The A to Z of Us

by Hannah Doyle

  ‘Quiffs were a big thing back then,’ Nat explains to me. ‘The bigger the better. Alice and I spent the entire day of the ball backcombing our hair and right when I thought we were done and started getting dressed, Alice began shoving in more hair pins and misting more hair spray. The next thing I knew I was going to the ball with Marie Antoinette. Hair so high she had to slide down the back seat of her dad’s car so it didn’t hit the roof.’

  ‘Har har har, very amusing, thank you for sharing,’ Alice says.

  ‘I bet your date loved that,’ I say.

  ‘Dylan thought it was hilarious,’ Nat adds.

  Oh, so Alice and Dylan did date when they were at school. It figures, I guess. I feel my shoulders tense up and try to relax because whatever happened back then, Alice and Dylan are just friends now. I’m trying to style out the pang of jealousy but Natalie must have noticed my reaction because she’s already backtracking.

  ‘Not like that. Not date date. We all went together. Kind of a three-way. Hang on, I’m making it worse,’ Natalie shakes her head. ‘None of us could get real dates because we were quite an insular little gang of three so we did a lame friend date thing instead. We actually had the best time, apart from the bit where Alice out-quiffed me.’

  ‘That explains Alice’s race to the canteen at IKEA.’ I tease, although I’m quietly relieved to hear that Dylan wasn’t Alice’s first love. ‘Has she always been happy to win at any costs, even if it involves cheating?’

  ‘Oi!’ Alice protests as Nat heads back into the kitchen. ‘It wasn’t cheating just … making the most of an opportunity with the trolley.’

  ‘Sure, you tell yourself that,’ I grin, checking the time. ‘Well you did make it through the run so I guess I owe you junk food as promised.’

  ‘Nat, do you want to order a burger?’ Alice shouts after her friend. ‘Wait, sorry Zach, I should have checked first. Is that okay with you? I just don’t want her to feel left out.’

  ‘Of course it’s okay, I’m the third-wheel here,’ I whisper to Alice, giving her hand a squeeze before calling back to Natalie. ‘You’re welcome to eat with us!’

  She pops her head back around the living room door. ‘I’m actually heading out so I’ll get out of your hair soon but thanks for the offer. Just going to finish this tea.’

  ‘Ooh good idea, you’re meant to rehydrate after a run, right?’ Alice asks, hopping off the sofa. ‘Fancy a juice?’ She asks me. While Alice is out of the room I ask Nat how work is going, not wanting us to sit in silence until she comes back. Nat seems really nice and it feels important that we get on well together.

  ‘It’s okay, thanks. Bit quiet. A lot of our clients are on summer holidays so there aren’t many events to plan. The run up to Christmas is always the busiest season for us. So I’m twiddling my thumbs a bit, which I hate.’

  ‘Doesn’t help that your boss is a douche,’ Alice comes back in and places the drinks on the coffee table before rearranging some cushions and falling onto the sofa. Nat and I budge up to make space. I realise Alice’s place gives me the same kind of feel I get when I’m at my brother’s house. It’s so cosy and welcoming. I notice with pleasure that she’s hung my painting above the fireplace. It’s definitely motivation for me to sort out my house, finish the half-arsed renovation attempts and get all the boxes unpacked so Alice likes coming around to mine too.

  Natalie pulls an exasperated face. ‘Douche is probably a bit unfair but Sid’s very comfortable in his position, he’s on a great salary and has a decent amount of responsibility without it being too much.’

  ‘And he takes all the glory for all of your work …’ Alice points out.

  ‘There is that. But basically, I want his job and I’m pretty sure he isn’t going anywhere any time soon.’

  ‘That’s difficult,’ I say, not wanting to butt in but also hoping to show Alice’s best friend that I’m listening and trying to be supportive. ‘Who’s his boss? Can you talk to them?’

  ‘That would be Bruno, the company is his start-up. Client liaison is his thing so he’s hardly ever in the office, which means Sid picks up the day to day running of it all.’

  ‘Yeah, Sid swans around with his Breitling watches while Natalie puts in the leg work. All of the event ideas come straight from Nat. She’s so tuned in to what their clients want and then Sid turns up to the parties with his posh accent and a glass of champagne in his hand and takes all the praise.’

  ‘Alice seems to be more annoyed about my work situation than I am,’ Nat grins at me.

  ‘It’s because you’re selling yourself short,’ she calls over.

  ‘We can’t all knock out 10k runs with no prior experience or set up a successful business yaknow,’ Nat sighs.

  ‘I know, I know, I’m great at everything,’ Alice laughs.

  ‘Including cheating,’ I tease. She throws a cushion at me and it hits me square in the face. I readjust my glasses, wondering whether the thought that’s just crossed my mind would be overstepping the mark. My gut tells me to just say it. ‘Have you two ever considered working together? It sounds like you’d make a great team. Alice’s flowers and social media knowledge, Natalie’s event planning. You could make a killing.’

  Alice sits up at that, cushions tumbling around her. ‘That’s actually quite a good idea.’

  ‘I’m going to think on this,’ Nat agrees. ‘And that can be my cue to leave you lovebirds to it.’

  ‘I’m pretty sure this is how you’re meant to refuel after a big run,’ Alice says confidently. ‘In fact, I think I read about it in one of those fitness magazines.’

  ‘Burger and chips?’

  ‘And beers. Something to do with replacing all the lost … calories?’

  ‘Definitely,’ I nod. ‘You should consider a job as a dietician.’

  ‘I intend to,’ Alice laughs, dipping a chip in mayo. We’re sat on brightly coloured outdoor cushions in her back yard and I’m learning that Alice has the ability to make anything look like it should be in a magazine shoot. She’s thrown an old tablecloth over an upturned palette which we’re using as a makeshift table. Jam jars filled with leftover flowers from her shop are dotted on top of it, just like she used to do with her mum and dad as a kid. I felt a pang of sorrow as I watched her place them on the “table”, knowing what memories such a simple act must bring back for her.

  ‘Do you ever wonder what you’d have done if the floristry hadn’t work out?’ I ask.

  ‘Like a back-up plan? When I was little I thought I might follow in Mum’s footsteps as an interior designer. I used to love arranging the furniture in my Sylvanian Families house.’ She smiles and I find myself smiling along with her. ‘But really, I think my dream alternative job would be something that meant I could travel loads. Maybe I’d be fluent in another language and work as a private tutor to some super rich family, living in their mansion in Monaco and teaching their kids an hour’s English a week.’

  ‘So basically, minimal output for maximum job satisfaction.’

  ‘Exactly!’ She laughs. ‘In reality, I’d probably go crazy with boredom, but it sounds good doesn’t it? How about you?’

  ‘It would have to be something arty, I think. I can’t see myself in an office environment at all.’

  Alice chuckles. ‘Zach in a suit, working through spreadsheets? Or in a bank shouting about profit and loss and throwing back champagne at lunch?’

  ‘Not really an option, right?’

  ‘You would look good in a suit,’ Alice concedes. ‘Now, speaking as a future dietician, I wondered if it would be too much of an artery risk to have pancakes for breakfast tomorrow. That is, if you want to stay over?’

  ‘In a heartbeat,’ I say, feeling like I lucked out. Music floats out from the opened kitchen window. The bees are going nuts for some honeysuckle climbing up Alice’s garden wall. I could quite happily picture myself spending more weekends with Alice, just like this.

  Karaoke

  Alice

  The pas
t month has been a steady stream of two weddings a week plus running the shop full time and I am ready to let off some serious steam. I’m fidgety for it. Tonight’s the night, baby! As the last customers leave the shop, arms stuffed with bouquets, I decide to delay tidying up for a while and turn up the volume on our Sonos, prancing around the floor instead.

  ‘I should probably film this,’ Eve laughs when she sees me. ‘We could call it “Dancing with Dahlias”.’

  ‘Or “Flexing with Fuschias”?’ I suggest.

  ‘“Tango with Tulips”.’

  ‘“Rumba with Ranunculas”! Sounds sexy.’

  ‘I can see it going viral now,’ Eve’s leaning against the counter. ‘Seriously, where do you get your energy from? We’ve been working like dogs all week and I am so ready for a bath tonight.’

  ‘What? You’re going home for a bath on a Friday night?! You Gen Z-ers are beyond me.’

  ‘Self-care is very important.’

  ‘I totally agree with you there,’ I nod, already hoping to get out to the allotment this weekend. ‘But also, it’s Friday night! You should know that Zach and I are going to karaoke later …’

  ‘Ooh,’ her eyes light up. ‘Now I feel torn. Do I love karaoke as much as I love my new bath oil? What a dilemma.’

  ‘Mmm, totally. Singing cheesy hits with your mates or stewing in the tub … it is a tough call.’

  Eve rolls her eyes. ‘You are such an enabler. All right, count me in.’

  ‘YES! Bring Nicky if you like, the more the merrier.’

  ‘Not sure if it’s her thing but I’ll ask.’

  ‘Yeah Zach’s the same. I’m sure they’ll warm up to it.’

  I’d actually hesitated about asking Zach to this in the first place, because I know that he can feel awkward in big group settings. I’ve loved the past few dates we’ve had, spending time just the two of us has been the best chance to get to know each other better. But work has been non-stop recently and I’m desperate for a night out. Besides now that we are well and truly dating I need to feel like I can be completely me around him. I like to let go and be silly sometimes. So I’m hoping that karaoke night for our K date might give us both a chance to have some fun.

  As soon as Zach arrives at the karaoke bar I can tell that this genius plan might backfire massively. His expression is pure fear. ‘Tell me I’m in the middle of a nightmare and about to wake up,’ Zach says as I shimmy around under the neon sign at the entrance to the bar.

  ‘I’m afraid I cannot do that.’

  ‘Singing in public? Alice, have we met before?’

  ‘I thought you’d react like this but there’s good news. I booked a booth so there’s only going to be a handful of us in there.’

  ‘When you say us …’

  ‘Me, you, Eve and her girlfriend, and Nat’s coming with another date,’ I reply.

  ‘Great, humiliation in front of your friends. That’s much better than humiliation in front of people I’ve never met before.’

  ‘Oh Zach! Don’t panic, okay. I just thought that we’ve both been working so hard and a night out would be the perfect chance to let off some steam. You never know, let yourself go and you might actually have some fun,’ I wink.

  Zach stands with his hands on his hips, looking up to the sky before seeming to resign himself to a night of karaoke. He readjusts his glasses and gives me a super cute look, as if to say: ‘I’ll do this, but only because it’s you.’

  ‘All right, then,’ he gives me a lopsided grin. ‘But you will owe me.’

  ‘I’m still recovering from those ten kilometres you made me run. Consider this payback.’

  Zach runs his hands through his hair. ‘The things I do because I want to spend time with you,’ he sighs and I feel a warm glow inside. I link my hand through his and lead him into the venue.

  It felt so nice to get properly dressed up for tonight. My dress is made of bronze sequins and cut low at my back.

  ‘You look beautiful,’ Zach says as I slide my coat off, his fingers grazing my skin.

  ‘This old thing?’ I beam, trying to play down the butterflies as Natalie bounds in. She’s come dressed like Beyoncé circa ‘Telephone’ in a stars and stripes bustier and skirt, the date she’s brought with her looking evidently thrilled to be in her company.

  ‘Fit,’ I whistle, ordering our drinks while Natalie chucks me a microphone and cues up the first song. It’s inevitable, really, given what she’s wearing. The first bars of Beyoncé and Gaga’s ‘Telephone’ fill the room, a song which Nat and I may or may not have spent a drunken night replaying while learning all the moves to. We’re cool like that. We start singing and out of the corner of my eye I see Zach watching us with a smile on his face. He’s enjoying it! He sips at his bottle of beer, looking incredibly hot in a green T-shirt. Zach wears colour now, apparently. He really is becoming more chilled out. The green sets off his lightly tanned skin and green eyes so well I’m borderline distracted from my moment.

  When our duet ends I motion to him to come on up.

  Zach shakes his head.

  I turn my microphone back on.

  ‘Ladies and gentleman, may I present to you Zach Moretti!’

  He’s holding his hands up in the universal sign for stop.

  Eve starts a chant. ‘Zach! Zach! Zach!’

  Her girlfriend’s joined in. Natalie and her date are chanting too. Reluctantly, Zach sets his beer on the table and comes up to join me.

  ‘You are very much in my bad books,’ he whispers in my ear. I try to look remonstrated but to be fair, I’m just thrilled he’s actually here.

  ‘Would you like to choose a song?’ I ask.

  ‘Er, no.’

  I press on. ‘It needs to be a duet because obviously I’m joining you. How about Robbie and Kylie’s ‘Kids’? Do you know it?’

  Zach gives me the side eye. ‘Remember my Point Romance days? I was also quite into Take That,’ he whispers.

  I could squeal with glee. I love this about him!

  ‘Take That forever!’ cheers Nat.

  Zach looks up, horrified.

  ‘Ah, yeah, I forgot to say that our mics are still on,’ I point out, biting my lip.

  Zach gives me a jokey death stare and I give his hand a squeeze, starting the music. I fully expect Zach to just close his eyes and mumble through it as quickly as possible, but oh how wrong I am. Zach is the gift that keeps on giving. It turns out he already knows all the words to ‘Kids’ so he doesn’t need the lyric prompts on screen. He’s even prompting me when it’s Kylie’s turn.

  He can sing! His eyes are on me and I channel Kylie Minogue for a minute, visualising those gold hot pants and wondering if Zach ever went through a guyliner phase. My guess is yes.

  It’s been a while since I listened to this song in full and I had completely forgotten about Robbie’s rap. But it turns out Zach hasn’t. He’s rapping away with a Stoke on Trent accent just like his favourite Take Thatter and I am deceased. Literally folded over in hysterics as Zach throws himself into it. I manage to pull myself together for the final chorus.

  ‘SO COME ON, ju-u-ump on board,’ booms Zach, so into it now that his hands are in the air and our entire booth has jumped to their feet, singing and dancing along.

  This is amazing! And pretty sexy, actually. I wrap my hands around his waist as we sing.

  ‘GET A ROOM!’ shouts Nat as we get to the end.

  Still hot from singing, Zach and I collapse down next to each other while Natalie whips the rest of our mini-crowd into a frenzy with her rendition of Lizzo’s ‘Juice’.

  ‘How do you feel about Nelly and Kelly’s ‘Dilemma’?’ I ask.

  ‘Huh?’

  ‘For our next duet?’ I pant. ‘That was so much fun!’

  Zach scratches his forehead. ‘It was fun but I’m not sure I can face another one.’

  ‘Why not? Everyone loved it!’ I say, taking a sip of my drink.

  Zach frowns.

  ‘Okay fine, you pick the n
ext one,’ I concede.

  ‘I was hoping that might have been enough,’ he says and instantly I realise that I’m pushing him too far.

  ‘I’ve made you uncomfortable.’

  ‘No, well, not really,’ he replies, grabbing my hand. ‘I think there’s only so much public singing this introvert can take, though.’

  ‘I get it. You’re a really good singer though, Zach. Maybe you could put on a little private show for me later.’

  He runs his fingers along his jaw-line as he takes a slug of beer.

  ‘Maybe,’ he smiles wryly. ‘I hope you don’t think I’m a killjoy. Sometimes I worry that I’m not good enough for you in situations like this.’

  I take a sip of my own beer and realise I am quite tipsy.

  ‘That’s not true at all. I’m definitely more of an extrovert but did you see yourself up there a minute ago? You’re a secret entertainer, Zach.’

  He laughs at that, looking bashful.

  ‘It was fun,’ he admits. ‘Just go easy on me, okay. I’m not a natural life-and-soul-of-the-party kind of person like you are.’

  Not long ago I was asking Zach to go easy on me in the romance stakes. How funny that things can turn around so quickly.

  ‘I actually think we complement each other pretty well,’ I say.

  ‘Agreed.’ We clink beer bottles and it feels like we’re enjoying a moment together when Natalie flops down next to Zach and readjusts her boobs. ‘We’ve got one song left so we’ve got to make it count. Only the Spice Girls will do now. Zach, do you know the words to ‘Wannabe’?’

  Argh, Nat, don’t interrupt!

  But Zach does something that surprises the heck out of me. Eyebrows raised in amusement, he shoots me a part-resigned, part-playful look. ‘Yes I do, Natalie.’

  Nat leaps back up, taking his hands in hers. The fact that they get on so well makes me super happy.

  ‘Are you sure?’ I whisper to Zach now.