Reign or Shine

by H J Welch

  Reghan blew a raspberry. “The clock has lost all meaning,” she said, doing her best mystic impression. “Also, I’m napping all the damn time, so I have no clue what the time even is. I honestly didn’t know if you’d pick up or not. I just woke up and grabbed my phone.” As if to illustrate her point, she yawned loudly.

  Matty continued walking down the quiet Alpina street, enjoying the deep shadows from the buildings in the dawn light. He’d always been an early riser, and jet lag was still messing with his body, so he’d embraced it and gone for a walk. It felt like the whole world was his to relish with so few other people around.

  “Oh!” Reghan said, sounding surprised and distant. Matty guessed she’d just checked the time on her phone. When she spoke again, she was loud and clear once more. “It’s eleven-thirty, apparently.”

  Matty should have remembered New York was seven hours behind Rosavia, but the last several days had been such a blur, it was as if details he hadn’t needed for a while were just leaking out of his ears.

  Concern quickly overrode everything else. “Shouldn’t you be asleep?” he asked.

  Reghan sighed. “It’s okay, baby bro,” she said. Her voice was kind of hoarse, reminding him of just how ill she was. “I’m doing okay, really. Lola is taking such good care of me while I get used to this hell again. But it is what it is.” The was a pause, and Matty battled with the lump in his throat. “I’m going to beat it this time, I promise you.”

  Matty sniffed. “I know,” he said, making himself laugh. “You always were a stubborn brat.”

  Reghan laughed wetly. “Me? You were the brat. I always had to bail you out of trouble!”

  Matty’s heart swelled as he rubbed his face. Teasing was good, after all. It was normal. “Is that why you called?” he asked. “Did your sixth sense ping that I’m up to no good?”

  There was another very different kind of pause. “Matty, what’s wrong?” Reghan demanded. “Is Finley okay?”

  “She’s fine!” Matty spluttered, cursing himself and his big mouth. He hadn’t meant to say anything at all, and he certainly hadn’t meant to scare Reghan. “She’s had a fantastic week. I’ve visited her a couple of times, and we talk every night. She said she was calling you guys, too?”

  Reghan let out a breath. “Yeah, she has been. And if I was asleep, Lola’s spoken to her. I just…it’s so tough being on another continent from my baby. I’ve never even left her overnight anywhere before. Thank you so much for getting her there and being her guardian angel.”

  “Oh, hon, it’s fine,” Matty said. “I’m glad you trusted me, but Elm Willows is doing most of the work. This is an opportunity of a lifetime for her, and she’s doing amazingly, according to the school. Her teachers are so attentive, and I’ve been speaking to them regularly too. Everything’s great here, I promise.”

  Matty didn’t really understand what Finley was doing, other than spending most of her day shooting arrows, but one of her instructors had spoken to him just yesterday and assured him that she was excelling as one of their top students. He told Reghan that.

  She sniffed and sighed in relief. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to lose it. I wish I could be there so badly.”

  Matty smiled, wishing he could wrap his big sister up in his arms. “It’s perfectly natural to be worried about your daughter,” he assured her. “Thank you for having faith in me. I promise to take a hundred thousand videos at the competition tomorrow.”

  His heart twisted. He and Cas had been lost in a blissful bubble that had seemed to exist out of time. How was it already Friday morning?

  Matty and Finley were flying home on Monday.

  Before melancholy could overwhelm him, Matty shook himself. He and Cas had studiously not discussed Matty’s departure over the past several days, but he’d vowed to himself that he would today. He wasn’t sure what future could possibly happen with an ocean between them, but Matty was determined not to let Cas slip through his fingers.

  Right from the start, Cas had somehow helped Matty’s confidence to grow. After such an intense period together, Matty was already believing in himself more. It almost felt easy with Cas’s continuous praise and the way he looked at Matty with such fondness.

  Regular Matty was already feeling like the stranger, and Vacation Matty was taking his place. Vacation Matty didn’t assume that Cas was going to abandon him like all his ex-boyfriends and, most painfully, his parents had. Cas made Matty feel enough in a way that had clearly been lacking his whole life.

  Enough that Matty was finally giving serious deliberation to that half-baked plan of his that he could maybe try living somewhere other than Queens for a while.

  And perhaps that place could be Alpina.

  He’d never even considered anything so crazy in his life, but he’d thrown caution to the wind and trusted Cas, and he hadn’t messed Matty around like he’d feared. Everything had turned out fantastic. People moved all the time. Why shouldn’t Matty give it a try?

  As he talked more with Reghan about Finley’s accomplishments over the past week and a half, he knew his family was the only thing tying him to New York. He would never in a million years desert them, like his and Reghan’s folks had. But he wasn’t slamming the door on them for coming out. He was just thinking about what would make him happy for once, and how he might start truly living his life. Shommie and Esosa had been very clear with him that he wasn’t doing Reghan any favors by sitting around and worrying over her. He’d always be there to help, but Matty wanted to see the world and discover more of who he truly was.

  He strolled past a bakery that was wafting delicious smells of freshly-prepared pastries through the open doors. He’d gone out with the intention of picking up something tasty on his way back to Cas’s place later for them both. As much as he’d made up his mind that he was going to talk to Cas about a tentative future between them later, he still had a hard-wired fear that it was all going to blow up in his face. His stomach knotted immediately as he pictured Cas’s beaming smile falling from his face as he rejected Matty’s idea.

  As if sensing his thoughts, Reghan clicked her tongue. “So, when you said you were up to no good, what did you mean?” she asked. “Something’s up. Come on, tell your big sis everything.”

  She wasn’t being pushy, but she was right. Matty bit his lip and paused to admire a fountain in the square he’d wandered into. There were lots of these in Alpina, with cobblestones and centuries-old architecture.

  “I…” God, it was going to sound so stupid to say out loud, but he persevered. “I’ve sort of met someone.”

  “In Rosavia?”

  Matty nodded, even though she couldn’t see him. “Uh, yes,” he said out loud when he realized. “It was a complete accident. And…oh, Rey. He’s amazing. Kind and funny and generous and a terrible cook, but that just means he thinks I’m great at it.” He bit his lip. “We’ve basically been inseparable for over a week.”

  “Whoa.”

  Reghan sighed, sounding like she was blowing out her cheeks. She always did that when she was thinking. That was why Matty had waited to talk with her despite the time difference, and not his new friends Shommie and Esosa. They were fantastic and encouraging, but nobody knew him like Reghan.

  “Matty…that sounds kind of serious? I know you don’t do casual, but…”

  “He lives four thousand miles away in Alpina,” Matty finished for her. He blew his own raspberry, meandering around the piazza as more of the businesses came to life around him. “It started out casual, it really did,” he said, almost pleading for her to believe him. “I was determined to have a vacation fling, but the longer we’re together, the more I’m sure it could be something bigger.”

  Because as amazing as the past several days had been with Cas – mostly incredible sex and snuggling in his apartment, accompanied by such easy conversation it was almost unnerving – Matty was getting scared. He’d promised himself this would just be casual, because he was leaving on Monday. And yet…

&
nbsp; “Love isn’t logical,” Reghan said quietly. They’d always said that, especially in the bad times where they’d been truly broke and in desperate need of their parents. They couldn’t help who they were attracted to, just as much as they couldn’t stop their parents for switching off their love for their kids because of it. Love was completely illogical.

  But that wasn’t the point here.

  Matty stopped dead in his tracks by a tourist souvenir store. “It – it’s not love,” he spluttered.

  “Okay,” said Reghan dismissively in that way she had that told him she didn’t believe him in the slightest.

  “No, that’s…” he said, not even sure how to finish the sentence. “He’s – I – it can’t be love, because we just met, and he lives on the other side of the world, and that’s insane, and you’re a dummy.”

  “Oh, shit,” said Reghan after her longest pause yet. “You really like this guy, don’t you?”

  “I…I don’t know,” said Matty sadly.

  But he did. He was falling head-over-heels for Cas. And as much as he was trying to convince himself he was seriously thinking about moving anywhere in the world, the truth was that as of now he was only considering Rosavia. Because he was hoping that it might give him and Cas the opportunity to let this powerful thing between them blossom, like one of the country’s famous roses.

  But what if Cas didn’t feel the same? What if he was expecting Matty to leave on Monday and that they’d never cross paths again? Was Matty jumping to the wrong conclusions?

  He didn’t think so. He’d only been back to his hotel room once since their perfect second date that didn’t seem to want to end. Matty had grabbed his toiletries, a few pairs of underwear and a few items of clothing, then walked straight back out the door again. Essentially, it had been endless hours of Netflix and chill at Cas’s place, and Matty couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so unbelievably happy and stress free. Cas had halfheartedly suggested doing a few touristy things, but every time, they’d somehow ended up making love on the sofa again…or the dining room table…or in the shower…

  Jesus. Matty was insatiable for Cas. He made him feel so completely whole in a way he hadn’t known was possible. Cas worshipped him and took charge totally when they were being intimate, but somehow that made Matty feel like he was king of the universe.

  His eyes burned.

  “Rey,” he whispered. “I think I’m going to get my heart broken.”

  “Oh, baby boy,” Reghan said with such sincerity Matty’s throat clamped. “Yeah, maybe? Maybe you’ll never see this guy again and remember him forever. Or…” She cleared her throat. “Or maybe this is the start of the rest of your life, and you’ll get married and adopt a dozen babies and puppies.”

  “Actually, he has a cat. He’s mad about her.” Cas had shown Matty about a hundred photos of Bella, who apparently lived back at home with his younger brother Wren. Cas had fondly told Matty how terrible she was with each one. “So it’ll be kittens.”

  “Matty,” Reghan said firmly. “Don’t sabotage this for yourself. You’re a good man with a kind heart and never-ending altruism. You’d give anyone the coat off your back. Just…think of yourself for once, okay? You have my permission to go wild. And maybe,” she added in that infuriating know-it-all voice she’d always used to correct Matty’s homework, “remember how you’ve talked about leaving Queens and New York and wanting to see the world since – I don’t know – forever?”

  Matty pouted. “Okay, yeah,” he mumbled eventually.

  He wandered on absently past a clothes store and inside a small grocery store, half-thinking about buying terrible snacks for later after he and Cas inevitably had wild sex again. Their phenomenal bedroom activities were really not helping him think clearly right now.

  “But I’m not going to uproot my life because of some man I just met. If I move, it’ll be for me. Besides, I can’t leave you guys!”

  Reghan tutted. “Less Frozen and more Little Mermaid for you, my friend,” she admonished. “Don’t cockblock yourself! I’m not saying that you should be reckless. I’m just saying that sometimes crazy stuff like, I don’t know, love at first sight really does happen. Embrace the crazy!”

  Matty shook his head. Crazy was still way out of his comfort zone. He couldn’t believe he was even considering moving. Vacation Matty was wilder, but he wasn’t fully ready to accept all-out crazy just yet.

  Unfortunately, that was the moment he paused and looked at the newspaper rack, glancing at the front pages with their headlines or, more specifically, the pictures that accompanied those headlines.

  Because Matty couldn’t read Rosavian. But he sure as hell recognized his own face in less than a heart-stopping second.

  It looked like crazy was about to fall in his lap whether he wanted it to or not.

  What the ever-loving FUCK! was what he thought. But he forced himself to take a couple of breaths to stop him screaming down the phone, then out loud, he gently interrupted Reghan telling him about how she and Lola had met, and how fate works in mysterious ways.

  That was one way of putting it.

  “Uh, Rey? I’m really sorry, but I have to go,” he managed to grit out.

  “Is everything okay?” she asked.

  “Yep,” he lied, “I just…have to go underground. I’ll call you back, okay – bye!”

  He couldn’t hold it in any longer. He heard his sister’s slightly confused goodbye as he closed the call.

  Then the floodgates came crashing down.

  “Fuck fuck FUCK!” he cried, fear gripping his heart. The logical part of his brain swept over the lone paper, trying to tell himself he just had a doppelgänger out there. But the thing was, it wasn’t just photos of him.

  They were him with Cas.

  The store clerk asked something in Rosavian, but the words were all a blurb to Matty. They sounded concerned, though.

  “I – uh,” Matty croaked as he reached for the paper, pulling it out so he could see everything. The foreign words swam in front of his eyes, dark gray letters on light gray pulp paper. But the grainy color photos were unmistakable.

  One was of him and Cas at the Alpina rose gardens the other day. Matty had his hand on Cas’s arm and was looking at him in concern, clearly an intimate act. And the other was when they’d dashed out from the apartment to grab more food and…oh, Jesus fucking Christ.

  More condoms.

  What he was looking at simply didn’t connect with his brain. Why in the name of all that was holy would anyone be taking photos of him and Cas? Let alone be putting them on the front of any newspaper?

  He didn’t know if he wanted to scream or cry or faint. True, he’d been mildly suspicious that Cas always skirted around details of his job, but honestly? Matty had been with Jeremy for over two years and asked many times about his work, and all he could say to this day was that he’d worked in IT.

  It hadn’t seemed like a problem, but it obviously was. Who the fuck was Cas? A rock star? A jewel thief?

  With a trembling hand, Matty unlocked his phone again and activated the translation app. He held the screen above the headline, waiting for the internet to do its best at explaining what the fuck was going on.

  Prince Cassander having regal frolic with aspiring actor American!

  Matty blinked. That had to be a translation fail. Aspiring actor? He just checked ticket stubs at a tiny theater when he wasn’t bussing tables. And, wait…what? Prince Cassander?

  Matty felt so faint that he stumbled and knocked into a spinning stand of postcards by the cash register. The old man behind the counter rushed out in concern, rambling in Rosavian as he steered Matty to sit on a round stool that was probably used for restocking the higher shelves. Matty looked guilty at the crumpled newspaper in his hand, and immediately fished out a few Euros from his pocket. The clerk didn’t seem to want to take them by the way he threw up his hands, but Matty insisted.

  And then he was back with his own panic, staring at the new
s article through his phone.

  Prince Cassander. Cas was short for Cassander? And…he was a prince? That was just so ridiculous, Matty started giggling. There must be some mistake.

  So he threw his data allowance to the wind, and started Googling to see if there really was a Prince Cassander of Rosavia.

  Oh. Right. It was all okay! Cas was only second in line to the throne. Not the actual heir. It was highly unlikely he’d ever be king. No big deal.

  No big deal.

  “Thank you,” Matty managed to whisper as he stumbled from the store, vaguely aware that he was aiming for Cas’s apartment.

  And then he stopped in front of the souvenir shop which he’d paused by earlier. He hadn’t been looking properly at it then.

  But now he was.

  There were a lot of teddy bears, plates, thimbles, and spoons with the Rosavian flag on them, but also a lot of things with people’s faces. Half a dozen handsome young men, to be specific.

  One of whom was Cas.

  Matty gasped, feeling like Alice falling into Wonderland. It was as if his whole world was being pulled from beneath his feet. Cas – his Cas – was on mugs and magnets and dishtowels. They’d made cheap cardboard masks of his face and wobbly-headed dolls. He was everywhere.

  Matty covered his mouth, the tears prickling at the back of his eyes.

  This whole time Matty had been developing feelings for a guy he thought was honest and true and possibly falling for him back. He’d honestly believed that Cas would never mess him around.

  Had this been a game the whole time? Matty might have worried Cas just saw their relationship as a vacation fling, but had Matty even known Cas at all? Had he been laughing at Matty this whole time? Did he regularly pick up unsuspecting tourists for a wild week of sex, then never think about them again? Jesus Christ. Matty hadn’t been impressive enough to keep any of his regular boyfriends. What could he possibly be to a prince other than a dalliance, a bit of fun?