The A to Z of Us

by Hannah Doyle

  ‘We scrub up all right, don’t we?’ Alice says at our reflection.

  ‘You look stunning, birthday girl.’

  The glasses on our wicker table are filled with a crisp white wine and Alice is chatting happily as she takes pictures on her phone.

  ‘This is the fanciest restaurant I’ve ever been too,’ she says when she puts her phone down. ‘Look at us Zach, about to eat haute cuisine … in France!’

  I love how happy she seems as she skewers an olive, not quite able to take my eyes off her and feeling so lucky to be here.

  ‘I’ve never done this before,’ I admit. ‘Plan a surprise trip away for a girlfriend, I mean.’

  Her eyes linger on me as I talk. ‘Seriously? That surprises me.’

  ‘Why’s that?’

  ‘You’re such a romantic person, Zach. You told me as much when we first met, remember?’ She puts on a deep voice and says: ‘I love love.’

  I grin. ‘Is that your impression of me?’

  ‘Good, wasn’t it?’

  ‘Well …’ I smile, pulling a face. ‘You’re right, I did say that and I suppose I am a romantic person but the truth is, I’ve never found someone who I’ve wanted to share big adventures like this with. I’ve been on holidays with exes but nothing that’s felt like this.’ I pause, not wanting to get in too deep because I know how Alice can feel about that. ‘Having the alphabet dates to work around has made it all more fun, too. I wanted your thirtieth to be special and first I was thinking about places beginning with T …’

  ‘I hear Twickenham is nice at this time of year,’ she jokes.

  ‘Ah, damn, I missed a trick there,’ I grin. ‘When I saw that the Eurostar came all the way down here, I thought, let’s do it.’

  ‘I don’t think I’ll ever forget the time my boyfriend took me on a whole heap of trains for my birthday,’ she winks. ‘Obviously I’m teasing you. Avignon is so beautiful and honestly, this weekend means so much, Zach. I’ve never been on holiday with a boyfriend before, full stop.’

  ‘I guess there’s a lot of things we hadn’t done until we met each other. Going to an eighties disco, for example.’

  Alice laughs. ‘Going on a 10k run. I should have known back then that I liked you.’

  ‘Oh?’ I say, chuffed.

  ‘I can’t think of anyone else I’d agree to run around Sheffield with.’

  ‘Well now it’s my turn to feel honoured. We’ve done a lot of cool stuff together and I just want that to continue, to be honest.’

  ‘We have, haven’t we? I think we’ve both been thrown out of our comfort zones and surprised the heck out of ourselves in the process. My biggest surprise has been how much I like you. How much you make me want to try new things with you.’

  I look out across the restaurant, feeling bowled over by what she’s saying. ‘Thank you. Shall we have a toast. To … us?’

  ‘To us,’ she says, raising her glass to mine.

  Over mains, Alice tells me that she’s been giving my spirit animal some thought for a while now.

  ‘My what?’

  ‘Your spirit animal. People see them in lots of different ways, for some a spirit animal can be a sort of talisman that guides you through life.’

  I set my cutlery down. This sounds intense.

  ‘And for others it’s more of a fun metaphor for your personality in animal form. So, like, if there’s someone you don’t like they could be a snake, or something.’

  ‘Okay,’ I nod. ‘I think I follow. So have you figured out mine?’

  ‘A panda,’ she beams.

  ‘Because … I have an affinity with bamboo?’

  She laughs. ‘Because you’re gentle and emotional but you also have strength. And you like to climb.’

  ‘Hmm. A panda. I’ll come back to that one but first let me have a think about your spirit animal. God, no pressure, you’ve been mulling this one over for a while.’

  ‘And we’re drinking tonight …’

  ‘Exactly! Unfair advantage to you,’ I laugh. ‘So many animals.’

  Alice sits back as I think it over, a smile on her face.

  ‘I’ve got it.’

  ‘Oh?’

  ‘Hummingbird.’

  Alice looks distinctly unimpressed. ‘A tiny little bird? I was hoping you’d go for something a bit more vital and strong. Like a lioness or a jaguar.’

  ‘Hear me out,’ I grin. ‘I watched a nature programme about hummingbirds a while back. They might look delicate but they’re also fiercely independent and playful, and let’s not forget the most important Alice-like element.’

  ‘What’s that? They love flowers too?’ She laughs.

  ‘I hadn’t actually thought of that one. I meant that they’re only a couple of inches big but they can fly for thousands of miles.’

  ‘So I’m small but I can go the distance? It’s not the most romantic analogy I’ve ever heard, Zach,’ she teases.

  ‘I mean they’re resilient, like you.’

  She’s quiet for a minute. ‘That is quite sweet,’ she concedes.

  ‘Better than being a panda,’ I point out.

  ‘Come one, pandas are adorable.’

  Our plates are cleared away and we’re well into the second bottle when Alice gives me a look.

  ‘I know this place is fancy, but do you think we could get away with a little drinking game while we wait for our puddings?’ She stage whispers.

  ‘Absolutely,’ I laugh.

  ‘Never have I ever. Drink if you have,’ she suggests. ‘I’ll start. Never have I ever worn a black lacy body out for dinner.’ Her eyes flick down to her chest rendering me temporarily paralysed with lust.

  We both drink.

  ‘What?!’ She laughs. ‘You have worn a lace body out for dinner too?’

  ‘It was a long time ago, in my defence,’ I explain. ‘We got caught up in the usual Freshers stuff at uni and got dressed up one night, which ended in me in McDonalds wearing black lace.’

  ‘I think it could be a good look for you,’ Alice giggles.

  I find myself blushing so I take another turn. ‘Never have I ever skived off school.’

  Alice drinks. ‘You never skived?’ She asks.

  ‘It wasn’t especially easy at boarding school. I was deliberately late for Latin once, though.’

  ‘Ooh you rebel,’ she teases. ‘Me and Dylan used to skip a fair bit which I’m not very proud of now. We’d go and sit in the skate park and pretend to be Avril Lavigne.’

  ‘I bet Dylan made a great Avril.’

  ‘My favourite fact about Avril was that she willingly married a man called Deryck Whibley. I mean, that must have been love.’

  My heart’s a beating drum by the time we get back to our room, arms wrapped around each other. I feel like the luckiest human on the planet to have Alice by my side. As soon as we’ve shut the door she slides the straps of her dress down and lets it fall to the ground.

  She stands there in that black lacy underwear and I walk towards her, realising that there’s nothing more I want from life than to be in this hotel room with her right here, right now.

  Later, as Alice pads back into the bedroom in her robe, she folds herself into my arms.

  ‘Now that was the best birthday present,’ she jokes.

  I watch as she pulls her hair up into a bun, her cheeks still flushed from an incredible end to the night. She turns back to me with a smile and I wrap my arms further around her body, wanting to stay like this for the rest of my life.

  ‘I love you, Zach,’ she whispers into my chest.

  The girl who made it crystal clear that she didn’t believe in dating when we first met has told me she loves me again. She could say it a thousand times and I will never take it for granted.

  ‘I love you too,’ I reply.

  Unplugged

  Alice

  ‘Happy belated birthday my love!’ Dad cheers. ‘Come on through! I’ve got a surprise cake and some of those party popper things, too.’

/>   I chuckle to myself as I head inside. Dad’s idea of a surprise is to tell you about it repeatedly, several times before the event, so that by the time the surprise is happening you will be distinctly unsurprised. It’s one of the many endearing things about him.

  ‘SURPRISE!’ He shouts, letting off the party poppers as I walk into the living room.

  ‘What a great surprise!’ I reply obligingly as he waves towards the cake.

  ‘Oh hang on, I need to light the candles.’

  ‘I’ll go back out,’ I say, closing the door.

  Seconds later I’m called back in to find Dad proudly holding the cake in his hands, candles blazing on top of it as he sings ‘Happy Birthday’ to me. I cut us both a slice and hand one to Dad.

  ‘How was the trip with Zach?’

  ‘Really lovely. He was so thoughtful and had planned one activity after another. I had no idea where we were going until we arrived in Avignon!’

  ‘Sounds like a lovely getaway.’

  ‘It was. He’d gone to so much effort to make it special and we didn’t stop laughing the entire time.’

  Dad nods approvingly. ‘I’d love to meet him when you feel ready.’

  I shovel in a mouthful of cake. Introducing your boyfriend to your dad feels like a big step, even more so than meeting my friends for the first time, but as I scoff another forkful of lemon drizzle – my fave – I realise that the thought hasn’t had me choking on cake crumbs like it would have in the past. Pre-Zach, even the idea of having a boyfriend was totally alien to me. And yet now, I actually think I’d quite like Dad to meet him.

  ‘Okay, sounds good.’

  Dad heads into the kitchen and I plonk down on our old pink sofa, sitting just how Mum used to, with my knees together and my legs tucked up to one side. It used to feel strange coming back here when I was at uni. I missed our old home so much but really, it wasn’t home I missed, it was Mum. Slowly Dad and I filled his new house with our favourite things that Mum had collected over the years, plus some renegade choices of our own. He’s particularly partial to a drinks trolley he found in Sheffield’s Antiques Quarter which I’m pretty sure Mum would have vetoed, and we laugh about it every time it’s in use.

  Dad potters through with it now, resplendent with a bottle of Harvey’s Bristol Cream and a bowl of Mini Cheddars.

  ‘Drinks from the trolley?’ He grins. A birthday sherry has been a tradition for as long as I can remember.

  As we sip our sherries I notice that Dad’s a bit fidgety. ‘Are we still on for pie and mash this week?’ I ask. Dad and I head to his local pub for pie and mash night every other Tuesday and it’s a long-standing highlight for me.

  He munches on a snack before pausing and looking a bit mystified. ‘Well … yes,’ he says, picking up one of Mum’s cushions and having a good look at it before sending his eyes skyward.

  ‘Dad?’ I’m worried now.

  ‘I thought I might bring a plus one.’

  I chuckle with relief, amused that Dad thinks an extra person for pie and mash constitutes a plus one like we’re attending a wedding.

  ‘Who’s the VIP? I haven’t seen Frank or Chris in a while.’

  Dad coughs.

  ‘Er, not one of the chaps. A lady friend of mine,’ he blushes.

  ‘A lady friend?’ I’m caught by surprise, watching him bob his head up and down.

  ‘Okay,’ I say, taking a quick sip of sherry and stuffing in a fistful of crisps. ‘Are you trying to tell me that you’re seeing someone, Dad?’

  Dad gives the cushion a good flumph.

  ‘Well, yes, I suppose I am.’ He looks so incredibly nervous that I make a gargantuan effort to swallow all the Mini Cheddars asap and rush over to give him a cuddle. Only all the snacks make my throat very dry and I splutter.

  ‘Are you crying?’ he asks.

  ‘Mouth full,’ I cough. ‘Not crying.’

  We sit on the sofa in silence for a while, me knocking back sherry in an attempt to clear my throat while waiting for Dad to say something. As I slurp he busies himself stacking snacks into a crumby pile on his arm rest.

  ‘So …’ I prompt after an age.

  ‘Oof,’ he says, wiping a tear from his eye.

  ‘Oh Dad! Don’t be sad. Why are you sad?’

  ‘I’m not sad, love. I’m happy. It’s just all a bit much. She’s called Gloria and we met at the golf club. She decided to take up golf as a way to destress after her divorce. Her ex was a bit of a scoundrel by all accounts. Gloria said she was taking great joy in pretending the golf ball was her ex-husband’s head.’

  I laugh. Gloria sounds great.

  ‘That was a couple of months ago and I suppose you could say we’re dating now. I’ve wanted to tell you but I didn’t know how you’d react.’

  ‘I’m happy for you, Dad!’

  He looks down at his hands.

  ‘No one will ever replace your mum, you know.’

  I feel tears threaten behind my own eyes and blink them back.

  ‘I know that, Daddy,’ I say softly. ‘You deserve to be happy and I’m honestly thrilled for you. This is the first time you’ve mentioned a partner to me since Mum died so we’ve all waited long enough,’ I laugh. ‘Tell me more about Gloria?’

  ‘I think you’ll get on swimmingly,’ he says shyly and my heart swells for him. ‘She loves gardening too so you’ve got that in common, and she’s a bit of a firecracker. We went salsa-dancing the other day. She’s got such a zest for life, just like your mu—’ Dad cuts himself off.

  ‘Dad, it’s all right,’ I reassure him. ‘Mum will always be the bloody best, that’s a stone cold fact. But it’s okay to find joy with someone else, too. I can’t wait to meet her on pie and mash night.’

  ‘You could bring Zach, too?’

  I waver at this. I’m definitely up for Zach meeting my dad but this week? Is it a bit soon still? Dad picks up on it straight away.

  ‘Life’s short, Alice. You’ve made some fantastic friends for yourself over the years and now it sounds like you have a found a partner who is making you very happy, too. I’m happy for you, love.’

  I’ve been thinking about what Dad said ever since and something hasn’t quite been sitting right. It was the fantastic friends comment, I think. Because the thing is, I haven’t properly spoken to Dylan since we went out on that hideous ping pong night. Other than the collage of photos of us from our youth which he messaged me on my birthday, we’ve both been unusually quiet with each other and there’s stuff that needs to be said.

  I decide to bite the bullet and dial his number.

  ‘Pickle! It’s been a while.’

  ‘I know. Have you got a minute?’

  ‘Sure,’ he says, and I can hear him walking to a quieter spot wherever he is.

  ‘Just thought it was time we had a chat after …’

  ‘After I acted like a dick when we last hung out?’

  ‘Exactly.’

  ‘I’ve been meaning to call but …’

  ‘But you’re a bit useless?’

  ‘Ouch! Though you’re probably right. Listen, Alice, I’m sorry about all that. The beer definitely didn’t help but that’s no excuse, I think I went a bit overboard on the whole protective best friend thing.’

  ‘You made Zach feel bad for stuff that he and I had already had a private conversation about, and then we ended up dragging it all back up again and having a massive row. I was so upset and angry about all the drama that I ended up drunkenly breaking up with him.’

  ‘Fuck, Alice, I didn’t realise that. Nat told me that things hadn’t been great but …’

  ‘So why didn’t you call me?’

  I hear him sigh down the phone. ‘I didn’t know what to say. I thought I was looking out for you. You’ve always said that you’re not into relationships and ever since Zach’s been on the scene you’ve been all … confused about your emotions.’

  ‘That’s because this is all new to me! What I need is for you to support me through it, no
t make things worse by picking fights with him and behaving like a dickhead.’

  ‘I thought I was supporting you by reminding you of the decisions you made after your mum died.’

  ‘I get that but Dylan, people change. I feel like I’ve grown recently and yes, you’re right, I have been confused but I’ve also been having the time of my life with Zach. I could really do without you trying to piss on that.’

  ‘Okay, well, I’m sorry. It’s good to hear that he makes you happy. Zach and I are obviously quite different …’

  ‘You’re not wrong there,’ I chuckle.

  ‘Maybe we need to spend some more time together, figure each other out a bit more.’

  ‘I think so. You’re both so important to me and I need you both to make an effort for my sake.’

  ‘Understood. I promise I won’t go into overdrive next time I see him, okay. Even I know I can be a bit much sometimes.’

  ‘Understatement of the year,’ I stage whisper.

  ‘All right! So, sounds like your birthday was good?’

  ‘Amazing,’ I grin, relieved to have spoken my mind to Dylan and eager to get things back to normal with us. ‘So, big news. Dad’s got a girlfriend!’

  ‘Good for Geoff! You get some!’

  ‘Um, can we not? I’m very happy for him but I don’t need to hear you encouraging my own father to “get some” thanks very much.’

  Dylan laughs at that.

  ‘Seriously though, are you okay about it?’

  ‘Completely. It’s a really nice feeling to think that Dad has a companion. I’ve been worried about him being lonely. How about you?’

  ‘Yeah, you know me, all good in the hood.’

  ‘You defo can’t get away with saying that, Dyl. Listen, I’m going to be OOO for the next twenty-four hours.’

  ‘OOO? What’s that? Are you trying to tell me you’re spending the next twenty-four hours getting some too?’

  ‘It means Out Of Office, Grandad. As in, officially offline.’

  ‘I think we can all agree that the abbreviations have got out of hand now. What if I have an SOS? Abandoned by my best friend, FML.’

  ‘Har har. I’m going now.’

  ‘TBH IDK Alice, what’s a guy supposed to do IRL without you? LOL ROFL.’