by Kat T. Masen
I decide to head into the office with Lex for two hours before joining Charlie for a late lunch and shopping, then dinner with Noah. That way, everyone will be happy.
The two hours fly by quickly, and as usual, the staff panics in Lex’s presence. I have no idea why, he’s much nicer to people than BC—Before Charlie.
With that behind me, I race to meet Charlie at the Boulevard Haussmann and the Grands Boulevards, known for housing old Parisian department stores and selling top designer collections for men and women, gourmet food shopping, home design, jewelry, and so many other things.
Charlie is in heaven, dragging me to each store and boutique, where she enjoys browsing and picking up a few pieces. When we enter La Perla, I’m no stranger to the sexy lingerie on display, having purchased a few items from here.
“Would you look at this?” Charlie picks up a strappy piece of string supposed to be a one piece of some sort. “You could really floss your bits with a piece like this.”
We both laugh in unison. I pick up a bustier, admiring the intricate lace and beading.
“So, we didn’t get a chance to discuss Dominic and his wife.” Charlie watches me with curiosity.
I purposely distract myself by sorting through the rack, looking for my size. “What’s there to discuss? I was just as surprised to see him there as you were.”
“You’re telling me you still don’t talk to him?” Her tone is unforgiving, and her perfectly straight posture standing beside me is supposed to intimidate me. I know her tactics well. “You know, you’re a terrible liar.”
“Charlie,” I say, willing to come up with a lie, but the guilt begins to wreck me. “It’s not what you think.”
Charlie’s eyes widen with concern. “Not what I think? I think the two of you have something on the side. I think Dominic seeing you with Noah sparked some jealousy in him. I also think… sorry, I also know, Noah can’t stand the guy.”
How on earth does she come up with all that? Remember, she’s a lawyer and excellent at reading people. There’s a psychology to being so intuitive and making a career from it.
“I don’t want to discuss this.”
“Of course, you don’t. Dominic is probably in panic mode, trying to get you to continue being his mistress. And you’re scared.”
“I’m not scared, okay?” I sputter in defense. “We agreed to one simple rule, and he wants to break it. Charlie, I’m not like you. I don’t want the whole family and babies. I’m happy with my life the way it is. Yes, I enjoy sex with no attachments, and sure, it would be nice to have a companion. But I’m not interested in complicated relationships. If a man wants to be with me, and I want to be with him without all the drama, then great.”
“It’s not always that easy.” Charlie disagrees while shaking her head. “Sometimes, with love, you’ve got to go through the heartbreak to have your happily ever after.”
“I have gone through heartbreak,” I remind her. “Multiple times. And I’d rather not set myself up for that again.”
“When the right guy comes along, it may be unavoidable. It’ll consume you like a spell, no matter how hard you try to escape. There’s no way out. Kismet. Soulmates.”
“You’re such a hopeless romantic.” I laugh, eyeing the outfit in her hand. “Yet at the same time, a kinky whore. Are you buying the flosser because I’m hungry and need something to eat?”
“Yeah, I’ll buy the flosser. Lex will be in for a real treat tonight.” Charlie chuckles softly then quiets down, placing her hand on my arm gently. “But seriously, Kate, I’m worried about you. You’re all alone here. Paris is beautiful but wouldn’t it be more amazing with someone who you could spend the rest of your life with?”
“Charlie, I’m happy with my life. Yeah, it’s nice to have you guys around, but I’m always busy. It’s not like I’m alone every day.”
“It’s nice to have Noah around?” She raises her brows, waiting for me to respond.
“It’s been a while. Noah has a lot on his mind.”
“So, he told you?”
“He told me everything.”
“And?”
“And what?”
Charlie lets out a sigh. “What do you make of it all?”
I think long and hard about her question. While the news comes as a shock, the predicament he now finds himself in is more of a concern.
“I guess, if I’m honest, he needs to man-up and be responsible. He made a mistake, and now he needs to live with that decision.”
“But don’t you feel sorry for him? I mean, the poor guy can’t catch a break. I have my feelings about Morgan, but who am I to give my opinion on his marriage? It just had cracks well before the ‘I do.’ I always thought that he and you…” Charlie trails off.
I stop and turn her way. “Him and me what? Should’ve been together?”
Charlie simply nods.
“You know my stance on that. We may have been best friends, but we’re two completely different people. If we were meant to be, that would’ve happened four years ago. It didn’t, so there’s your answer.”
“You’re just like Lex in so many ways,” Charlie openly complains. “It’s not so black and white when it comes to relationships. I just think you and Noah have always had this special bond.”
“And I think this matter should be closed,” I tell her forcefully. “Noah has his hands full with his daughter and son. I’m sure, and much like me, he doesn’t have time for anything else. Now, let’s go to lunch because I’m starving.”
Shopping with Charlie is utterly exhausting. Her excitement stems from being child-free and not wanting to waste a single moment. After our trip to La Perla, we make our way back to the hotel and find Noah in the lobby.
“Nice dent in the credit card?”
“We’re in Paris, Noah. It’s a given,” Charlie informs him. “I’m going upstairs to change for dinner, but I’ll see you for breakfast before we fly out?”
I nod, shifting my gaze back to Noah, who’s staring at the La Perla bag.
“What’s in the bag?”
“A croissant,” I lie, jokingly.
“A croissant? I mean, look, I know you were excited to see me, but I had no clue you were dressing up.”
“You’re annoying, and I’m tired. Mind if we head to my place so I can change?”
“Into your croissant?”
“I think I remember why I stopped hanging out with you…”
Ten minutes later, we’re inside my apartment. Noah is busily scanning the living room, admiring the place with an impressive nod as he walks through.
“Some place you’ve got,” Noah compliments before moving toward the balcony. “I can understand why you don’t want to leave. It’s incredibly beautiful here and some view, huh?”
“It is…” I say, removing my wedges.
I tell him I’ll be back, hopping into the shower quickly, then changing into my white sundress. With my hair loose, just sitting past my shoulders, and changing my wedges for my strappy tanned heels, I grab another purse before entering the living room.
“Beautiful,” he breathes as the corner of his lips turn up. “As always.”
“You’re sucking up to me. Did you break a vase while out here?”
“Let’s go.” He chuckles. “Show me Paris at night.”
We walk the streets and watch the city evolve into nightlife. Stopping at a quaint restaurant, we talk about life and work. It’s not hard to see that Noah loves his kids, showing me pictures of Jessa and talking about her milestones. Since Nash is only a few weeks old, he doesn’t have as much to say about him.
“Being a father suits you,” I profess to him, fondly. “I can tell you adore them.”
“They’re every reason to be alive,” he claims, staring at his phone. “It’s really hard, you know, being apart from Jessa and this co-parenting business. Morgan can be quite difficult. As for Nash, it still feels new. I don’t feel like I’ve quite bonded with him just yet.”
“Jessa looks exactly like you.” I smile, noting the similarities. “Has your eyes.”
“I think she looks like her mother.”
“Noah.” I rest my hand on his, trying to understand again how this all went pear-shaped on him, but my phone vibrates, and the name Dominic appears on my screen. I should open it, but the second that I do, I know that my focus will shift to a man who doesn’t deserve my attention right now.
“You want to answer that?” Noah retracts his hand, motioning for my phone.
“No,” I tell him firmly. “I’m here with you.”
Noah looks less than amused, unable to make eye contact with me. I don’t bother to ask him his problem when I know he can read between the lines.
We finish our dinner, then walk the streets to the Eiffel Tower. Tourists surround us, admiring the light show with endless pictures to save the memories of visiting Paris.
After not talking for almost ten minutes, Noah turns to face me. “I’m sorry, Kate. For how I ended things between us. I don’t know why I felt I had to choose between you and Morgan.”
“You were in love…” I murmur with my eyes fixed on the sight before us.
“Kate, it wasn’t just that.”
“Noah, please, let’s just enjoy this rather than dwell on the past. It’s done.”
We watch the rest of the show until a cool breeze causes me to shiver. I probably should’ve brought something to wear on top of my dress, not expecting the temperature to drop so drastically. Noah places his arms around my waist and pulls me into his side as if no time has passed between us.
“I missed you, and us, and more importantly, just being me,” he admits quietly. “I feel like I’ve lost so much of myself.”
I should push him away because with his arms around me, my feelings begin to shift to this unwanted place. Yes, it’s nice to have the comfort of a man, but that’s it.
He’s just a friend. Always remember that.
“This is nice,” I whisper, leaning my head on his shoulder until my phone begins to vibrate again. I pull it out of my pocket and see the same name pop up on my screen at the same time Noah purposely looks.
“Why don’t you answer him, Kate? Tell him it’s over.”
“Over?” I pull away, not liking Noah’s tone. “Dominic and I are nothing, so there’s nothing to be over.”
“C’mon, it’s me. If this friendship is to work, we need honesty.”
“Do you still love Morgan?” I blurt out as his arm falls beneath me. “If she stood in front of you right now and wanted to reconcile, would you take her back?”
“It’s not that simple,” he grits. “We’re beyond repair, okay? I made sure of that the night I fucked Olivia.”
“You didn’t answer my question. Do you still love Morgan?”
Noah doesn’t answer my question, his mood shifting immediately. “And if Dominic wants an exclusive relationship with you, would you say yes?”
“That’s the problem,” I mumble. “And if you want honesty, then here goes, I never wanted that from him. I learned to take the good and leave the bad.”
“So, you fuck him, and that’s it?” Noah grunts.
He makes it sound worse than it is. Or maybe, just maybe, it does appear that way. Yes, he satisfies me sexually, but Noah repeating the facts to me makes it sound ten times worse.
“Look, okay, we both got a lot going on. It’s great you came, but I’m not the same Kate you became friends with years ago.”
“You’re right,” Noah says, pulling away. “The Kate I loved would never have degraded herself to a man who offers her nothing but shame.”
Noah begins to walk away, leaving me to stand alone with his harsh words.
And a call from Dominic waiting to be answered.
KATE
An empty feeling in the pit of my stomach grows larger with every step closer toward the hotel.
As I stand outside the main doors, I stop and stare at the building before me, giving myself a few moments to regroup. Behind the doors is a man who will use his power to control the energy around us in his favor. Yet for years, we’ve been sneaking around, allowing him to do just that, and it never bothered me. Until now.
My lips press together in a slight grimace, struggling to take the next step forward. On top of my already heightened nerves, my earlier argument with Noah only adds to the stress of it all. I hate the fact that I’m even thinking about him right now. All of a sudden, he strolls back into my life, and I’m supposed to factor in his opinion?
You hate that he’s right.
With my shoulders back while inhaling a deep breath, my feet move forward and through the doors into the lobby. I agreed to meet him at the bar inside the hotel rather than the room. It was that or nothing. Despite his resistance to doing so, he finally agreed.
The bar is located just near the main desk, small with dim lighting creating an intimate environment for patrons enjoying a drink. The walls are a deep red with velvet chairs in the same color scattered around the round tables inside. Toward the back corner is a booth where Dominic is sitting. His head is bowed, and the thick black mane of hair which is normally styled perfectly, looks messy and misplaced. The weight of his gaze is fixated on the tumbler in his hands. As I move closer, the amber liquid appears to be whisky—his choice of drink.
I slide into the booth, his head rising to meet my eyes, though without a greeting or even a welcoming smile. Sitting on the table is a glass of wine he pre-ordered. Raising the glass toward my lips, I drink the entire contents before even speaking.
“I never explained to you why I married Allegra.”
“You said you got scared,” I so easily remind him.
“Yes, I did, to an extent,” he admits with a hoarse voice. “About five years ago, I helped an old friend of mine who was in trouble financially. I was naïve to think loaning the money would’ve solved the problem. He owed the wrong people, and when they found out I had some tie to him, I was on their radar.”
I’d heard the story too often in the corporate world—corrupt dealings, hands in the black market, all sorts of trouble which is fatal to any reputable business.
Dominic runs his finger along the edge of the glass before continuing, “Allegra’s father offered me a lifeline… marry his daughter, and the problem will disappear.”
“So, your marriage is somewhat a business deal. Is that what you’re trying to tell me?”
He simply nods his head, keeping his words at bay. “Kate, I want you, but ending my marriage is complicated.”
“But where’s this coming from? I don’t understand, Dominic. You made it clear from the beginning that you didn’t do relationships. Period.”
“You don’t understand love?”
I never in my wildest dreams expected Dominic to say the four-letter word. When told in the right circumstances, this word can seal your future, fill it with joy and happiness. And then there are moments like now when a man carelessly uses the word like it means nothing.
Staring at the table, I have nothing positive to say right now. A sudden feeling of heaviness expands within me, causing my muscles to turn numb. I’m unable to smile, laugh, cry, or evoke any emotion besides shock.
Dominic places his hand on mine, a loving gesture, unlike his usually distant self. “I think about you all day and all night. When she’s lying beside me in bed, I picture it being you. It always comes back to you. I’ve never felt this way before. It’s driving me fucking crazy.”
The desperation in his tone is difficult to ignore, along with the heavy weight of his hand on mine.
“And then I see you with him? It kills me to see you with someone else. That’s when I realized I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want another man touching you. I want you to be all mine.”
I drag my hand back toward my lap, the hurt on his face evident.
“So, this is about Noah? Are you jealous? Let me guess. Your ego has taken a hit, so now you think that telling me you feel something is going
to make me do what, exactly?”
“Not something, I love you, Kate,” he finally admits.
My skin begins to flush, and the room becomes incredibly hot all of a sudden. With my lips pulled back baring my teeth, I stand quickly, willing this conversation to end. “I need to go. This conversation is over. Sort out your marriage, Dominic, but don’t make decisions based on what you think you feel.”
I storm out of the bar, not turning around to watch him try to intimidate me, and through the lobby back onto the street. The threat of rain lingers in the air. I keep my head down, trying to shut out the noise on the solemn walk home. After several blocks, the pitter-patter of the rain begins to create a shield around me. The drops fall hard, soaking my hair and clothes while cooling my skin. The beads trickle down my face, washing away the uncertainty of my life, if only for a few moments.
In the space of a week, my simple life went from zero to a hundred.
Noah’s back.
Dominic professes the word love.
And all of this complicates my life no matter which way I turn.
I’m damned if I do, and damned if I don’t.
My pace slows against the unpredictable storm which lashes our city. The strands of my hair cling onto my skin, a sticky and uncomfortable feeling which is rampant with the humidity. In the reflection of the glass, my makeup is strewn. The so-called waterproof mascara has left me with panda eyes. Fumbling inside my bag for my keys, I lift my head and see Noah standing against the wall beside my door.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, catching my breath.
“Waiting for you. I wanted to apologize for what I said tonight, but perhaps I’m the idiot,” his tone turns deep with resentment. “You went to him, didn’t you?”
“See, this is why we can’t be friends, Noah. What I do with my life is my choice. Not you or Charlie have any say. Just like I never once stopped you from marrying Morgan.”