by Kat T. Masen
“I’m not stopping you from doing anything, okay? I’m pointing out that he’s no good for you. You deserve better.”
“I deserve to make my own choices. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m drenched, drained and want to go to bed.”
Finally, finding my keys, I jiggle them in the lock and open the door. Noah hovers at the entrance, and with my shoulders slumped, I pull him in without saying a word.
In a sudden move, he wraps his arms around me in a tight embrace. As my face falls onto his chest, inhaling his scent, I beg myself not to cry in his presence. I can’t even recall the last time I shed a tear. I’m not an emotionally driven person, and tonight has fucked with my entire belief system.
“Remember when you told me we all make mistakes?” he whispers softly. “Just a mistake, Kate. Move on.”
In the time we were apart, I forgot what it was like to have someone who knows the pits of my soul, who understands my resistance to fail and knows precisely how to make me move forward to better things.
Noah has always done this until, of course, I was pushed aside.
My hands fall flat against his chest, creating distance as I avoid his stare.
“Go shower. Then we’re watching a movie and ordering takeout,” he demands with a warm smile. “I need some American food because I’m missing it like crazy.”
I drop my head with a soft chuckle. “So that you know, we’re watching The Breakfast Club tonight.”
“Is it about breakfast and eating?”
“No, consider it a rite of passage into adulthood.”
“I think I’ve heard that before.” He smirks.
“And before you ask, yes, it’s the same actress as in Pretty in Pink.”
I step away to the sound of his groan. Taking a quick shower to wash tonight off me, I throw on a pair of gray bed shorts and a matching tank. I brush my hair aside, letting it dry naturally as I head back to the living room.
Noah’s eyes turn as I sit down beside him.
“What?” I ask, grabbing the remote.
“You’re half-naked on me.”
“I’m not half-naked on you. This is bedwear from a very expensive boutique in Italy.”
“I can literally see all of your tits.”
My hands cover my chest while I turn to face him in shock.
“You’re such a man. The fabric isn’t see-through.” I remove my hands, trying to prove a point. “See?”
Noah’s face strains. “What do they charge you for a piece of fabric which barely covers you, and also, are you cold?”
I grab the pillow, smacking him with it, which causes my strap to slide and an accidental nip slip. “Oh, sod off!”
Noah laughs. “The Brit is back. And just so you know, ready when you are but with those girls on show, I probably won’t last long.”
“Hey, ground rules, buddy,” I remind him. “We’re just friends. The sexual innuendo stops here.”
“Can I make one more comment about your nipples?”
“No.” I yawn while using the remote. “I get it. I have big tits. Now shut up.”
“Is your yawn an indication of how boring the movie will be?”
I smack his arm. “Just watch, no questions.”
Only ten minutes into the film, he clears his throat. “Can I ask just one question?” he begs with his eyes and a naughty smile.
I pause the film, turning to face him with an annoyed glare.
“How much did you miss me?” He grins.
Unable to hide my smile, I nudge him before resting my head on his shoulder.
“No more questions,” I tell him before whispering. “And a lot. More than you can ever imagine.”
KATE
“I’m really going to miss this place.”
Charlie slaps a decent serving of French jam onto her pastry, moaning as she takes a bite. If I didn’t know better, she’s eating for two, though the copious amounts of alcohol consumed over the weekend would eliminate that idea.
“The place or the food?” I question her while drinking coffee, enjoying the warm liquid to pass through my mouth and ignite all my senses. “Are you sure you’re not pregnant?”
Charlie stops mid-bite, turning toward me with her mouth wide open. “Don’t you dare jinx me. Three girls are enough. Some women are built for large families, I’m barely able to use the toilet without being interrupted.”
Lex nods his head with a knowing smirk. “I’m going to agree with Charlotte on this, three is enough.”
Noah appears uncomfortable, and I’m gathering the subject of children being a sore spot for him. We’ve only talked briefly about it over the weekend since every time the topic was raised, he asked to discuss something else. Last night, we spent hours talking about absolute nonsense until he left just after midnight. I didn’t expect the idle chit-chat to be entertaining, but I haven’t laughed so hard in a while without an alcoholic drink in hand.
“Sorry, Noah,” Charlie murmurs, placing her food down. “Do you want to talk?”
“What’s there to say?”
My gaze shifts between the two of them. Gathering by his withdrawn mood, I sense something has happened in the last few hours. I hold back on asking. If Noah wants to share, then he’ll share, and I don’t want to be the one to push him, especially in front of the present company.
We eat in silence until it becomes time for the three of them to leave. Outside on the street with their suitcases inside the car, I say goodbye to Lex but not before running over a few work matters. Charlie is standing beside him, dabbing the corner of her eye with a tissue.
“Come here, you big softy.” I pull her into an embrace as she clutches onto me tightly.
“I know it’s beautiful here,” she whispers against my shoulder. “But it’s not the same without you. We all miss you so much. Think about coming home, one day, please, when it’s right.”
And that’s the thing about being home, I’ve always pictured it as a place where hopes and dreams come alive. Charlie’s definition of home is where the heart lies, where the laughter carries, where friends belong, and where memories are made.
“But if I’m not here, you won’t be able to set me up on awful blind dates with arrogant French men,” I tease, lighting the mood.
Charlie’s lips break out into a smile, a small laugh escaping her. “I promise to do better. Well, actually, this time I did good, didn’t I?”
She eyes Noah beside her, my head nodding in agreement. “I’ll visit soon, promise.”
“I’m going to hold you to that. Amelia’s birthday is coming up, and it’s not an alien party without you.”
I cringe, jokingly. “Okay, I’m sure the boss will grant me some vacation time.”
Charlie kisses my cheek before climbing into the car with Lex.
Noah is leaning with his back against the car, arms crossed, but his earlier worry disappears as his eyes light up while gazing at me. “You want to hug it out or something?”
I already miss him, trying to ignore the slight pang inside my heart from his departure. “You’re a dork.”
Stepping closer, he wraps his arms around me. Inside his embrace, my body warms at his touch, a familiar contentment I’ve missed in his absence. The mixed emotions of him leaving is swirling around in the pit of my stomach. It’s silly to think I wish he could stay and selfish of me to beg him. Releasing me, he kisses my forehead the way he’s done many times before.
“Noah, it’ll work out,” I say softly, doing my best to destroy the fear consuming him. “No matter what, you’ll do the right thing.”
“What if I don’t?”
I pull away but still hold onto him. Behind the eyes of this beautiful man lays a battle only he can conquer. This weekend reminds me of the bond we once shared. We’ve both made mistakes in the past, and who am I to hold a grudge? I’m far from perfect.
“You’ve got me to set you straight,” I remind him while staring into his eyes with a soft smile. “Now, go on that plane and spen
d time with your kids. I’ll expect a photo of Jessa in the beret you bought. And don’t forget to tell her Aunty Kate is so much more fun than Uncle Eric.”
Noah shakes his head while laughing, touching my hand softly. This feeling is so strange yet alarmingly familiar at the same time. A simple gesture—a touch of the hand— stretches throughout my entire body, but rather than bring with it a sense of panic, it works the opposite and makes me feel complete.
And, in this moment, where I lose myself in my thoughts trying to decipher what this all means, he withdraws his hand, and I’m at an instant loss. Noah enters the car with a final wave until the black Mercedes drives off down the street, disappearing from my sight.
For years, I’ve mastered being alone, focusing on myself and making life into lemonade from the lemons I was handed. But saying goodbye to the three of them is harder than I ever thought it would be. I’m not sure exactly why as I’ve seen Lex numerous times over the years, though Charlie not as often unless we meet abroad. The two of them have become my family and welcomed me with open arms and always support my decisions. Their children feel like my own, their home is always open to me, and not once have I felt otherwise. Yet throwing Noah into the mix changes the dynamic. Charlie and Noah are family, by blood. They have a history and childhood none of us can match. When Noah came to LA, his bond with Lex tightened to brotherhood. I’ve known Lex long enough to know he respects and admires Noah’s tenacity, believing he has what it takes to challenge himself with something bigger. Lex has become this family man, changing his values along the way.
And together, with the love which conquers all of us, our bonds have been tightened in more ways than one.
Over the next few days, I throw myself into work, trying to get back into a routine. Noah texts me daily, random trivia just like back in the day. Because of our time zones, we don’t chat at night like we used to, but his texts make up for the nightly chat. It’s fair to say I miss him despite his inappropriate advances and constant bringing up my breasts in conversation.
By Friday afternoon, I’m ready to call it a week. It must have been a full moon or something like it to warrant such idiotic behavior from my staff. Even clients are more demanding, less patient, and everyone seems on edge, especially me. It’s almost like a storm is brewing on the horizon ready to hit landfall soon.
Taking a few days off caused more headaches than I realized. Just as I’m about to leave the office, Emile calls through, informing me of a visitor. I step outside my office to meet the eyes of Allegra.
Her style is sophisticated—an ivory pencil dress with a thick black belt above her waist. The pumps she wears are Louboutin, of course, and in her hand, she clutches tightly her prize possession—her Birken bag.
“Kate, can we speak somewhere private?”
“Of course.”
With every step back into my office, my heart rate spikes on the verge of combusting. I mentally prepare myself for the interrogation. Surely, she must know something, or why would she be here?
“Let’s cut to the chase.” She fires up a cigarette, something which is legal indoors in Paris, although not something I usually welcome inside my office. “I know you’re my husband’s mistress. I’ve known this for quite some time.”
Her stare is anything but angry but rather composed, which is strangely odd for someone who just questioned me about being her husband’s mistress. I remain quiet, not wanting to admit the truth if this is some sort of setup, but ensure my facial expression is blank with no emotion.
“I think you’re a perfect companion for him. As you know, I live quite a busy life and can’t always attend to his needs.”
“Allegra,” I begin, distancing myself across the room. “What are you trying to say?”
“I believe Dominic has developed feelings for you. I can see how he has changed. As you may or may not know, our marriage was somewhat agreed upon to help his business. So, I have a proposition for you. I’ll continue to give you my blessing to have a relationship with my husband and allow him to spend more time here to fulfill your needs. But I must remain married to him, for legal purposes. Should Dominic and I end our marriage, he’ll lose everything, and my reputation will be ruined.”
My arms move on their own accord, crossing against my chest while my eyes narrow with a hard expression. Beneath the green silk blouse I’m wearing, my blood pressure soars, stirring up anger from behind the walls I’ve purposely built.
“I want to be clear in exactly why you came here,” I concede, trying to understand her proposition. “Dominic must remain married to you, but you don’t care that he sleeps with someone else?”
“Mi amore, us Italians believe that love can be expressed in many ways. My husband has needs, I have needs, and sometimes those needs are met by other people.”
The more she speaks, the more I’m convinced she’s setting me up. She stands, swinging her purse in her hands like she strolled into my office for a friendly chat. “It was nice to finally speak to you in person. Please have a think about what I’ve said. Have a good day, Kate.”
The second she leaves my office, I let out the breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding. I refrain from calling Dominic, wondering how much he knows of her impending visit. If he knows, the asshole should’ve warned me.
I stand at the window and stare into the city.
My phone begins to ring with the name Noah flashing across the screen. I hit accept and place him on speaker.
“What’s with your timing?”
“Why? You naked in the shower?”
“Funny. I’m at work and…” I’m not sure why I hesitate. Every time the topic of Dominic comes up, Noah gets all territorial. “It’s been a long day.”
“Better a long day, then a long life.” He sighs.
“Oh, stop being dramatic,” I call him out. “And you rang because?”
“Can’t an old friend ring to make sure another friend is behaving?”
I purse my lips. “I’m always behaving. It’s Friday, what are your plans for tonight?”
The silence carries over the speaker. “I have to meet Morgan.”
“Oh…” I mouth, unsure why this tiny stab went straight to my heart causing me to stutter. “Is everything okay?”
“Who knows with her,” he grumbles with resentment. “One minute she’s civil, and the next we’re in a screaming match.”
I hold back my words, listening to him but unsure of what to say. Women are a peculiar species, many wear their heart on their sleeve. Morgan seems no different, and she does have a daughter with him who she loves.
“There’s one thing I’ve learned at the top, despite knowing that the other party can be irrational, you have the power to set the tone. You can control the people around you by being calm. Tonight might be good, or it might be bad.”
“Why are you so wise after a shitty day? What happened, anyway?”
I can’t tell him, the humiliation will leave me scarred. And why does he have to know? I haven’t spoken to Dominic since last week at the bar. For now, our communication is non-existent.
But then I remember Noah is only my friend, and perhaps, a male perspective wouldn’t be so bad.
“Noah,” I say his name with trepidation, trying to hold back, but something tells me to be honest. “Allegra was in my office minutes before you called.”
“You’re fucking with me? What the hell for?”
I draw in a breath, knowing this conversation could go two ways. “In a nutshell, she told me she knows about Dominic and me. Basically, she knows that Dominic has feelings, and she won’t stand in the way of us being together, but she needs to stay married to him.”
The more I speak, the more I sound like a complete fool. This entire situation is the complicated mess I’ve been trying to avoid.
“Back the hell up,” he berates with an angered tone. “She wants you to be his mistress or whatever the fuck you want to call it?”
“In layman’s terms, yes.”
/>
“And so, he loves you? Is that what you’re trying to tell me?”
“I never said love, Noah,” I correct him. “I said feelings, emotions.”
“Do you love him?”
I hesitate, but only just. “No.”
“You hesitated…”
“I hesitated because you caught me off-guard with your question.”
The toxic silence between us rears its ugly head. Why did I think this conversation would go well? The same argument could’ve been had with Charlie.
“Listen, I better go,” he mumbles. “I don’t blame him, Kate. Just so you know.”
The call ends abruptly, forcing me to stare at the screen. His final words leave a heavier note, but Noah has often expressed his emotions, and I never read any more into it.
Instead of leaving the office, I purposely bury my head into more work, leaving just before nine. By the time I stop to grab something to eat, it’s dark when I reach my apartment.
Upon opening the door and kicking off my shoes, the sound of silence welcomes the loneliness. A shower or bath will normally relax my tense muscles, but even the thought brings little solace.
Still in my work attire, I sit on the couch and turn on the television. I mindlessly channel surf to no avail until I turn the damn thing off. Frustrated with my mind unable to switch off, I open the doors to the balcony and step out into the summer’s night air. The breeze is refreshing against my skin, the sounds of noise on the street drown out the silence in my head. People are walking together, laughing, and some more intimate, holding hands. The restaurant across the street is busy with lots of patrons dining out.
Last weekend feels like a lifetime ago. Perhaps there’s truth to what Charlie said, Paris is beautiful, but home is where the heart is loved.
I pull my phone out of my pocket, sending Noah a quick text asking if he can talk. He responds with a simple yes. My fingers move quickly and dial his number, placing him on speaker as I lean against the window and stare into the sky.