by Jane Anthony
“I was just about to go open the shop. I stopped here first to put some stuff in the fridge for you.”
Her sleepy face split into a wicked grin. “What’s so funny?” I asked.
“You’re kind of like my bitch.” She laughed. I stuck my lip out in a playful pout as if I was offended by her taunting. Truth was she was right. There wasn't a thing I wouldn't do for her. I was most definitely her bitch.
“Get some sleep, cutie. I’ll see ya later,” I said, dropping a kiss to her head and letting myself out the door to start another grueling day at the office.
Chapter Twenty
JILLIAN
AJ's improvement was gradual but constant. Once the vent tube was removed, he started to seem like his old self again.
Jameson never returned to the hospital. In fact, I barely saw much of him at all in the weeks since AJ became lucid. He still went to the shop every day, but things between us were different. He'd cared for me so lovingly those first few weeks, and I felt so lucky to have him in my life. AJ was on the road to recovery, though, and I had to make a choice. My brother had to come first.
"You don't have to sit here with me every day, sis. I'm going to survive, I promise." AJ's shoulder was still in a sling, but the gash on his head was healing. It wouldn’t be long until he was coming home.
“Whatever. You just don’t want me to see you hitting on the hot nurses.” His grin made my heart smile. I’d admit my constant presence at the hospital was probably a little annoying, but I’d come so close to losing him. I wasn’t ready to retract my clingy claws yet. “Don‘t worry, I’m checking in at the shop and getting stuff done there. I haven’t let everything fall to hell.”
“He’s still showing up?” The light in his eyes went dim at the mention of Jameson. Naturally, when he’d asked about the shop, I told him Jameson was picking up the slack.
“Yeah, he is. I told you, he’s handling pretty much everything down there. He’s been amazing.”
A sneer flashed on his lips then disappeared. “Yeah, I’m sure he has.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Every time the topic of conversation turned to Jameson, I could see the hostility in AJ returning. “I really don’t get you, you know that? You should be happy you have a friend like him. He doesn’t have to be down there busting his ass, doing the work of two men, but he is.”
“Jameson’s not my friend, he’s my employee.” The sneer returned to his face. After everything he’d been through, I couldn’t believe he was still angry.
“You’re acting like a pissed off toddler with a broken toy. It happened, AJ.” I didn’t have to say out loud what “it” meant. The look on his face told me he understood. “Get over it.”
His lips pursed, and his eyes turned to slits. “It’s late and I’m tired. Go home, Jillian.” I could feel the anger building in my gut. I took Jameson’s side, and he completely shut down. The battle between my head and my heart continued to rage inside me as I walked to my truck. AJ was such a stubborn ass. If only he was able to see Jameson through my eyes. He’d see a man who’d stop at nothing to make sure I was protected and cared for. He’d see a man just like himself.
Jameson’s car was still parked in front of the shop. The pangs of guilt reared their ugly heads. I’d been avoiding him like the plague, and he was still working into the night making sure my family’s business thrived. More than anything, I wanted to run into that shop and cover him in kisses. I wanted to not only tell him how thankful I was for his presence in my life, but I also wanted to show him. The more I thought about it, the more overwhelming and painful the desire became. But I couldn’t do any of those things. AJ would never allow it, and I needed my brother’s blessing.
The truck rolled past the shop, and my phone chimed as I made my way up the steps of my house.
Jameson: Gonna drive right by without a word, huh?
Jameson’s text caught me off guard. We’d had the occasional text chat here and there, mostly about the shop or AJ.
Jill: Sorry, in a rush is all.
I hadn’t gotten past my front door when I heard the chime again.
Jameson: I miss you, cutie. How long do you intend to leave me hanging here?
My brain clouded over. I didn’t want his words to hang in the air unanswered, but I couldn’t come up with anything to send in response. It wasn’t up to me to decide. I’d missed my window of opportunity and my phone chimed again.
Jameson: I’m waiting …
He had me flustered. He was trying to get a rise out of me, and it was working. I didn’t want him to have this kind of effect on me. I wanted to go back to when everything was simple and easy. When I didn’t wake up thinking about his smile and go to bed smelling him on my sheets. It had been weeks since he touched me, but I could still feel his hands all over my skin and I ached to have him hold me. He was killing me slowly with every pleading message he sent. I jammed my phone into my pocket. This conversation was over.
“Jillian.” My name blew through the air as if being carried by the wind. I turned, and Jameson was there. The heat in his eyes worked its way into my soul attempting to melt my hesitation to run to him. His hand fidgeted at his side, and the other fisted his phone in a vise grip. My pulse raced as he pinned me to the porch with his gaze. “I’m trying to be a good guy, cutie. I’m trying to give you the space you need, but I don’t deserve this cold shoulder.”
“What do you want from me?” My voice trembled from his admission. He was a good guy, and I’d been awful to him. He continued to give me all of him, and all I did in return was take.
“I want you to tell me the truth. Do you still want me or not?”
Well, there it was. The answer was an emphatic yes. I didn’t just want him, I craved him. He was the air in my lungs and the water on my tongue, my soft bed and my hot shower. He was everything I desired, except for the one thing I needed most: my brother's approval. “He’ll never accept it, Jameson.”
He stalked closer to where I stood on the porch. “That wasn’t my question.”
“I don’t have another answer to give you.” I closed my eyes and turned my back to him. The front door opened, and the darkness of the empty house sucked me inside.
JAMESON
I lay on my bed with my heart in pieces. I handed it to her on a silver platter, and she crushed it in her tiny hands. The woman was infuriating. She drove me crazy on so many levels it boggled my mind. If I were smart, I'd throw in the towel on all of this while I still had an ounce of dignity left, but the thought of not being with her caused my chest to burn.
Leaving town wasn't an option, but leaving this room was necessary. These four walls threatened to close in on me if I stayed here any longer. I grabbed my keys and locked the door behind me.
I had no idea where I was going, so I just drove. Memories of her were everywhere around me. She was never mine to begin with. I’d had her for a brief moment, but it was an illusion.
I turned the wheel and cursed myself for being such a pussy. Against my better judgment, I allowed Jillian to get under my skin, and now, I'll never get her out. She'll live there forever, crushing me from the inside. Coming back to this stupid town was a mistake. There’d never been anything here for me except heartache.
My past was bogging me down. I should have been up front from the start, but it was too late to go back and undo what I’d done wrong. I could only move forward and make things right.
My phone began to vibrate in my pocket, and I pulled the car over to fish it out.
Jill: Come over
There was no explanation, just two little words. A demand. I cursed at myself again as I threw my phone on the passenger seat and turned the car around.
The area around her house was dark, except for the yellow glow of her porch light. I made the short journey from my car to her steps, and the door flew open as if she’d been waiting for me. Her lips were on mine in an instant. Her mouth was tangy and sweet like limes and something else.
Tequila?
Her hands fisted my hair. She climbed me like a spider monkey before I even made it completely inside. The sole of my boot smacked against the door, slamming it shut before I carried her to the couch.
Her clumsy hands fumbled with the button on my pants, and I grabbed them. “Wait.” I tried to catch her gaze, but her eyes were unfocused. The smell of booze wafted off her with each panting breath. She was hammered. “What are you doing, Jill? What is this?”
“Giving you an answer. You asked if I want you, my answer is yes.”
She lunged toward me to kiss me again, and I pulled my head away. “Do you want me? Or do you just want my dick?”
She shook her head confused. “Does it make a difference?”
“Yes, it makes a difference!” I jumped off the couch to keep her from touching me again. My head and my cock were about to fight to the death, and I needed to be less close to her. “I want more than this, Jillian. I want you. All of you.”
“But I’m giving you all of me. Come take it.” She lifted her arms out to the side as if sacrificing herself to me. Her pleading eyes pulled me back down to the couch next to her.
“You don’t get it,” I said gently. “It’s not enough for me.” I put my hand high up on her thigh, my thumb resting mere centimeters from her center. “I don’t just want to be here.” My hand left her leg and covered her heart. “I want to be here.”
Her eyes dropped to my hand then back up at me. She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, and my hand touched her face. “I don’t want to hide anymore. It’s not enough to just be your secret fuck buddy. I want to be yours completely.”
“I would love that.” Her voice was barely a whisper.
“Then stop fighting this.” My hands came up on either side of her face so she couldn’t look away. She needed to face the truth. We belonged together.
Her eyes welled with tears. “I can’t.”
Dropping my hands, I stood. The testosterone coursed through my bloodstream, and I needed to lash out. “Why, Jillian? Tell me why and don’t fucking tell me it’s because of AJ.”
“What do you want me to say, Jameson?” She jumped off the couch and circled the room as she continued. “You know how AJ feels about us. What am I supposed to do? Alienate my only relative, my best friend, and my business partner all in one fell swoop?” She stopped in front of me and crossed her arms. “And when all of that is said and done, tell me. What do I do then, when shit gets too real and you vanish into thin air?”
She might as well have stabbed me with a kitchen knife. My mouth dropped open as I stared down at her in disbelief. I took a deep breath and blew it out hard, glaring down at her before I found the words to respond to her vicious remark.
“Have I given you any indication that I’m leaving?” I took a step closer to her. She wavered from the alcohol but stood her ground. Her breathing accelerated and her lips parted. “You’ve raked me over hot coals. You’ve used me and thrown me away at your will, and I keep coming back for more. What else do I have to do to prove to you that I’m not going anywhere?”
She swallowed hard. “When I think of something, I’ll let you know.” Her voice quivered, but her fiery eyes held my gaze. This girl was going to be the death of me.
“Good, you do that.” I backed off and headed toward the door. My blood was pumping through my body at a feverish pace. I was tempted to throw her to the floor and take my aggression out on her until the sun came up, but that shit would only complicate things.
“What was her name?”
The question stopped me cold. I stood at the edge of the room and stared down at the frayed edge of the area rug. “Marie.” My voice hitched under the knot in my throat. I hadn’t spoken her name out loud in years. After all this time, I still felt a bitter sting as it rolled off my tongue. I can see her face, cold and calculating, as she unloaded the heinous admission that led me to run.
“Why did you leave them?” she asked, calmly. There wasn’t malice or pity behind the question.
I looked over my shoulder and saw her standing in the same spot I’d left her. The fire in her eyes had fizzled out and was replaced with empathy. I rubbed a hand down my face and sighed. “They were never mine to begin with.”
Chapter Twenty-One
JILLIAN
The blinding sun filtered in through my bedroom window. I winced in pain, cursing my headache and wishing I hadn’t drank so much the night before. After my confrontation with Jameson, I was too wound up to sleep. Drinking my weight in tequila was not the smartest idea. My mouth tasted like death. I needed water and aspirin, stat.
I forced myself up and into the bathroom. As much as I wanted to stay in bed and sleep, I had to go into the shop to do some billing, and Jameson needed to be paid. Texting him for a booty call was not my finest hour. The thought of facing him made me want to hurl. Actually, I kind of wanted to hurl anyway, thanks to the alcohol.
My eyes raked over the contents of the medicine cabinet in search of something to ease my throbbing head. Band-Aids, Q-tips, mouthwash, tampons …
The half-full box of tampons held my attention. When was my last period? Dates on the calendar ran through my cloudy brain. I’d never kept track before. I never had a reason to. Until recently.
I racked my brain trying to formulate a way to narrow it down. Was it hot out or just warm? Did I have it before our trip to the shore? After? I was positive I’d skipped July completely. I’d been so overwhelmed I just couldn’t remember.
My head was in the toilet in an instant. All the alcohol wretched out like a fire hose until I was empty. I sat on the cold tile with my head resting on the seat of the toilet. We’d been careful. I mentally recalled each and every time we’d been together and he always wore a condom. Every time. Except that one time ...
The memory of us on the couch invaded my brain. My impatience. I was hurting and needed him to ease the pain. I pulled him in and we never stopped to think about the consequences.
The dull ache in my head became a steady pound. How could I have let this happen? After everything I’d learned about Jameson and that girl, I went and did the same thing. I allowed myself to be controlled by my impulses and flushed my life, much like my vomit, down the toilet.
I couldn’t control the shaking from deep inside my gut. A hundred thoughts raced through my brain but one in particular jumped out from all of them like a geyser. If I tell Jameson, he’s going to leave. He was single handedly running the shop while AJ was recovering, and we needed him now more than ever. Life had handed me a giant shit sandwich, but the only person I had to blame for the taste in my mouth now was me.
There was no way I was going to get through the day until I knew for sure. My feet propelled me into the shower. Without bothering to dry my hair, I ran out of the house forgetting to lock the door behind me.
I stood in the Family Planning aisle at the store feeling like a statistic. The pregnancy test options were endless. Blue strips, pink strips – the whole aisle seemed to be spinning. I grabbed one and ran up to the checkout to complete the purchase that could potentially seal my fate forever.
I pulled into the shop, unlocked the door, and made a beeline for the bathroom. With trembling fingers, I tore open the box but dropped everything on the floor and the plastic strip clattered along the tile. I snatched it from the floor and held it under the stream of urine, counting to ten like the directions said.
The test balanced on the edge of the sink as I waited for the results. My heart thrummed against my ribcage so hard it felt bruised. Two lines pregnant, one line not. I said it over and over in my mind as I chewed my thumbnail almost bloody.
A knock on the door caused me to jump out of my skin. “Are you all right?” Even after I’d been so hurtful to him yesterday, he was still concerned about my welfare. He belonged in this bathroom with me, holding my hand while we waited together. He told me I’d never be alone, but here I was scared to death, while he got the satisfaction of never knowin
g the fear that I was feeling at this very moment.
“Yeah, I’ll be right out.” With rattled nerves, I took a deep breath and lifted the strip off the sink. The answer I desired was clearly defined behind the tiny plastic window. I looked up at the ceiling and exhaled slowly. My shoulders dropped from their position at my ears. I waited until the hammering of my heart subsided then stashed the evidence.
I dodged a bullet. Now, I had to open the door and face the smoking gun that waited for me on the other side.
JAMESON
The office was unlocked, but Jillian wasn’t inside. A thin slice of light highlighted the tile under the bathroom door. I turned on the lights and opened the bay doors in the shop, and she never came out.
She’s probably sick as hell from last night.
I knocked lightly on the door. “Are you all right?”
Her voice was strained as it came through the door. “Yeah, I’ll be right out.”
A few minutes later, the door opened. She looked like hell. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah, I’ll survive. Pretty sure I just drank too much last night.”
My brows creased together at the sight of her pale skin and glassy eyes. I had no doubts she was hung over, but there was something more she wasn’t telling me. “Well, let me know if you need anything.”
I began to head into the shop to get to work but her fingers closed around my bicep. “If the baby wasn’t yours, who’s was it?”
“That’s a conversation for another time, cutie.” It was a conversation I never intended to have period. I was eventually going to have to tell her everything, but I didn’t have the energy for it now. She dropped her hand, and I went to work.