeding.”

  “No, but I’m dizzy as fuck,” Stacks said.

  Noah took a step towards Stacks. “Here I can help. How many fingers am I holding up,” Noah asked Stacks, giving him the bird.

  Stacks turned back to look at the door. “May we come in?”

  “Sure, your casa es your casa,” Rosetta called. She almost sounded cheerful and it made all the hairs stand up on the back of my neck.

  We all filed in with Stacks hesitantly putting a toe over the threshold. As soon as he noticed that Rosetta was preoccupied with the eggs, he hauled ass to the furthest corner of the living room, opposite the kitchen, followed by Noah, me, and then Tags bringing up the rear.

  “Hiya Rosetta,” Noah said.

  “Sonny, glad to see you’re still in one piece. God only knows where Bane has dragged your ass in the last thirty-something hours,” Rosetta said.

  “Nowhere that would corrupt his gentle spirit, I assure you,” I said.

  “You better have your fingers crossed behind your back, Bane, because I know you didn’t just bald-faced lie to me. If you think my forehand is a crowd-pleaser, you should see my backhand,” Rosetta said, raising the frying pan full of bacon a couple inches off the stove.

  “Just as a conversation piece, why did you hit me, Rosetta?” Stacks asked, slumping into an armchair, surrounded on three sides by pizza boxes.

  “I did it because I knew Bane hadn’t yet.”

  I cut my eyes to her. “How did you know I hadn’t hit him yet?”

  Rosetta shrugged. “He’s still walking and talking, ain’t he? If you had, I’d have to say you were losing your touch.”

  Tags cleared his throat behind me. “Oh, yeah. Rosetta, you remember Tags,” I said. The two just stared at each other for a moment. I backed up as Rosetta crossed towards Tags, a look on her face like a woman presented with an unexpected margarita. Tags’ face was hopeful and he smiled.

  “Taggert Sinclair,” Rosetta whispered. The two were only inches apart and I had the sudden urge to cover Noah’s eyes.

  Rosetta paused with her hand near Tags’ chest. I heard the recliner squeak next to me as Stacks leaned forward, open-mouthed.

  “Rosetta,” Tags said. “It’s been too long.”

  She raised a hand slowly to his face and smiled. And then she grabbed several of his nose hairs and jerked her hand away. Tags’ howled in pain and staggered back from Rosetta.

  “Wow,” Noah said. “That had to hurt!”

  “Gotta hand it to her,” I said as we watched Tags double over in pain. “She’s creative.”

  “What are you doing here anyway, Rosetta?” Stacks said, ignoring Tags stumbling around. Stacks looked at the room around him, which was decidedly less cluttered. “And WHERE…” Stacks shot to his feet and his voice went up two octaves and doubled in volume. “IS ALL MY STUFF?!”

  Rosetta glared at him and shook her spatula, flicking hot bacon grease like artillery at all of us, making us duck to get out of range. “That health code violation you call ‘your stuff’ is in the dumpster at the end of the trailer park.”

  Stacks mouthed at her like a fish out of water, too furious to say anything.

  “Rosetta, he had quite a bit of computer gear in here. He was working on hacking some critical files,” I said. I really didn’t want to have front row seats to a final showdown between Rosetta and Stacks. I knew who would win and she would probably end up doing victory donuts around his corpse in her pink Cadillac, which might attract the neighbors.

  “Oh, I’m old, not stupid, Bane. I moved all of that into the front bedroom and hid it in the closet. Ran an extension cord and re-routed the ethernet cable so every Tom, Dick, and Harry with a badge wouldn’t find it sitting in-plain-sight.” She glared at Stacks. “You are the dumbest smartass I know, Stacks.” Stacks still hadn’t found his voice.

  “There was also some ether and a severed head,” I rattled off, trying to remember what Stacks had told me. “And a bag of bloody stakes. Did you stash them somewhere?”

  Rosetta looked around her. “No, I didn’t see any of that when I came in. You sure it was here?”

  “What?!” Stacks said. “It’s gone?”

  “Some psycho burglar,” Noah said. “Between computer equipment and that crap, he took severed heads and stakes?”

  “And ether,” I sighed. “Tweakers maybe?”

  Stacks shook his head. “Well they’re in for a surprise when they open that drum of ether.”

  I turned to look at him. “Why?”

  Stacks grinned. “Well, where do you think I was storing the Loogaroo head?”

  I felt my lip curl back. “Won’t that ruin the ether? Or the head at least?”

  Stacks shrugged. “The head was stinking up the place and the ether was mostly just leftovers. I had several experiments I did for Devon’s Djinn project. Nothing really panned out. I was able to make them a repellant from it, but that was about it.”

  “So those tweakers are gonna open the drum and find a frost-bitten monster head, floating in it,” I said.

  “Might scare them straight,” Tags said.

  Noah leaned back and closed his eyes. “It would work on me.” Noah’s stomach growled and a second later, Rosetta dropped a plate of eggs and bacon onto his lap. It hadn’t been that long since we ate lunch but Noah was a growing boy, I guess, and Stacks was just a pit. I moved and sat down on the de-cluttered couch next to Noah. Tags sat down in the other armchair across from me. We were quiet as Rosetta doled out the eggs and bacon.

  “So Rosetta,” I said, motioning with a piece of bacon to the boxes ar
ound and behind Stacks’ armchair. “Why did those get to stay?”

  Rosetta gave the boxes and their owner a dirty look. “Because when I went to move them, something….rustled in one of them. I was going to shoot first and check after but I knew chances were even that there would be something explosive the bullet would hit. So I just left them.”

  “It was probably Yolanda,” I said. “Stacks, is Yolanda still around?”

  “Who’s Yolanda?” Noah asked.

  “My python,” Stacks said, digging into his eggs. Noah stopped eating and stared at Stacks. “She got loose,” Stacks said. “I haven’t seen her in weeks.”

  “Loose in here?” Noah squeaked. Stacks nodded and kept eating but Noah drew his feet up onto the couch.

  “So,” Rosetta said, squeezing in between Noah and I. “Did you dig anything up about the demon?”

  I nodded while I chewed. “Yeah, blessed branch…”

  “Don’t talk with your mouth full, Bane,” Rosetta said.

  I swallowed and continued. “... of a cypress tree grown in an Italian cemetery, turned into a pike, coated in God’s tears and the gift of, who was it?” I turned to Stacks.

  “Gift of the Peacemaker,” Stacks finished.

  Rosetta raised an eyebrow. “God’s tears huh? Well, they don’t have those on sale at the Piggly-Wiggly. What’s your plan for getting your hands on those? “

  I shrugged. “I’m open to suggestions.”

  “Well,” Tags said and we all turned to look at him. “Maybe it’s not actual... tears.” He set his plate down on the floor and folded his hands. “Maybe it’s an elixir.” He wiped his hands on his pants. “Stacks, do you have a copy of Sanderson’s Rudia Antiquis?”

  Stacks nodded and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before getting up to start searching. “It’s around here somewhere.”

  I stood too. “I’ll check the other rooms.”

  Soon all five of us were hunting for the book in the teetering and jumbled stacks of books and papers that filled every inch of wall space in the back rooms, and were scattered around the front room.

  “Any luck?” Stacks called.

  I was down to the last stack in the first room I searched when I heard Noah shout, “Found it!”

  “Hey,” Tags said. “Didn’t you also say you needed the Lesser Key of Solomon?”

  “Yeah!” Stacks called. “Grab it!”

  We all took our seats in the front room again while Tags and Stacks flipped through the books.

  I looked over and noticed that Rosetta even had a book in her hands. It was hard not to be intimidated by the three of them carefully pouring over these complicated and Latinate texts and here was me, with my high school freshman reading level, twiddling my thumbs. I got up and collected the plates, just to have something to do, and started washing them in the sink that I never knew had been under the piles of crap in Stacks’ trailer. I stood in the kitchen doorway drying my hands after the dishes and looked out at the four of them, sitting in Stacks’ trailer, searching for answers to my problem. Why were they willing to do this?

  “Here!” Tags said, first to find what he was looking for. “Elixir Domini Dei Natus,” When that didn’t elicit much of a response, Tags shook his head. “Elixir of God’s Tears.”

  “What year was Sanderson’s book published?” I asked.

  Tags flipped pages. “Original publication date estimated to be 1501,” he read.

  “And when did the monk live?” I asked Stacks.

  He shrugged. “I know he died in 1515.”

  “Well, the timing might be right. They could have been talking about the same thing. What goes into this concoction?” I asked, turning back to Tags.

  He concentrated on the page for a minute. “Looks like Sage, Angelica Root, Mugwort, the blood of a yearling lamb, salivam… saliva of a Believer, fennel, and water from a blessed spring.”

  “You think holy water will work for that last one?” I asked.

  Tags shrugged. “It’s going to have to unless you know of some other holy water source between here and Missouri.”

  I thought for a moment and shook my head. “Yeah, I got nothing.”

  “Well even if that does work,” Noah said. “What are we going to do about the “Gift of the Peacemaker”?”

  We were all quiet for a minute. I nodded at the book in Tags’ hands. “I don’t suppose there’s a potion in there called “Jesus’ Favorite Things” or anything is there?”

  “What makes you think it’s Jesus?” Rosetta asked, looking up.

  I raised an eyebrow at her. “Who else would be ‘the Peacemaker’?”

  “Maybe Solomon?” She asked.

  We all just looked at her and she rolled her eyes. “I don’t suppose any of your sorry hides ever made it to Sunday school.” She looked at me. “Your skin probably starts blistering if you get within a block.”

  I shrugged. “More like an itching, burning sensation.”

  She rolled her eyes. “The name Solomon means ‘Peace’.”

  “Ok,” I said. “Well it’s a bit of a lateral move.” I turned to Tags. “Any elixir's in there called ‘Solomon’s Favorite Things’?”

  “Don’t be a smartass Bane,” Rosetta said. She turned to Stacks. “Where’s the text that says what you need?”

  “Stacks’ crotch,” I said, nodding my head at Stacks. Even out of the corner of my eye I could see his face going red.

  “Well, then I’m not touching it,” Rosetta said.

  “It’s not there anymore,” Stacks said, picking it gingerly off the stained carpet next to his chair. He carefully turned pages while we watched him. I could feel Rosetta vibrating next to me on the sofa in anticipation. Stacks finally found the page and started reading. Rosetta listened and nodded and flipped through the Bible that was sitting on her lap. I wasn’t sure if it was a nervous habit or if she was looking for something.

  “Ok,” she said when Stacks paused. “I’ve got an old friend in Hannibal, Missouri that has a Bald Cypress tree in her yard and we could probably hack a piece off of it.”

  “Are Bald Cypress the same thing as regular Cypress?” Noah asked. “I thought they were different.”

  Rosetta turned to look at him, “Well unless we want to make a side trip down south, it’ll have to do. They’re from the same genus.”

  “Alright,” I said. “So that takes care of the pike. Provided your old friend won’t mind us taking a chainsaw to her tree.”

  Rosetta shrugged and turned to Tags. “Do you think you could whip up that God’s Tears elixir?”

  Tags eyes were bright as he smiled at Rosetta and nodded. “Yes ma’am,” I mouthed, “suck up,” at him from beside Rosetta. He ignored me. “But I might need some help from you, Rosetta. I’ll need the saliva of a Believer and I think that out of the five of us, you might be the only one potent enough.”

  Rosetta grinned. “Just tell me where to spit.”

  “Do you have the herbs and roots we need for the elixir around here, Stacks?” Tags asked.