Widow's Undoing

by L. Wilder

  “Good luck with that.” He gave me a brotherly pat as he said, “Let me know if I can get you anything.”

  I nodded, then poured myself another shot. Then another. And another. By the next, I was finally starting to feel the effects of the alcohol. Sadly, it wasn’t enough. I wanted to be completely numb, to escape the cold, empty feeling that had attached itself to my very soul, but there was no escape. No matter how much I drank, no matter how many drugs I took or women I had in my bed, that feeling was there reminding me that I’d never be whole.

  The whole thing was fucking exhausting. I didn’t want to be so fucked up. I wanted to be normal, to know what it felt like to truly love someone and to be loved, but my father had made it clear a long time ago that I’d never have that. As I sat there, I could almost hear him shout, ‘You piece of shit! Don’t you know how to do anything right? So fucking pitiful. Can’t do shit. You’ll never amount to nothing. You’ll always be my biggest fucking mistake.’

  His words seared through me, scorching me right down to the bone. No one could see the scars his words had left behind, but they were there—embedded deep within. I closed my eyes, trying my damnedest to think of anything but him. I inhaled a deep breath, and it wasn’t long before my thoughts drifted to Frankie. I thought about how fucking adorable she looked hiding in those damn bushes, her smile, the way the sunlight danced along her dark, silky hair, and for a moment, the tightness in my chest subsided. Sadly, the moment didn’t last long. More of my father’s vicious words came rushing through my mind. Worthless. A waste of fucking air. Pathetic. No one would ever, could ever love a nobody like you.

  It infuriated me that his words still got to me. My breathing had become ragged, forced and unsteady, my fists clenched, knuckles white and throbbing, and when I couldn’t stand it a moment longer, I grabbed the bottle of tequila and threw it, shattering the glass against the wall.

  “What the ever-loving fuck?”

  Danny whipped around and looked down at the broken bottle, then quickly turned his attention over to me. “Just trying to knock back the demons.”

  “Don’t worry about it....I’ve got it.”

  Without another word, he grabbed a new bottle off the shelf and placed it in front of me, then went over and grabbed a broom. Guilt washed over me as I watched him sweep up the broken glass. “Fuck.”

  “Don’t worry about it, brother. We all have bad days.” Danny glanced over his shoulder as he asked, “Something you wanna talk about?”

  “Does it look like I wanna talk about it?”

  I shouldn’t have taken my frustration out on our prospect, but he was there and that’s how the cards happened to fall. I didn’t apologize. I simply opened the bottle of liquor and brought it to my mouth, tilting it back for a long pull. I then stood and left the room. My actions didn’t do much for the guilt I was feeling. In fact, it only made it worse. I walked into my room, slammed the door, and dropped down on the bed. I closed my eyes and quickly passed out, finally putting an end to a shitty day.

  The next morning, I awoke to sun blaring right in my eyes. I quickly grabbed a pillow and threw it over my head, shielding my eyes from the light. I wanted to lie there and block out the day, but a knock on my door let me know I didn’t have that luxury. Without removing the pillow, I shouted, “Yeah?”

  My door opened, followed by Rafe announcing, “We got church.”

  “Yeah, yeah. I know.”

  “Then move your ass. We’re gonna be late.”

  I yanked the pillow off my face as I grumbled, “I’m coming, damn.”

  “What’s wrong, punkin’?” Rafe teased with a chuckle. “Didn’t get enough sleep last night?”

  “Eat a dick, Rafe.” I pulled myself out of bed and groaned as I headed into the bathroom. “Why are you in such a good fucking mood anyway?”

  “Why are you in such a bad one?”

  I didn’t answer. Instead, I splashed some water on my face and brushed my teeth. After running my hand through my hair, I stepped out of the bathroom and said, “Let’s go.”

  “Damn, brother. You’re looking a little rough this morning.”

  “Good of you to notice.” I shoved on my boots and headed for the door. “Let’s move. I don’t wanna be late.”

  When we got to the conference room, Viper and the others were already there. Everyone was talking amongst themselves, and I was thankful no one seemed to notice when Rafe and I sat down. My head was pounding, and I was in dire need of coffee. I didn’t have much to say during church. I just sat back and listened as Viper and Axel discussed going back to us doing shifts at Stilettos. We’d done them before when Stark was fucking with the club. I was surprised they were going to implement them again, but I didn’t say shit about it. Hawk, on the other hand, had questions. Concern filled his eyes as he asked, “There are always brothers at the club. Why do you suddenly feel the need to go back to the shifts?”

  “Just covering all our bases,” Viper answered.

  “We’re already covering our bases,” Hawk argued. “We always have. I’m asking if there’s something we should be concerned about.”

  “Not at this time.”

  “Is there a potential for concern?” Hawk pushed.

  “There’s always a potential for concern, brother.”

  “So, you aren’t going to tell us what’s going on?” Hawk barked.

  “Nothing to tell, Hawk. When or if there is something, I will let you all know.”

  Hawk nodded, putting an end to their heated discussion. Viper then brought up our meet with Flint. We would be getting a larger take for the month, so we’d be taking more of our prospects along to ensure the run went off without a hitch—again, something I already knew from my conversation with Viper. Once church was dismissed, I went to grab myself a cup of coffee. My pounding headache had me thinking back to the reason why I’d reached for the bottle in the first place. As I thought back to my latest encounter with Frankie, I got an uneasy feeling. I couldn’t understand why the memory troubled me like it did, and then it hit me. The fucking spare. I’d told her to get it changed, but when I pulled up in her driveway, I remembered seeing that it was still on her car. I was so eager to get rid of her wallet, I’d forgotten to ask her about it.

  Not that it mattered. It wasn’t my fucking problem. Frankie was a grown woman who could take care of her own shit. I didn’t need to be worrying over her or her fucking tire. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts, I didn’t even notice Lynch had walked up until he asked, “What’s with you?”

  “Nothing.”

  “You sure about that?” He stepped behind me and poured himself some coffee. “Cause it sure looks like you got something on your mind.”

  “I already told ya. It’s nothing.”

  “Then, why am I sensing all the hostility?”

  “Maybe because you’re interrupting my morning coffee.”

  “Nah, that’s not it.” He studied me for a moment, and it wasn’t long before a mischievous smirk crossed his face. “Well, I’ll be damned. You got some chick that’s eatin’ at ya. Don’t ya?”

  “She’s not eatin’ at me.” I took another drink of my coffee before saying, “I just helped her and her boy change a flat tire.”

  “Oh, yeah?” His smirk grew even wider as he asked, “Was she hot?”

  “She was attractive, but that’s irrelevant. I’m not interested in gettin’ tied up with some chick and her kid.”

  “Then, what’s the problem?”

  I watched the smirk fade from his face as I told him, “The spare I put on was pretty shoddy. I told her to get the flat fixed, but I’m not sure she did.”

  “How is that your problem?”

  “It’s not my problem. Not at all. Just hate to see her or her kids get hurt cause she’s driving around with an unreliable spare.”

  “Um-hmm.” He didn’t smile. He didn’t mock or tease. My brother knew better than that shit. Instead, he replied, “Well, I guess you could always drive by her p
lace and see if she got it changed out.”

  “Nah. I’m just gonna leave it. Frankie’s a smart girl. She knows she needs to get the damn thing fixed.”

  “Maybe. Or it could be that she doesn’t have anyone around to help her out.” He made a point. Frankie hadn’t tried to hide the fact that she was divorced and was feeling overwhelmed by all the things she had going on. If I had to guess, I’d say she hadn’t given that damn spare a second thought. He’d almost convinced me to stop by when he teased, “You could be her knight in shining armor.”

  “Fuck that.”

  “You know I’m just fucking with you. Go by there and check it out. If nothing else, it’ll set your mind at ease.”

  I glanced up at the clock and saw that it was after eight. Frankie was more than likely at her coffee shop, so it would be easy to circle by and check out the tire without her ever knowing I was there. “Yeah, I’ll think about it.”

  “You do that.” He gave me a brotherly slap on the shoulder, then turned and started for the door. “I’ll catch up with ya at the club tonight.”

  “Yeah. Sounds good.”

  I stood there going back and forth over whether or not I should run by Frankie’s until I was at the point of fucking losing it. Grumbling a stream of curses, I grabbed my truck keys from my pocket and headed out to the parking lot. I had it set in my head I was just gonna drive by the coffee shop. I wasn’t going to say a fucking word. Hell, I wasn’t even stopping. I was just gonna go by to see about the damn tire, and then I’d be on my way. That was it. That was my plan. Unfortunately for me, nothing ever goes as planned.

  As I got closer to the coffee shop, I noticed Frankie’s car parked in the rear parking lot. I pulled up next to it, and I’d barely gotten parked when I spotted the spare. I’d already decided I wasn’t going to talk to Frankie, but I couldn’t just leave there—not without doing something. I sat there stewing for God knows how long when I finally decided what to do. I grabbed a scrap sheet of paper and wrote her a note, reminding her to get the spare taken care of. I got out of the truck and stepped over to her car. I’d just slipped the note under her windshield wiper when I heard Sean shout, “Hey, Widow!”

  Hoping it was just my mind playing tricks on me, I slowly turned and found Sean racing in my direction. “Hey there, Sean. How’s it going, man?”

  “Pretty good.” He stopped and inhaled a deep breath before asking, “What are you doing here?”

  “Came by to see about your mom’s tire.”

  “Oh, yeah. She’s been meaning to get around to that, but she never has the time for stuff like that.”

  “I see that.” I could’ve left it at that and just left, but I didn’t. For some reason, I couldn’t just blow him off, so I told him, “She mentioned she had a lot on her plate.”

  “Yeah, she does. I think it stresses her out sometimes.” He leaned in closer as he whispered, “Sometimes it gets to her, and she sneaks outside and smokes cigarettes. She thinks we don’t know, so it’s kind of a secret.”

  “Mums the word.” The kid was something else. He was open and honest, and funny as hell. Nothing like I was as a kid. I was always quiet and withdrawn, never wanting anyone to get too close. Sean clearly didn’t have that problem. “What about you? What are you up to?”

  “Just getting some lunch with mom.” He glanced back at the shop as he said, “I told her I thought I saw you.”

  “You did?”

  “Yeah, she sounded kinda surprised.”

  “I’m sure she did.”

  The words had no sooner left my mouth when Sean announced, “Here she comes. I better get inside before she starts griping.”

  “Alright. See ya later.”

  Sean darted off towards his mother. After they spoke for a brief moment, he went inside the coffee shop while Frankie continued walking towards me. Damn. She looked incredible. She was wearing jeans and a fitted shirt with sneakers, and her long, dark hair was down around her shoulders. Confusion crossed her beautiful face as she asked, “What are you doing here?”

  “I was in the neighborhood.”

  “Um-hmm.” She motioned her hand towards the windshield of her car. “So instead of coming inside to try out my coffee and say hi, you decided to just leave a note on my car?”

  “Pretty much.”

  When I didn’t say anything more, she placed her hand on her hip and asked, “So, what does this note say?”

  I took it off the windshield and opened it where she could see it. Her eyes dropped to the paper as she read:

  Don’t forget to take care of that spare. Dangerous to drive on it.

  Widow

  Her brows furrowed as she said, “You came by here because of my spare? Really?”

  “Told you the other night you needed to take care of it.”

  “Yeah, I remember. I just haven’t had a chance to get to it.”

  “Yeah, Sean mentioned you had a lot going on, but it’s really important that you get to it.”

  She stood there studying me for a minute, then said, “You seem oddly concerned about my tire. Any particular reason why?”

  “Just hate to see you and the kid stranded again. That’s all.”

  “Um-hmm. You’re right...I’d get it done today, but I only have the one car, and I have to be here until four-thirty.” Those crystal blue eyes locked on mine, and it was all I could do to keep myself from reaching for her and taking her into my arms. What the fuck was that? I didn’t feel like this for anyone, especially a complete fucking stranger, but it was clear that I’d developed some kind of weakness for Frankie Sullivan—a weakness I had absolutely no control over. “I’m not sure I can get to the tire place before it closes.”

  Before I thought about what I was saying, I replied, “I could fix it.”

  “Really?”

  “I’d have to double check, but I’m pretty sure it just needs a plug.”

  “I don’t want to put you out.”

  She’d given me an out. This thing could’ve been done right then and there, but instead of just walking away, my big fucking mouth said, “I’m the one who offered.”

  “Okay. If you’re sure you don’t mind.”

  “I’m sure.” As I started walking back to the truck, I told her, “I’ll be over at your place around five.”

  “Sounds good. Thanks, Widow!”

  I didn’t respond. Hell, I’d already said enough.

  While there are some who wouldn’t understand, I had my reasons for keeping outsiders at bay. I had my father’s blood pumping through my body, his words stuck in my head, and if that wasn’t enough, I had his same short fuse. There was only one way I could protect others from my madness, and that was to keep my fucking distance and never let anyone get too close. I knew that, and yet, I’d made plans to see Frankie again. Damn. What the fuck was I doing?

  Chapter 6

  Frankie

  I’d thought I’d seen the last of my mysterious biker, so needless to say, I was rather surprised to find him standing in the coffee shop’s parking lot. Even though I’d invited him, I didn’t expect him to actually come. I probably should’ve never invited him in the first place—he was a member of the Ruthless Sinners MC after all. Of course, I didn’t even know who the Ruthless Sinners were until Corry told me. It seemed the kid knew everything there was to know about them—including the fact that they were known to be dangerous. After years of seeing absolutely no spark of interest in my son’s eyes, my child was practically busting at the seams as he told me all about Widow’s club and their way of life. It was a lot to take in, but it gave me a little better understanding of Widow and his oddly protective behavior.

  After he left the parking lot, I got my inventory log out of my backseat and headed back into the coffee shop. As soon as I walked back into the store, my sister Sydney asked, “So, who’s the hot guy?”

  “What hot guy?”

  “The one you were just talking to in the parking lot.”

  “Oh, that was just
Widow,” I answered innocently.

  Sydney was several years younger than me. She was still single with no kids, and even though she was taking a few classes at our local community college, she wasn’t in a big rush to graduate. I didn’t mind. I liked having her there at the coffee shop with me. Her brows furrowed as she asked, “Widow?”

  “I told you about him...He’s the guy who helped Sean and I fix the flat the other night.”

  “You never told me his name was Widow.” Sydney perched her hand on her hip as she fussed, “And you certainly didn’t tell me that the guy was smokin’ hot!”

  “I guess I just forgot.”

  “You forgot to tell me that the man looks like he came right out of Play Girl magazine! Are you kidding me?” She tossed her long, red hair back and batted her eyes as she looked up at the ceiling. “Oh my God. The things I could do to that man. I can’t believe you’d even think of passing that up!”

  Sydney and I had always been polar opposites. Where I was older and more reserved, she was young and carefree. I overthought everything, and she always acted on a whim. I was single with two kids, and she had none. The only thing we had in common was the fact that we were both single, but that didn’t stop us from being the best of friends. We told each other everything, so I understood why she was surprised I hadn’t told her more about my encounter with Widow. I gave her a light shrug as I said, “He’s very handsome, but...”

  “No buts, sis. He’s hot, and I could tell from all the way in here that he was looking at you like you were a snack! I’m telling ya, you should get you some of that.”

  “You and I both know I’m not the kind to ‘get me some of that’, Sydney.”

  “Well, you should be.” Her expression softened as she said, “And I’m being serious when I say that. You’re always so busy doing for everyone else. You never think about doing anything for yourself.”

  “You think hooking up with someone like Widow would be doing something for myself?” I scoffed.