Under Shadow of Doubt

by Juanita Kees

  ‘You’ve got a couple of weeks-worth of supplies in there. You should be right for a while.’

  ‘Thanks, Harold. It looks like Mark has thought of everything.’ How could she be angry with him when she knew he only meant well?

  ‘Right, let’s get you moving.’

  Peta settled into the back seat with Bella while Harold helped Jaime into the front where he could stretch out his injured leg. Harold started the car and drove out the hangar to negotiate the rough terrain around them.

  ‘Where are we?’ Peta looked around. The landscape stretched ahead, deserted except for scattered bush, rough tracks and red dust.

  ‘An out of service holiday resort. It used to be a railway siding many years ago until they re-purposed it. Unfortunately, not many people wanted to holiday out in the middle of nowhere. Suits our purpose though. You’ll be staying in the owner’s residence. It’s furnished and we had someone come out to clean it and stock up the pantry with essentials,’ Harold replied.

  ‘What about you?’ asked Peta.

  ‘I have to go back. I’m not happy about leaving the three of you alone out here, but I have to respect Mark’s orders.’ Harold hesitated. ‘You’re like family to me, Peta. You’ve been through enough. I don’t want to see you hurt.’

  Jaime’s laugh was grim. ‘If that’s a warning for me, big fella, you don’t have to worry. I’ll be on my best behaviour.’

  ‘That’s a given, Caruso, or I’ll see you regret it for the rest of your life.’

  ‘Point taken, mate.’

  ‘Cut it out, you two.’ Peta sighed. ‘I can take care of myself. Will we be okay out here on our own, Harold?’

  ‘Don’t worry, it’s perfectly safe here. No one even knows this place still exists. You won’t need my protection.’ Harold looked at her. ‘But I’ll always have your back. Life seldom gives us a second chance, Peta. Take what you want if you want it. If it doesn’t work, Jeannie and I will always be there to pick you up and dust you off. Just make sure it is what you want.’

  Peta leaned forward and patted his shoulder. ‘Thank you, Harold. I love that you care.’

  ‘Only a fool would have let you go in the first place.’ He cast a sideways glance at Jaime. ‘Let’s hope fools don’t make the same mistake twice.’

  Harold drew his eyes back to the road. He steered the vehicle off onto a side track and drove some way before reaching the boundary fence of a small compound. The whole place carried an abandoned air about it as they drove up the corrugated road—the concrete pool on the left an empty blue hole in the ground, plastic chairs upturned and yellowed by the sun, a red picnic umbrella still tied up and faded by degrees. On the right, cabins stood empty against the shimmering landscape, the dusty windows a reminder of holidays past. A little further ahead, they pulled up next to a small sandstone cottage with a faded red iron roof and a wraparound verandah that promised cool comfort within.

  Outside the cottage the lawn grew knee-high, the garden beds overflowed with weeds and remnants of plants that hadn’t survived the scorching summer heat. Inside however they were met by the clean, fresh smell of lemon, lavender and beeswax. On either side of the long hallway, two doors opened up onto bedrooms, a third to the bathroom and a fourth to a powder room. The end of the hallway spread out into a lounge room with an open plan kitchen and a one-eighty degree view of sparse bushland from tall windows.

  Harold dropped the last of the supplies inside the small hallway and then stood aside to let Jaime hobble in on his crutches. ‘Well, I’ll be off again. Feel free to explore, but don’t wander outside of the compound. You’re in the middle of the bush. It’s easy to get lost out here.’ He handed Peta a mobile phone. ‘That’s your only communication. Signal’s not too bad out here but limited to hot spots. Don’t forget to charge up the battery. There’s a spare battery and charger in the cupboard over there.’ He indicated to a small cabinet next to the television. ‘We’ll contact you as soon as we’re certain it’s safe for you to come home, but if you need us, just yell.’ Harold hugged Peta and Bella before striding back to the door. ‘Right, you’re on your own. Caruso, take care.’

  Jaime’s eyebrow rose at the warning, but he nodded and replied, ‘I will. Off you go now and don’t worry about us. We’ll be fine.’

  Harold left with a wave for the girls and a hard look aimed at Jaime.

  ‘For God’s sake,’ he muttered as the door closed behind Harold. ‘I wouldn’t dare put a foot wrong even if I could.’ Jaime moved closer to the sofa, each movement awkward and bringing a grimace to his face. ‘It’s good to know they’re looking out for you.’ He stood on his good leg and pulled the crutches out from under his arms then lowered himself down onto the sofa using them for balance.

  Peta turned to take them from him as he sat. ‘Okay?’ She arranged cushions behind him and helped him lean back. The grey pallor of his face and the fine film of sweat on his forehead told its own story. ‘I’ll get you a couple of painkillers and then make us a bite to eat.’

  ‘Good girl.’ Jaime’s hand tightened around hers. ‘We need to talk.’

  Peta pulled her hand from his. ‘There’s time enough for that, Jaime. You need to rest a little first. We’ll be here a while.’ She turned away, her hand on her chest, her fingers tingling from the feel of his skin against hers, her heart racing at the thought of the conversations to come and what they’d mean for them as a family.

  She walked across to the kitchen and poured a glass of water from the sealed bottles she found in the fridge. Opening her handbag, she took out Jaime’s prescription painkillers. They’d make him sleepy and delay any confrontation for later. It would give her time to get her thoughts together, especially being alone with him for an indefinite amount of time. With a muttered curse for the circumstances that had forced them into this situation, she walked back to where Jaime rested his head against the back of the sofa, his eyes closed.

  ‘Here we go.’ Peta held out the painkillers and the water.

  His eyes snapped open, dull with pain. She missed that teasing glint they used to carry. He eased forward to take them, wincing as he jarred his knee. Guilt that she was responsible for getting him shot, settled in her stomach like lead. The least she could do was help him heal physically. Emotionally, she and Bella would be the ones to suffer.

  ‘You’ll feel better after these.’ She waited as he swallowed the pills and handed her back the glass. ‘Bella, darling, can you stay with Jaime while I make us a snack? If he needs anything, you come and get me okay?’ Bella shifted on her feet, looking uncertain. Peta ruffled her daughter’s hair. ‘What’s the matter, sweetheart?’

  ‘Mum? Is Jaime my dad?’

  Peta’s feet froze on the worn carpet. She looked at Jaime who shrugged. ‘Why do you think that?’

  ‘Because Paul said my real father was coming to find me when we were at that old house. He said that’s why we had to hide. But Jaime isn’t a bad man. Paul is. Jaime didn’t lock me up or make me scared.’

  Peta knelt down in front of her daughter, drawing her into a hug. ‘We never have to hide from Jaime, Bella. He’s a good man.’

  ‘Is he my real dad?’

  ‘Yes, Jaime is your real dad.’

  ‘If he’s a good man then why did he leave us?’

  Damn good question and not one she wanted to have to explain to a child who had already experienced so much heartbreak. But then so much had happened in their lives that shouldn’t have. ‘Sometimes grown-ups make decisions they think are the right ones.’

  ‘And sometimes they make big mistakes,’ added Jaime, his voice laced with pain. ‘Bella, honey, I would never do anything to frighten or hurt you. Not you or your mum. We have a lot to work out between us and I hope you will give me the chance to make it up to you, okay?’

  Bella turned to Jaime, assessing him as she chewed her lip. Her little girl had been so brave all throughout her ordeal, even at the very last when she’d huddled in the corner terrified. All Peta wanted
for her now was love and warmth and security that would erase those memories from her nightmares.

  ‘Okay, but I have lots of questions.’ Bella sat cross-legged on the carpet and looked up at him where he lay on the sofa.

  ‘Sweetheart, Jaime needs to rest. He’s in a lot of pain and needs to sleep to make him better. Can we save the questions for later?’

  Jaime lifted his head and smiled. ‘It’s okay, Peta. Let her ask. It will take both our minds off things.’

  Peta’s heart did a quick dance. Paul had always been annoyed by Bella’s questions. And injured, surely the last thing Jaime wanted to be doing was answering a little girl’s questions. ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘We all have questions needing answers. It makes sense to answer them while we’re here, away from civilisation. I’m not hiding from anything anymore.’

  Finally everything would be out in the open, all the questions answered, and then they could move forward. ‘Okay then, if you’re sure. But if you get too tired … please let her know when you’ve had enough.’

  ‘We’ll be fine.’ And the look in his eyes promised they would be.

  Leaving them together, she headed off to rummage in the supplies for the ingredients to make a light snack. Across the room Bella talked, her incessant questions barely pausing to give Jaime a chance to answer. He didn’t seem too fussed by her chatter, a smile on his face as he listened.

  Ten minutes later, she placed a plate of nachos in front of them. They ate in silence—Jaime already drowsy from the painkillers, Peta absorbed in her thoughts and Bella just plain hungry as she ate her share.

  What would they say to one another once Bella wasn’t there to act as a barrier? Her little girl couldn’t take her eyes off Jaime, awestruck by his presence and the fact that she had a real flesh and blood dad, not a mythical creature who existed in a relayed memory. If he disappeared out of their lives now, Bella would be heartbroken.

  Doubts niggled at Peta’s mind. If Jaime was as afraid of commitment now as he had been back then, the chances of him hanging around were slim. The damage was already done. Bella had already fallen for him and the fire that burned in her own belly for the man she loved had not damped down. Children had the knack of bouncing back, but Peta wasn’t sure her heart could survive another goodbye. She sighed heavily as she cleared away the empty plates and walked across to stack them in the kitchen sink.

  ‘You think too much, Peta.’ Jaime’s drowsy voice interrupted her thoughts.

  She turned, leaning back against the bench, her fingers curled around the edge of the wood. ‘I have to. Someone has to.’

  ‘We’ll take care of this together, I promise you that.’

  Promises were easy to make. Seeing them through was an entirely different ball game. ‘That’s a big responsibility, Jaime. Are you sure you’re ready for it?’

  Her question was met by Jaime’s breathing. Her answer would be a while coming. He’d fallen asleep.

  Chapter 16

  Jaime awoke to dimmed lights, flat on his back, stretched out on the sofa with a blanket across his legs and a pillow under his head. Outside the tall windows night had fallen across the barren landscape, the darkness pitch black. Muffled voices floated down the hallway from the bedroom. A drowsy smile touched his lips. He could get used to that. How nice it would be to have Bella and Peta there when he woke up every morning.

  What? Jaime jerked up onto his elbows, wincing as white-hot pain seared down his leg. He grimaced and rubbed the bruised, bunched muscle in his thigh. For God’s sake, he was thinking marriage, long term, a lifetime.

  A cold sweat formed on his brow. Fever or fear … more likely the latter. He couldn’t let them walk out of his life, not now, not after everything they’d been through, but complete commitment—a whole different story. That meant sacrifice, changing the plans he’d had for his future, adapting them to accommodate a family—a wife and a daughter, maybe a new baby, a son.

  He shoved a hand through his hair and chewed on his lip. It would be the right thing to do by Peta even if it was a few years too late, but would it be the best thing for his daughter? Was it Bella stirring up this need for commitment? So many marriages floundered because couples stayed together for the sake of the children. No, he loved Peta. He always had. He’d never stopped loving her.

  The nagging voice in the back of his mind had his thoughts in turmoil. Jaime rubbed his eyes with the base of his palms. Too hard to think about with a mind fuzzy with painkillers. Gingerly, he lay back against his pillow again, closing his eyes. Time would tell. The door up the hallway closed and Peta’s footsteps moved closer. He opened his eyes again as she stepped into the lounge room.

  ‘Oh, you’re awake. How are you feeling?’

  ‘Better. Still sore,’ he admitted, gritting his teeth.

  ‘Well, it might be for a while. I’m so sorry, Jaime. If it wasn’t for me you wouldn’t be in this mess,’ Peta apologised.

  ‘As I’ve said before, I volunteered my services. Please don’t take the blame for what happened. Come, sit down and talk to me.’

  Jaime levered himself up onto his elbows again, desperately trying to ignore the pain that shot through him as he did so. He hoped Paul Price was in ten times more agony because he sure as hell deserved to be.

  ‘How’s Bella doing?’

  ‘She’s doing okay. We’ve had a long chat. She’s a little unsettled, but Paul had her in the old homestead right up until yesterday. Mark was right. He didn’t harm her in any way. He was angry and gruff, but he fed her and mostly let her watch cartoons on television once he got the old generator going. No different really to when we lived with him.’

  ‘What about the times he left her alone at night?’

  ‘I’d say she would be sleeping already when he did. She said the only time she was scared was when he locked her in the shipping container. At least even there, he left a light on for her. Seems at odds with the violence he showed towards me.’

  ‘His fight wasn’t with her. She was just a means to an end, more valuable unharmed. And of no emotional value to him. Did he tell her why he took her away?’

  Peta sat down on the floor next to the sofa, her arm on the cushion next to him. Warmth flooded him as her elbow bumped his thigh. Hastily she moved it away. He hated that she felt she needed to. It had been such a natural, comforting move and he liked having her close again. If he wasn’t injured, he’d haul her up next to him and cuddle her into the curve of his body like old times.

  ‘He told her he was sorry for being so mean to us, that he was taking her on a road trip to the town I was born in to make it better. That I’d be coming too, meeting them there. I guess he stuck as close to the truth as possible.’

  ‘What about the drugs? He was pretty high when he ambushed us at the car.’

  ‘He only took those once she was locked up. The high was only just kicking in. The scene at the old warehouse was set up. He never had her there at all. I can’t tell you how grateful I was to hear that.’ Hugging her knees to her chest, she leaned her head back against the seat cushion.

  ‘He was messing with your head. Will she be okay sleeping alone in the room?’

  Peta nodded. ‘I’ve left the bedside lamp and the old clock radio on for her just in case. Once she’s asleep, she’s pretty good at staying that way. She’s a tough kid.’

  ‘Like her mum.’ He touched her hair lightly, letting the soft weight fall through his fingers. ‘I’m glad you didn’t cut it.’ He wound a length of it around his finger. The silkiness brought back memories of her hair spread out on his pillow or feathering across his chest after they’d made love. His body tightened in response. He could almost feel it now. He wanted to feel it again, but Peta sat too stiffly at his side. If he kissed her, she’d resist. They had to bury the past first.

  ‘Jaime, why didn’t you tell me the truth when you went away?’ she asked.

  He sighed heavily. The time had come. There was no point in avoiding it any longer. ‘I s
ent you a letter explaining everything.’

  ‘What letter?’ Peta turned to look at him, confusion evident in her frown.

  ‘The letter I sent to say I’d joined the RAA. Don’t you remember? You answered it.’ Dread settled cold and heavy in his gut. Had she forgotten?

  ‘I never got a letter from you, Jaime, never. How could I have answered a letter I never got?’

  ‘What do you mean you never got it? Who answered it then?’

  He turned to his side to look her right in the eye. Her eyes never lied. Peta had never been capable of telling a lie. He’d always loved that innocent honesty about her. ‘Who answered the letter?’ he asked again.

  Peta stared up at him and he watched her face as realisation dawned.

  ‘Mum.’ Her hand came up to cover her eyes. ‘It could only be Mum. I never saw the letter. I swear, Jaime. She must have recognised your writing and opened it. What did it say?’

  ‘My letter or your reply?’ It all made sense now. Especially after Peta’s mother had refused to let her speak to him when he’d called.

  ‘My reply,’ she whispered.

  ‘In a nutshell, it said that you were glad I’d left and I wasn’t to bother you again.’ He lifted another fall of hair and rubbed it between his fingers. ‘Knowing you as I did, it didn’t make sense at the time but I figured you were angry. I stupidly accepted that you’d moved on. It’s what I meant for you to do, even though I didn’t want you to.’

  Peta shook her head. ‘How could you have believed that after everything we’d shared?’ She groaned, covering her face with her hand. ‘How could Mum do that to me?’

  Jaime shrugged and lay back against the arm of the sofa. He placed an arm over tired eyes. ‘She thought she was protecting you.’

  ‘Protecting me? By sending me straight into the arms of someone like Paul? Yes, that was a good move, wasn’t it?’ Peta scoffed.