Chasing Heartbreak: A Friends-to-Lovers Romance (Dark Love Series Book 6)

by Kat T. Masen

  “I’m sorry, Noah. And you? How are you holding up?”

  I can hear Charlie in the background, throwing questions at Kate. It’s a distraction, and I really want to hear Kate’s voice, not my cousin acting like a crazed lunatic.

  “Is there somewhere you can go? So we can talk in private?”

  “Of course, let me call you back.”

  Moments later, my phone rings. “Okay, I’m alone. Is everything okay?”

  My head drops at the same time my chest tightens. The guilt is consuming me, bringing all my failures to light. I’m just like him, the father who never stepped foot in my home because he had some other life. Neither one of my kids deserve this, and that’s all I am—an absent father.

  “How am I supposed to do this, Kate? I can’t be in two places at the same time. I know what it’s like not to have a dad around. I watched my mom sacrifice her whole life for me. Is that fair to Olivia?”

  “Noah,” Kate breathes, calming my nerves. “You’re doing the best you can, given the circumstances. Sure, the distance isn’t helping. I know you have Jessa here, but have you considered asking Olivia to move closer to you?”

  “No, I didn’t think of asking because I know she has her own life.”

  “It’s just a suggestion, and it doesn’t hurt to ask. I’m not a parent, but from a practical standpoint, if she lived in LA, you’d have more time with your son.”

  “My life is a fucked-up mess.”

  “No one is perfect,” she tries to reassure me. “This is your time right now, and you’ll never get these moments back. Go spend time with your son, Noah. He needs you, and so does Olivia.”

  “Will you wait for me?”

  “I promised I would, right?”

  “Kate,” I whisper, needing to say so much more. “I’ll be home soon. I need to see you.”

  “I’m not going anywhere right now, Noah.”

  We hang up the phone, and with a clearer mind, I wander back to the room thinking about Kate’s suggestion. It never occurred to me to ask Olivia to move because, in the back of my mind, I placed her in the same category as Morgan—a woman. Therefore, difficult and stubborn. But Olivia isn’t like that, now that I think about it rationally.

  Nash sleeps through the night, and by morning, his fever has dropped with his appetite returning. The doctor discharges him around midday, sending us home to continue monitoring him.

  I send Kate a quick text, letting her know my plans.

  Me: I’m going to stay one more night. I just want to make sure Nash is okay.

  Kate: Of course, it’s understandable. Are you staying in a hotel?

  Me: No, Olivia offered her couch. Will I see you tomorrow?

  The response doesn’t come, the repeated checking of my phone to an empty screen. An hour later, I see it sitting there.

  Kate: I’ll see you tomorrow.

  Olivia lives in a one-bedroom apartment close to the airport. It’s small but has everything she needs considering she barely stays home when she’s working full-time. Her job as an airline stewardess has her flying across the country, which is how we reconnected.

  Inside her bedroom is Nash’s crib. She places him down, informing me she’ll take a shower. I settle in the living room, opening my laptop, and trying to get work done since I want to stay another night to make sure he continues to recover. But as much as I try to concentrate, my mind drifts to Kate.

  Darkness falls upon us quickly as Olivia and Nash sleep soundly in the room. I bury myself in work, the only thing I can do to clear my mind. With my phone on silent, not to wake them, I now notice the five missed calls from Morgan. In a panic, I dial her back, worried something has happened with Jessa related to the birthday party they attended today.

  “What’s wrong? Is Jessa okay?”

  “You let me walk into Charlie’s house without telling me your girlfriend would be there? Oh, sorry, is that fiancée? I’m not sure what I should call her.” Morgan fumes in an arctic tone. “Imagine my surprise when I see her sitting with our daughter?”

  I attempt to keep my voice down not to wake Olivia and Nash. “Morgan, what are you talking about?”

  “I’m talking about Kate,” she seethes, raising her voice. “You didn’t even give me the respect of telling me you were fucking her!”

  “We’re not fucking. Will you calm down?”

  “Don’t you dare tell me to calm down? Is that why you went to Paris? To go chasing after the woman you’ve been in love with our entire marriage? Tell me, Noah, did I ever have a chance with you? Or was she always the one?”

  I keep silent, no fight left in me to argue with her. When it comes to women, Morgan and Olivia are on the opposite ends of the spectrum. Olivia isn’t one to argue. She’s very respectful of other people and communicates without drama. Morgan, on the other hand, is an emotionally-charged woman. A goddamn bitch when she wants to be.

  “I figured you’d stay silent,” she sneers. “And you know what hurts the most? I did the right thing, Noah. I told you about Callum, then asked if it was okay to meet Jessa. I knew you were angry, so I gave you space to process. But you didn’t care. You let her sit with my daughter like they were best friends. Not only that, she had the audacity to call my daughter a liar when I questioned her. Goddammit, Noah, I’m her mother! How dare you allow that!”

  “Morgan, I’ve been occupied, Olivia had—”

  “Don’t talk to me about your personal life. I don’t want to hear about you marrying Kate and playing happy family or about the other women in your life. In fact, don’t talk to me. If you need to contact me, you can go through your lawyer, and don’t you dare think of stepping foot in my home to see your daughter.”

  The line goes dead.

  I bury my head in my hands, wishing this nightmare to disappear. No matter what I do, I can’t gain any control in my life. And just when I admit my feelings to Kate, begging her to be honest because I can’t go on living this lie like I don’t feel anything, her actions cause a bigger headache in my life.

  Morgan has every right to be upset because, frankly, I’d react the same way.

  With exhaustion weighing heavy on my shoulders, I shut down my laptop and lay on the sofa. I often thought the world would be a better place without me in it. Each day, I’m paying for my mistakes. The challenge of recovering is becoming harder with every breath I take.

  Yet from the smallest of windows, I’ve experienced happiness again. Kate brought all that back into my life in just one weekend. But now, the reality is coming into full vision. Kate will never understand my lifestyle and the demands of being a parent. Despite Morgan’s earlier outburst, I don’t blame her, but no way in hell will I allow her to gain full custody of Jessa.

  And she’s revealed the truth, something I’ve buried for years. I never forgot about Kate during my marriage. She was always there in the back of my mind, a constant comparison to Morgan. It was unfair. Perhaps Morgan is right—we never really had a chance.

  It’s all a fucking mess, and somehow, I need to start cleaning it all up to avoid losing the only thing that matters to me.

  My children.

  KATE

  Charlie had gone all out planning Amelia’s birthday party.

  Amelia is anything but the traditional girl, repelling anything involving fairies, unicorns, or the color pink. Addison, the complete opposite of her older sister, is wearing a princess dress every day and demands everyone call her Belle. Ava, being the middle child, is a mixture of the two.

  Lex and Charlie’s house is sprawled across acres with views of the canyons, an expensive piece of real estate attached to a generous price tag. I still recall the day Lex put in the offer, the staggering amount he paid because, honestly, the man can do anything.

  The house is decorated with a supernatural theme and a large UFO bouncy castle in the yard. There are pretend aliens scattered across the lawn, the attention to detail meticulous as they were loaned from a movie set.

  We spent hours
last night preparing, from favor bags to baking cookies in the shape of UFOs. Charlie insisted on handmaking everything herself aside from the cake. During the night, I wondered if Lex summoned me here to simply assist with the party’s preparation. However, it did take my mind off Noah.

  Outside on the patio is a long table with a green tablecloth covering it. We presented it as a grazing table, including a blob of Jell-O, which looks like a brain. It grossed me out last night, and this morning, I still felt the exact level of disgust.

  “You really know how to pull off a fantastic kids’ party,” I praise Charlie while rearranging the platters on the table to fit more snacks for the kids. “My mother’s idea of a birthday party was store-bought cake and balloons my brothers blew up only to suck the helium out of them.”

  “As you Brits so fondly say, I’m buggered,” Charlie drags, a yawn escaping her. “And it hasn’t even started.”

  Guests start arriving an hour later to a very excited birthday girl. The kids run straight for the UFO bouncy castle, laughter and screams suddenly echoing in the previously quiet yard.

  Julian walks into the backyard along with Adriana. He’s carrying a large gift with a navy bow on top, looking rather sexy in a pair of chino shorts, a black tee, and a pair of stark-white sneakers. Despite my resentment toward him years ago when he was trying to claim Charlie back, I’d be a fool to admit the man isn’t handsome. He’s one of those men who walk into a room, and all eyes turn to look at him. Just like Noah, Haden, and although it pains me to admit it, Lex too.

  And I hate that seeing Adriana happily beside him drags to the surface my buried feelings toward Noah. I’ve always been the single one in the group, and it never bothered me until this very moment.

  Andy is beside them, looking so much older and a spitting image of Elijah from memory. Luna, their daughter, is absolutely gorgeous with her bouncing curls and bright green eyes, dressed in a yellow tutu and running straight for the bouncy castle.

  I kiss both Adriana and Julian hello as we linger on the patio.

  “I’ve missed you,” Adriana squeals by my side, wearing a maxi dress in the same shade as Luna’s tutu. “Talk French to me?”

  “Le français est une belle langue.”

  Adriana clasps her hand onto her chest. “How romantic!”

  “You didn’t even know what she said?” Julian teases her.

  Andy appears less than amused. “Yeah, Mom, what if she said your poop smells lovely?”

  Adriana rolls her eyes. “Boys… and what did you say?”

  I laugh, placing my hand on her shoulder. “French is a beautiful language.”

  Lex walks over with his hands in his pockets, kissing his sister and extending a handshake to Julian. When it comes to Lex and Julian, their dynamic always fascinates me, since there was a time when either one would’ve pointed a gun in each other’s temple for the love of Charlie. And though I never admitted it, a tub of popcorn was always in hand as I watched on the sideline.

  Though today they appear civil as Julian asks Lex a question about a meeting he had, and Lex responds respectfully.

  Rocky is also here, minus Nikki. Their son, Will, has grown so tall, a teenager now with a slight mustache and a small break of pimples scattered across his forehead. Rocky is exactly how I remember him, burly with a tight hug in tow.

  “How’s my favorite British bird doing?”

  “I’m the only British bird you know, so, of course, I’m your favorite,” I remind him with a knowing grin.

  “Eric introduced me to his friend, Alistair,” Rocky informs me with a shudder. “So trust me, you’re not the only one.”

  “Ah, yes.” I giggle, shaking my head at Eric’s friend. “Quite the little drama queen, isn’t he? So, Nikki’s not with you?”

  “She’s back home. It’s been chaos lately, and I keep telling her to hire someone else.”

  “Well, tell her I miss her. I haven’t spoken to her in a while.”

  “I’ll pass it on.” He smiles before grabbing a plate and piling on a large amount of food.

  The backyard is filled with Amelia’s friends and family. Children are running around, chaos everywhere you look. I happily sat with Adriana, scanning the area and noticing Eric isn’t here. I send him a text, but he doesn’t respond.

  I’m busily chatting with Julian about the history of the French Revolution when Morgan walks in with Jessa. My eyes gravitate toward Jessa, the little girl by her side who couldn’t look any more like her daddy—mousy brown hair draping down the side of her face, identical shade to Noah’s, to the hazel-colored eyes in the same shape as his.

  My eager stare wanders back toward Morgan, the woman who Noah chose to marry for life. There’s this grace about her, a woman appearing comfortable in her own skin with a bold fashion choice of all-white for a child’s birthday party. Her hair is cut into a bob, short but sleek. She’s a beautiful woman, and I hate the fact that I’m comparing myself to her. I’m not that woman. I don’t fall into this trap. I know my worth, except of late, the worth has been blurred.

  The jealousy, unapologetic with its presence, has been this constant burning sensation inside my chest refusing to leave. It’s arrival, unannounced, stems from his text of sleeping at Olivia’s. Considering there are plenty of hotels, I don’t understand why he chose a sofa over a comfortable bed. Unless, of course, he was in a comfortable bed with Olivia.

  And then standing only a few feet away is the woman he chose over me.

  Watching Morgan furtively, my headspace becomes a negative playground, not realizing I’ve torn to shreds the napkin which has been sitting on the table in front of me.

  Excusing myself from Rocky and his rambling about LA women and their breasts, I head into the kitchen to distract myself momentarily. After tidying up and loading up the dishwasher just to help Charlie out, I walk back outside, feeling slightly better.

  I sit on the top step with a plate of food in hand, watching the kids play around the yard. They are having so much fun without a care in the world as their laughter filters through. It’s such a vast difference to my life back in Paris, a real sense of family as I look on.

  Beside me, I hear a ruffle, and Jessa is trying to dip a wand into a tube while trying to blow bubbles to no avail. With a frustrated pout, she appears on the verge of crying.

  “If you dip it in long enough and pull it out slowly, you can blow the bubbles,” I say, gently.

  Her big eyes stare back at me as she does exactly that, a bubble floating in the air, much to her amusement.

  “Do you know my daddy?”

  “I know your daddy. He’s my good friend.”

  “I have a best friend, but she’s a girl. Her name is Ella. If a boy and a girl are best friends, they have to get married and have babies.”

  I didn’t know how to break it to the kid. Life isn’t that simple.

  “Jessa, what are you doing?” Morgan stomps toward us, yanking Jessa away from me, her eyes blazing with anger.

  “Mommy, I’m just talking to Daddy’s best friend. They’re going to get married and have babies.”

  Morgan’s furious gaze shifts from Jessa to me. Her eyes are narrowed, rigid, and her usually pale skin is flushed. Beside her, Jessa is quiet but scowls as Morgan’s grip tightens around her small arm.

  “Um, no, I think you understood that all wrong, Jessa,” I try to correct her with a friendly smile.

  “Are you calling my child a liar?” Morgan smolders with resentment.

  “Of course not,” I say, trying to remain calm. “She’s just exaggerated the whole married and kids’ thing.”

  “Jessa, please go say happy birthday to Amelia. We need to go.”

  “But, Mommy, I want to stay with Daddy’s best friend,” she pouts, crossing her arms.

  “Now, Jessa.”

  Jessa runs off while firing off some childish names to her mother.

  “Listen, it wasn’t—”

  “So, you’re fucking my ex-husband? Oh, wa
it a minute, we’re still married, so you’re fucking my husband.”

  “Morgan, it’s not—”

  “You’ve had your eye on him since the moment I walked into his life. How does it feel to be second best?”

  My confidence is shattered, the pain rippling through me as the woman who will forever be tied to the man I crave tells me I’m nothing. I can’t let her see me broken, and so with every fiber in my being, I muster up the courage to defend myself.

  “I’ve stayed out of Noah’s life for the last three years. If your marriage fell apart, it has nothing to do with me. As for now, yes, I’m friends with Noah again. I’m not going to apologize for that.”

  I walk away with my head held high, escaping to the house to calm down. My nerves begin to control my movements, my trembling hands to a fast-beating heart. My emotions jump from feeling insecure to angry, and I hate that she made me feel that way.

  Inside the kitchen, I scour the top cupboard for any liquor I can get my hands on. Something to take the edge of if I’m going to last another two hours surrounded by screaming children and the memory of Noah’s wife telling me I’m second best.

  With the bottle in my hand, a noise behind me stops me in my tracks. I turn around as Eric is standing across the room.

  “We need to talk.”

  ‘Not know, Eric, please,” I beg with glassed eyes. “I need a drink.”

  “Are you screwing my brother?”

  My head lifts to meet his stern gaze, the shock drying my mouth. “Eric…”

  “How long has this being going on?”

  “It’s not what you think.”

  “You’ve been lying to me!” he yells, hurt riddling his face. “I had to find out over dinner when my brother said he’s leaving Allegra for you.”

  “Why… why would he say that?”

  “I don’t know, Kate, you tell me?”

  “Eric.” I clutch my stomach, unable to ignore the sharp pains. “Dominic and I are over. You don’t understand. We were fooling around. It’s complicated and so over.”